Sued?

OCEAN · Feb 24, 2011

Really? Sorry I don't get it. I don't know about all of you, but I think we're probably all in the same boat here, fighting to get back something we lost a long time ago. Here to tell the truth as we know it. I haven't spent years writing to lie about anything. Plus I have pics, letters, proof like crazy. What I don't have proof on is when we were alone. Now that seems to be a problem, I guess?
So I'm on the internet and I come across this twitter that this author is being sued for writing a memoir, then I look it up on the internet not realizing this is a big thing, and WOW I find pages of it.

They can sue you for telling the truth? Even if you change your name, their name, location. If the the person your writing about knows the event and doesn't agree....they can sue........So if I was to change the story, it would be fiction and lose the whole purpose of writing my memoir. I understand they can win even if your right...REALLY?
Why have I spent all these years writing the truth? I can't even self- publish
because of the same reasons! I'm feeling blocked people, and I don't mean writers block.

My question to you is why are you writing memoir? Maybe I'm missing something, after we're done are we suppose to dig a hole and bury it...................Really?

Ocean

Uncarved · Feb 24, 2011

if the truth can be proven, like a court case or an arrest, then I'm sure its fine. But if it cannot be proven beyond a legal shadow of a doubt, then ya they can sue you. Defamation of character and all that.

Also remember anyone can sue over anything. You can write a novel about a sparkly unicorn and if someone finds offense they can sue you. Its America, the land of where anyone can sue anyone over any little thing.

OCEAN · Feb 24, 2011

Ok fine....then what do you do when you were alone with the person most of the time? I have to omit all the events? Suddenly word count drops to 1000 ...

Uncarved · Feb 24, 2011

Wait til they die, give permission, or change it to the point where they won't see it as themselves.

Some people are just pricks and are going to sue for the joy of suing. Its just something else to think of when it comes to memoir writing.

Dandroid · Feb 24, 2011

yeah...there are release forms for that...what was the movie with drew barrymore and steve zahn? it was a big part of the storyline

Stew21 · Feb 24, 2011

Dandroid said:
yeah...there are release forms for that...what was the movie with drew barrymore and steve zahn? it was a big part of the storyline

Riding in Cars with Boys.

Dandroid · Feb 24, 2011

Stew21 said:
Riding in Cars with Boys.

there it is

MartinD · Feb 24, 2011

It's often been stated that anyone can sue anyone for anything. Some of the big bucks corporations threaten to do exactly that if they don't like what's being said about them.

Doesn't mean you can't write what you want to write.

OCEAN · Feb 24, 2011

I just can't seem to see myself knocking at a door with a paper in my hand asking permission to be released from my abuser. It defeats the purpose of writing a memoir to free yourself by putting yourself right back where you started...controlled. That will never happen.........

Disheartening

Dandroid · Feb 24, 2011

OCEAN said:
I just can't seem to see myself knocking at a door with a paper in my hand asking permission to be released from my abuser. It defeats the purpose of writing a memoir to free yourself by putting yourself right back where you started...controlled. That will never happen.........

Disheartening

if you are writing about having been in an abusive realtionship....i would suggest seeking legal opinion.

PinkAmy · Feb 25, 2011

Yes, they can sue you for telling the truth. I spend a while researching all this before writing my memoir. People have sued and have won money for this. Even if you have all the proof in the world, it could be considered slanderous. I wouldn't worry much, because your editor will vet your manuscript with lawyers. For my memoir I changed names and locations and mostly used things that were already public record.
The biggest hoop[ is a publisher taking a chance on your book and being sued. If your abuser sues you, he'll be opening himself up publicity about the abuse, and abusers don't often do that. My abusers were litigious and didn't mind outing themselves (but that's the subject of my memoir). I don't care if they sue me--it won't change the facts and I've already been through it will them.

OCEAN · Feb 25, 2011

I don't care if I'm sued either....infact that way the abuser would have to face me and what they did.....wouldn't that be interesting?......... But seriously, if you lose for telling the truth, with a lie detector connected to you.... who can afford 75,000 to give the abuser? This is the amount this author was sued for.

