New writer - Editing exercise help

artisynmedia

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I wanted to seek some assistance from the forum editors/writers on an editing assignment. I've provided my answers, but I was hoping to get some additional eyes to verify if my answers are correct or not. The sentences are written using AP style. Thanks in advance.


Because I to play music it's hard for me to find a musician who's music has an effect on me.
a. Because I too play music, it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an effect on me.
b. Because I too play music it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an affect on me.
c. Because I, too, play music, it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an effect on me.
d. Because I, too, play music it's hard for me to find a musician who's music has an effect on me.
Answer: A

In the 1980's their was a band called Great White, they totally rocked.
a. In the 1980s, there was a band called Great White; they totally rocked.
b. In the 1980's, there was a band called Great White, they totally rocked.
c. In the 1980s there was a band called Great White; they totally rocked.
d. In the 1980s, their was a band called Great White who totally rocked.
Answer: A

George Eliot (who was really named Mary Anne Evans and was born in 1819 in Nuneaton which is in Warwickshire) wrote Silas Marner and Middlemarch.
a. George Eliot, born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, wrote “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
b. George Eliot, author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
c. The author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” George Eliot, was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
d. Born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, George Eliot was the author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
Answer: A, B, C, D

The company who made the faulty DVD's are selling off their assets.
a. The company who made the faulty DVD's is selling off thier assets.
b. The company, which made the faulty DVDs, is selling off its assets.
c. The company that made the faulty DVDs is selling off its assets.
d. The company which made the faulty DVD's are selling off it's assets.
Answer: B, C

George Eliot (who was really named Mary Anne Evans and was born in 1819 in Nuneaton which is in Warwickshire) wrote Silas Marner and Middlemarch.
a. George Eliot, born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, wrote “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
b. George Eliot, author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
c. The author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” George Eliot, was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
d. Born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, George Eliot was the author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
Answer: A, B, C, D

With one sniff Andrew had met his match. The fruit known as durian had struck again.
a. With one sniff, Andrew had met his match. The fruit known as durian had struck again.
b. With one sniff Andrew had met his match. The fruit – known as durian – had struck again.
c. With one sniff, Andrew had met his match: The fruit known as durian had struck again.
d. With one sniff Andrew had met his match: the fruit, known as durian, had struck again.
Answer: A, C
 

Arkie

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I'm certainly no expert, but I will comment since no one else has. First: I think beginning sentences with prepositional phrases weakens the sentence; although, it is not wrong. I think prepositional phrases read better at the end of the sentence.

Does the AP Style Book allow a comma following the prepositional phrase with three or less words? Seems to me with that short a phrase, you don't need the comma. I'm already in over my head, so I'll say no more on the subject.
 
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absitinvidia

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Style is a lot trickier than grammar because there are multiple answers to any question. That being said, I think there is more than one correct response to each of the listed examples.
 
Lillie

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I'm learning this stuff, so I'm having a go at this too.

A, C, B, C, B, D.
 

artisynmedia

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Thanks you all for providing your feedback.

Regarding what Arkie mentioned about using prepositional phrases at the beginning of the sentence.
Does anyone know if this is allowed in AP style?


@absitinvidia: Do you agree with any of the answers I put in? Since you noted that you feel each of the sentences have more than one answer. what answers would you give to the 1st and 2nd sentence?
 

JSDR

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Took a crack at it:
artisynmedia said:
Because I to play music it's hard for me to find a musician who's music has an effect on me.
a. Because I too play music, it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an effect on me.
b. Because I too play music it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an affect on me.
c. Because I, too, play music, it's hard for me to find a musician whose music has an effect on me.
d. Because I, too, play music it's hard for me to find a musician who's music has an effect on me.
Answer: A

In the 1980's their was a band called Great White, they totally rocked.
a. In the 1980s, there was a band called Great White; they totally rocked.
b. In the 1980's, there was a band called Great White, they totally rocked.
c. In the 1980s there was a band called Great White; they totally rocked.
d. In the 1980s, their was a band called Great White who totally rocked.
Answer: A

George Eliot (who was really named Mary Anne Evans and was born in 1819 in Nuneaton which is in Warwickshire) wrote Silas Marner and Middlemarch.
a. George Eliot, born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, wrote “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
b. George Eliot, author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
c. The author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” George Eliot, was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
d. Born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, George Eliot was the author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
Answer: A, B, C, D

