Tips For YA Sex Scenes?

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 8, 2011

Hey all.

I know there are a couple threads out there about sex in YA, but I looked through them quite thoroughly and none of them really answer my question of the day: How do you do sex scenes well?

I know, I know. It's subjective, it depends on your characters. So hold your horses, I'll tell you my personal scenario in a minute.
First of all I'm looking for very basic tips for writing sex scenes tastefully. For example, what things to describe (i.e. smells? Taste?). Should I talk about where his/her hands are? Should I talk about whether it's good or not? Things like that.

Second of all I'm looking for advice on how to write a sex scene specifically for this scenario: Leon and Scarlett are 17. While Scarlett is still pure, Leon is the farthest thing from "virgin" a guy can get. Before Scarlett, he practiced casual sex on a regular basis, and it never meant anything to him except for oh, this is nice. Well this time he actually cares about the girl he's in bed with, so for him it kind of feels like he's losing it all over again, because he wants to do it right for her.

I told you the circumstances just to let you know that my MC isn't playing the "I Just Screwed...Who?" game, it actually means something to both of them.

Thanks so much for reading through my horrid horrid attempt at summarizing what sex means to my MC's, and a million thanks to each comment.

you guys rock!
-Tragedies

missesdash · Aug 8, 2011

This is just so so so subjective. So I'll tell you what I appreciate in those scenarios. I kind of cringed at the word "pure" unless your story has a religious bent lol.

Anyway, I tend to make references to body parts without being too explicit. I don't like sex scenes that give me an anatomy lesson. Blood engorged members and moist "lips"- ugh kill me now.

It also depends on how long you want to stay with them. There's nothing wrong with detailing the kissing, the caressing, the little comments and then fading out right after he "mounts" (did I just say 'mounts?)

In YA I do think it's important not to drag out a sex scene, so I guess eventually you'll fade. I also think that showing how they feel about it instead of just how it feels is important. So shaking hands, sweat, fumbling if someone's nervous. Are their eyes opened or closed. Who's on top? What kind of foreplay (as in, is he attentive and goes down on her, or does he spit on his hand and go for it). Is there music playing? Are they thinking about the act or are they distracted?

A good sex scene tells us something about your characters. it's an insight into how vulnerable they'll allow themselves to be and what they consider "intimate."

here's a good article I read, it gives some examples: http://acrowesnest.blogspot.com/2008/12/marianna-lets-get-it-on-sex-scenes-in.html

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 8, 2011

missesdash said:
This is just so so so subjective. So I'll tell you what I appreciate in those scenarios. I kind of cringed at the word "pure" unless your story has a religious bent lol.

Anyway, I tend to make references to body parts without being too explicit. I don't like sex scenes that give me an anatomy lesson. Blood engorged members and moist "lips"- ugh kill me now.

It also depends on how long you want to stay with them. There's nothing wrong with detailing the kissing, the caressing, the little comments and then fading out right after he "mounts" (did I just say 'mounts?)

In YA I do think it's important not to drag out a sex scene, so I guess eventually you'll fade. I also think that showing how they feel about it instead of just how it feels is important. So shaking hands, sweat, fumbling if someone's nervous. Are their eyes opened or closed. Who's on top? What kind of foreplay (as in, is he attentive and goes down on her, or does he spit on his hand and go for it). Is there music playing? Are they thinking about the act or are they distracted?

A good sex scene tells us something about your characters. it's an insight into how vulnerable they'll allow themselves to be and what they consider "intimate."

here's a good article I read, it gives some examples: http://acrowesnest.blogspot.com/2008/12/marianna-lets-get-it-on-sex-scenes-in.html

Lol I just didn't want to use "virgin" twice, and in the WIP they often make jokes about how "innocent and pure" Scarlett.

That was really good advice, thank you, and great article

Zoombie · Aug 8, 2011

Just remember that a penis is larger when you're on your knees than you'd imagine when you start.

And don't worry too much about being tasteful! Tasteful is for boring people.

Also, as the above poster mentioned, using the term 'pure' in relation to virginity really is kinda...squiky, at least to me. Being a virgin or not is entirely about yourself, not some kind of external social view of what is or is not pure.

Some other things...

The first time as a virgin always has something go wrong.

Communication is important for pleasure. Don't have them be completely non-vocal and have it go all perfect because that's...not how it works, really. You need to tell people what feels good, or they'll be SO CONFUSED.

Something like only...uh...20% (or possibly 40%) of women can get off with thrusting alone. Most climax from alternate stimulation, either during the penetration or before it.

So don't have just the old in out in out do it.

Hmmm...any other thoughts...

No, that's it.

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 8, 2011

Zoombie said:
Just remember that a penis is larger when you're on your knees than you'd imagine when you start.

And don't worry too much about being tasteful! Tasteful is for boring people.

