sick of using the word as

wrombola · May 17, 2010

I am quickly getting sick of using the word as. I need a good replacement. For example, the pied piper clung fiercely to the rope as the herd of turtles gnawed at his shoe.
while seems to work anything else?

CaroGirl · May 17, 2010

As far as I'm concerned, "as" is wrong here. The correct word is "while." People often use "as" as a synonym for "while," "since" and "because." Using the right word for the right circumstance will limit your use of as.

Also, to avoid that construction altogether, you could make it two sentences or use a semicolon.

Lydia Sharp · May 17, 2010

CaroGirl is correct about using the word "while" in that sentence.

Like anything else, that pesky little word can get annoying when overused. It's not just something you can always replace with another word, though. Learn to love rewrites.

wrombola · May 17, 2010

Thanks Caro girl that makes some sense. I guess I am a little afraid of misusing semicolons so I lean on that word too much.

Lady Ice · May 17, 2010

wrombola said:
I am quickly getting sick of using the word as. I need a good replacement. For example, the pied piper clung fiercely to the rope as the herd of turtles gnawed at his shoe.
while seems to work anything else?

'As' sounds like 'because' in this sentence.

thothguard51 · May 17, 2010

"AS" is also rather passive in many cases... especially when used with, "as if." This is the combo that annoys me the most because it is not definitive in what it states, or means. It's like the author is unsure and if they are unsure, then how am I the reader to know for sure...

dgiharris · May 17, 2010

All writers have crutch words and phrases--especially when we are just starting out.

You'd be amazed how you can improve your writing once you make the conscious decision to NOT use a certain word.

Of course, I have my crutch words and whenever I use them a flag goes up inside my head. I'm hyper sensitive to them and try to avoid them, even to the point of setting limits (i.e. I can use them once per page or something like that).

As an exercise, try writing a 1,500 word short storty with the constraint that you can only use 'as' three times.

Mel...

Linda Adams · May 17, 2010

Actually, it isn't about replacing the word as--it's revising the sentence in such a way that the word isn't necessary. That can take quite a bit of effort, and it is harder than it looks because you have to really think about it. I've been experimenting a bit with E-Prime (eliminating to-be words)--just eliminating one word (was), and only in the narrative. Since the word can't be changed to another word, I'm forced to look at the sentence and either revise it--sometimes quite drastically--or delete it.

If you want Word to flag 'as' for you--though it may drive you crazy--just set the autocorrect to capitalize it. If you do a search and replace, you must put a space before and after or you will have "as" in the middle of other words (i.e, mASh) highlighted.

blacbird · May 17, 2010

One way to cut down on its use is to be careful about describing simultaneous events, or events that seem to be simultaneous but may actually be sequential. Linda Adams' advice above is apt.

caw

dgiharris · May 17, 2010

Linda Adams said:
Actually, it isn't about replacing the word as--it's revising the sentence in such a way that the word isn't necessary. ....

Completely agree and was what I was indirectly implying.

When you ban a word, then you have to rethink how you are going to convey that thought. If there is an equivalent word, then sure, you use that word. But eventually, even that fails to work and thus you need to think about different means/ways to convey that thought. This will eventually lead to you reorganizing the thought and or realizing new sentences and structures.

Mel...

NeuroFizz · May 17, 2010

blacbird said:
One way to cut down on its use is to be careful about describing simultaneous events, or events that seem to be simultaneous but may actually be sequential. Linda Adams' advice above is apt.

caw

This is important because the temporal sequence of events is critical. Sometimes inexperienced writers use as to link together a stimulus and a response, which is ignoring that temporal relationship.

Dave jumped as the door slammed. (this kind of construction has appeared in some offerings in SYW)

The door has to slam before Dave jumps since the former is the stimulus and the latter is the response. The reader should read things in proper temporal sequence (exceptions may exist).

wrombola · May 17, 2010

thanks for the suggestions, you folks are a big help . I think my overuse began while I was trying to tighten up my MS and chop off 50,000 words. I ended up trying to condense my description of events and began to use it as a crutch. I will try revising the sentence structure and see if that works.

Bufty · May 17, 2010

It will work. No mistake about that.

'As' is one of those weasel words that spreads like a weed if not rooted out. NeuroFizz has already pointed out that its careless use also invariably screws up the sequence of cause and effect in the relative sentence.

Using 'while' can also cause sentences to become unduly long.

wrombola · May 18, 2010

I tried using the auto correct trick, its definitely working. I'm still trying to figure out if Word has an auto correct option that would allow me to hook up some sort gizmo that could administer an electric shock every time I use as in a sentence. Perhaps accompanied by some sad minor key theme music or Homer Simpson saying Doh!

bonitakale · May 18, 2010

NeuroFizz said:
This is important because the temporal sequence of events is critical. Sometimes inexperienced writers use as to link together a stimulus and a response, which is ignoring that temporal relationship.

Dave jumped as the door slammed. (this kind of construction has appeared in some offerings in SYW)

The door has to slam before Dave jumps since the former is the stimulus and the latter is the response. The reader should read things in proper temporal sequence (exceptions may exist).

What he said. Memorize it.

"She sang as she walked through the woods," is fine. "She screamed as she saw a bear," isn't, and it can pull the reader right out of the story.

Matera the Mad · May 18, 2010

As the fizz said, "as" is a lazy habit. There are better ways to construct sentences.

I fuckin' HATE AS.

sick of using the word as

wrombola

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Lydia Sharp

for the love of love

wrombola

Lady Ice

Makes useful distinctions

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

dgiharris

Disgruntled Scientist

Linda Adams

Soldier, Storyteller

blacbird

dgiharris

Disgruntled Scientist

NeuroFizz

The grad students did it

wrombola

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

wrombola

bonitakale

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint