Setting the Stage

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TheIT

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They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but how do you convert one to the other? I'm having trouble moving my characters from place to place.

Let's say Fred opens a door and walks into a room. He's confronted by a visual image, but I, the author, need to sort it out into enough information to tell the reader what's important. What floors me is trying to decide what to describe first. The size of the room, the decor, the furniture? If there are people there, which ones come first? The less important characters, or the most important? How much description is necessary?
 

cwfgal

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Role play. Put yourself inside the head of the character entering the room with his or her worries, motivations, feelings, issues, etc. What would be the first thing you would notice? (And it doesn't have to be something visual.) What would be the most important thing to you? How would you react?

I think most people would focus first on the people in the room unless there is some monumental item or sensation that would overpower that. But it really depends on everything that came before, everything leading up to that moment.

Beth
 

azbikergirl

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The one thing I don't like doing is to stop the forward motion of the story to describe setting in a static way. When possible, I have my characters interact with the setting as they go about their business, and use their actions to paint the scene.

As a reader, I don't care about the lovely flowers in the funeral parlor or how they're arranged; I care about what effect they have on the grieving widow. If they have no effect, I'd rather someone knock over a vase than to have the action freeze while the camera pans the room.
 

Garpy

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its down to your writing style. Personally I'll only describe what's neccessary, and ONLY when it's neccessary.

Using your example I might describe the room in one sentence (eg: 'the meeting hall was large and ornately decorated, with flock wall paper that curiously reminded John of the Taj Mahal')....then, I might mention it was crowded with people, but only describe any one of them if they happen to interect with the principle character.

It's about keeping the story going forward....if you stand still too long describing something, then you'll begin to stall.....a bit like flying a plane I guess, if you slow down too much, you'll plummet. Obviously there are always execeptions....I might describe in detail a really important character, object or location, but MY general rule is to describe something ONLY WHEN it becomes a participant in the story, and then, only briefly.

nb: I should mention I used to write screenplays...so this is definatley a stylistic hangover from that.
 

Andrew Jameson

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azbikergirl said:
The one thing I don't like doing is to stop the forward motion of the story to describe setting in a static way. When possible, I have my characters interact with the setting as they go about their business, and use their actions to paint the scene.
I think, though, that this is subject to the roleplaying that cwfgal mentions.

What I mean is, if your character is unfamiliar with the room in question, or has some other *reason* to look around, a block of description might be entirely appropriate. Examples: Franklin J. Tourist, fresh off the plane, steps into the lobby of the Grand Hotel. Or John Whitecollar is called into his boss's office and finds eight people waiting for him. Or Carleton Squarejaw returns home to find his front door ominously ajar.

The character's reactions (and thus awareness of their surroundings!) in these situations will be much different than their reactions would be if, say, Franklin has been staying in the Grand Hotel for a month. Or John is holding a conversation with his boss as he steps through the door. Or Carleton's door is still locked.
 

NeuroFizz

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Don't limit your focus to vision (pun intended). Use all of the senses. But you have to decide whether the scene requires a tight POV (intimate thoughts, actions, and reactions of the POV character), or one with a little distance (more general impressions).
 

Jaycinth

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TheIT said:
Let's say Fred opens a door and walks into a room. He's confronted by a visual image, but I, the author, need to sort it out into enough information to tell the reader what's important. What floors me is trying to decide what to describe first. The size of the room, the decor, the furniture? If there are people there, which ones come first? The less important characters, or the most important? How much description is necessary?

Instead of asking 'what if' and 'can I' , why don't you put it out there (here)?

In my mind diferent scenes need different levels of description. If the widow is grieving, she'd look at the flowers. If the sexy ex girlfriend is sitting in a nearby chair, she'd likely ignore the flowers and watch the widow. ( I am REALLY not awake. Maybe I don't make sense, ummm?) Why don't you post a 500 -1000 word excerpt of the scene you are working on and get a descriptive crit on it.

That does it, I gotta have more coffee.:Coffee:
 

zornhau

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If protag is a soldier, they see bad guys, hard and soft cover, exit points etc...

