Brand new with a question

sneakysnail · Mar 3, 2011

Hello funny erotica writers,

I have been lurking around and found the "words not to say in erotica!" Hysterical!
Anyway, here is my question. I'm sure it been asked a million times.
I have completed my novel (Not erotica) and am in the final editing stage. You know spit, polish, make super shiny, I have three sex scene's in the book. I think they lack substance. The characters are extremely intense yet the sex is ... well ... not so much. I have changed it like five times and it just sounds stupid and awkward. (Not unlike my own sex life, Lol)
Is any one willing to look at the sex paragraph, first time the characters have sex ( I know, it's like a paragraph ...sad) and help me make it better?

Sneakysnail

BySharonNelson · Mar 3, 2011

I can take a look if you like. I always have a hard time with those scenes too. I think its mostly because I know that my friends and family are going to be reading it. Tho now that my first book is out and everyone I know has read it and I haven't been laughed at or ridiculed Im feeling better about it. Im working on the second book in the series and another romance and the scenes seem to be getting better the less Im embarrassed about it.

You can e mail me at [email protected] with the pieces you want critiqued or just send the whole doc and note which pages it is.

sneakysnail · Mar 3, 2011

Thank you Sharon!

I will take you up on the offer, If you promise not to laugh.

And yes, perhaps it is because people I know may read it. I have made it less spicy.

Renee

BySharonNelson · Mar 3, 2011

I did that too in my first book and it was actually my mother and my sister who told me I needed to spice it up! lol I kept telling them, its romance not erotica. We finally compromised, I don't know if they are the best scenes ever but I think they work well for the story.

Just go with your gut and try and forget that other people are going to read it.

Pistol Whipped Bee · Mar 3, 2011

sneakysnail said:
.............sex paragraph, first time the characters have sex ( I know, it's like a paragraph ...sad) and help me make it better?l

I think two or three well thought-out sentences could suffice quite nicely for a sex scene. Sometimes, the more something is described the more it takes away from an opportunity for me to use my imagination - which I quite enjoy using.

Maryn · Mar 3, 2011

In a novel which is not erotica but which has sex scenes, you have to remember who your reader is. Many a reader who loves a little bit of steam is not at all happy to suddenly be standing in the fire.

So the questions I'd be pondering are Big Picture ones:

What is the purpose of this sex scene?
Is there any other way to fulfill this scene's function?
Does this scene exist because the characters ought to have sex, or because it either drives the plot forward or illuminates character?
Who are my readers? Might they be shocked at sexual detail?
How explicit do I need to be to serve this scene's purpose? Does the reader need a blow-by-blow (groan!) account of activities, or to know exactly what positions were used, or would it be sufficient for the reader to know only that they had sex and it was good?
How can I provide enough detail without providing too much?

I don't know that reading just the somewhat awkward (in your opinion) paragraphs out of context will be all that helpful, since we can't tell how those scenes might serve the whole story.

Maryn, who didn't write a word today (Glad to meet you!)

sneakysnail · Mar 3, 2011

Thanks Maryn,

Sharon took a looky lou and It seems to be a good scene. With a few little things. I didn't get overly graphic, and I think it's is appropriate for the readers. It appears to have just the right amount of spice. She did give me some excellent suggestions on how to use the senses to increase the overall feeling. I like that a lot and will use it to play with the other two scenes.
I don't write erotica but I think this will be an awesome place to hang. I love to laugh and everyone here seems to have a great sense of ha ha! Sometimes you just need to laugh!

Renee

Brand new with a question

sneakysnail

I'm about to say something stupid

BySharonNelson

(Insert something whitty here)

sneakysnail

I'm about to say something stupid

BySharonNelson

(Insert something whitty here)

Pistol Whipped Bee

Now what?

Maryn

I Tried

sneakysnail

I'm about to say something stupid