Also, as the above poster mentioned, using the term 'pure' in relation to virginity really is kinda...squiky, at least to me. Being a virgin or not is entirely about yourself, not some kind of external social view of what is or is not pure.

Some other things...

The first time as a virgin always has something go wrong.

Communication is important for pleasure. Don't have them be completely non-vocal and have it go all perfect because that's...not how it works, really. You need to tell people what feels good, or they'll be SO CONFUSED.

Something like only...uh...20% (or possibly 40%) of women can get off with thrusting alone. Most climax from alternate stimulation, either during the penetration or before it.

So don't have just the old in out in out do it.

Hmmm...any other thoughts...

No, that's it.

*throws self off cliff* the pure thing...was a joke.

Thank you so much, great advice!

Zoombie · Aug 8, 2011

Then put sarcastic quotes around pure next time.

Scarlett is still "pure".

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 8, 2011

Zoombie said:
Then put sarcastic quotes around pure next time.

Scarlett is still "pure".

Her mother is a nun, so it works in the WIP, I should've clarified, sorry. But I suppose quotes work as well. I'll remember next time.

missesdash · Aug 9, 2011

strategic_tragedies said:
Her mother is a nun, so it works in the WIP, I should've clarified, sorry. But I suppose quotes work as well. I'll remember next time.

Wait how is her mother a nun? Haha Unless you don't mean literally?

Zoombie · Aug 9, 2011

Unless she became a nun after having a child?

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 9, 2011

missesdash said:
Wait how is her mother a nun? Haha Unless you don't mean literally?

No... her mother is literally a nun

Oh jeez. I forgot not everyone has read my ms lmao. A, eh... "retired" nun, you could say? She's really her grandmother, but Scarlett didn't know this until she was 11, so she's always referred to her as "Mom". It's complicated.

So see...when Leon and company make fun of her, it's got no truth behind it and they are just making fun of her with what they deem as "witty" remarks because her.... grandmother was a nun and is still a very... I don't know, but she is in the "no sex before marriage" camp. Am I not making any sense...? They're teenage boys. That should explain enough.

It's easier for me to understand I guess, because I grew up with a grandmother who was a nun for ten years until she had my mom and was literally shunned. It actually does work like that, sadly

in the place my grandma was anyway.

missesdash · Aug 9, 2011

Man that's interesting. I can see how they'd be shunned I guess. It's like divorcing god lol. Thanks for clarifying. I'm going to stop muddying your thread now.

Katallina · Aug 9, 2011

I think the most important thing to ask yourself about a sex scene of any sort is "What do I want this to bring to the story?" I ask this about every scene that I write anyway. So when it comes to including a sex scene or how I would handle it this would be my primary concern. The others have given a lot of good advice on how to handle it once you've figured out why you want it. Good luck.

JulianaHaygert · Aug 9, 2011

I am still blown away and so humbled by the numbers. I know it's nothing compared to the Amanda Hockings and John Lockes of the Kindle world, but to me, it's really something.

I think that sex scenes in YA is about emotion and connection between the characters. Describe their feelings more than the actions ...

KateSmash · Aug 9, 2011

I think, overall, it should match both your characters and the tone of the story. From the sounds of it, you'll want to keep things sweet. Focus on the emotions of whichever character's POV this will be told from and give lots of little context clues to the emotions of the other. Since this is supposed to be a meaningful (and moving? idk, that's your call) experience, I'd keep physical description to what's necessary. But then I find sex scenes that go too far into body parts and mechanics decidedly un-sexy.

Zoombie said:
The first time as a virgin always has something go wrong.

THIS! And, if the rest of the story is somewhat heavy, you've got a great opportunity for comic relief.

Also of note - first penetration doesn't hurt for every girl (despite what fiction/tv/movies/our mothers like to tell us) and not everyone bleeds. I'd like to see a girl actually enjoy her first time for once, dang it.

Ryan_Sullivan · Aug 10, 2011

Based on your description of what you want, here's my two cents: Avoid body part names, as that will take away from the emotion and the tenderness of the moment, which it seems is what you're going for. Definitely pay close attention to the mix of feelings going on--there should be fear, excitement, worry, shame, and everything else you can imagine. Keep your physical description to things that say more about what's going on then just the physical--i.e. pulling him/her close, shows desire etc. And finally, use this to show something about the characters--if it goes wrong, you could have him show off a softer side, or she could show off an assertive side, etc. It's a good opportunity to show something new about a character. Hope that helps.

thebloodfiend · Aug 10, 2011

I'll just second the emotion thing. Generic, medical descriptions, and "throbbing, pulsating members", regardless of genre, annoy, bore, or disturb me. It's Leon's POV, right? Read some sex scenes in other YA books that have characters losing their virginity. I know it's not Leon's first time, but it would help with understanding what's going on in his head since it's his first "emotional" time.

