Question: Life's Passion

[Gretyl]

"What is my life's passion?" This question has plagued me for several years growing up and has increased in importance knowing that I will, in the next two years, graduate in a field that I dislike. As time passes I fear a life of unhappiness; void of self-expression and creativity.

During the last few months I have contemplated about where my passion lies. Of my interests and hobbies the most enjoyable is movie watching. Whether live-action or animated, I delight it and appreciate being immersed in films with unique stories, well-developed characters, and good cinematography. Acknowledging my enjoyment of cinema combined with my interest in art, poetry, music, and psychology I have considered becoming a director. As nice as this position sounds it poses a major concern for me. As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

The position of screenwriter also entered my mind, but it too poses a concern. Although I haven't started writing a script, I have scratched out some rough plot and character points for a few movies. Now when I thought of and developed these plot and character points I imagined specific ideas for music, costumes, and cinematography in my mind as well. From what I understand screenwriters cannot be too specific in these areas as they are meant for the directors to control. Now, even if screenwriters are able to give some input in these areas, they are still at the mercy of the directors and can turn out to be other than originally envisioned. In order to create the film that I want, down to the minor detail, I feel that I need to be a director then. Ideally, in order to dodge both concerns, I would like to write my own script and select a director (whom I would collaborate with) to shoot the film, but that seems very unrealistic.

I am growing tired and frustrated with these unsolved questions and would greatly appreciate any outlook or information on the situation as I know so little.

[creativexec]

There is a glamorous, fairy tale quality to a life in film - especially from those who sit in a dark theater and watch movies. But one really needs to have a deep-seeded passion to create, because it's such a hard business. It can be a long and arduous path to a paycheck and most need to be in it because it's the only thing they want to do (or can do). That sort of desire ameliorates the pain from all the ass-kicking the business dishes out. How can you know if you're suffering from just a crush or a passionate, endless love?

Direct a play in your community to see how successful you are in mounting your vision for a piece of material while dealing with diverse (and possibly difficult) personalities. Take a filmmaking course to discover if you have an acumen for making movies. (It's not just an art, it is a science -even more so in our digital age.) Maybe you can get a PA job on a film (or even student film) being shot in your area.

Maybe your love for film is more on the critical, dramaturgical side rather than filmmaking itself. Try starting a blog where you can share your thoughts and opinions on films you've seen. See if that fulfills your desire.

I suggest these things (and there's lots of other opportunities too) because they are all ways to separate the dream from the reality. This is a call to action. Scripts get written and movies get made because people are active. Talking and dreaming doesn't get the job done. Even after the script is written and the film is complete, there's so much more work (like networking and marketing) to do.

Getting busy, into the mix and doing the work is the only way to truly decide if this is something you want to do. Otherwise, it's just all talk.

:)

[Verbal]

Excellent as always!

Only one thing I'd add to such fantastic advice. And that is this:

Life is short. Too fucking short to do something you don't want to do. When you figure out what you truly want, grab that dream by the cajones, don't let go and don't take no for an answer.

Good luck, and don't forget to send a postcard to those in your rearview.

[Gretyl]

Thank you creativexec and Verbal for taking time to seriously and thoughtfully respond to my post. What I hear you both saying is to take action and try directing rather than think about it. In most cases I would fully agree with you and chalk my apprehensiveness and doubt to a fear of failure, however I truly feel that this case is different. If I knew ahead of time that I would be great at directing I would still have this same question:

(1) As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

If I take action and try directing I may find out that I won't be able to enjoy films as I used too and that I cannot undo. Furthermore, I feel that I am the only "aspiring" director with this concern and it reminds me of the old saying "If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it". This saying applies similarly in my case as "If you have to ask if directing is right for you, then it most likely isn't".

[WMcQuaig]

As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

I can wholeheartedly understand your concern and I will say this...once you devote yourself to a particular aspect in film your understanding of films will change. The way you watch films will change. The things you pay attention to will change.

You might find that you absolutely love some movie that you use to hate with a passion because your understanding has changed.

But ultimately it's up to you how much you let it effect your love for films.

You mentioned that you had started on a few ideas for screenplays. Imagine how a writer who has been writing films for 20 - 30 years watches a film.

I've heard it said that writing is mostly structure and plot. I can agree with that to an extent (that argument is a different conversation). Now, once you've learned all the different types of structuring, you should be able to watch a film and know by the structure how it's going to end. I can normally tell within the first 10 - 30 minutes how it will end.

Imagine how that would change the way you watch movies?

I still love watching movies though. And I have no problem watching a movie 3, 4, 5, or 10 times.

So it's something that will happen. Don't try to pretend it won't because you'll just be lying to yourself. And that's not what you need to doing if you plan on getting anywhere in this field.

And look at it this way, once you graduate with this degree in this field you hate at least you will have something to fall back on that is actually practical. I got a degree in a field I love (Theater, I was rejected from two films schools) and I have yet to be able to actually get a good paying job with it.

[Doug B]

I found my passion late in life. I was 60 years old when I found directing stage plays. I left my good paying job and "retired". Like others in the arts, I keep busy 12 months a year but I don't make a living at it. I have radically reduced my standard of living, take what little I can every month out of savings and have given up everything outside the theater but I am happier than ever.

As my directing skills improved my enjoyment of watching other stage productions increased. In a well presented play, I can get swept up in the story with 90% of my brain and still appreciate it technically with the other 10%.

I always try to read the script of a play before I see a production of it. I can remember seeing two productions of Enchanted April, one amateur and one professional. My thought about both was "They're telling the wrong story." I finally found a venue that would hire me to present my version of the play which was very successful.

I think that writers appreciate writing at a different (and deeper) level than non writers. As a film director you will continue to enjoy watching the work of others and will appreciate it at a deeper level than you do today.

[creativexec]

(1) As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

If I take action and try directing I may find out that I won't be able to enjoy films as I used too and that I cannot undo. Furthermore, I feel that I am the only "aspiring" director with this concern and it reminds me of the old saying "If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it". This saying applies similarly in my case as "If you have to ask if directing is right for you, then it most likely isn't".

No one can tell you how you'll respond to films after you become a filmmaker. And it is, with all due respect, a slightly neurotic concern, IMO.

I would agree that based on your trepidation, this business probably isn't a good fit for you - because your desire to make films would outweigh any of the sacrifices you'd have to make.

On a personal note, people who make films, love films. My appreciation and respect for films has only increased since I got into the business. I can still sit in a dark theater and enjoy a movie - like I did when I was a kid - despite the fact that I now know the magicians' secrets.

But that's, IMO, the magic of movies.

:)

[nmstevens]

Thank you creativexec and Verbal for taking time to seriously and thoughtfully respond to my post. What I hear you both saying is to take action and try directing rather than think about it. In most cases I would fully agree with you and chalk my apprehensiveness and doubt to a fear of failure, however I truly feel that this case is different. If I knew ahead of time that I would be great at directing I would still have this same question:

(1) As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

If I take action and try directing I may find out that I won't be able to enjoy films as I used too and that I cannot undo. Furthermore, I feel that I am the only "aspiring" director with this concern and it reminds me of the old saying "If you have to ask how much it costs, you can't afford it". This saying applies similarly in my case as "If you have to ask if directing is right for you, then it most likely isn't".


What you will inevitably find, and this is true whether you pursue your passion for an art form through actually creating it yourself or through a deeper critical understanding -- through watching more movies and different kinds of movies and watching them more critically -- that your tastes are very likely going to change.

It may very well be that "you won't be able to enjoy films as you used to."

But that doesn't mean that you won't be able to enjoy films. I have no doubt that a professional chef who's spent years training his palate won't be able to enjoy food in quite the same way that he did when he was a fifteen year old eating cheese fries.

