My boyscout curses...

Okay, so a bit of an odd thread that probably technically doesn't fit in this section, but I just wanted y'all's opinion on this.

I'm writing a book of indeterminate genre that I like to think of as action/adventure. Think comic book in novel form. So here's the dilemma.

I've got a character, my lead superhero, who is lovingly (read: somewhat sarcastically) referred to as "the boyscout" because he's such a goody-two-shoes type. Think Captain America or Superman. That kind of boyscout. Really believes in good, human nature is not necessarily corrupt, save the little guy, all that jazz.

Thing is, he also tends to curse when he gets frustrated. He's not dropping f-bombs all over the place, but he has already said a few things that I admit took me a bit by surprise. I've got a big scene coming up where he's betrayed/angry/devastated and he's telling the guy responsible to get out of his sight.

I could obviously go with, "Get out of my sight!" but "I want you out of my fucking sight" seems so much more right.

I guess my concern is that it won't work from a reader's perspective and will either look out of character or make him come across as not as much of a "good boy" as I'm going for. In my mind, it's mostly that there's more to him than that. As a reader, would it strike you as odd? It's a bit compounded because my narrator doesn't actually use much harsh language. Might toss a shit or bitch out there sometimes, but he's definitely not what I'd call a potty mouth.

Opinions would be valued

Haha, the Captain America thing is a bit different, but I've got a couple of other comic book friends who consider those two the quintessential boyscouts in the comic book world, basically.* Yes, both do things decidedly unboyscout at times, but generally speaking the description fits. And goody-two-shoes is a bit of an exaggeration for my guy as well. More how he's perceived by outsiders than who he actually is. He's too nice.


*should clarify that I've actually read very little Captain America. Superman's another story, though.

DocBrown said:

Give the boy scout some sort of "swear jar" (like each swear word gets him a day at the soup kitchen, or something far more clever) and have him chastise himself over it.

The more it bothers him the more boy scouty he will be.

Click to expand...

This is a good idea. It's something I could see him having. I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I could see it.

I think the only thing that makes me question it is that I don't think his swearing bothers him that much. He doesn't do it on a regular basis, and he doesn't see himself as the kind of boyscout everyone else sees him as. He holds himself to high standards, but they're standards involving helping people. He'd not say anything in public or around children that he would consider a bad example, but outside of that I don't think it would even occur to him to care.

I'm kinda rambly, but does that make sense? I guess that's what I mean when I say to me there's more to him.


Lol, Stan. He walks through walls. Though that thought alone amuses the heck out of me.

Well, the audience I would anticipate reading this would probably not mind a little cursing. I'm not particularly worried about offending a reader. I have other characters in the story (hell, the bad guy in the opening scene) who are much, much worse. It's more a matter of how the character is perceived by the reader.

To me, he's a complicated guy and there's more to him than fitting a particular stereotype. I'd like that to come across, but he also is someone that those around him tend to make assumptions about.

Like...okay maybe y'all wouldn't agree with this because you've listened to me talk, but I've had many friends over the years be completely shocked when I make a dirty joke or curse because I tend to come off as more the sweet and innocent type. That's kind of how this guy is. People see him and a lot of them kind of put this sweet and innocent motif on him more than is actually true. I think that's perfectly okay, and I'd hope that the reader would recognize that there's some depth to him and that he's more than just the stereotype.

The two reasons I wonder about this is because a) I don't want readers to see something like that and have it read as so out-of-character that they see it as a fault and me not doing a good job as a writer (again, I'd hope the depth would come off instead), and b) that I might end up showing him not sweet and innocent too much and lose that impression of him as well. Basically he really is about the most straight and narrow moral guy you could find, but there's more to him than all this. Even my narrator doesn't figure all that out until the end, though.

Btw, I'm not making a point of him swearing. It's just something he does sometimes. I just don't know if it would stand out to a reader because he's doing it.

I guess it might be something I just have to wait and see what beta readers have to say over it, huh?

Lol. You've got the naughty boyscout variety. I use frak myself, but I can't really write that one into my story. Though Dale almost got to say it. I seriously considered it.

Lol, that doesn't quite work lol, but it's an amusing picture. Anyway I'm not sure I get what you mean by linking it to something innocuous. He's using it in an extreme situation when he's highly emotional. This is a normal guy. A normal guy who is stressed out beyond most people's level of functioning who constantly puts everyone else's needs above his own only to see it come back and backfire on him time and again. He's someone who tries to please everyone and save everyone and it just can't be done. But he's still a person.

Ruv:

1. I know. I'm not a fan of gratuitous swearing at all and only use it when it's appropriate for the character.

2. But why should he have to pay a price for it? It isn't supposed to necessarily be meaningful or anything. It's obvious that he's upset and angry and hurt (well, I hope). I don't really want to draw attention to it at all. To me it's just something he does and there isn't consequence because he's not going to be doing this at a children's hospital or something like that. My concern is mostly whether a reader would find it incongruous. It isn't, but I've changed things before because the reader wouldn't understand why the character would do something yet and it screwed with suspension of disbelief.

3. I used it in a quote from a particular character and didn't say it myself. I might have somewhere (I know I did once, then promptly edited it out), but in my mind there's a bit of a difference between throwing around a word like that on my own and giving the line my character is saying. Maybe that isn't a distinction that makes sense to anyone else, but I am not someone to toss words like that around lightly myself. My thought is that we're all mature enough to discuss a word that we hear often, and I apologize if I offended anyone with it.

It's not hanging up my writing. I'm going on in the scene just fine. It was just something that occurred to me yesterday as I was going through the scene and I just wondered what people thought about it. It's not a huge problem or anything. I'm probably going to leave it in just because it fits the character and then see what people say when it's finished. I was just curious and thought hey, a whole forum of people who could probably give me perspectives. Cool!

Haha. Actually, ten years ago the first time I ever had to write it into a story ten years ago, I had to go write it in real quick and then scroll down to not look at it. I'd been trained well haha. I'm over it now haha.

I don't really worry about the use of language in that regard. I don't analyze it to that extent. I base my dialogue around what a character would actually say and consider them as real people. I've got one character at the moment who's got an elusive voice, but that has to do more with sentence structure than anything (I want him to talk a bit like a wrestler lol). But yeah, I just go with what sounds right to me.

Actually, that's my general "rule" when writing. I so don't go through and analyze and look at rules or anything of that sort. I just write. I might pay more attention to it when I edit, but in terms of writing I just let it come out. I think I've got an innate enough understanding of what works and what doesn't that it tends to be okay most of the time. Then I can try to fix things that aren't when I revise.