And I second the "not every first time has to go wrong" motion. Granted, I hate the sparkles, fireworks, and simultaneous orgasms. But there doesn't have to be blood, crying, and pre-edj. All I ask is for a little awkwardness.

For example, what things to describe (i.e. smells? Taste?). Should I talk about where his/her hands are? Should I talk about whether it's good or not? Things like that.

Yes, yes, and yes. Just don't write porn. If I want porn, I'll buy porn. That goes for YA and AF.

Sean Wills · Aug 11, 2011

I second everyone who said that the sex scene should be more about the characters than the sex itself. If it's one character's first time, focus on that. If either of them have been nervous about the thought of doing it with this particular person, or if it involves symbolically crossing a line (moving their relationship to another level?), write about that. I have yet to read any sex scene where a mere description of things going in and out of other things held my interest - it has to <i>mean</i> something.

Mharvey · Aug 11, 2011

Sean Wills said:
I second everyone who said that the sex scene should be more about the characters than the sex itself. If it's one character's first time, focus on that. If either of them have been nervous about the thought of doing it with this particular person, or if it involves symbolically crossing a line (moving their relationship to another level?), write about that. I have yet to read any sex scene where a mere description of things going in and out of other things held my interest - it has to <i>mean</i> something.

This.

Describing the physical details is probably a no-go, so you're either left with the emotions, or simply fading to black once the sheets go on. The emotions probably make for a better story.

Archie1989 · Aug 11, 2011

I alwayssssss fade to black. I just cannot seem to create a workable sex scene. They all come out a strange mix of porn and poetry (haha. alliteration)

When I'm having trouble with a scene though, I try to watch TV, as weird as that sounds. Take note of the movements and actions that resonate--at least the ones that are relevant to what you're trying to create. Sometimes it helps.

AlwaysJuly · Aug 11, 2011

KateSmash said:
Also of note - first penetration doesn't hurt for every girl (despite what fiction/tv/movies/our mothers like to tell us) and not everyone bleeds. I'd like to see a girl actually enjoy her first time for once, dang it.

Amen! I'd like to see that too.

missesdash · Aug 11, 2011

Mharvey said:
This.

Describing the physical details is probably a no-go, so you're either left with the emotions, or simply fading to black once the sheets go on. The emotions probably make for a better story.

I have a few sex scenes where there are very few 'emotions'. It's very cold and detached. So for that kind of negative situation, I think an almost uncomfortable amount of detail works, especially in first person.

sadbeautifultragic · Aug 11, 2011

Thank you guys so much! Great great tips

mellymel · Aug 11, 2011

research, research, research! haha.

it has worked for me.

just sayin'

oh, and ditto what Sean said, and everyone else

AmyJay · Aug 11, 2011

Zoombie said:
And don't worry too much about being tasteful! Tasteful is for boring people.

This made me feel better about myself.

Lydia Sharp · Aug 12, 2011

"Don't focus on body parts" is often mentioned in threads like this. But if your characters are doing this for the first time, they're going to be focused on body parts. It's all new and fascinating and sometimes scary. You can't avoid that completely. Just don't describe body parts in ways that make the reader roll their eyes. Chances are high that the characters know the real names of things. You can use the correct terms without sounding like a medical text. Nipple nipple nipple! See. Nothing earth-shattering just happened by me saying that, and no one had to guess what I was talking about. I'm always in favor of clarity. I don't want to have to suddenly guess what's happening because the writer is afraid to mention body parts.

When writing about anything that has a high intensity (sex, violence, etc.) it's best to keep a balance between physical and emotional. Don't focus too heavily on either/or, that's not realistic.

Something that I've noticed, even in published YA novels, is that there isn't a whole lot of focus on sounds. And I don't think that's realistic, either. Even quiet sex is not entirely silent. And sounds (words or otherwise) coming from your partner can turn up the heat in an instant. Why are writers forgetting this? I don't know, it seems pretty crucial to me. Especially if the viewpoint character has a tendency to close his/her eyes during the act. The sense of hearing will be heightened.

Tips For YA Sex Scenes?

sadbeautifultragic

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

sadbeautifultragic

Zoombie

Dragon of the Multiverse

sadbeautifultragic

Zoombie

Dragon of the Multiverse

sadbeautifultragic

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

Zoombie

Dragon of the Multiverse

sadbeautifultragic

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

Katallina

JulianaHaygert

KateSmash

this was a triumph

Ryan_Sullivan

Agented YA Writer

thebloodfiend

Cory

Sean Wills

Mharvey

Liker Of Happy Things

Archie1989

Is Published!!!

AlwaysJuly

slugging through

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

sadbeautifultragic

mellymel

AmyJay

Lydia Sharp

for the love of love