Comedy Cabaret Post Christmas, Hanukkah, Solstice, Festivus Let Down Thread

[Jaycinth]

***This is the part of town your mother warned you about. But you come here anyway. You heard the rumors. The truth is, well, interesting.

The cab driver chuckled when he let you out on the corner. He knows all about it. After all, he comes down here a few times a night.

You’re standing in front of a club. Through the windows you can see the patrons dancing. You’ve been in that club before. But it is not your destination tonight.
No.
This evening you walk past the club and turn down the poorly lit alley. You pass a dumpster. The resident accosts you, but you knowthe routine and you’ve brought along a couple bottles of Nighttrain to pay the toll.

A cat hisses and a dog snarls. You’re used to it. The requisite number of bacon wrapped steak nuggets always does the trick.

It’s a dead end. But to your left, there’s a door. You know the signal. You get in. The 1,200-pound yak knows you; you’ve never caused any trouble.
You descend the stairs, familiar scents drift past your nose. The cloak dude takes your coat and you walk through the door into.............***


Welcome to the Comedy Cabaret!
I’m glad to see you here.
..Quite frankly, I’m glad to see any of you here.
.... so you’ll be happy to know we’ll no longer be offering sushi.
On the bright side, though,
I’ve hired a new chef.
His name is Melkeesadeck
That’s right. Just like the bible, but spelled funny.
I call him ‘Mel’
He calls me, ah, ...it doesn’t translate well.
But...he knows how long to boil a cheeseburger,
and how many times to hit it, too.
Seriously folks,
The bar is well stocked,
I know what you all prefer,
Your servers are ‘Cindy’ and ‘Ron’. They work for tips, so please be generous.

As for the teenagers hiding out in the back of the bar, I know who you are. See that black light enhanced beaded curtain? Through that curtain is the arcade. You can purchase an arm band for a joke and play all day, but no way is the bartender going to give you anything stronger than a double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake.

So folks, make yourselves comfortable. Order a drink and sit a spell, or grab the mike.

It is ALWAYS open mike night in this caberet.

And, now, I’m going to step off the stage, and open it up to you. Tell a joke or a quip and anecdote or sing your favorite ‘comedy song’.
***steps off stage and meanders to the back of the club to watch.***

[Haggis]

Don't you love this new thread smell?

[cray]

ya.


and i dare say, if anyone has to use the can, NOW is prolly the best time.

[quickWit]

smells like...boobs.

[Haggis]

ya.


and i dare say, if anyone has to use the can, NOW is prolly the best time.
Can?

Bunneh, did you remember to tell the contractors to install a can?

[quickWit]

Hang on, haggis...I'm chucking a whiz over here.

*squeezes last few drops*


Hey, do you guys know there's no can in this place?

[cray]

see, haggis.
....i told you qw doesn't know $h*t.

should have put leukman in charge! :D

[Haggis]

Leukman? We'd all be walking around with cheeseball-stuffed cheeks. And we still wouldn't have a can.

[Jaycinth]

***romps through thread***:e2bouncey

[cray]

***romps through thread***:e2bouncey


howya doing there, jaycinth?
it's about 3 minutes into the second quarter, huh?

:D

[TrainofThought]

*does :snoopy: dance*

Watched Da Bears game yesterday. YAY! Time to retire Favre. :D

[regdog]

New thread.

**Steps over suspicious looking raisinettes**

Meh, looks and smells like the old thread.

[cray]

g'morning red.
hello haggis.


in case you all don't know the final score it was





eagles 59

jaycinth's team 28

[regdog]

Steps away from cray

[regdog]

Attention Cabbies, our chihuey is 20,000 posts old today


http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/bacon.jpg
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/glenfiddich-50-year-old-single-malt_zTRVB_52.jpg

[cray]

*eats bacon.*


*washes it down with the hooch*






what were you saying, reg?

[regdog]

Jerk

[cray]

haggis?

i totally disagree.
...a little slow at times but all in all he's fun to have around.

[quickWit]

Jerk

I believe it's "Simon says" jerk, reg.
At least that's the way we played in gym class.

[TrainofThought]

Attention Cabbies, our chihuey is 20,000 posts old today

*wipes the tears from my eyes*

I never thought I'd see this day.

*farts and reaches over for another piece of sausage*

Congrats, Haggis! May another year bring you more tortuous times.