If an interior designer: colour scheme, flowers, carpets...

If a CSI... and so on.
 

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zornhau said:
If protag is a soldier, they see bad guys, hard and soft cover, exit points etc...

If an interior designer: colour scheme, flowers, carpets...

If a CSI... and so on.

I'll go a little farther: you are writing from a pov. What your pov character is struck by helps to build characterization. As s/he interacts with the scene, other details become important. Description is an ideal tool to build tension and develop character. Sensory input is important but don't forget emotional context. What and how the pov remarks on is a valuable tool, and strong and apt similes help to build that emotional context without slowing things down.
 

reph

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Example of sensory and emotional content, inseparably mixed: The movie Iris showed Iris Murdoch's home in increasing states of messiness as her mind deteriorated and her husband had a harder time taking care of her. I remember a shot in the kitchen with a chaotic jumble of utensils and a food spill on the counter.
 

TheIT

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Thanks, this helps. I don't have a specific example in mind, though I will look around and try to post one. It's a general problem for me. I always want to jump forward and write the dialogue or action, so my characters are left wandering around a blank page. Eventually I figure out words to describe the place but it's like pulling teeth.

I agree, describing something for the sake of a pretty description usually doesn't help the story, and yes, more than vision should be involved. Description should be included for a purpose. I think that's part of the reason description is difficult for me. Unless I can see the purpose behind it, I can't think of anything to say. My WIP is in the fantasy genre, so I've got the added burden of world-building.

I like the role-playing idea. If I've already walked through the scene in my head, it's a lot easier to write it down.
 

Maryn

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It's not a lot to contribute, but one thing that works for many is to select a single aspect of the room/setting which is representative of the whole, and describe only that. This lets the reader fill in what else must be there, usually with enough accuracy for the story to go on. If I say the smell of new leather assaulted my hero a long second before he saw the sofa and matching loveseat, the reader's eye will fill in a nicely furnished room. If I mention that the hero knocks gently on the trailer's screen door, fearful of breaking through the rust, the reader envisions a decrepit place.

Of course, if setting is important because you're world building, you will have to be very selective and probably do a bit more explaining, but the method will probably still work.

Maryn
 

MarkPettus

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zornhau said:
If protag is a soldier, they see bad guys, hard and soft cover, exit points etc...

If an interior designer: colour scheme, flowers, carpets...

If a CSI... and so on.

I had this long, well thought out post ready to submit... and the electricity went off... many thanks to the tormented Ophelia.

Short version: Watch Terrence Malick's film version of James Jones's The Thin Red Line, and remember the scenes where there is no dialogue. In one scene, a naked native tribesman walks past a column of war weary soldiers headed the opposite direction. This old man walking through the beautiful flora of his island home does more to point up the soldier's feelings about the absurdity of war than pages of dialogue could have.

Does this answer your question? I don't know. Others have suggested seeing the world through your character's eyes. I recommend the same, but if you want to lift your writing to another level-- remember that your characters are whole human beings. Let your soldier notice the flowers. Fill your characters out, fill them up, tell us about them. If the visual image isn't important enough to write itself; if the setting isn't elemental to the story, then why not use the visual to tell us something about the character?
 

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TheIT said:
Thanks, this helps. I don't have a specific example in mind, though I will look around and try to post one. It's a general problem for me. I always want to jump forward and write the dialogue or action, so my characters are left wandering around a blank page. Eventually I figure out words to describe the place but it's like pulling teeth.

I agree, describing something for the sake of a pretty description usually doesn't help the story, and yes, more than vision should be involved. Description should be included for a purpose. I think that's part of the reason description is difficult for me. Unless I can see the purpose behind it, I can't think of anything to say. My WIP is in the fantasy genre, so I've got the added burden of world-building.

I like the role-playing idea. If I've already walked through the scene in my head, it's a lot easier to write it down.

As a general rule of thumb:

Start with the most obvious things and work down to the details. The size of the room, and it's lighting would come first. If there's a powerful smell, or an obvious sound (music, etc) they can even come before the room is seen. People are probably next highest on the list. If possible associate the people with objects in the room (chairs, tables, whatever).

