Advice for a neophyte

I've been asked to add a sex scene to my book and I agree that it will add to the intimacy of my MC's very positive relationship with her husband, which is one of the major aspects of her character. She's got a great family dynamic, and there is a lot of intimacy between the two. I've had no trouble writing some sweet, warm moments between them and there is definite attraction and electricity there.

I am NOT a romantic, and don't read much romance. I think it's great, it just isn't my genre of choice. I read erotica on occasion, but my to-read list is pretty stinking full and it's one among the bazillion other things, and it isn't what I write, which takes up the biggest chunk (as it should). So I am not well-versed on sex scenes.

I do know that I think a lot of the sex scenes I read in UF are crappy. No offense to anyone--it isn't a personally directed comment. I get bored with them, frankly and find them unrealistic and just plain not hot.

My question is, should I read up on sex scenes, or should I just write from my gut? I'm no blushing virgin, I have three kids and a pretty funky sex life. Plus, it's just one scene. I'm not writing an entire book.


Posting in erotica instead of romance because the sex in UF is damn graphic. I also intend to make this a little rougher than "his throbbing member" since my MC's hubby is very fierce and I need to keep them in character. I don't care for the primal dude who goes all gentle in bed. Doesn't cut it for me.

Thanks guys!

Thanks. Knowing to lay it out like an action scene makes more sense. Doing it from the gut sounds MUCH better than doing a bunch of research too.


I have some pals here who are erotica writers, so I think I know a few people to pass it to. One of my betas has done some romance as well and I know she's very eager to help.

I appreciate the advice.

My husband has volunteered for the research. This seems to be working well so far. He said he doesn't mind if I need to stop and take notes at any point.

Such a doll!

Much better than reading. LOL.

Thanks for the advice. I think writing about how MY characters get freaky is better than reading about how others do it. I also am polling some pals on a mommy board I visit. They're ladies I've known for 6 years, about 100 of them. Since the book is targeted to mom's it made sense to ask them what they thought was hot both in and out of a book.

It seems to be working so far, and it's getting me fairly hot on a third read through.

I didn't like planning things out, but thinking about logistics as I went (would this actually WORK physically?) did come into play. I am still on the fence about how far to take it since it's the only scene in the book and it's low key as far as language etc. but at the same time the MC is no shrinking violet. I don't think a mild scene would work, but I doubt a graphic cock/pussy/ass scene would fit either. I may close the door at some point and leave readers gasping just because it is more in character with the book itself.

Is that still a sex scene? Hmm. Maybe a love scene. I still feel better coming here than romance. That's because I feel safer saying cock and pussy. LOL

Thanks. It just made since to me to come here for advice since you guys are THE PROS at writing sex that is emotionally and psychologically charged and drives the plot. This is so very important to the book that I cannot screw it up--no pun intended.

I'm just pleased there is the right opportunity already written in. I didn't have to add the scene for it.