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fedorable1
10-06-2005, 12:49 AM
Hello, everyone.

I am writing a SF Novel, but there's one section where the adult heroine learns to read for the first time. She begins reading a children's book that she finds, and so I would need 10-12 lines to sort of "dictate" what she reads.

The problem is that this takes place on a space station in the future, so the book should be themed accordingly. I would like it to be as simplistic as possible (think See Spot Run in space). Given the setting, I don't think talking about birds and bees would be really applicable. Maybe about stars or the sun, or something. Also, if it's not too much to ask, I would like it to be something Christmas-related. (It's the character's first exposure to holidays, too.)

Could anyone here help me out with the short passage? I have no clue where to start and any assistance would be appreciated.

If you don't want to give suggestions here, you could PM me or email me at dale@easterling.scriptmania.com.

Thanks.

alleycat
10-06-2005, 01:10 AM
Can you count
all the stars you see?
Can you count
how many moons
are all aglow?


Can you count
the orbits made?
Can you count
how many comets
pass this way?


Can you count
your friends all here?
Can you count
how many faces
smiled at you today?

Okay, that needs a little work. I never said I was Dr. Suess!

ac

fedorable1
10-06-2005, 01:34 AM
That's pretty good though. It's better than I can do. Hehe. I'll see if I can implement that, and maybe change it around a wee bit...

fedorable1
10-06-2005, 02:25 AM
Actually, that should do it. lol I've taken what you started and wrote up the following. The numbers and notes in parenthesis are the actual number and a description of what's on the page:

Can you count
how many comets fly by? (1)
Can you count
all the moons in the sky? (2. This was written on Mars)
Can you count
how many ships have wings? (3)
Can you count
all the planets with rings? (4)
Can you count
how many mountains stand tall? (5)
Can you count
all the rain drops that fall? (6)
Can you count
how many rockets roar loud? (7)
Can you count
all the holes in the cloud? (8)
Can you count
all the planets in space? (9)
Can you see
the most beautiful face? (10 stars surrounding a mirrored circle)


That's the rough draft, so we'll see how it turns out. Thanks again!

alleycat
10-06-2005, 04:36 AM
I spit out the line I did pretty quickly without much thought.

I like your edit, some of the lines are very good. The only one I don't like is the one about rocks.

ac

fedorable1
10-06-2005, 05:14 AM
I changed "rocks" to "rain drops." Better?

alleycat
10-06-2005, 05:23 AM
How about...

Can you count
the stars in Orion so tall? (5) [Orion would make a good constellation for a picture book]
Can you count
the meteors that fall? (6)

fedorable1
10-06-2005, 12:37 PM
That works rhyme wise, except that there are 14 stars in Orion. :Smack:

alleycat
10-06-2005, 03:44 PM
Oh, I mis-understood what you meant by the numbers after the lines. I thought you mean page number of the "book" ("...the actual number and a description of what's on the page.") I see now.

ac