Leave the smaller details for last and incorporate them with the POV character's action.

Whatever you do, don't start with the salt shaker and work out to the room in full.

Just sketch what's important for the reader to get the picture. Leave whatever you can to the imagination, and get into the dialogue quickly. You can always add to the scene with more details after the dialogue is underway.
 

maestrowork

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Imagine yourself as your character, set in motion, and you have a story to tell but you also need to tell your blind "friend" where you are. What would you tell him? It's not so much what you/character "notice." Remember, you have an audience. How do you get them into your movie.

How much detail? Depends on pace, the uniqueness of the setting (if it's a bar, just say it's a bar and move on unless there's something unique about it), and relevance. Don't tell the readers what they don't need to know. If they need to know something, give them vivid details in terms of the five senses.

(yeah, don't stop and describe things in details for more than a few sentences... if you must describe the whole room, have the character(s) move around, touching things, smelling, listening...) Always create movement.
 

zornhau

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Description has more impact if it has implications. Something like...
Ranulph ducked and edged into the cottage, careful not to trip on the bits of broken furniture underfoot. Quietly, he switched his left hand to Steelcutter's blade. He grimaced - no room to wield a greatsword properly in this cramped hovel. Half sword would have to do.
 

TheIT

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Thanks for the advice so far. I found a section to post for a critique (around 900 words). This is my first post of my work. I wrote this part so long ago and have read it so often the words seemed etched in granite. Maybe posting will help shake them loose.

A little background: Marvin, the POV character, has just arrived in the city to become Lord Gideon Kestoney's squire. Gideon, also known as Master Gideon since he's a master mage, has tentatively agreed to the squireship but wants to talk to Marvin first. This scene is Marvin's interview and is set in Master Gideon's library.

-----------------
Homesickness tweaked at Marvin as he stepped into a library rivaling some of the larger chambers of the Archives, but the feeling vanished in his delight. While the Archives called for whispers so as not to disturb the solemnity of the ages, this room called for laughter and elated shouts of discovery. The shelves stretched high to the vaulted ceiling. Most held books, but ancient tomes vied for space with children’s toys and games, scrolls and parchments contended with padlocks and clocks, and every shelf overflowed with a seemingly haphazard jumble of artifacts. If knowledge weighed more than simple paper the shelves would have collapsed by now.

Several worktables held unfinished contraptions, mostly locks and boxes, while a drawing table held stacks of pictures he itched to flip through. Another area devoted to magic had a permanent protection circle inscribed on the floor and shelves packed with magical instruments and mysterious boxes and vials marked with magical runes. He recognized instruments to study the stars and weather but most of the tools were a mystery to him. The peculiar tingle of magic shivered up his arms as he passed. Must be strong magic for him to feel it from several feet away, and he smothered a grin at the thought he might be able to watch the master mage at work creating new and grander illusions.

Everywhere he looked he saw books and light. He heartily approved of the unburning magical candles especially in such a grand library. At Veritas Keep, the archivists woke in cold sweats from nightmares of fire. Perhaps he’d suggest they adopt something similar next time he saw them. Wrote to them, rather. He had to keep reminding himself he wasn’t at Veritas anymore.

A huge desk dominated the corner nearest the fireplace surrounded by enough everglowing candles to make the light thick as daylight. The sides of the desk were carved in an intricate pattern of trees and leaves, a flat topped forest surmounted by a haphazard layer of scrolls and parchments and writing materials. A porcelain teapot and teacup delicately painted with leaves rested on a small table out of spilling distance of the papers but within easy reach of the desk’s occupant. Master Gideon sat behind the desk in an overstuffed tall backed armchair that had seen better days. The green brocade still showed hints of a leaf pattern but the arms were worn smooth from years of use and some of the seams showed signs of mending.

