So, I'm terrible at writing queries.
Just awful.
This has already gone through some rewrites, but obviously I need a punch-you-in-the-face type query, and I'm feeling a "meh" vibe right now. So please: I'm not afraid to be kicked in the teeth or ripped to pieces. I'd rather that then a rejection. Also, format's not the issue here, I want crit on content.
Here goes!
Dear Agent Name,
Fourteen year old Kae Shao is an orphan with haunting psychic abilities and a past plagued by mysterious, destructive fires. Arriving in Lightshand, Indiana for one last chance at adoption, Kae fights to hide an increasingly uncontrollable pyrokinesis. When Lightshand High's resident senior class thugs take bullying too far and dangle Kae over a culvert edge, his life is saved by a stranger: Metuo, who reads fears like Kae reads minds.
But when men in long jackets that only Kae can see invade his group home, Metuo’s confrontation of them is a revelation to Kae: this stranger turned rescuer is a daemon, hiding a past far darker than Kae’s own. Kae finds himself thrust into a world where souls are power, salvation, and playthings, and daemons claim themselves the misunderstood guardians of mankind. But where daemons walk, those who hunt them follow: Hunters, who have cut out their own souls in order to battle their quarry.
Caught in a rising war, Kae discovers that his long-lost grandfather leads the Hunters, and that the daemons knew his mother. Both sides have a mysterious connection with his past -- and to ensure his future, Kae must choose who to trust.
I am seeking representation for my YA Urban Fantasy novel Daemonfire, complete at 90,000 words.
I read on your website that you are actively seeking YA Urban Fantasy, and hoped my manuscript would appeal. I am an active member of the Austin Society of Children’s Books Writers and Illustrators. I was a finalist in the 2009 Writer’s League of Texas Manuscript Contest for Fantasy, and have received several honorable mentions in the Writers of the Future Contest. I am a freelance video game artist.
As you requested on your blog, I have attached the first ten pages; the complete manuscript is available upon request. Thanks very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Laura Jennings
Just awful.
This has already gone through some rewrites, but obviously I need a punch-you-in-the-face type query, and I'm feeling a "meh" vibe right now. So please: I'm not afraid to be kicked in the teeth or ripped to pieces. I'd rather that then a rejection. Also, format's not the issue here, I want crit on content.
Here goes!
Dear Agent Name,
Fourteen year old Kae Shao is an orphan with haunting psychic abilities and a past plagued by mysterious, destructive fires. Arriving in Lightshand, Indiana for one last chance at adoption, Kae fights to hide an increasingly uncontrollable pyrokinesis. When Lightshand High's resident senior class thugs take bullying too far and dangle Kae over a culvert edge, his life is saved by a stranger: Metuo, who reads fears like Kae reads minds.
But when men in long jackets that only Kae can see invade his group home, Metuo’s confrontation of them is a revelation to Kae: this stranger turned rescuer is a daemon, hiding a past far darker than Kae’s own. Kae finds himself thrust into a world where souls are power, salvation, and playthings, and daemons claim themselves the misunderstood guardians of mankind. But where daemons walk, those who hunt them follow: Hunters, who have cut out their own souls in order to battle their quarry.
Caught in a rising war, Kae discovers that his long-lost grandfather leads the Hunters, and that the daemons knew his mother. Both sides have a mysterious connection with his past -- and to ensure his future, Kae must choose who to trust.
I am seeking representation for my YA Urban Fantasy novel Daemonfire, complete at 90,000 words.
I read on your website that you are actively seeking YA Urban Fantasy, and hoped my manuscript would appeal. I am an active member of the Austin Society of Children’s Books Writers and Illustrators. I was a finalist in the 2009 Writer’s League of Texas Manuscript Contest for Fantasy, and have received several honorable mentions in the Writers of the Future Contest. I am a freelance video game artist.
As you requested on your blog, I have attached the first ten pages; the complete manuscript is available upon request. Thanks very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Laura Jennings
