Making a more sympathetic MC - in the 1st chapter

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

The question is: how do I do this?

I've created an MC, a teenaged girl who is bright, but failing her grades to fit in with the herd, trying to put on protective colouring in a dysfundctional school. She's generally passive, but shows flashes of temper. She dreams of meeting The One, and of being cool.

The point was to try to create an everygirl, who grows during the Urban fantasy story from passive to taking charge.

Unfortunately my two reviewers for chapter 1 have picked up the same thing. She is not engaging or likeable enough.

What can I do to her so that readers want to carry on with her story?

Dr.Gonzo · May 6, 2010

It depends. You've mentioned her core character, but how does she translate to page? How does she talk? How does she interact? What perspective are you writing in?

Maybe lighten her up... or at least give her a bit of down time on the whole 'I'm about to PMS yo' arse, betch.'

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

Passivity could be one of the reasons, readers want active protaganists.

My initial reaction was 'cliche.' When I was at high school I remember one of the 'cool' kids saying to me: 'why don't you just be normal like us?' to which I responded: 'if normal is being like you, no thanks.'

I've been in contact with these 'friends' through facebook. You can either demonstrate independent thought or be a 'sheep.'

Thank God for being abnormal!

bonitakale · May 6, 2010

If she's generally passive, you may need to start the book at the point where that changes--even if that means you have to go back and fill in later.

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

Dr Gonzo, It's 3rd person, MC's POV.

Maybe I shouldn't have made the first few events in the story so negative and depressing. They show her daydreaming, angry, getting into trouble, hiding, having fun with her friend, more or less in that order.

I didn't realise I'd made her seem all PMS on everyone, but it's not a good day.

GothicAngel, perhaps I should make her a more independent thinker, trying to find her own way, instead of trying and failing to be one of the herd.
Actually, I really like that idea...

shaldna · May 6, 2010

gothicangel said:
My initial reaction was 'cliche.' When I was at high school I remember one of the 'cool' kids saying to me: 'why don't you just be normal like us?' to which I responded: 'if normal is being like you, no thanks.'

Oh I had that. I was independant, opinionated and intelligent, so I sure as hell didn't fit in a school. I was also fat with red hair, which didn't help matters.

The first time I got asked that question by one of the 'cool' kids, I punched him in the face.

No one bothered me much after that.

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

I wonder . . .

How about she starts out trying and failing to be one of the herd, then discovers independent thought is the way to go?

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

shaldna said:
Oh I had that. I was independant, opinionated and intelligent, so I sure as hell didn't fit in a school. I was also fat with red hair, which didn't help matters.

The first time I got asked that question by one of the 'cool' kids, I punched him in the face.

No one bothered me much after that.

Now why didn't I think about that?

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

GothicAngel, that is what I was originally trying for, but it still leaves an unsympathetic passive character in the first chapter to overcome. Not room for much character growth in 2-3000 words.

I was quite like my main character at the same age. In fact I think I've been writing about me. I went to a better school though.

I did push a bully off his chair for sticking a pencil in my arm at junior school. The teacher had just laughed, but after that he separated us. Result! Strangely, the boy decided I was his girlfriend after that, and insisted on walking me home. I was too polite to tell him to F*** off.

Danthia · May 6, 2010

Give her redeeming qualities. In your description, there's nothing there to set her apart or make her any different from other teens.She could be anyone (which was your point as you said) But for readers to like her and want to see if she gets her goal, they need to find something about her to root for, something worth following for 80K words.

Try having her do something in C1 that shows she's a good person, or giving her a voice that makes people want to be her friend and hang around with her, or putting her in some kind of "danger" that will cause readers to worry about her. (or better still, all three)

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

I'm confused.

Are you writing a short story or novel?

Lydia Sharp · May 6, 2010

It's all about character voice, and thrusting her into a situation that will clearly bring out that voice. Most of the qualities you mentioned don't have to be highlighted right away in chapter one, choose one or two to focus on that relate to the inciting incident. It also looks like you're not starting in the right place and/or not starting with any kind of story, just a set up.

dawinsor · May 6, 2010

Consider having her show kindness to someone else, have a self-deprecating sense of humor, be vulnerable on the inside. Maybe despite her issues, she's clearly better than the people around her.

