I've got a short story in 3rd person past tense, that starts off in what I call 3rd person past-past tense. I don't know what it's actually called. I submitted it to SYW (Erotica) and basically the general consensus was the past-past tense just looked like an error.
My questions are what is the tense actually called, and can it be made to work? Or is it just a no-no?
An example (content changed to make it less adult)
I'd made a mistake, and we both knew it.
I'd said as much to him.
Sitting next to him as he'd sat working at his computer, gazing across into his gorgeous face, he'd looked over at me.
"I..."
The words had faltered on my lips and I'd looked away, hiding my face.
"No, tell me what you were going to say," he'd said with calm authority.
---
The MC is recalling something that happened a few days ago. When the story gets to 'present day' she switches to ordinary past tense.
Does that make sense?
Thank you
My questions are what is the tense actually called, and can it be made to work? Or is it just a no-no?
An example (content changed to make it less adult)
I'd made a mistake, and we both knew it.
I'd said as much to him.
Sitting next to him as he'd sat working at his computer, gazing across into his gorgeous face, he'd looked over at me.
"I..."
The words had faltered on my lips and I'd looked away, hiding my face.
"No, tell me what you were going to say," he'd said with calm authority.
---
The MC is recalling something that happened a few days ago. When the story gets to 'present day' she switches to ordinary past tense.
Does that make sense?
Thank you