Ocean

PinkAmy · Feb 25, 2011

I saw another suit were someone sued and got $38k, the amount she made from sales. I spent a few days researching this and talking to beople. Lie detectors don't really matter. They aren't admissible in court and sociopaths often don't register.
You really need to care if you get sued though--because you have no idea what you're getting into. I was involved in lawsuits for about 6 years and the stress was unbearable. The truth often doesn't matter, it's who has the best lawyer and the most financial resources, and what evidence is included. They can get really ugly and my mistake (one of my many) was thinking the lawsuit couldn't be more difficult than being abused. I was wrong. The good thing is that the plaintiff can only get as much as you have--but the bad news is that even if you have all the evidence you think you need, sometimes it goes badly (as it did with me-hence the memoir). Be prepared to get bombarded with legal mail, and have to submit the plaintiff's paid "expert" psych testing--the kind of UNprofessional hack who writes reports based on who pays him. Also, be prepared that people you care about can unwittingly be dragged into the mix and can be hurt-- people who may have encouraged you to write your story or people who have helped you along the way.
I'm certainly not saying don't do it, but be prepared for it to be harder than you think and for the possibility of collateral damage.
Good luck!

OCEAN · Feb 25, 2011

Sorry to hear PinkAmy, it must have been very painful for you. They say this is a free country, freedom of speech..really?
It explains why there is so much abuse in this world today, due to the lack of reprecussions and responsiblity for the abuser. Then allowing them to sue the victim and win? Unfortunately this is not a good message for victims as they will be scared to speak out, and will always be...just that ...victims.
Like I said, I saw it on line and wanted to check it out with all of you, shocking....but a very interesting topic.

I on the other hand came out a winner, surviver and ten times stronger because of it. I'm very proud of my memoir, published or not....

I only wish the same outcome for everyone finding their way......................

Purple Rose · Feb 25, 2011

I am 100% with Ocean on this. Sadly though, America is the most litigious society on the planet, probably scoring 11 on a scale of 1 - 10. It is not like this anywhere else in the world. In fact, I read an Aussie literary lawyer's entry saying that in Europe, Asia and Australia/NZ, you can use real names as long as you do not accuse them of a crime for which they have not been convicted. To me, that is fair. I would suggest writing the truth in it's entirety and only changing the names. When your book gets sold, ask about managing the truth - changing locations perhaps? Ultimately you need to decide, truth at what price?

PinkAmy · Feb 26, 2011

Ocean, it was, that's why I have a whole memoir, not about my abuse, but about the consequences for speaking out---not my consequences, but the collateral damage. I cannot tell you the amount of pain involved when people you care about get hurt because of your own empowerment. I never minded retaliation aimed at me (I sure didn't like it, but I didn't feel the guilt). I have never considered myself a victim, I do wish someone had told me the possible stakes when the justice system goes awry. I was very young and naive when all this happened...ages 25-32. I wasn't completely healed from the abuse. On the contrary, I was still very much in the throes of PTSD hell.
Good luck with your memoir. I've been querying and there has been some interest. I've got some partials and fulls out, but I decided to tweak once again so I'm waiting to send more until I'm done.

RobJ · Feb 26, 2011

Purple Rose said:
In fact, I read an Aussie literary lawyer's entry saying that in Europe, Asia and Australia/NZ, you can use real names as long as you do not accuse them of a crime for which they have not been convicted.

I really doubt that what you read is correct.

Purple Rose said:
I would suggest writing the truth in it's entirety and only changing the names. When your book gets sold, ask about managing the truth - changing locations perhaps?

Honestly, changing names and locations doesn't necessarily prevent someone from being sued.

Anyone wanting to write this sort of stuff should seek appropriate legal advice.

OCEAN · Feb 26, 2011

I totally agree anyone writing a memoir should seek appropriate legal advice to..... counter-sue..

