"Said," "Asked," and Other Dialogue Terms

[WannabeWriter]

In a dialogue, "he said" or "he asked" are your basic tags. Personally, I don't like reading a book where there are too many words from the dictionary that aren't as commonly used. At the same time, I don't want to limit myself to using just "said" and "asked" in a dialogue. Are there any words besides "said" or "asked" in a dialogue that can be just fine to use while still sounding natural?

[loquax]

The point about 'said' is that it's an invisible word - meaning you read it and get the meaning without thinking about it. Other words make you think, and this will often take away from the point of the line - the actual content of the dialogue. I think that its roots are at the the whole "show don't tell" advice. The dialogue shows, the tag tells. Therefore it's best to have an invisible tag (or no tag at all)

Using said-bookisms is still okay, but I wouldn't go over the top. However, one of my pet peeves is using non-vocal verbs as tags. As in:

"I'm really happy," he smiled.

I know published authors do it, but it's NOT okay. As long as said-bookisms are infrequent, and VOCAL verbs, they're fine. All IMHO of course.

[mistri]

I don't like a lot of 'saidisms' either. I go for words that are simple and work in context - said, asked, replied, whispered. I avoid using things like 'shouted angrily' when the reader should be able to tell that the character is angry through the dialogue and character actions. As above, said is an invisible word and I prefer to use that or nothing at all.

[Cathy C]

My best advice is only to use dialogue tags when there are more than two people in the conversation and, even then, only sparingly. Otherwise, use action to move the plot along.

loquax's example is one of my pet peeves too, but it's easy to fix.


"I'm really happy," he smiled.

can become:

"I'm really happy!" Bob smiled and grabbed an apple from the bowl on the counter. He tossed it in the air to Wendy and helped himself to another.

[WannabeWriter]

Good advice. Thanks, everyone. :)

[Saanen]

I use said most times, asked sometimes, and occasionally (if I think it's not clear enough in context) I'll use whispered or yelped or something similar--but very sparingly. I know some people don't even like asked, but I don't have a problem with it. To me it's as invisible as said.

And I agree with those who dislike the '"I'm really happy," he smiled' type of construct. They catapult me right out of the story. I always imagine the writer sitting at his or her computer and thinking, "I'm so clever."

[loquax]

A slight off-shoot - but something I've wondered ever since I was young - what's the word for the opposite of a smile? Not a frown - that's with the eyebrows. I mean when the corners of your mouth go down as opposed to up.

I propose we call it a "swimp".

[jackie106]

However, one of my pet peeves is using non-vocal verbs as tags. As in:

"I'm really happy," he smiled.


Yuck! I hate that too.

[Vomaxx]

Cathy C is quite right. One of the things I learned in revisions is how often you can leave out the tag. Do so whenever possible. If A says something to B, B can simply reply--no need to include "B said". (In extended exchanges, you do have to put in an identifier everyone so often to keep who's saying what in the reader's mind.)

[azbikergirl]

A slight off-shoot - but something I've wondered ever since I was young - what's the word for the opposite of a smile? Not a frown - that's with the eyebrows. I mean when the corners of your mouth go down as opposed to up.

I propose we call it a "swimp".
Just like people smile with their whole faces, so do they frown with their whole faces. However, I consider the frown to be mostly mouth-oriented, whereas a scowl is mostly eyebrow-oriented.

[LightShadow]

Dialogue attribution most of the time can be needless. Use "said" ninety percent of the time that you do use something, and don't use anything when it isn't necessary.

[reph]

That's funny, I think of frowns as manifesting in the forehead and eyebrow area, although a frown excludes raised mouth corners.

Mouth corners don't droop from the resting position nearly so far in a sad face as they rise in a happy one.

[loquax]

When I was a child I vivdly remember the corners of my mouth being wrenched down by some muscles out of my control when I was feeling sad - particularly emotionally sad. I think its a common reflex.

But I think I can safely say that a "frown" just doesn't cut it for a replacement. You frown when you are confused. You frown when you disapprove of something. Heck, you frown when you're interested in something. You can frown when you're sad, but I would have thought that out of every ten frowns, only one would be a "sad" one.

[Titus Raylake]

Well, the basic rule is not to use another word if "said" will work. An amateur writer will try to reach for every variation of the word said that is possible, and it can be quite irritating for other people to read. Using "replied" is fine, but only if a character is actually responding to the dialogue of another person. It is okay to say, for example, he shouted or he bellowed if the character absolutely shouts or bellows.

Of course, there are some authors that do not follow this rule and still get published. But, there are some people who get six and seven figure advances. Publishing is an unpredictable business.

[Ray Dillon]

"I like to be creative at times," Ray added.

He paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, then continued, "But I don't want to go overboard."

"Though, I do get so tired of seeing 'said' on every line," he groaned. "It's just so monotonous."

"Sometimes, you gotta mix it up," said Ray.

"And suh--sometimes, be puh--playful," sputtered the Dillon boy. "But, you don't want to sound like you're trying too hard."

"That is all." Ray walked away humming a jingle his dog taught him.

[WannabeWriter]

"Yeah, that's amateurish writing," said WannabeWriter. :D

[maestrowork]

"said" is supposed to be "invisible." As soon as you established the speaking order, you just drop the he said/she said tags. You can sprinkle some action in between if it makes sense. The idea of dialogue is to focus on "what's being said." If the emotions are not coming through without the bellowing, yelling, crying, smiling, winking... (I'm still trying to figure out how to groan a speech...) then your dialogue is weak.

There are exceptions, of course. There are times when you must convey certain things that the situation and dialogue can't be clear, or how something is said betrays what's being said. For example, when the character is whispering or doing something out of ordinary:

"What's the matter?" she said.
He tilted his head. "Shh, be quiet."
"Why are you whispering?" she said under her breath.
"Because someone is listening..."

In this case, hopefully it's clear that both characters are whispering, but we only mentioned that once in a tag, to make sure the readers know she's whispering, too.

"I hate you. Very much," she whispered.



If you have a 3-way conversation, then the he said/she said would be essential, unless you have three VERY different speech patterns so the readers are not confused.

[GPatten]

There are two books covering this subject that come highly recommended by many here, and other writers forums.

The two books are:

Writing Dialogue, by Tom Chiarella...
And:
Characters and Viewpoint, by Orson Scott Card...

Get them.

I always leave out the tags, when two people are posed as speaking and when it is obvious, who is doing the speaking.

When there are more than two people in the scene, I try to use as few tags as possible, and if I can manage it, to clear up who is doing the speaking, I quote part of a sentence, add a tag in the middle, and then finish the sentence.

He laid his hand on her arm. “Steady, girl,” he said. “You don’t want the alcohol to get up and dance for you.”
- - Characters and Viewpoint, by Orson Scott Card

[Ray Dillon]

(I'm still trying to figure out how to groan a speech...)

When a mom brings up a boy in front of her daughter, and the daughter is embarrassed, the extended "MAA-aa-AHMM!" sound that follows is a "groan." ;)

You wouldn't want it to sound like a regular "Mom!" that could denote anything from "Make Bobby leave me alone!" to "I'm going to be late for school. You wouldn't want to explain that in a bunch of words or spell it out all weird like I did in the first sentence, so using "groaned" gets the point across quickly and effectively.

But, to each his own.

[Ray Dillon]

Oh, and yes, leave out tags as frequently as possible, because the dialogue is more powerful, compelling, and moves faster without them. But, when you do use them, don't be tied down by the rule that you shouldn't get creative with them, but also don't get too wild with them.

That's my point in a nutshell.

[azbikergirl]

"Hissed" is also another verb writers sometimes use for dialog tags, including me (albeit VERY sparingly). While most words cannot be hissed, if the reader engages his imagination a teensy bit, he might be able to imagine the word being forced out between gritted teeth, and perhaps a little bit of a hissing sound can be heard along with the word.

[P.H.Delarran]

- what's the word for the opposite of a smile? Not a frown - that's with the eyebrows. I mean when the corners of your mouth go down as opposed to up.
A pout? Scowl? Grimace? Sulk? :idea:

[Ray Dillon]

"Hissed" is also another verb writers sometimes use for dialog tags, including me (albeit VERY sparingly). While most words cannot be hissed, if the reader engages his imagination a teensy bit, he might be able to imagine the word being forced out between gritted teeth, and perhaps a little bit of a hissing sound can be heard along with the word.
Yeah, I like that one.


That's also funny about the "frown," loquax. I had never thought of that before.

[Cathy C]

"Hissed" is also another verb writers sometimes use for dialog tags, including me (albeit VERY sparingly). While most words cannot be hissed, if the reader engages his imagination a teensy bit, he might be able to imagine the word being forced out between gritted teeth, and perhaps a little bit of a hissing sound can be heard along with the word.

My characters hiss all the time, but then again, they're shapeshifter snakes--- ;) Of course, I make sssure to draw out the "s" to ensssure that the reader underssstandsss that they hiss when they get angry.

[maestrowork]

I've always wanted to write:

"He's mean," she grrrrrrred.

But my editor wouldn't allow me. Darn!

[GPatten]

Just like people smile with their whole faces, so do they frown with their whole faces. However, I consider the frown to be mostly mouth-oriented, whereas a scowl is mostly eyebrow-oriented.