[quickWit]

*farts and reaches over for another piece of sausage*

for a second there I thunk you were cray.

[TrainofThought]

for a second there I thunk you were cray.We have much in common.

[quickWit]

mainly in the boobage area

[TrainofThought]

Isn't it Tickle Tuesday?

[TrainofThought]

Pffttt.. I've never heard of Pickle Puesday.

http://www.addemoticons.com/emoticon/crazy/AddEmoticons00525.gif

[cray]

*looks at tot dancing*


you and qw really do have a lot in common!

[TrainofThought]

*looks at tot dancing*


you and qw really do have a lot in common!http://www.addemoticons.com/emoticon/smiley/AddEmoticons08036.gif

[Stew21]

:hi:

[TrainofThought]

:e2headban

[Haggis]

Anyone leave a bread crumb trail for Red?

[TrainofThought]

Anyone leave a bread crumb trail for Red?LOL! Who do you think you're talking to? cray. quickwit. Leave bread crumbs? They licked the trail clean.

[regdog]

Anyone leave a bread crumb trail for Red?

I thought cray and Witter were in charge of that

[quickWit]

*leaves a trail of raisinets*

[Haggis]

*leaves a trail of raisinets*
Red will be sharp enough to figure that out, won't she?
















Oh, crap. We'd better send out a search party.

[regdog]

**Steps around raisinets**

[Cella]

Oooo! Breaded raisinettes! My lucky day!

[Haggis]

You all are just gonna stand there and let her do it, aren't you?

[quickWit]

Here's the real question:

Being that red is a hawt chick, do you give her mouth to mouth when she passes out after realizing those weren't raisinets? I myself would opt to stick with vigorous chest massage.

[regdog]

Oooo! Breaded raisinettes! My lucky day!

You all are just gonna stand there and let her do it, aren't you?

Red's been here long enough to know better than to trust anything that could be considered food in this place.

[Cella]

tee hee.....long:D

[cray]

Red's been here long enough to know better than to trust anything that could be considered food in this place.



this is true. although it shouldn't stop her from licking batteries.
:D





cray, injured in a stationary biking accident

[quickWit]

how many times must you be told?
the seat is not optional.

[cray]

it wasn't that this time...


i was doing something on the laptop with one hand, holding onto the handle bar with the other when my hand slipped off and i did a rather violent face plant into the keyboard.

:roll:

it sucked.

[regdog]

ouch

[cray]

indeed.
but still very funny.



:e2beat:

[regdog]

iv our battery toofless now
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/smiley-sick033.gif

[Cella]

it wasn't that this time...


i was doing something on the laptop with one hand, holding onto the handle bar with the other when my hand slipped off and i did a rather violent face plant into the keyboard.

:roll:

it sucked.

"handle bar" is a bit generous, no?










:D

[quickWit]

*high fives red*

[cray]

i don't get it.

[regdog]

i don't get it.

Well, you'll have to discuss that problem with Mrs cray

[Cella]

... Or mrs. Wit

[Cella]

Other appointments, huh?


You must feel so special!


:D

[quickWit]

but not Wednesday. Wednesday is strictly for business (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHw2_QbJcNU), baby.

[Cella]

She's just hoping for a big tip for the holidays





Eat: *dances to song*

[cray]

ahhh yea,....

[quickWit]

Eat: *dances to song*

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, delicious dances to song...

:D

[Cella]

:e2brows:

[quickWit]

suddenly I feel like I've stumbled upon a Cherokee porno.

[Cella]

Hey! I drive a Woody not a Cherokee!

[quickWit]

oh, dear.

[cray]

is that the one with gypsies, tramps and thieves?

[quickWit]

we hear it from the people of the town

[cray]

:roll:


that's too funny.
i hate myself for thinking about cher right now.



*slaps face*

snap out of it!

[quickWit]

i hate you for thinking of cher, too.

[cray]

i hate red for being too young to know what the hell we're talking about.

[Cella]

cher hates both of you

[quickWit]

cher hates both of you

*GASP*

You.

Take.

That.

Back.

[Cella]

I made it up anyway....no biggie ;)

[cray]

twcs

[Cella]

can you really turn back time with your browser's back button? Or is that just an old wive's tale?

[quickWit]

tee hee..back butt on...

[TrainofThought]

twcsThe Weak Can Slave?