But that's not to say that he won't enjoy food any more. As you learn more, your "palate" becomes more sophisticated. You take a bite of something and you actually understand, just from tasting it, what went into cooking it.

But that doesn't necessarily take away from the experience. Rather, that's a way of placing it in a broader experience - a style of cooking, a tradition -- other meals that are like it, a range of flavors that you can appreciate because you've trained yourself to detect them and to understand how they add up to create the meal.

And then afterward, you can go out and get yourself some cheese fries.

Because the fact is, even though I've seen, surely, tens of thousands of movies, I can still watch the old cheesy fifties science fiction films like "It - the terror from Beyond Space" that I used to watch as a kid and, if I wanted to, I could certainly apply those analytical skills and arrive at the conclusion that this probably isn't such a great movie -- that it's a "cheese fries" sort of movie.

But what do I care? It's still cheese fries. I still like it.

And that's the point. On some level, you can't help but see a movie analytically if you've trained yourself to do it -- but good movies don't work on an intellectual level. They're effecting you emotionally. And that is going to work, irrespective of whatever you're doing to try to understand what's happening, analytically.

That is, I can understand, analytically, how a movie produces a scare, or a laugh, or a "cry" -- but that's not to say that I'm not scared or that I don't laugh or cry as the movie intends.

I just understand, structurally, how those things are put together.

NMS

[Gretyl]

WMcQuaig

Thank you for your reply and let me say how appreciative I am for understanding my concern. Answers are always nice, but the most helpful ones are from people who truly understand the reasoning behind the questions. Now, I am not saying that the other members who replied to my post didn't understand my concern, but you were the only one who directly communicated to me that you did understand.

You brought up several good points about change, not just regarding directing but screenwriting as well.

In terms of my career, it's true, it will be something that I can fall back on and that I am grateful for. On that note, I wish you luck with finding good pay with your Theater degree.


Doug B

Thank you for sharing your story. Not only am I happy to hear that you found an area that you enjoy and excel in, but your testimony has given me hope towards my own future. Like you, I don't care if my standard of living decreases, as long as I am able to pursue my passion.

I am glad to hear that it is possible for one to appreciate the technical aspects of a play and still be swept up in it.


nmstevens

Thank you for your reply. As I read WMcQuaig and Doug B's posts I was getting a better understanding of how critical understanding changes the viewing of a film. Your thorough explaining was a perfect tie-in and fleshed everything out (I especially liked the cheese fries analogy). By the time I was done reading I really felt like I understood a director's viewpoint in regard to film. Furthermore, the note on how good movies emotionally effect an audience was a great point as well.


creativexec

I wanted to address your reply last for it struck a chord with me. When you stated that my concern was slightly neurotic I was initially a bit offended. I figured that you didn't fully understand my situation:

I am the black sheep of the family in terms of interests. My dad and brothers are engineers and my mom is a housewife. My mom would be the closest to understanding my interests since she used to paint and draw a lot in high school and college, but even she doesn't understand my great enjoyment of films and animated cartoons. Not only do I have a non-supportive family, but I also live in a small city with little to no exposure to film-making.

With this information in mind I felt that it's quite understandable to be cautious and have questions about a field that I knew little about, but at the same time, I thought it odd that I was the only one I knew who asked if directing would change my enjoyment of films (which I had mentioned in a previous post above). It was then that I realized I was putting too much pressure on finding a passion in life. As many people know, too much stress often hinders your chances of success. I have thought deeply as to why I am putting pressure on myself and found that it stems from an unresolved issue in my life. Armed with this knowledge, I am now taking steps to resolve this issue. Hopefully with time I can come back to my pursue of life's passion and view it with a renewed perspective.

With that, I want to thank you creativexec, for respectively expressing your opinion. You never know when a simple comment can help redirect someone's life.

[creativexec]

creativexec

I am the black sheep of the family in terms of interests. My dad and brothers are engineers and my mom is a housewife. My mom would be the closest to understanding my interests since she used to paint and draw a lot in high school and college, but even she doesn't understand my great enjoyment of films and animated cartoons. Not only do I have a non-supportive family, but I also live in a small city with little to no exposure to film-making.