I’ve been told to avoid the words shout, whisper, softly said...

So, if I replace whisper, or spoke softly with:

She leaned closer to him, cupped her hand near his ear, and said, “...

What ya all think of my effort on handling this one?

-----------------------------

As two of the intruders opened her bedroom door, she peeked out at them from behind the closet door and saw the fire and hatred in their eyes as they reached for the light switch and looked in. They hadn’t discovered her hiding.

Her eyes widened, her heart slammed hard against her chest. Her eyelids and lips brushed the closet door as her lips formed the words, “Israeli forces!”

-----------------------------

Does that sound okay?

[victoriastrauss]

Oh, and yes, leave out tags as frequently as possible, because the dialogue is more powerful, compelling, and moves faster without them.It's possible to go overboard at either end of the spectrum. I'm reading a book right now (a pretty good book, too) where it's often really hard to tell who's speaking in the many two-person conversations, because the writer seems to be allergic to speech tags. In several places, I've had to count back to an action tag to sort out who is saying what. A small annoyance, but if I'd been this guy's editor, I'd definitely have called it to his attention.

- Victoria

[JANE007]

I'm glad you posted this subject. I was just wondering the same thing. I have 105 pages written so far and upon reading it over a few times I started to notice quite a few unnecessary "said" tags. I think I am going to remove them, unless there are more than two characters in dialogue.

Good advice!!

[Mistook]

Even with three or four characters having a conversation, you can have one character cue another. The line to follow wouldn't need a tag because it's obvious who's got the floor. You don't need another tag until a third character pipes up again.


Marty looked at Jim. "Weren't you on the train when all this happened?"
"No, I missed the train actually."
"What did you do? Come home?"
"No, I caught the next one."
Jill said, "Marty, I don't see how this matters?"
"Well if Jim wasn't on the 5:14, and he wasn't back in Lockport, then... Felix, you must be lying to us about having seen Jim!"
"How dare you? Why would I lie!"

[Jamesaritchie]

I’ve been told to avoid the words shout, whisper, softly said...

So, if I replace whisper, or spoke softly with:

She leaned closer to him, cupped her hand near his ear, and said, “...

What ya all think of my effort on handling this one?

-----------------------------

As two of the intruders opened her bedroom door, she peeked out at them from behind the closet door and saw the fire and hatred in their eyes as they reached for the light switch and looked in. They hadn’t discovered her hiding.

Her eyes widened, her heart slammed hard against her chest. Her eyelids and lips brushed the closet door as her lips formed the words, “Israeli forces!”

-----------------------------

Does that sound okay?

You can even leave off the "said," in this instance.
She leaned closer to him, cupped her hand near his ear. ". . ." The reader will know she said something because of the quotation marks, and by reading what she said. The reader will also know she whispered it because she leaned close and cupped her hand near his ear.

[Birol]

It's possible to go overboard at either end of the spectrum. I'm reading a book right now (a pretty good book, too) where it's often really hard to tell who's speaking in the many two-person conversations, because the writer seems to be allergic to speech tags. In several places, I've had to count back to an action tag to sort out who is saying what. A small annoyance, but if I'd been this guy's editor, I'd definitely have called it to his attention.

- Victoria

I'm struggling with this allergy right now, Victoria. Like most writers starting out, I worked hard to eliminate the use of unnecessary dialogue tags in my writing. Apparently, I worked a little too hard. My very wise and wonderful writing group has kindly pointed out that just because I can hear the characters' voices in my head, doesn't mean they can.

I am now working hard to achieve a happy medium.

[ChunkyC]

Personally, I don't mind reading a book with the occasional 'whispered' or 'bellowed.' If this is very sparingly used, and directly reflects a way of speaking other than normal conversation, then it can add a little spice to the dialogue."Who the hell left their bike in the driveway?" dad bellowed.

Eddie and I cowered under the stairs. "I think he's mad," Eddie whispered.

"Shh!" I said. As soon as I saw the shadow of dad's feet under the closet door, I knew he'd heard us.
In a case like this, the 'bellowed' tag can serve as an indicator of the POV character's mindset, reflecting the image Eddie's brother has of their father: loud and scary. I do try to treat them like hot chili peppers and use very few of them.

[brinkett]

I worked hard to eliminate the use of unnecessary dialogue tags in my writing. Apparently, I worked a little too hard. My very wise and wonderful writing group has kindly pointed out that just because I can hear the characters' voices in my head, doesn't mean they can.
I tried to use dialogue tags sparingly, especially when only two characters were involved, but every time I did, at least one beta reader would say they lost track of who was speaking. So I don't go very long without tagging a line of dialogue--a happy medium, as you said.