PinkAmy · Feb 27, 2011

Ocean--you really don't know the bag of knives you're opening with that statement. I am not trying to be negative--you just don't know how complicated and heartbreaking that can be. I was followed by PIs, my friends and coworkers were contacted by the PI, a girl from way back in high school I had a falling out with (and I can't remember why) was on the witness list against me. Abusers are scum and if they have standing in their communities they have more to lose and can very well fight even harder. It's really not about justice, but a legal chess game where cheaters sometimes win. Moving on from things is very difficult when faced with legal letters, summons, subpoenas, interogatories, hearings, depositions. Living well is the best justice, money can't buy it and money can't take it away.

OCEAN · Feb 27, 2011

I retract that comment, its meant for me and only me. I meant to say "I totally agree inregards to seeking appropriate legal advice to counter-sue regarding my memoir," Which I will do without any hesitation.
It sounds like you had a bad go of it AmyPink. Its people like you that I fight for. I'm glad to hear you're still writing, I hope your writing will help someone,(you already helped me), thats the point, at least for me.
Its unfortunate you didn't have anything or enough on your abuser. What I'm writing about I've made sure I do.

While I grew up, and as an adult everyone told me I should write a book about my life because it was just that crazy. I thought they were the crazy ones....
Its through my book I began to emerge from the ashes I lived.

It's not a poor me memoir, its what really happened and where I am today because of it. I wish I could break this barrier one day... victims of silence. Sure we have to protect our abusers, I get it, even if they didn't protect us. (bites her tongue). But we have every right as human beings to tell our story and heal from the damage they caused US.
To become silent again...makes me a victim and thats not who I am. Years ago yes, but now, I'm not one to back down...
I have to do a little work on the memoir, thanks to you, and my fellow writers. It WAS ready for submission, but needs a little TLC which won't take long.
Thanks for the warning, and insight. I won't forget it and will keep it in the back of my mind...always...

PinkAmy · Feb 27, 2011

I don't disagree with you. I would hate to see you make the same miscalucalculation about just how messy lawsuits could be. I was young once, no one could have convinced me of what I'm trying to tell you. Good luck and hopefully you won't have to deal with legal complications.

OCEAN · Feb 27, 2011

Hugs PinkAmy...I'll be careful.

Oh and by the way I'm not young...winks
Ocean

Fruitbat · Feb 27, 2011

@Pink Amy, I'm not sure I understood you. You have had all these things happen and yet you are writing your own memoir of it anyway?

@Ocean, as far as making a personal statement, um, shaking him up enough that he hires an attorney over it? Making him stand in front of a judge and discuss everything he did (while you record it for volume 2 of your memoirs)? Having everyone know what he's publicly been accused of? Bonus?! How about do what you want to do, running it by legal counsel for advice but not for permission. A lawsuit isn't a hanging, and it is not always unwelcome. You might want to tell the a$$hole to bring it on, you might find it empowering, whatever the outcome. Apparently it is unfinished business, maybe it needs to get finished. It's all in how you, yourself, feel it. Then again, there's a reason they call me Fruitbat. :tongue

PinkAmy · Feb 28, 2011

I strongly agree with Fruitbat's statement about unfinished business.

I have had these things happen to me and I am writing my own memoir about that, Fruit. In many ways what happened through the legal system has had as much of an effect as the sexual abuse. Maybe even more. I had reached a place where I started to become empowered and believe that my abusers could no longer hurt me when the legal hell exploded. It was a crazy perversion of the legal system, written up in law journals (including the Harvard Law Review). Before I started writing I got in touch with a writers of one of those pieces, which was very helpful in sifting through some of the information.

OCEAN · Feb 28, 2011

#1- It's a woman
#2- It was 40 years
#3- It's Finished Business!
#4- And because its finished buisness, I will talk about it, write about it, control it, and not be controlled....by a law suit...but found it very interesting, I must say.
#5- My memoir is to help others not get back at anyone.
My memoir is different than most.
Hugs ...

Sued?

OCEAN

Uncarved

I aim to misbehave

OCEAN

Uncarved

I aim to misbehave

Dandroid

Stew21

Dandroid

MartinD

Thought I'd stop by

OCEAN

Dandroid

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

OCEAN

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

OCEAN

Purple Rose

practical experience, FTW

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

RobJ

OCEAN

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

OCEAN

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

OCEAN

Fruitbat

.

PinkAmy

New kid, be gentle!

OCEAN