Master Gideon absently waved Marvin to the armless wooden chair planted in front of the desk while he continued to read Marvin’s letter of introduction, scanning the pages as if wringing nuance from each pen stroke. Marvin gingerly sat down, trying not to let the clatter of his chain mail disturb the mage’s concentration, but for all the notice Master Gideon gave him he might as well not have been in the room. Marvin tried to find some hint of Uncle Gideon in the man sitting before him but even the brief hint of warmth he had shown in the kitchen had vanished like a memory.

The edge of the chair dug into the backs of his legs as he clenched his hands in his lap. The conversation he was about to have would decide his future. His fate. His destiny. He forced himself to relax before he toppled the chair over. So much for calm. Right now, right here, this was the test. ArmsMaster Fiske’s words ran through his mind. When the only thing between you and death is a piece of steel, be very certain that steel contains no hidden flaws before you put your faith in it. Marvin wasn’t steel but he was still a weapon, a living weapon trained to use steel and honed to obey, and before his liege lord could put faith in him he had to prove he contained no hidden flaws. Duty demanded he be tested. Was he ready? Of course he was ready, Father wouldn’t have sent him if he wasn’t ready. He was Marvinistral Tarrandel and he was as ready as his teachers could make him.

Decided, he let his gaze wander while he waited for Master Gideon to grant him his attention. He tried counting the number of books on the shelves but kept losing track. An enormous collection of keys hung from hooks over the fireplace. Perhaps they opened locks here at MapleSea, though he could hardly imagine any building needing so many locks. The window on the other side of the desk showed a lovely view of the fountain filled with red roses and the path twining into the trees, very convenient for Master Gideon to watch for visitors from the comfort of his desk.

As his gaze wandered back to the shelves to figure out if the stuffed owl was actually breathing, he realized Master Gideon was staring at him. Father’s letter rested on the papers on top of the desk, while the mage lounged in his chair with hands clasped over his chest waiting like a cat eyeing a particularly juicy mouse and considering the perfect spot to strike, a pose Marvin recognized from across a myriad of game boards at Veritas. He had no idea how long he’d kept his potential liege lord waiting due to his inattention and was trying to frame an apology when Master Gideon spoke.

“Let me guess,” he said, his deep voice holding a trace of humor. “Your first question is whether I've read all these books.”
==================
 

NeuroFizz

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TheIT said:
Homesickness tweaked at Marvin as he stepped into a library rivaling some of the larger chambers of the Archives, but the feeling vanished in his delight.
==================

Without your overall plan for the scene, it's difficult to go after this, but here's a little of what I got on a quick read. Your POV is fairly distant, like a film scene in which the camera is shooting from a distance. The description is precise, but distant. If that's what you intended, you succeeded. If you want to tighten up the POV (come in for a close shot), the physical description has to be accompanied by inclusion of the emotional reactions and feelings of the character. To do this, you want to start with all the senses. What is the lighting like? Does it remind the character of anything? Does it fill that character with any specific emotion? Fear? Dread? Familiarity? Show it through the character's actions and reactions. What does the place smell like? Does that dredge up any feelings from the character? Get us inside that person's head, inside that person's emotional centers. It all has to happen in chronological order, too. Sensory detection - reaction (physical) - reaction (emotional). The reader should be experiencing the setting right along with the character.

Is a tight POV necessary? No. Some scenes are better with some distance. So, that's the first thing you have to decide - how tight do you want your POV. Then, go for it. Even with a distant POV, however, you want the reader to experience what your character sees, smells, tastes, feels.

"Homesickness tweaked at Marvin . . ." There is your springboard. Right now, it's almost as if Marvin is walking through the room with a tape recorder in his hand, spitting out an inventory of what's in the room. To start, don't tell the reader that homesickness tweaked Marvin. Use all the sensory cues and the emotions they evoke to make the reader feel his homesickness. Did his father have a book-filled room that had the same smell? Did something in the room remind him of his mother? His room at home? Did anything remind him of the security of his past? Run with it.

I hope this makes sense. Chime in, everyone else, if I'm being dense.
 