[TrainofThought]

Okay, time for bed. :D

ETA: Reclines back

[cray]

*peels off clothes*

[quickWit]

*turns on camera*

[cray]

*trips over shoes. turns it into a sexy dancy*




*looks around*



wait, why are you filming me, qw?

and where is tot? wft. she left!

[quickWit]

ohh, this is awkward.

[cray]

yea.

umm,.......



*logs off*

[quickWit]

wait! where are you going?

I was going to make espresso.

[Haggis]

Looks like it's time to close this one and (maybe) open v.4.0.

[cray]

was it my dancing?

[Haggis]

Partly.

It wouldn't have been so bad if you'd remembered to zip up your fly.

[Rolling Thunder]

*This post was made to simply annoy cray*

[rhymegirl]

A Thunder Boy sighting.

*reports post*

[cray]

*This post was made to simply annoy cray*

gah!



*sends pm to mac requesting one of us be banned*

[Haggis]

gah!



*sends pm to mac requesting one of us be banned*
You've got until tomorrow to pack up your stuff. :(

[Jaycinth]

g'morning red.
hello haggis.


in case you all don't know the final score it was





eagles 59

jaycinth's team 28

Yes... I watched the whole thing.




Haggis on a leash, you say. Without actually having Haggis on the leash.



And Qwitters.

[Jaycinth]

howya doing there, jaycinth?
it's about 3 minutes into the second quarter, huh?

:D

AHEM:
Taking this in retrospect the only logical explanation is that DANIEL SNYDER didn't want his expensive team to get messed up in the rain so he sent their old grannies out onto the field, all dressed up to play football.

...mumble..mumble...'bites the fat end of a zombie's putrid.....mumble...mumble....

[TrainofThought]

I wrote another poem this morning. I'm not saying it's good, but I haven't written for a while. *sighs* 'Tis good. :snoopy:

[regdog]

*This post was made to simply annoy cray*

Holy carp. It's artee.

[Haggis]

Holy carp. It's artee.

http://network1.1.googlepages.com/HolyCarp.jpg

[cray]

don't get all excited (qw) or bent outta shape (everyone else)......
i'm sure that we just imagined (had a nightmare) that artee posted here.

[Stew21]

:hi:



(still in Cleveland)

[cray]

g'day stew.

i'm still, yanno, where i am too.

[regdog]

http://network1.1.googlepages.com/HolyCarp.jpg




:roll:

[cray]

question: does anyone else have a red paper bag suffering from constipation in their reps?

[Cella]

Oh, that's the last time I send you a JA pic :rolleyes:

[Haggis]

question: does anyone else have a red paper bag suffering from constipation in their reps?
I'll pass.

[Cella]

Eeeewwww!!!!

:roll:

[quickWit]

don't get all excited (qw) or bent outta shape (everyone else)......
i'm sure that we just imagined (had a nightmare) that artee posted here.

it was a given that he'd show when you stripped and started dancing.

[TrainofThought]

I'll pass.I think you shoulda passed on that avie outfit--fo' shizzle

[quickWit]

hey, maybe if we can get ToT to strip and dance, thunder will go away!
what do you think? worth a shot, right?

[TrainofThought]

hey, maybe if we can get ToT to strip and dance, thunder will go away!
what do you think? worth a shot, right?That probably would work, because we've already seen him show up when you and cray were alone in the Cabaret. cray stripping. quickwit videotaping. A Comedy of Terrors

[quickWit]

so we're in agreement, then. ToT will strip and dance, and RT will go away forever and ever.

awesome.

*turns on camera*

OK, my little schnitzengruben...let's make some magic!

[Cella]

What if I want him to stick around?

[TrainofThought]

http://media.sweetimsmiley.com/emoticons/g_panties.gif
There you go, my little Wiener Schnitzel. ;)

[quickWit]

*locks red in the freezer*

[quickWit]

Ooooooo, sparkly!

[Cella]

yeah--he cut in at my wedding.

[quickWit]

Yeah!

*founces*

[Cella]

You think you could've handled yourselves around all my drunk and busty cousins?

[quickWit]

I can handle myself anywhere, anytime.
Ask security in JCPenney's lingerie dept.

[Cella]

is that what you think those "fitting rooms" are for?

[quickWit]

there are rooms?

[Haggis]

what. the. hell.....
you invite artee to your wedding but not us!???



*flounces*

Yeah!