Have you read Blake Snyder's Save the Cat? It's about screen writing, but he talks about making even despicable characters engaging at the start. One example he gives is Pulp Fiction, in which at the start, John Travolta and Samuel Jackson are on their way to kill someone. Tarantino makes them engaging by making them funny.

NeuroFizz · May 6, 2010

A couple of things come to my mind. The character doesn't necessarily have to be likeable or sympathetic. She just has to be interesting to the reader. These can be one and the same, but they can also be very different. A lesson from some of the old pulp detective/crime stories. A despicable character can come off as sympathetic if he/she interacts with people who are worse, so the reader ends up rooting for the MC even though that character is less than a good person.

Second, you have invested time and words in establishing her personality. Have you challenged her yet in the story? Character sympathy or character interest can be ramped up immediately by presenting a significant challenge to that character, so the reader sympathy or interest isn't so much in the character's personality, but in wondering how the character will respond to this major challenge. If the character has less-than-sterling qualities, this can make the challenge even more difficult (and interesting) because the reader will see the possibility of the challenge having the potential to really impact (and change) the character. And if that challenge has an equal potential of changing the character for the worse as for the better, that can create even more reader interest. It goes to the devil on one shoulder, angel on the other type of thing, which can have as much value to a story as the urgency of a ticking clock.

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

Danthia, this sounds like something I can do.

GothicAngel - a novel, but I need to make the MC more likeable in chapter 1.

Lydia, I agree about character voice.

Wiht respect to "setup", I wanted to start the story at the beginning, in the mundane world, with a hint of impending strangeness.

One of the things that I really liked about the Harry Potter series was the way the story started so firmly in the real world and then went off into the weird and wonderful. It wouldn't have worked so well if it had started with the action, and. It made me feel that this sort of adventure could happen to anyone, indeed could be happening right now, in an invisible world around me.

I enjoy that kind of story and wanted to achieve something of that sort.

Maxinquaye · May 6, 2010

What do you mean with "sympathetic"? You want the reader to care for the character, and what happens to her, or do you want the reader to like the character? There's a difference there, and the difference makes all the difference.

You don't necessarily have to make the reader like the character.

For instance, Dexter is a character that the reader is intrigued by, but Dexter is a monster that kills in a frenzy.

I've got two MCs in my finished novels: one is an emotionally cold manipulative and violence prone little sociopath. The other is a sanctimonious little shit that you want to slap twice sideways, and then come back for a rematch.

But even if they are not likeable, the response I get from people is that they actually care for them. And that's the key here. That's what "sympathtic" needs to mean, imho. So go ahead, write your MC as if she's suffering from the PMS Mount St Helens would feel. As long as you make her intriguing, and as long as you make the reader interested and intrigued.

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

Eerily I've just been writing an essay on Death of a Salesman. Can't get more mundane than that.

Sounds to me that you are starting too early.

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

"Consider having her show kindness to someone else, have a self-deprecating sense of humor, be vulnerable on the inside. Maybe despite her issues, she's clearly better than the people around her."

Yes, I'll try that, Dawinsor.

"Have you challenged her yet in the story?"

No, Neurofizz, but there's another possibility - either now or later on.

Maxinquaye, I'd like them to care about the character. I would prefer her not to be entirely nice.

"Sounds to me that you are starting too early." There's a topic for a whole 'nother thread.

dgiharris · May 6, 2010

Unfortunately my two reviewers for chapter 1 have picked up the same thing. She is not engaging or likeable enough.

My gut reaction is that this is a red herring. There are many many MANY books that start off with passive characters who arc into take charge kiss-ass protagonists. So that may not be the problem.

IMO, all you need to do is have something interesting happen to your character.

When I write, I keep one of the AW maxim's in the forefront of my mind. Interesting characters, doing interesting things, in interesting ways.

