Does The First Hurt The Most? :D

gothicangel · Feb 8, 2011

After reading a thread in Rejection and Dejection, I thought I would pose this question:

Is the first rejection the hardest?

It was for me. It went along the lines of 'men won't buy this, and women won't read a male protaganist.' Looking back now [this was in 2002] I would laugh it off as an essentialist view of crime fiction, but back then it hurt. What probably made it worse I had been really successful with my poetry - never rejected and won competitions without really trying.

Any other thoughts?

Mr Flibble · Feb 8, 2011

Women won't read a male protag? That's news to me...

And it's kinda hard. Yes and no? You get more used to it, but still some sting more than others, depending on how they are worded (so form rejects barely raise a ripple now, but a personal reject can sometimes sting because of what it says, because it's personal.)

gothicangel · Feb 8, 2011

IdiotsRUs said:
Women won't read a male protag? That's news to me...

It threw me as well.

Still have that letter, from a top UK agent too. I might use it for leverage one day . . .

I've had plenty rejections since, none of them hurt like that one though.

amyashley · Feb 8, 2011

Some rejections sting badly even when you know they are groundless. It's a little like breakups. Even when you know a relationship needs to end, it still can bite. Although agent hunting isn't anything like dating, I think the emotional impact is similar since your emotional investment in your novel can be extreme. Reactions can seem ridiculous, but you have to give yourself room to feel. Get it out and groove on.

Just because it is a business doesn't mean you are going to act like a robot. The thing to keep in mind is that you can control your actions. Lashing out at agents and posting vitriol in public places bites us back. We need to act like adults but that doesn't mean we can't FEEL like adults too.

amyashley · Feb 8, 2011

So freaking stupid. I read books with male protags all the time.

Ryan David Jahn · Feb 8, 2011

I was fourteen or fifteen when I got my first rejection letter and felt pretty good about it. I'd written a story and rewritten it and sent it out with a SASE and got a form rejection a month later with a hand-written note on the bottom asking me to submit again. It made me feel like a writer. This was what writers did.

What got to me was the piling-up of rejection letters over the next few years.

C.T. Richmond · Feb 8, 2011

I'd have to say that my first rejection hurt the most as well. I remember getting so excited to open the email--surely the agent loved my query!--but it was a form rejection. My eyes immediately sprung with tears.

Deep inside, I had held onto the crazy notion that my road to publication would be easy. Find an agent? No problem! Get a book deal? Sure! But that form rejection brought me back to reality. And it made me realize that getting published was going to be a LOT harder than I had thought.

Phaeal · Feb 8, 2011

My second partial rejection hurt the most because I had erroneously decided this agent was THE ONE. Nope, she didn't turn out to be Neo, and I was crushed. However, I learned the danger of emotional over-investment, and now the most I do is snark privately at the Rs before tucking them away in the ever-expanding accordion folder.

Which reminds me. I have a short story to resend today...

Libbie · Feb 8, 2011

IdiotsRUs said:
Women won't read a male protag? That's news to me...

Me, too! Pretty much all my favorite books have male protagonists.

Yeah, I think the first rejection stings the worst. After that, you start to get a tough skin about it. The first time my finished novel was turned down by an editor, I was kind of bummed out about it. But after that, I sort of had fun with the rejections. Most of them were complimentary about one aspect or another of my writing or of the story, and it was cool to pick out the positive things that were said by these big editors.

I guess it's all in how you choose to look at it.

gothicangel · Feb 8, 2011

Libbie said:
Me, too! Pretty much all my favorite books have male protagonists.

Definitely the most bizarre rejection. I do tend to gravitate towards male protaganists.

But after that, I sort of had fun with the rejections. Most of them were complimentary about one aspect or another of my writing or of the story, and it was cool to pick out the positive things that were said by these big editors.

Same here. I have one rejection from another top agent who said it was a pity he was rejecting the book. He's at the top of my list when I start subbing the new book this year.

Renee Collins · Feb 8, 2011

Phaeal said:
My second partial rejection hurt the most because I had erroneously decided this agent was THE ONE. Nope, she didn't turn out to be Neo, and I was crushed. However, I learned the danger of emotional over-investment, and now the most I do is snark privately at the Rs before tucking them away in the ever-expanding accordion folder.

I SO agree about placing too much hope on your "Dream Agent." Like Phaeal, my hardest rejection ever was when said "Dream Agent" rejected my partial. And this was after she had nearly offered on my previous work, but passed, and asked me to "definitely" submit my next work.

