- Joined
- Oct 10, 2009
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- www.arielemerald.blogspot.com
Hello guys! I have had great experience with beta's before yet we parted ways. I am seeking a beta for my second novel titled 'the drifter'. I am looking for a fresh pair of eyes and a love for something 'new' lol, did I mention I love the harshest of the harsh? You can't hurt me, you would know if you knew me. 
Ok, so to the story.
Here is a blurb. a.k.a the meat of my query:
For sixteen-year-old Pip, knowing everyone’s time of death is growing tiresome. Especially when she can’t stop it. However When a boy named Romeo hits her with his motorcycle she suddenly loses her curse.
Her past a blur and her curse gone, Pip finally sees how it is to be normal and to fall in love. But when Romeo’s father discovers she is a drifter, she is forced to run, Romeo by her side after his father’s last warning. Yet Pip’s recurring hallucinations of the dead keep coming and she is desperate to tell Romeo of her lost curse. Except he would never believe her. Until the night they plan their escape, her curse returns...and Romeo has only one hour left to live.
Here is the first 150 or so words of chapter 1:
I am surrounded by shoppers pushing through the crowd and brushing past me as I stare at the giant clock that hangs from the ceiling. Tick tock. My legs itch to run and I don’t even notice the throng anymore as I wait. Just five more seconds. 5... 4…3…2…1...Old Tom is dead.
A tear streams down my cheek and falls silently to the granite floor. I wipe it away, willing myself not to cry. I have been preparing for this far too long to break down like this. I built up my defenses and trained to be emotionally cold, yet I can’t stop the rapid beating of my heart and the panic that overcomes me. I am alone now.
I shove past the people who stare at me and touch the rough leather wallet I stole–Old Tom would’ve been proud. I start to run through the crowd, avoiding its sizzling glares. Someone yells, “She is a thief, catch her!” I run faster attempting not to trip. When I look back the mall security guard is at my tail. Where do I go now?
Abruptly, I bump into a warm body and hands wrap around my shoulders, only to let me go a moment later. I stare into the soft brown eyes of a boy. His hair is tied back, loose strands caressing a slightly stubbled face that smells of fresh aftershave. I will myself to run and push him out of the way but I am rooted to the spot. The mall security catches up to us and seizes my hands behind my back, tugging the wallet out of my pocket. Beads of cold sweat roll down my forehead; my eyes search for an escape. The boy stares at me until I am taken to a small white room where I am locked up along with a stocky officer. Shit.
Here are my expectations:
I know people are busy, so I am looking for a beta that likes to critique chapter by chapter. That is more comfortable for me as well. I am shopping this novel for an agent and already had good feedback so now I take the ms to the test. PM me if you are interested with how we can work things out. The novel isn't long and as you can see I am not horrible at grammar...So, I can't wait to hear from you guys and if interested I can send you the first chapter and see if you want to keep reading! Post any ? to me below!
xComplex
Ok, so to the story. Here is a blurb. a.k.a the meat of my query:
For sixteen-year-old Pip, knowing everyone’s time of death is growing tiresome. Especially when she can’t stop it. However When a boy named Romeo hits her with his motorcycle she suddenly loses her curse.
Her past a blur and her curse gone, Pip finally sees how it is to be normal and to fall in love. But when Romeo’s father discovers she is a drifter, she is forced to run, Romeo by her side after his father’s last warning. Yet Pip’s recurring hallucinations of the dead keep coming and she is desperate to tell Romeo of her lost curse. Except he would never believe her. Until the night they plan their escape, her curse returns...and Romeo has only one hour left to live.
Here is the first 150 or so words of chapter 1:
I am surrounded by shoppers pushing through the crowd and brushing past me as I stare at the giant clock that hangs from the ceiling. Tick tock. My legs itch to run and I don’t even notice the throng anymore as I wait. Just five more seconds. 5... 4…3…2…1...Old Tom is dead.
A tear streams down my cheek and falls silently to the granite floor. I wipe it away, willing myself not to cry. I have been preparing for this far too long to break down like this. I built up my defenses and trained to be emotionally cold, yet I can’t stop the rapid beating of my heart and the panic that overcomes me. I am alone now.
I shove past the people who stare at me and touch the rough leather wallet I stole–Old Tom would’ve been proud. I start to run through the crowd, avoiding its sizzling glares. Someone yells, “She is a thief, catch her!” I run faster attempting not to trip. When I look back the mall security guard is at my tail. Where do I go now?
Abruptly, I bump into a warm body and hands wrap around my shoulders, only to let me go a moment later. I stare into the soft brown eyes of a boy. His hair is tied back, loose strands caressing a slightly stubbled face that smells of fresh aftershave. I will myself to run and push him out of the way but I am rooted to the spot. The mall security catches up to us and seizes my hands behind my back, tugging the wallet out of my pocket. Beads of cold sweat roll down my forehead; my eyes search for an escape. The boy stares at me until I am taken to a small white room where I am locked up along with a stocky officer. Shit.
Here are my expectations:
I know people are busy, so I am looking for a beta that likes to critique chapter by chapter. That is more comfortable for me as well. I am shopping this novel for an agent and already had good feedback so now I take the ms to the test. PM me if you are interested with how we can work things out. The novel isn't long and as you can see I am not horrible at grammar...So, I can't wait to hear from you guys and if interested I can send you the first chapter and see if you want to keep reading! Post any ? to me below!
xComplex
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