Hidden Pleasures

Normal and not a big deal. Then again I know people who feel guilty for reading books about elves and unicorns. All I can say to that is, is there any possible benefit of worrying so much about what other people think of your reading material?

Who is to say what is normal or not? And why should anyone feel guilty about reading (or writing, or viewing erotica)? Sex is a healthy and natural part of life. I don't understand why some people have a problem with it.

I don't feel guilty about it at all. What makes me feel weird is when i try and check out the erotica, BDSM section at the bookstore, and people give me weird looks.

I don't know if sadomasochism always leads to snuff... I thought it was more about bdsm, but this genre is not my forte, so I'd appreciate some clarification on that aspect.

bdsm is bondage, dom, sadomaso, right? That doesn't always lead to snuff? It's ... more or less consensual? Crap, is that the right word, consensual? If you consent to something? Dammit, now I'm even more confused.

Yes, BDSM is consensual and no it doesn't lead to people turning into rapists and killers. There are lots of people who enjoy that kink. I know plenty of ordinary everyday folks who like that sort of thing and they don't go off the rails and turn criminal. The idea that the two are linked is just plain bunk.

I think the reason for the huge rise in epublishers of erotica is that people can buy and enjoy what they like without feeling judged.

Actually a lot of criminals are people who have minor mental problems - hormonal imbalance leading to anger management problems, or lack of appropriate affect/lack of ability to empathize, or impulsiveness due to lack of ability to imagine possible consequences of their actions, mania, schizophrenia, or addiction and associated problems. Of criminals who have no noticeable mental problems most are motivated by poverty or ill-treatment. If none of those apply to you then you probably can clearly imagine what the consequences of a criminal activity would be, and they are generally bad enough to dissuade you from carrying out that activity.

The who idea of consensual BDSM is that people who like pain, fear, or control can get together with someone who has complementary interests and have a good time that doesn't result in permanent harm, jail, or guilt for either.

Anyone who would be ashamed of reading that stuff or feel "guilt" about being turned on by it, probably wouldn't post here.
Oh crap, I'm here...

Mario, who's not into bondage

Averon 2011 said:

It's not really the erotica bit that has me worried, it's the sadomasochist part that I find confronting. Of course just consuming the material doesn't mean that I'm gonna turn into a rapist or murderer but I think that I'm at the same point as where the real criminals actually start out.

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Woah.

What has reading BDSM got to do with being a criminal? This is the second time I've seen this referenced here in 24 hours, and I'm more than a little disturbed.

Yes, some people into BDSM will be criminals, but so will some teachers, some scientists, some people into music, and some people into sports. I could have totally missed something, but I don't see any relevant correlation. Conversely some criminals, or pre-criminal bad people, may use what the BDSM community offers them to take advantage of people and commit crimes, but that still doesn't suggest BDSM breeds criminality, which is what I inferred from your post, and which is why I am disturbed by it.

BDSM is a valid kink and fetish, just like a foot fetish or men dressing up in lacy lingerie. As long as any power play or activities is actually consensual (or to use that oft-worn phrase "safe, sane and consensual") then I have no idea what it has to do with turning someone into a criminal.

In answer to the original question, yes I buy BDSM erotica and no, I don't feel guilty. No, it's not on my bookshelf in the lounge, because I don't feel the need to advertise it to everyone. It doesn't embarrass me, it's just a private thing.

There is no child molestation fantasy in BDSM (squick). I'm really struggling to see where your associations are coming from.

There are good reasons for keeping more risqué sexual preferences private. What you have just mentioned is indeed one of them. I know a lot of people don't understand, and some might draw illogical and frankly ignorant conclusions.

I don't work with children, but I work in a professional environment, and I wouldn't want anyone to know about my preferences. It's reasonably easy to keep secret though.

I think most people have a persona at work, which does differ to a greater or lesser extent to your persona at home, because the different environments require different things of us. I don't think that alone leads to a split personality, just two very different environments that use different facets of one personality.

Averon 2011 said:

Do you ever feel guilty for reading erotica or do you consider it normal and not that big a deal (specifically bdsm erotica)?

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Nope! I read erotica, write erotica. Of all kinds.
Normal~ What is normal, anyway? To me, normal is one of those pesky little words that drives me insane. The scope of normal is so diverse, how can anyone use it without being a hypocrite in some way.
My normal versus your normal can be polar opposites, but does that make either one of us abnormal? Of course not. Just because I think all walls should be painted black (Ha, I don't.), you think they should be white, does that make me abnormal and you normal. Nope, we just have different opinions.

The word allows for assumptions to sneak in to boot. And we all know what that can lead to. Take a good look at the definition below. Cracks me RTF up!

Definition of Normal:
FAIL>> Being usual, typical or standard; not abnormal <<FAIL

Why is this a fail to me? These are the examples given within the reference.

"serve wine at normal room temperature"; <UM...I live in Florida...NORMAL could be 90 freakin' degrees. You live in Alaska NORMAL could mean 30 degrees. "normal diplomatic relations"; <What I think is mannerly, you might think is reserve or tacky depending on the circumstances. "normal working hours";<I work the graveyard shift, you work the day shift. Is one shift 'shadier' than the other? Because I like to work at night, does that make me abnormal? No...I like it because I get more work done. "normal word order"; <HAHAHA! And what exactly does THAT mean? Whoops, don't even go there with me! "the normal course of events" <So presumptuous, it's not even funny. "normal curiosity"; <Ahhh...my favorite. Just think about this. Definition of Curiosity: A state in which you want to learn more about something; Something unusual; beyond or deviating from the usual or expected. Uh huh...Can you say antinomy?