Our stories are not all that different.

I was raised in a blue-collar household. My dad was a fireman and builder. My mom a housewife. No one in the family was in show business. I had no role models.

My father thought it would be best for me to become a civil servant. I eventually took a job as a NYC high school teacher. But three weeks after graduate school, I hopped on a plane and moved to Los Angeles to find a job in the entertainment industry. I had never been to California - let alone Los Angeles. Knew nothing about the politics of Hollywood or the general geography of LA. I knew no one; I had no place to live; I had no job and no prospects. And very little money.

All I had was a passion to work in the film business.

That was all I needed. The rest eventually worked itself out.

:)

[Gretyl]

Our stories are not all that different.

I was raised in a blue-collar household. My dad was a fireman and builder. My mom a housewife. No one in the family was in show business. I had no role models.

My father thought it would be best for me to become a civil servant. I eventually took a job as a NYC high school teacher. But three weeks after graduate school, I hopped on a plane and moved to Los Angeles to find a job in the entertainment industry. I had never been to California - let alone Los Angeles. Knew nothing about the politics of Hollywood or the general geography of LA. I knew no one; I had no place to live; I had no job and no prospects. And very little money.

All I had was a passion to work in the film business.

That was all I needed. The rest eventually worked itself out.

:)

No, are stories aren't that different at all. I appreciate you pointed out our common thread, it makes me feel less alone and that I have a chance at success. I am interested to know, what lead you into the film business in the first place? How did that passion start?

[creativexec]

No, are stories aren't that different at all. I appreciate you pointed out our common thread, it makes me feel less alone and that I have a chance at success. I am interested to know, what lead you into the film business in the first place? How did that passion start?

When I was a little kid, I loved movies and the theater. When I was in high school, I wrote film reviews and performed in/directed the school plays.

When I was in college, I wrote theater reviews and discovered playwriting. I went to graduate school and studied dramatic writing and saw a few of my plays produced. My plan was to stay in New York and be a playwright. I did some internships at theaters like the Manhattan Punchline (where I worked with Oliver Platt before he broke through) and then an internship for Columbia Pictures as a script analyst.

I found the motion picture industry very interesting and thought the studio development process was fascinating - a 180 degrees from how plays are developed. After graduate school, I decided to make the leap. I was twenty-five.

I leapt quickly to prevent the intellectualizing, rationalizing and fears that would try to keep me in the Big Apple. It took me ten years to make any sort of dent in the business. Those were ten lean, scary, frustrating, wonderful years. :)

[Paps]

"What is my life's passion?" This question has plagued me for several years growing up and has increased in importance knowing that I will, in the next two years, graduate in a field that I dislike. As time passes I fear a life of unhappiness; void of self-expression and creativity.

During the last few months I have contemplated about where my passion lies. Of my interests and hobbies the most enjoyable is movie watching. Whether live-action or animated, I delight it and appreciate being immersed in films with unique stories, well-developed characters, and good cinematography. Acknowledging my enjoyment of cinema combined with my interest in art, poetry, music, and psychology I have considered becoming a director. As nice as this position sounds it poses a major concern for me. As a director, will I be able watch my films or others with the same awe and excitement as an audience member after being involved in the film-making process and knowing the tricks of the trade?

The position of screenwriter also entered my mind, but it too poses a concern. Although I haven't started writing a script, I have scratched out some rough plot and character points for a few movies. Now when I thought of and developed these plot and character points I imagined specific ideas for music, costumes, and cinematography in my mind as well. From what I understand screenwriters cannot be too specific in these areas as they are meant for the directors to control. Now, even if screenwriters are able to give some input in these areas, they are still at the mercy of the directors and can turn out to be other than originally envisioned. In order to create the film that I want, down to the minor detail, I feel that I need to be a director then. Ideally, in order to dodge both concerns, I would like to write my own script and select a director (whom I would collaborate with) to shoot the film, but that seems very unrealistic.