I have to admit, that was the one time I've cried over a rejection.

Jamesaritchie · Feb 8, 2011

I had quite a few acceptances, both for short stories and novels, before I received my first rejection, so there was no pain, but just from talking to writer, it seems to me that the pain keeps intensifying as a never-ending string of rejection floods in.

The first one hurts, I guess, but two hundred in a row without an acceptance seems to be completely demoralizing. I'm sure I couldn't have taken something like that.

gothicangel · Feb 8, 2011

I think having been successful with poetry made it worse. I naively believed that I could easily turn to novels and think I would be just as successful, as quickly as it had come with poetry.

kaitie · Feb 8, 2011

For me it wasn't. The first didn't sting very much, and even the first full rejection wasn't bad. The two worst I've gotten were actually after I'd already been querying for a few months, and that was based on the personalized nature of them more than anything.

Jess Haines · Feb 8, 2011

I must be the exception. My first rejection was actually the kindest of the few I received, and the least hurtful, because it was very encouraging. I still follow that agent's blog regularly (whereas the others are no longer on my blogroll).

KTC · Feb 8, 2011

My first rejection came after a few successful publications, so it was something I always expected to get eventually. It didn't hurt at all. I thought to myself, 'well...finally!' I felt more like a writer when I received that rejection than I did when I received the previous acceptances. (-: The hardest rejection is the one you want the most...not the first.

amrose · Feb 8, 2011

Actually, I think it was my tenth or eleventh that got me down. Don't know why but all of a sudden I got depressed by it.

The first one I was excited by because I felt very writerly.

Anne Lyle · Feb 8, 2011

I haven't received any painful rejections yet. I guess my first R was when I was 14-15 - a friend and I sent in a script to our favourite TV show, and we got a kind letter from them and signed photos of the stars

Fast forward a great many years and my first agent rejection was from someone I met at a conference whom I knew was way out of my league - and again it was a kind personal rejection, complimenting my work and wishing me luck.

What will be painful is if I start getting rejections from people who've expressed interest in seeing more of my work - because it's hard not to get your hopes up, once you're past that first hurdle.

fireluxlou · Feb 8, 2011

I haven't received one yet as I haven't finished my first draft but I'm sure it will sting like a bitch when I get it back because I place too much emotional investment in everything. But tbh I won't feel like a writer until I get at least 10 full blown rejections

.

MJNL · Feb 8, 2011

Anne Lyle said:
What will be painful is if I start getting rejections from people who've expressed interest in seeing more of my work - because it's hard not to get your hopes up, once you're past that first hurdle.

Exactly.

My first rejection didn't hurt in the slightest--actually, I probably would have keeled over if it had been anything else. I knew I was new and learning, and that rejections were part of the learning process.

It wasn't until a professional expressed interest in a short story that a rejection hurt--the next one I received from her. Because I'd suddenly developed an attitude of "I've got this, no prob." I needed knocked down a peg.

One hasn't hurt since.

blacbird · Feb 8, 2011

No. The 100th in a row does.

After that it gets worse.

Polenth · Feb 8, 2011

The first rejection was more "woohoo, I'm a writer!", so no, it wasn't the hardest. I think the hardest ones are where they criticise me rather than the writing. When rejections are about the writing, it might sting sometimes, but writing can be improved. When the rejection is about me... there's not a lot I can do about that. Fortunately, most personal rejections stick to talking about the writing.

blacbird · Feb 9, 2011

KTC said:
My first rejection came after a few successful publications, so it was something I always expected to get eventually. It didn't hurt at all.

I'll bet getting that Nobel Prize notification the same day she received a rejection on something helped Pearl Buck get over the sting, too.

AlwaysJuly · Feb 9, 2011

The one rejection I've gotten that stung a little was the form rejection off a full request. Just because I had my hopes up, you know?

Normally rejections don't bother me that much, they do cause a little self-doubt as to whether I'm doing something "wrong", but I accept it as part of getting my work out there. But I think it's likely to hurt more in the future when I again have my hopes up.

Karen Junker · Feb 9, 2011

I read books with male protags all the time too.

The nice thing about a rejection letter is that you can use it to get your PRO status with the Romance Writers of America, should you happen to be a member.

I've received a few rejections and was disappointed. But my most recent submissions were either published or sent a contract to be published (I didn't take them up on it). I'm in a weird boat of not sending things out so I don't get the rejections lately!

Does The First Hurt The Most? :D

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