*founces*
*bolts door*

[regdog]

what. the. hell.....
you invite artee to your wedding but not us!???



*flounces*

Yeah!

*founces*

*bolts door*

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/woot.gif

[Angie]

Holy crap, it was that easy? O.o

[Haggis]

Holy crap, it was that easy? O.o
Piece of cake.

[quickWit]

*knocks on door*

your car is blocking me.

[quickWit]

flowers.

[quickWit]

candygram.

[cray]

milkbone delivery.

[quickWit]

milkbone delivery.

Oh, that's offensive.

[cray]

to who?

[quickWit]

No, it's tee hee. Eeeee, not ooooo. Eeeee.

[quickWit]

GAH! I just got repped by thunder and he said 'the great thing about nekkid bunnehs...'!

Eww! Eeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!

[cray]

he lurves you.



ack!
i better get outta this costume....

[quickWit]

lookin' good, my man. lookin' real good.

[cray]

:gone:

[quickWit]

Wait! Wait!

I was going to make espresso.






:roll:
it's even funnier the second day. like chinese food.

[cray]

ummm, yeah. no.


and you're supposed to be smoking a cigar when you say it.

[quickWit]

how do you know I'm not?

[Haggis]

:popcorn:

[Jaycinth]

Still thinking. . . .

[regdog]

Hey, bunneh, battery get a room.

And not this one.

[Leukman]

Or a can. A can will do. And leave it over there when you're done.



See that? No cheeseballs. Just can suggestions.




So far...








eta: oh, look. There's a can in my avatar. Yes, I'm done with it, go ahead. I'd suggest you keep it upright though.


See that? I'm suggesting again.


Anyone have any Tums?

[Haggis]

Or a can. A can will do. And leave it over there when you're done.



See that? No cheeseballs. Just can suggestions.




So far...








eta: oh, look. There's a can in my avatar. Yes, I'm done with it, go ahead. I'd suggest you keep it upright though.


See that? I'm suggesting again.


Anyone have any Tums?

Actually I do. Extra strength. How many do you need?

And about the can--good job. At least we can say we have one now.

[cray]

Still thinking. . . .


i can wait.

[TrainofThought]

i can wait.Sure you can. You probably started work after you rolled out of bed and scratched your ass.

[Leukman]

That wasn't really the kind of can I had in mind.

[cray]

Sure you can. You probably started work after you rolled out of bed and scratched your ass.


dear tot,

using epidemiological methods that you could never understand involving a comprehensive understanding of socioeconomic inequalities as well as racial/ethnic inequalities in various populations around the globe i have concluded that everyone, everywhere in the world, rolls out of bed, scratches their ass and gets to work. what is your point?


always,


cray

[quickWit]

...except, of course, for ToT, who scratches her ass, rolls into bed and gets to work.

[Leukman]

Speaking of...

ToT? You still haven't given me your new address. What gives?

[quickWit]

you could just look up her adress, leuk. everyone else does.

[TrainofThought]

dear tot,

using epidemiological methods that you could never understand involving a comprehensive understanding of socioeconomic inequalities as well as racial/ethnic inequalities in various populations around the globe i have concluded that everyone, everywhere in the world, rolls out of bed, scratches their ass and gets to work. what is your point?


always,


crayI had no idea you knew such big words. Does your head hurt now? No the other one. I suggest you fall back into bed to rest that brain of yours. Fart first before covering up.

...except, of course, for ToT, who scratches her ass, rolls into bed and gets to work.Pffttt... It ain't my ass I'm scratching.

Speaking of...

ToT? You still haven't given me your new address. What gives?*sighs* I've been soooo busy. Sorry. You'll get it when I send you my Christmas card.

you could just look up her adress, leuk. everyone else does.Look up my what? I'm not wearing a dress.

*looks for avie pic*

[Jaycinth]

i can wait.
there are a lot of variables at work here...

[cray]

i'm sure there are.

[Cella]

Smells like scratched ass in here...





:hi: everyone!

[cray]

tsk tsk, red.

the language....


golly, i remember it was only a short while ago that an innocent young girl named cella joined aw.

and now look at you.....
what would cella say?















:D

[Angie]

Smells like scratched ass in here...


That's just the bunneh.

[Angie]

what would cella say?


I'm confused?

I don't get it?

Huh?

[Cella]

Cella was awesome.

[Haggis]

Yeah. Red's way sharper than Cella ever was.