So, bdsm erotica? If ya like it, that's your normal. Along with many, many others, myself included. If ya don't? I'm positive many have a preference for something others might find out-of-the-box instead. Wouldn't you just love to be a fly on the wall of the person judging you? Sex between consenting adults, no matter the content, is a personal preference, personal decision. Bottom line for me? I don't give a flying f*ck what others think. Scram if ya don't like it.

The state of normalcy is relative, not absolute or complete. Period.

JSDR said:

I don't feel guilty about it at all. What makes me feel weird is when i try and check out the erotica, BDSM section at the bookstore, and people give me weird looks.

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If you are uncomfortable in the Erotica section of a bookshop, then try spending time browsing in a sex shop. Plenty of them now carry books as well as DVD's and, uh... other stuff. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate...

Soccer Mom said:

The idea that the two are linked is just plain bunk.

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+1

VeryVerity said:

What has reading BDSM got to do with being a criminal? This is the second time I've seen this referenced here in 24 hours, and I'm more than a little disturbed.

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Has there been a recent report on the casual linkage between the two? People tend to pick up on these stories and spread the misinformation if it is already presented in a visible publication. Doesn't lend it any added veracity though...

And, for the record, normal is just a setting on a washing machine.

BigWords said:

If you are uncomfortable in the Erotica section of a bookshop, then try spending time browsing in a sex shop. Plenty of them now carry books as well as DVD's and, uh... other stuff. I'm sure I don't have to elaborate...

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There's a lack of sex shops where I live. Everyone goes to Fry's for their porn

There is always the internet.

BigWords said:

Has there been a recent report on the casual linkage between the two? People tend to pick up on these stories and spread the misinformation if it is already presented in a visible publication. Doesn't lend it any added veracity though...

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Quite possibly - hence my 'unless I'm missing something.' I don't have my ear to the ground on these things, probably because half the time I avoid news stories that piss me off

And yes, shop online. Wider choice and more privacy. I wouldn't shop for kink erotica in a bookstore. Regular erotica, sure, but not kink unless i was in a specialist shop.

I have tones of erotica, straight, m/m, some f/f, vanilla, BDSM.
My personal tastes lean towards D/s and I don't find this weird or abnormal, just as reading erotica is nothing out of ordinary.
Find out what works for you and stay true to yourself. There's nothing to feel guilty about.

Unlike eating to much chocolate....

I know erotica is a hugely popular genre and no matter how much some people disapprove of it, like everything else - sex sells. It's completely normal for people to like it, although I can understand the embarrassment of looking through raunchy books in a book shop. That's why buying erotica online is so much better, no one knows you're buying it so therefore no one can judge you.

JSDR said:

I don't know if sadomasochism always leads to snuff.

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The genuine snuff film has been relegated to the urban legend category. No law enforcement entity has ever investigated a snuff film and found it genuine, although apparently there are good fakes. Al Goldstein of Screw magazine has had an offer in place for years: present him with a genuine snuff film authenticated by law enforcement, and you will get a million dollars.

No takers. Not even for a million.

As a person who enjoys BDSM both in fiction and in real life, I resent the suggestion that there is a connection between sadomasochism and murder--especially when the correlation is dubious at best.

Maryn, dubious at best

Ah, thanks for the clarification, Maryn. I'd also heard that there was no such thing as a real snuff film.

I apologize if I suggested there was a connection between the two with that sentence. I'm a fan of BDSM literature. Haven't really tried it in real life yet, since I struggle to find the time to squeeze in quickie sex between taking care of an infant and school....

Guilt about reading something? No. I have even read snuff stories out of curiosity. It's just fiction.

The Kristen Archives are a good place to start if you are curious about the various darker threads in erotica, though I offer a major word of warning regarding content - some of the stories hosted there will upset a percentage of people. It's always advisable to read the content descriptions at the top of each story before you proceed.

Offered for information purposes only...

Averon, I cannot speak for you or your tastes. But implying that an interest in bdsm leads one to be a rapist or murderer or somehow makes them unsafe around children is HIGHLY offensive. And now I need to leave this thread before I say something that gets me in trouble.

Satori1977 said:

Averon, I cannot speak for you or your tastes. But implying that an interest in bdsm leads one to be a rapist or murderer or somehow makes them unsafe around children is HIGHLY offensive. And now I need to leave this thread before I say something that gets me in trouble.

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And I'm right behind you. I kept deleting what I thought of posting - others covered it rather well.

VeryVerity said:

There is no child molestation fantasy in BDSM (squick). I'm really struggling to see where your associations are coming from.

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They come from the current political climate in the US and the complete disconnect between political right and left. The right assumes certain facts, one of which is that gays and readers of porn are also child molesters. All part of a program to regain control over all aspects of day to day life.

You can probably tune into Fox News via youtube.com and see the sorts of things being fobbed off as truth to an audience eager to believe them. You might find it amusing, or more likely scary. Thirty minutes' exposure is probably enough.