I am growing tired and frustrated with these unsolved questions and would greatly appreciate any outlook or information on the situation as I know so little.

Gretyl,
These are classic dilemmas. You're not the first.

To maintain your passion and drive, you're going to have to "Go Woody Allen" which means write your material and take the strict path to getting it produced the way you want. It's a long, hard path ("crawling up a mountain of broken glass on my knees") but the more successful you become, the easier it becomes.

In the meantime, you will have to compromise, which means getting a job that pays the bills.

Or marrying rich - in LA it's called "getting a sponsor."

[Gretyl]

When I was a little kid, I loved movies and the theater. When I was in high school, I wrote film reviews and performed in/directed the school plays.

When I was in college, I wrote theater reviews and discovered playwriting. I went to graduate school and studied dramatic writing and saw a few of my plays produced. My plan was to stay in New York and be a playwright. I did some internships at theaters like the Manhattan Punchline (where I worked with Oliver Platt before he broke through) and then an internship for Columbia Pictures as a script analyst.

I found the motion picture industry very interesting and thought the studio development process was fascinating - a 180 degrees from how plays are developed. After graduate school, I decided to make the leap. I was twenty-five.

I leapt quickly to prevent the intellectualizing, rationalizing and fears that would try to keep me in the Big Apple. It took me ten years to make any sort of dent in the business. Those were ten lean, scary, frustrating, wonderful years. :)

Wow, that is quite a journey (and at such a young age throughout)! Thank you very much for sharing your story. From what I understand you have then made your "dent" in the business, I am very happy for you!

[Gretyl]

Gretyl,
These are classic dilemmas. You're not the first.

To maintain your passion and drive, you're going to have to "Go Woody Allen" which means write your material and take the strict path to getting it produced the way you want. It's a long, hard path ("crawling up a mountain of broken glass on my knees") but the more successful you become, the easier it becomes.

In the meantime, you will have to compromise, which means getting a job that pays the bills.

Or marrying rich - in LA it's called "getting a sponsor."

Yes, unfortunately, I always understood that the creative field would need "compromising" to pay the bills (or as you mentioned "getting a sponsor" lol). I just don't know if directing/screenwriting is my passion or drive anymore. Things have gotten so complicated that I need to focus on other areas in life. If directing/screenwriting is my true calling I will find myself returning to it once my life settles down. Anyways, thanks for the advice. I will be sure to consider it if I decide to pursue the business further.

[padnar]

I can indulge in my passion, thanks to the Indian mentality
padma

[Gretyl]

I can indulge in my passion, thanks to the Indian mentality
padma

Indian mentality?

[Abi26]

I'm a screen writer, I can tell you full hearted that i don' want to get involve in the filming-directing process at all. I prefear to see the final cut when is done, and be surprised by the director interpretation of my writing. I stay away from sets as much as I can. For me the magic is in the writing process.
These way, when I go to the movies I enjoy them ver much, not geting involved in technical issues as a spectator.
Just in a few exceptions I was called to collaborate in the set with my views.
To write a script is magical, let Hollywood do the rest!

Abraham

[Gretyl]

I'm a screen writer, I can tell you full hearted that i don' want to get involve in the filming-directing process at all. I prefear to see the final cut when is done, and be surprised by the director interpretation of my writing. I stay away from sets as much as I can. For me the magic is in the writing process.
These way, when I go to the movies I enjoy them ver much, not geting involved in technical issues as a spectator.
Just in a few exceptions I was called to collaborate in the set with my views.
To write a script is magical, let Hollywood do the rest!

Abraham

Very interesting viewpoint Abraham; I am glad that you took the time to comment. I can understand and appreciate the surprise of seeing a director's interpretation of your script, but I am curious as to why you aren't more interested in seeing your own interpretation come to life. Maybe you can answer this question by elaborating more on the magical aspects of the screenwriting.