[Angie]

It's the wolf.

[Cella]

Yeah. Red's way sharper than Cella ever was.

I'm still just a softee underneath it all...

[cray]

*turns on bright lights*


admit it, you have cella, don't you? where is she?
what's she wearing?

[Angie]

Geez, Cray, Red didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition...

[cray]

she prolly didn't expect to learn about chicken funnels either,....

[Angie]

NOBODY EXPECTS TO LEARN ABOUT CHICKEN FUNNELS!

Hm, that line really doesn't work as well as the one I intended...

[Angie]

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd134/mymotherwasahamster/d7ec320d.jpg



ETA: The only non-bloody image I could find...

[Haggis]

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd134/mymotherwasahamster/d7ec320d.jpg



ETA: The only non-bloody image I could find...
Oh, boy. Are you making milk shakes? :)

[Angie]

Oh, boy. Are you making milk shakes? :)

Uh...sure. Sure, I am.

[Cella]

I don't want any chicken in my milkshake, though...

[Angie]

How bout just a feather garnish?

[Cella]

well, I suppose. it is the twentieth century, after all...

[Angie]

What century is this? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/21st_century)




:D

[Rolling Thunder]

Your attention please:

*This is a pity post. The bunneh was feeling jealous and left-out. This post is being made to sooth Fuckwit's feelings. You're welcome.*

You may now return to your unintelligible banter.

(Disclaimer: The misspelling of any AW member's name is completely innocent and not to be construed as an attack on said bag of unwholesome douchiness. Or maybe it was. The truth will probably never be known. Except the reference to being a douche bag. That's well documented.)

[Cella]

eta: oh my!

[Angie]

Aw, it's sweet that you care so much about the furball, RT.

[Cella]

Does RT know there's someone called Artee?

[Angie]

Shh! Geez, Red! Don't you know we never, EVER speak of Artee in RT's presence? Are you trying to blow up the world?

[TrainofThought]

Haggis walked into a brothel one day and said to the madam, "I would really like a young girl for the night"

"How old are you then sir?" asked the madam.

"I am 98 years old and still going strong, cough, cough!"

"Ninety Eight?!" said the madam, "Don't you realise that you've had it?"

"Oh, really?" replied Haggis, "How much do I owe you?"

[Angie]

*snicker*

[Cella]

Shh! Geez, Red! Don't you know we never, EVER speak of Artee in RT's presence? Are you trying to blow up the world?
figured it couldn't hurt...

[regdog]

Geez, Cray, Red didn't expect a sort of Spanish Inquisition...

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gldlyTjXk9A)

[Leukman]

RT?

:Wha:

Crap...I hope you're not here for your hot tub.






















Cause, we've kinda forgotted to clean it. Ever. At all.




It's still warm though. Even though we haven't run the heater in a few months.

[Haggis]

Did someone even remember to pack it when we left the old thread?

[regdog]

Did someone even remember to pack it when we left the old thread?

Nope, not me

[Leukman]

Yes. I stowed it beneath the new outhouse can.

[Haggis]

That's a hot tub? It looks strangely like a buck.

[Leukman]

Now you're just trying to confuse me.


'Sides, Rudolf promised a night flight.

[Leukman]

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his young baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'

Cray Jr. nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'

Cray Jr.nodded 'Yes'.

'So,' Haggis continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue with, curse at, or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?'

Cray Jr. nodded 'yes' again.

Haggis continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets achance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach dumb ass or shithead, is it?'

Cray Jr. shook his head 'NO'.

'GOOD', said Haggis. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your dumb-ass father!'

[cray]

:ROFL:

that's actually a very good one. it should be sent to little league coaches around the globe.








*looks for an empty curseat to sit in*

[Haggis]

:e2headban

[TrainofThought]

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his young baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'

Cray Jr. nodded in the affirmative.

'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'

Cray Jr.nodded 'Yes'.

'So,' Haggis continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue with, curse at, or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?'

Cray Jr. nodded 'yes' again.

Haggis continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets achance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach dumb ass or shithead, is it?'

Cray Jr. shook his head 'NO'.

'GOOD', said Haggis. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your dumb-ass father!':D This should be posted in all the parks and stadiums in Philadelphia.

[cray]

*fires a snowball at tot*

[TrainofThought]

*shoots a spitball at cray*

[Leukman]

*throws poop at...everyone*












Amazing, really, how much better it makes you feel when you throw your crap at someone else.

:D

[quickWit]

Your attention please:

*This is a pity post. The bunneh was feeling jealous and left-out. This post is being made to sooth Fuckwit's feelings. You're welcome.*

You may now return to your unintelligible banter.

(Disclaimer: The misspelling of any AW member's name is completely innocent and not to be construed as an attack on said bag of unwholesome douchiness. Or maybe it was. The truth will probably never be known. Except the reference to being a douche bag. That's well documented.)

you had me at fuckwit

[Cella]

Amazing, really, how much better it makes you feel when you throw your crap at someone else.

:D
it feels even better to throw their crap at them...;)

In addition to your own, of course.


Morning Cabbie 3.0:hi:

[Haggis]

You make a good point, Red. Cabbie 3.0 is kind of a dull name for the thread. We need a better nickname. Anyone have a good idea?

[Leukman]

Artee's hot tub emporium?

[Haggis]

Perfect.

[quickWit]

No crays allowed.

[regdog]

Artee's hot tub emporium?

That has potential.


Or

Comedy Cabaret and Bacon Bonanza

[Haggis]

That also has merit

[Cella]

Emporium--how imperial sounding! It feels fancy in here already!

[cray]

*fixes tie. sits up straight*

[quickWit]

*farts*

[cray]

That also has merit



how about:

"kick qw in the bingos whenever you see him because he is a total db 100% of the time and therefore there is NO time that it isn't appropriate to kick him in the bingos."



that sounds fancy too, eh?

[Cella]

*farts*

In the hot tub?

[Cella]

how about:

"kick qw in the bingos whenever you see him because he is a total db 100% of the time and therefore there is NO time that it isn't appropriate to kick him in the bingos."



that sounds fancy too, eh?

We are not amused.







:D

[Haggis]

how about:

"kick qw in the bingos whenever you see him because he is a total db 100% of the time and therefore there is NO time that it isn't appropriate to kick him in the bingos."



that sounds fancy too, eh?
Yeah, but we don't have the title space.

[cray]

Yeah, but we don't have the title space.


ohhh, ooook. fine.


:idea:

but can we still kick qw in the bingos?

[quickWit]

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

*farts*

*founces*

[cray]

you're a like chatty cathy doll.

[quickWit]

you're a like chatty cathy doll.

outstanding.

[Cella]

You're not gonna try to sell me shower curtain rings now, are you?

[cray]

*snort*

you the shower curtain fella?













*sings*
blue moon of Kentucky, keep on shining...

[Leukman]

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Dawg dammit, knock that off. You're freakin me out. You sound like my x.

*farts*

*lights match, flings, runs*

[quickWit]

Dawg dammit, knock that off. You're freakin me out. You sound like my x.

you were married to Del Griffith?

[Leukman]

Here, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyzIfY9rSdU&feature=player_embedded#!) should make you feel better.

Not that I know what you feel like now.

I'm just going on what Cray's been sayin'.

Not going, like literally, going. I haven't had enough coffee yet for that.

Here...Let me clear my throat.

[cray]

dude, i think you need to see a specialist....
a primary care physician just doesn't have the training that you need.

[quickWit]

he needs a team. a team of specialists.

[regdog]

You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

*farts*

*founces*

:e2violin:

And on tomorrow's episode of Dr Phil---

[Haggis]

*farts*


Dawg dammit, knock that off. You're freakin me out. You sound like my x.

[Cella]

:roll:

[Stew21]

I went to Cleveland.

While I was there I went to the rock n roll hall of fame.

But the best part of my trip was going to the house where A Christmas Story was filmed.

Unfortunately it was late, after a couple a'beers, and the photo I took only shows the leg lamp in the front window.

the gift shop (which is a little house down the block) was closed.

Next time, I'll have to do the tour...and wear my "You'll shoot your eye out" t-shirt.

[TurkeyLurkey]

Whoa! New place, and yet... (sniffs). It still smells like the hippo pond at the zoo.

[TurkeyLurkey]

I went to Cleveland.

While I was there I went to the rock n roll hall of fame.

But the best part of my trip was going to the house where A Christmas Story was filmed.

Unfortunately it was late, after a couple a'beers, and the photo I took only shows the leg lamp in the front window.

the gift shop (which is a little house down the block) was closed.

Next time, I'll have to do the tour...and wear my "You'll shoot your eye out" t-shirt.

When you saw it was closed did you say, "Oh fuuuudge!"

[Angie]

Whoa! New place, and yet... (sniffs). It still smells like the hippo pond at the zoo.

If it didn't, would you even know where you are??

[TrainofThought]

*throws poop at...everyone*

Amazing, really, how much better it makes you feel when you throw your crap at someone else.

:DI can only imagine what your childhood was like. *gets the chills*

[cray]

tot is a stone-cold thread killah!

[TrainofThought]

Am not poo head :tongue

[Leukman]

Whoa! New place, and yet... (sniffs). It still smells like the hippo pond at the zoo.

Wait...what?

We have hippos?

*gets the chills*

Nothin' a little warm urine wouldn't fix. Srsly.

Haggis, raise a leg.

[TrainofThought]

Nothin' a little warm urine wouldn't fix. Srsly.Did you get stung by a stingray?

[Haggis]

Haggis, raise a leg.
I would, but I sense there's a turkey in the neighborhood.

Imagine a turkey without the sense to hide out this time of year.

Oh, well. Gotta go git my hatchet.

[Leukman]

I'll start the gravy.

[cray]

I would, but I sense there's a turkey in the neighborhood.

Imagine a turkey without the sense to hide out this time of year.

Oh, well. Gotta go git my hatchet.


funny,...
the big fuss at the cray household this morning was that there was a giant turket standing on our back deck looking in the window.
wft.

the thing is lucky cray jr. was still half asleep....

[Leukman]

And you let it get away????? :Wha:

[Haggis]

funny,...
the big fuss at the cray household this morning was that there was a giant turket standing on our back deck looking in the window.
wft.

the thing is lucky cray jr. was still half asleep....

Giant turkets will do that.

[cray]

:roll:

yep. they will.

[regdog]

Wait...what?

We have hippos?


.



Yes, and apparently he's not impressed by the new digs



http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l117/regdog/funny-hippo-picture-when-hippos-are-rude1.jpg

[TrainofThought]

funny,...
the big fuss at the cray household this morning was that there was a giant turket standing on our back deck looking in the window.
wft.

the thing is lucky cray jr. was still half asleep....Damn, not a turket!

Giant turkets will do that.They are meaner than turkeys. Turkets=turkeys with tourettes.

[Stew21]

And you let it get away????? :Wha:

*sets turket trap*


we'll get it.

[quickWit]

careful...there are few things more dangerous than a wounded turket.

[Stew21]

*puts safety glasses and gloves on*

[cray]

i can always count on you dickheads.....
:ROFL:






eta: as i mentioned to haggis, a turket is merely a female turkey of small stature.






oh, and one more thing------------------------------> :e2moon:

[TrainofThought]

careful...there are few things more dangerous than a wounded turket.1) quickwit's farts 2) Leuk throwing poo.

[Stew21]

and 3) haggis (if you are a bottle of scotch, a bacon sammich or a fire hydrant)

[quickWit]

:e2moon:

pfft. you'll never attract a turket that way, cray.
where'd you learn to turket hunt, anyway?



tee hee...turket hunt...

say that 5 times fast!

[Cella]

should I click my heels together, too?

[Stew21]

only if you want to turket hunt...or scuffed up heels.

[Stew21]

Leuk. (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5521171&postcount=5842) Word's getting around, buddy.

[auntybug]

So... I'm not here for a while & y'all move on me?? Nice try. jackasses :e2tongue:

[Stew21]

they did that to me too. Cray had to tell me where everyone went.
go to Cleveland for a couple days; get locked out of the cabaret.

[cray]

better be good too, you beeeeooooooootttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhhzzzz
or i'll lock this one too.

[Stew21]

beeeeooooooootttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhhzzzz???



:Wha:


you can't mean us.

[TrainofThought]

So... I'm not here for a while & y'all move on me?? Nice try. jackasses :e2tongue:I didn't make a move on you. I swears.

better be good too, you beeeeooooooootttttttttcccccccchhhhhhhhhzzzz
or i'll lock this one too.Bring it on, battery boy. :ROFL: Battery boy. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode of the boy in the plastic bubble-Bubble boy.

[Leukman]

Leuk. (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5521171&postcount=5842) Word's getting around, buddy.


What word?

What're you trying to say?