The company who made the faulty DVD's are selling off their assets.
a. The company who made the faulty DVD's is selling off thier assets.
b. The company, which made the faulty DVDs, is selling off its assets.
c. The company that made the faulty DVDs is selling off its assets.
d. The company which made the faulty DVD's are selling off it's assets.
Answer: B, C

George Eliot (who was really named Mary Anne Evans and was born in 1819 in Nuneaton which is in Warwickshire) wrote Silas Marner and Middlemarch.
a. George Eliot, born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, wrote “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
b. George Eliot, author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
c. The author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch,” George Eliot, was born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire.
d. Born Mary Anne Evans in 1819 in Nuneaton, Warwickshire, George Eliot was the author of “Silas Marner” and “Middlemarch.”
Answer: A, B, C, D

With one sniff Andrew had met his match. The fruit known as durian had struck again.
a. With one sniff, Andrew had met his match. The fruit known as durian had struck again.
b. With one sniff Andrew had met his match. The fruit – known as durian – had struck again.
 c. With one sniff, Andrew had met his match: The fruit known as durian had struck again.
d. With one sniff Andrew had met his match: the fruit, known as durian, had struck again.
Answer: A, C
Click to expand...
 
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artisynmedia

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@Susan: lol. My days at school are well past their time. It's not my assignment, but I'm helping my nephew out.

I provided my answers already, but I wanted to get a few additional eyes to check if my answers are correct.

Did you agree with the answers I selected?

@JSDR: For the 1st sentence why would say answer A is not correct? What was your reasoning behind choosing C?
 

artisynmedia

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Thanks for the link..great resource. The proper use of commas really confuse me sometimes.

Have time to answer a couple more?
1. The company who made the faulty DVD's are selling off their assets.
a. The company who made the faulty DVD's is selling off thier assets.
b. The company, which made the faulty DVDs, is selling off its assets.
c. The company that made the faulty DVDs is selling off its assets.
d. The company which made the faulty DVD's are selling off it's assets.
Answer: B, C


1. Depending on the type of tool you use depends on the job you use the tool for.
a. Depending on the type of tool you use, depends on the job you use the tool for.
b. Depending on the type of tool you use, depends on the job, for which you use the tool.
c. The type of tool you use depends on the job.
d. The type of tool, depending on the job, depends on what you use the tool for.
Answer: C
 
Lillie

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Lol.

I got loads wrong :D

I'll never get the hang of these dot things.
 
rainsmom

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I would say you're correct in both of these [in post 10]. In the first one, the correct answer really would depend on context.
 
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artisynmedia

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FYI,
For those interested in the correct answers to Post #1, the original answers I provided are correct.

A
A
A, B, C, D
B, C
A, B, C, D
A, C
 

artisynmedia

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Some additional sentences to get feedback

I enjoy talking through these exercises with the people here. Can we try several more sentences? I've provided my answers in blue.


  • Roger has a bachelors from UNLV in Las Vegas NV, a masters from Marquette University in Milwaukee WI, and a phd from Fordham University in New York City.

    • Roger has a bachelors from UNLV in Las Vegas, NV, a masters from Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI, and a phd from Fordham University in New York City.
    • Roger has a bachelor's from UNLV in Las Vegas, NV, a master's from Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI, and a phd from Fordham University in New York City.
    • Roger has a bachelor's, from UNLV, in Las Vegas, NV, a master's, from Marquette University, in Milwaukee, WI, and a PhD, from Fordham University, in New York City.
    • Roger has a bachelor's from UNLV in Las Vegas, NV; a master's from Marquette University in Milwaukee, WI; and a Ph.D. from Fordham University in New York City.


  • My cat, (he's a Turkish van and so cute!) helps me edit, by slapping at the comma errors on the screen.

    • My Turkish Van helps me edit by slapping at the comma errors on the screen.
    • My cat helps me edit by slapping at the comma errors on the screen.
    • My cat (he's a Turkish van, and so cute!) helps me edit by slapping at the comma errors on the screen.
    • My Turkish van cat, who is so cute helps me edit, by slapping at the comma errors on the screen.


  • I wish Summer didn't have to end; but its nice in Autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish Summer didn't have to end, but its nice in Autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish summer didn't have to end, but it's nice in autumn when there are fewer neighborhood kids playing out in the street and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish summer didn't have to end, but it's nice in autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.


  1. You don't need a cord to bungee jump, you only need a cord to bungee jump twice.

    • You don't need a cord to bungee jump; you only need a cord to bungee jump twice.
    • You don't need a chord to bungee jump. You only need a chord to bungee jump twice.
    • You don't need a cord to bungee jump. You only need a cord, to bungee jump twice.
    • You don't need a cord to bungee jump. You only need a cord to bungee jump twice.


  • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principals which defiantly peaks your live in girl friend.
    • You're intent on sticking to your misguided principles, which definitely piques your live-in girlfriend.
    • You're intent on sticking to your misguided principals, which definitely peaks your livein girl friend.
    • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principals, which defiantly peaks your live in girlfriend.
    • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principles definitely piques your live-in girlfriend.


  • If you visit grandma for christmas don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for christmas, don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for Christmas don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for Christmas, don't forget your iPod.
    • If you visit Grandma for Christmas don't forget your iPod.


  • Hiding behind the tree, I have found you at last. Our little game, of hide-and-seek, is over.
    • Hiding behind the tree, I have found you at last. Our little game of hide-and-seek is over.
    • I have found you at last hiding behind the tree. Our little game, of hide-and-seek, is over.
    • Hiding behind the tree, I have found you, at last! Our little game of hide-and-seek is over.
    • At last, I have found you hiding behind the tree. Our little game of hide-and-seek is over.


  • After being marinated for 2 hours, then flash fried, the Smith's enjoyed there Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to it all week.
    • After being marinated for two hours, then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan king crab that they were looking forward to all week.
    • After being marinated for two hours then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to all week.
    • After it had been marinated for two hours then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan king crab that they had been looking forward to all week.
    • After it had been marinated for two hours, then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to all week.
 

Kenn

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Lillie said:
I'll never get the hang of these dot things.
Click to expand...
Didn't Randolph Churchill say that?

As for the first sentence, I would choose C. Not that it makes sense anyway. I have a CD player on which I play music - like many other people. What has that got to do with finding a musician whose music has an effect on me? In fact, if it is so hard to find one, I might as well take it down to the tip.
 
Lillie

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Kenn said:
Didn't Randolph Churchill say that?
Click to expand...

Did he?
I was quoting my brother when he was explaining why I had to write a letter for him.
He said 'I don't know where to put the dot things.' Turns out I don't either.
 

Kenn

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Lillie said:
Did he?
I was quoting my brother when he was explaining why I had to write a letter for him.
He said 'I don't know where to put the dot things.' Turns out I don't either.
Click to expand...
He did (or something similar), but he was talking about decimal points. But perhaps he is not a good role model, as he was alleged to be suffering from dementia at the time (thanks to tertiary syphilis).
 

absitinvidia

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artisynmedia said:
I enjoy talking through these exercises with the people here. Can we try several more sentences? I've provided my answers in blue.


  • I wish Summer didn't have to end; but its nice in Autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish Summer didn't have to end, but its nice in Autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish summer didn't have to end, but it's nice in autumn when there are fewer neighborhood kids playing out in the street and tearing up my lawn.
    • I wish summer didn't have to end, but it's nice in autumn when there are less neighborhood kids playing out in the street, and tearing up my lawn.
Click to expand...

I disagree. You use "fewer," not "less," with countable nouns. The correct choice is the middle one.

artisynmedia said:
  • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principals which defiantly peaks your live in girl friend.
    • You're intent on sticking to your misguided principles, which definitely piques your live-in girlfriend.
    • You're intent on sticking to your misguided principals, which definitely peaks your livein girl friend.
    • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principals, which defiantly peaks your live in girlfriend.
    • Your intent on sticking to your misguided principles definitely piques your live-in girlfriend.
Click to expand...

Again, I disagree. The last option is incorrect. You could possibly change it to "Your intent to stick to your . . ." but even then I'd prefer "intention" to "intent."

artisynmedia said:
  • If you visit grandma for christmas don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for christmas, don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for Christmas don't forget your ipod.
    • If you visit grandma for Christmas, don't forget your iPod.
    • If you visit Grandma for Christmas don't forget your iPod.
Click to expand...

IMHO, they're all wrong. "Grandma" should be capitalized, and there should be a comma after "Christmas."


artisynmedia said:
  • After being marinated for 2 hours, then flash fried, the Smith's enjoyed there Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to it all week.
    • After being marinated for two hours, then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan king crab that they were looking forward to all week.
    • After being marinated for two hours then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to all week.
    • After it had been marinated for two hours then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan king crab that they had been looking forward to all week.
    • After it had been marinated for two hours, then flash fried, the Smiths enjoyed their Alaskan King Crab that they were looking forward to all week.
Click to expand...

Again, I'd say these are all wrong.
 
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