Transitions

One option:

Use an action paragraph to describe the woman on the floor.

Use a second action paragraph to mention that there is a photograph in the background, and describe the scenic view.

Next, is a scene headline using the location of where the photograph was taken.

In the action paragraph that follows, use the exact words I used before to describe the location. Or, just mention that it is the same location. My preferable choice would be to use the exact words I used for the description.

A woman lies on ground. Clutched in her hand is...

CLOSE ON: A photograph of a young girl at an amusement park. She smiles as she holds a red balloon.

(Right justified) MATCH CUT (or DISSOLVE) TO:

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY

The young girl lets go on the balloon and cries.

Match cuts

are wonderful things.

They work great with images and sounds.

Wow.

Look at all the pretty camera directions!

Everything in moderation and only when needed.

Joe Calabrese said:

Everything in moderation and only when needed.

Click to expand...

But, where is it needed?


A woman's lifeless body lies in the floor. Clutched in her hand is

A PHOTOGRAPH

of a young girl at an amusement park, smiling as she holds a red balloon. The picture seems to come to life as the girl lets go of the balloon...

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - DAY (FLASHBACK)

...and watches as it drifts away into the sky. She cries, helpless, still reaching for the balloon as it disappears over the trees.

I don't know this person's story, characters, plot. I have no idea to whether it is or isn't needed. That is the writer's decision and the reader acceptance or course.

Your way is okay, although I hate flashback in the slug and at a quick first read, the reader may slow down and get confused. Putting a CLOSE ON and MATCH CUT although not needed, does make it very clear and is acceptable by most readers.

But Opti is right. Do not do it for flash or to impress with knowledge of tech. Do it because it tells a story better than if you didn't. Do it for the right reasons and sparingly.

I know discussions such as these are all stylistic in nature and decisions are based on personal preference. There are few "right" and "wrong" ways of doing certain things in scripts (however, they do exist and one should become familiar with them).

However, I'm of the opinion that, 99% of the time, camera directions, "we see," "we hear," etc., are totally unnecessary and that a minislug should be used.

Minislugs are incredibly effective and often underused by new writers.

Learn the way of the minislug.

Embrace the minislug.

Love the minislug.

It will love you back.

Trust me.

I agree with optimus but I would use an INSERT - PHOTOGRAPH as that often has a BACK TO SCENE heading afterwards and draws attention to closeups and I like to fill up pages as much as I can. .

This is one of those instances where you could do it a variety of ways and as long as the reader sees it clearly, gets sucked in, he/she won't care which one you went with. Sure, some readers hate this and some hate that (tech stuff), but if the story is good and it fits, they will forgive these kinda of things.

Joe what do you think about inserts in general though?

My action film has a few on the speedomter. I know the script breakdown or any other doesn't use any insert on the panels but they also don't use any CLOSE:0n's they just say the needleis at 80mph. I'm trying to fill up my pages as much as I can so for now I have the

INSERT -Speedometer

Needle at 80mph and rising.

BACK TO SCENE

Any thoughts?

Insert is for when you have a scene within a scene, like a party where at one end of the room something is happening while the rest of the party is at the other end.

CLOSE ON: is for when you want to show something close up.

I only use it when I really NEED to show info that can't be shown any other way, or in preparation of a match cut to another scene. Again I emphasize to use sparingly. If I have 2 instances in an entire script, I'm pushing it.

Personally, showing a close up of a speedometer is not needed, especially since the audience can see that the car is going really fast without it.

Unless it is like speed, where if the car hit's 81mph it will blow up, or a ticking time bomb, etc...

Then again, it really needs to add to the story and not feel like filler, which from a few posts back, you seem to have indicated that you do. Fill with story, not filler.

Many new writers have the need to hit that 120 page mark and they always overwrite, way overwrite... It is one of the top signs of a newbie, next to camera directions, bad form, passive voice, etc...

120 is quickly turning to 115 or even 110 in the industry. In fact 115 is already there, just not in many how to books yet. I, as would anyone, would rather read a 105 script that is tight and fast paced and a quick read that to read 120 pages stuffed with filler.

Where, in a play, would you ever have a MATCH CUT or a DISSOLVE TO?

Where, in a play, would you ever have a MATCH CUT or a DISSOLVE TO?

Click to expand...

Ah Optimus - you are assuming that 'play' = 'stage play'. Surely 'play' = 'stage play' OR 'screen play' OR 'tele-play' ??

And on the 'camera directions' argument, here is what somebody else said in a discussion with me over a year ago on this very subject:

A couple of years ago I asked my son Jeb, who at the time was head of production and development for the company that made, among other things, ADAPTATION, how many of the scripts on his desk had shots and how many didn't. He had to get off the phone and count because he hadn't noticed while reading them. All he read for was a good story and good characters. If a script made him keep turning pages that was what mattered to him.

Jeb called me back to say that it was half and half, 25 or so with shots and camera directions and 25 or so without shots. The 25 with shots were all written by known professional writers. The 25 without shots were written by writers who up to that point were amateurs. I repeat: He didn't notice until it was called to his attention. Think about that. -- Larry Brody www.tvwriter.com

Click to expand...

And someone else pointed out ..

When I was taking writing classes the "leave it to the director" thing was pounded into my head but since getting into the business it has never come up again.

Within the hallowed halls of the esteemed corporation for which I have toiled for the past several years nobody has ever talked about whether a script had too many shots in it or imposed on the director. Not even directors.

Click to expand...

Are you suggesting that -"play" no longer refers to "stage play?"

Perhaps all the cool kids are not calling screenplays, "scripts," but simply " 'plays."

Man, I'm so out of the loop.

Mac H. said:

And on the 'camera directions' argument, here is what somebody else said in a discussion with me over a year ago on this very subject:And someone else pointed out ..

Click to expand...

Okay. I'm going to blow this story wide open and some of you are going to feel cheated and abused. There is a conspiracy of lies that have befallen upon you.

The reason "so-called" experts and peers tell you NOT to put in camera directions and other "director's stuff" is because you are like a CHILD in a hardware store.

And like that wide eyed child who sees rows of shiny (and sharp) toys, just itching to touch, new writers use transitions, camera directions and the like as if it is going out of style. They don't know how and when to use it, even if they think they do.

You over do it.

SO....

We tell you not to do it, in hopes that you will only do it a fraction of the time, forcing you to really use them when absolutely necessary.

In time, as you develop into your own and can handle doing it for the right reasons and not because they look shiny and fun.

And in case your wondering, none of you are not ready.

Why?

When you make it into the business with a sale or two and have a rep that sends your work out, then and only then will "they" think you have grown up enough to use them. Until then, "they" will assume you are a newbie and will skip over your script if it has the earmarks of an amateur.

There. I said it. I hope they don't come after me now.

Giving away trade secrets Joe?

Nice knowing you.