It is possible to write an interesting passive character, it has been done before. You may have to rely on more 'external' things to hold the reader's interest, but that is okay. Just hold the reader's interest and they will bond with the MC and then as your character arcs, the reader will be with them every step of the way, enjoying the ride.

So, be wary of red herrings.

I like the other maxim from the Uncle Jim thread.

When readers tell you there is a problem, they are almost always right.
When readers tell you how to fix the problem, they are almost always wrong.

So, if your readers are having a problem with the opening, they are probably right.
If they are suggesting that you 'change' your MC in order to fix the opening, they are probably wrong.

Anyways, my two cents. Here is a thread on openings that you may find useful.

Pulling the reader in

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=78571

good luck

Mel...

PurpleHat · May 6, 2010

Oh No! I thought I knew what I was going to do!

I think I'll sleep on this

gothicangel · May 6, 2010

PurpleHat said:
"Sounds to me that you are starting too early." There's a topic for a whole 'nother thread.

I do a lot of reading of unpublished writers. You can't imagine how often this happens.

I even decimated a friend's first chapter for the same reason.

You should have seen my very first novel's first chapter. :scared:

Lady Ice · May 7, 2010

Why do everyman/girl characters always have to be passive?! Seriously, just because someone isn't an extrovert, that doesn't mean that they are dull and passive. You can be active but overshadowed.

Sounds cliche but it is the premise for most YA stuff, which is normally why I don't read it. Why do I care about the hopes of someone who is 'passive'?

eyenow · May 7, 2010

Purple Hat, I got the very same comments on a completely different MC in an altogether different type of novel, and I can share my solution, although it's not exactly a proven success - ms is still its second critique phase.
My MC starts the story on her way toward hitting bottom, and is not "all there" emotionally or mentally. I initially objected to the "unsympathetic" pigeonholing because I wanted her to be very closed-off due to her situation. Of course, after thinking it all over for a while, I decided to make some changes.
I gave the character a couple of brief, piercing moments of emotional clarity in the midst of her turmoil, where she could look back to when things were better. (Piercing emotion was what I was trying for, anyway.) Now the reader can see there was something real and likeable about the MC, and maybe there is some hope for her yet.
Now in your situation, I suppose you could have this girl, very secretly and in her innermost heart, share with the reader some terrible past hurt, or some secret longing.
Good luck with this. I know it is very difficult to change things in the first chapter. Like moving stones in the foundation and wondering if the entire house will collapse!

Ruv Draba · May 7, 2010

Passivity makes for a poor main character. We read characters for their passions and contradictions; for wanting and doing things that we normally wouldn't dare want or do.

An everygirl is not a grey character. it's a character who believes what every girl believes, is passionate about what every girl is passionate about, has a background that every girl can identify with. It's not the most ordinary girl, but ordinary girls magnified.

maestrowork · May 7, 2010

I agree with NeurFizz. I don't think "likable" or "sympathetic" is your problem. Unless your character is a bitchy serial killer Nazi-sympathizer, there's also something to like about or sympathize with.

What you seem to have trouble with is making the character interesting and active. If you start your book with her being passive and reactive to depressing things going on around her, then your readers would feel kind of frustrated. Also, if your character is boring (have no personality), then as a reader I'd say, "ho-hum, I'd rather read something else."

Without reading your book I have no idea. But from your description it seems like she's rather passive, and when she reacts she has a temper -- not necessarily endearing qualities. Also, she daydreams a lot and gets into troubles. Again, think about it -- if you see a girl like her in real life, would you befriend her? Would you find her interesting?

What does she want? And what will she do to get what she wants? I think that kind of motivation/desire/wants/action is going to determine if your character is active or interesting enough, or just annoyingly passive and uninteresting.

Making a more sympathetic MC - in the 1st chapter

Wonderfully Irreverent

Toughen up.

The cake is a lie. But still cake.

Toughen up.

Toughen up.

Danthia

Toughen up.

for the love of love

Dorothy A. Winsor

The grad students did it

That cheeky buggerer

Toughen up.

Disgruntled Scientist

Toughen up.

Makes useful distinctions

Can't. Stop. Writing.

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