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Andrew Jameson

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We-e-e-e-e-ll, I dunno. I agree the viewpoint is somewhat distant, but some of Marvin's thoughts and feelings are interspersed with the description (e.g., "Must be strong magic for him to feel it from several feet away", "Perhaps he’d suggest they adopt something similar...", and so forth). There's a quite natural flow between Marvin's thoughts and the description. Certainly the POV could be tighter, but different scenes require different levels of warmth, if only for contrast.

My thought is that the description here is written fairly appropriately for the scene--Marvin walks into a nifty room and thinks "Hey, lookit that! And that! That reminds me of such-and-such! And there's t'other thing!" And so forth and so on.)

My diffident critiques would be:
a) Agree with NeuroFizz that a bit more emotion--explanation of the homesickness, for example--might work better.
b) I note you're relying on strictly visual description. I would think that such a detailed description (especially with the homesickness!) would include more crinkling pages and ringing of heels on the flagstones and smell of musty tomes and feel of smooth wainscoting.
c) However, those things notwithstanding, I really think there's just. Too. Much. Description. Two or three paragraphs is a lot. You've got seven (!), plus a paragraph of internal musing, all fairly beefy, where the only thing that happens is that Gideon waves. You're doing photorealism, where you should be doing Impressionism (pardon the artistic allusion). I, personally, would go back through and slash the descriptors down to a minimum. If you were describing one thing only (say the worktables: paragraph 2) then I'd think you've got the right amount of description, but for the whole room you need to pick out just a few details.

(Note that this is the opinion of someone who's never sold a novel in his life, so take it for what it's worth. I'm more than happy to concede to someone with more experience.)6:25 PM 9/9/2005
 

TheIT

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Thanks for the comments. Agreed, it's too much description. Believe it or not, this is the pared down version. I have trouble sorting out which bits to keep, and if I come up with a nice phrase it's painful to let it go.

Anyway. This excerpt comes after the reader has been in Marvin's POV for a while. So far he's been excited about meeting Gideon, but now the reality is setting in which is where the sudden homesickness comes from. Marvin thinks he's on a grand adventure. Gideon is about to shake his world view. The rest of the scene is dialogue between them and is tight POV inside Marvin's head. My intent was to set the stage from a distance then focus in on Marvin's quandry.

I'm revising how this entire section will work to have more action. The rest of what I have written is much too dialogue heavy. The new version will spread it around as well as be a lot more emotional.

A couple of the things Marvin notices will be significant later in the scene (the worktables, the drawing table, and the window). When he enters, should he notice them because they'll be important later, or should he notice something different? I want to convey the vast scope of the library.

P.S. I'm also unpublished. Any and all comments are appreciated.
 

Andrew Jameson

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TheIT said:
A couple of the things Marvin notices will be significant later in the scene (the worktables, the drawing table, and the window). When he enters, should he notice them because they'll be important later, or should he notice something different? I want to convey the vast scope of the library.
I would mention them in passing when Marvin enters, and then with more detail when they become important. That way their existance isn't a surprise to the reader, and yet you're not obligated to include all the description up front.

For example, up front you could mention the window in passing ("Master Gideon sat behind the desk in a dingy overstuffed armchair, silhouetted in the window behind him.") and then mention it in more detail later ("'See that window, boy?' Gideon jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the window behind him. The window framed a lovely view of the fountain filled with red roses and the path twining into the trees. 'I can see anyone coming from the comfort of my desk. Very convenient.'")
 

NeuroFizz

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Hi, TheIT

Just a final word from me. The advice is solid all around. Here's a (good?) way to put it all together. Take all of the features of the setting that will be important later, and all of the features that contribute to the mood you are trying to set. Now, eliminate all other description, unless you have a really good reason to keep it. Look at each thing left and see if you can spin it so it makes an emotional impact on your character such that it shows his homesickness and/or highlights the intended mood of this part of the scene (e.g. foreboding if that's how you want the reader to feel going into the rest of the scene). If you keep to it--make every part of the scene count in some way--you've tightened this part of the scene, zeroed in the POV by showing the character's emotional reaction to the setting, and set the tone for the rest of the scene. A good recipe?
 
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