Parents in Books

It seems a little convoluted to me. We're not trying to make some grand statement about parents--we just need the adults to GTFO so the kids can do their thing.

I read it and while I found some truth to it, I do find it unsettling.

One of the issues I take with it is that what concerns me in YA fiction especially is that the parents are usually portrayed as being unattached, abusive or unfeeling, or just so strict that you in some way can't blame the teens running away.

While I know that's usually an 'in' to get the characters in situations that aren't heavily regulated, I often feel like we make parents too "Evil" in a way.

Since everyone, especially kids and teens can be shaped in part by what they choose to read, I often wonder how we're shaping future parents by how we portray them. It's one thing to show that even the most well-meaning parents have their quirks and imperfections like everyone else, it's another to be callous about it.

I don't think the books mentioned in the piece are callous about the lack of parental involvement/integrity, but I've read some that are at least questionable.

On the one side, I'm glad we talk about the tough stuff that was at one time never discussed, and in the case of some books, those who read them saved themselves from a bad experience had they not read it, or took the all important step back so a bad situation doesn't have to get worse.

At the same time, I feel like we're starting to go a little too far.

We're always talking here about giving our kid and teen MCs complexity, I think the same goes for the parents, should we include them in stories beyond the early reader years, since we have the space and vocabulary to do it properly.

Maybe this just comes from where I am in life right now. My short lived high school days are behind me, yet I'm under 30, still struggling with my education, living at home, socially isolated, the list goes on...

.But sometimes I wonder how today's teens will internalize what being a good parent is. While family does come first in many instances, I can understand now that it's not wrong to want and need personal fulfillment outside the home.

That said, I'm not a parent, and I often wonder if I really have what it takes, but I see the ones who raised me differently now. They're not just the worrywarts and enforcers of rules, they just want us safe, alive, and happy, even if we have to go through numerous fights to attain said happiness.



Shady Lane, I hear what your saying too, but it's not always that sample to '86 the parents. Sometimes, depending on the story, you have to a parent physically there in your story, or at least mentioned, or you're not handling a certain situation realistically.

I almost didn't get your acronym, but then it hit me...

Shady Lane said:

It seems a little convoluted to me. We're not trying to make some grand statement about parents--we just need the adults to GTFO so the kids can do their thing.

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This.

If parents in books react in the way "good" parents in the real world react, then the kids in the books wouldn't have the freedom of motion to do what they need to.

Cyia said:

This.

If parents in books react in the way "good" parents in the real world react, then the kids in the books wouldn't have the freedom of motion to do what they need to.

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I get that, I'm just concerned we're taking certain aspects of that a bit too far.

Besides, you can be a responsible parent without being paranoid about every little thing. We're trying to raise kids to become capable, empowered adults, not emotionally scarred neurotics. That's all I'm saying.

I guess Oedipus Rex set the bar too high for screwy parents long ago. How to compete?

Parents in books need to leave. The thing is for the children to solve the mystery. That's what the kids want --

Irene

There are good/present parents in plenty of kids/YA books (the author of the essay seems confused about which she's talking about). Just like in IRL, some parents are involved, some are laissez faire, and some have too much going on in their own lives to be around/sensible.

There are plenty of YA books in which the parents are around, but the drama of the story takes place in a setting where they don't interfere--like school, or dating, or sports, or hanging out time.

It's an interesting topic. I mean, i had pretty liberal parents growing up, but if my mammy thought I was getting up to halfof what I actually was then she would ahve locked me up.

I think it's the same in fiction.


And at the end of the day, it's only fiction.

I don't think the parents need to be portrayed as evil. But, I do think the MC needs to have a flaw, something that makes them real, and kids with crappy parents, or crumby lives, have interesting and obvious flaws. Crappy family life is another arc that the MC has to overcome and triumph over during the course of the story.

I have a very loving family, and parents who were very involved in my life. And I adored books where the parents were not around. It did not teach me that parents should be absent from their children's lives. It didn't teach me that I didn't need parents.

I knew it was fantasy.

And kids are smart enough to know the difference. It's adults who panic about messages books send kids. Heck I must admit to my embarrassment I have as well. When talking to kids about TWILIGHT and explaining to some girls that if a boy ever did to them what Edward did to Bella (the stalking, the kidnapping, the forbidding her to do stuff) that they should run away, they all laughed at me. "Well of course in real life that's bad, but he's a vampire and it's fantasy." Made me feel A LOT better.

Trust me, kids ain't no fools.

Toothpaste said:

And kids are smart enough to know the difference. It's adults who panic about messages books send kids. Heck I must admit to my embarrassment I have as well. When talking to kids about TWILIGHT and explaining to some girls that if a boy ever did to them what Edward did to Bella (the stalking, the kidnapping, the forbidding her to do stuff) that they should run away, they all laughed at me. "Well of course in real life that's bad, but he's a vampire and it's fantasy." Made me feel A LOT better.

Trust me, kids ain't no fools.

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That's an interesting point. I've never read Twilight, but I've heard mention on more than one blog (and now above) about the stalking and kidnapping stuff. I imagine this is acceptable because it's obviously fantasy (vampires). Yet we all know these things take place in real life. I wonder just how popular a book would be in which these topics are presented realistically. I know of one YA book about a girl kidnapped and held prisoner for years, though the title escapes me. Meyer's success may well hinge on her ability to write about serious stuff but mask it in a way that's more tolerable to the reading public.

This article says everything that needs to be said about parents in YA.

http://sarahockler.com/2010/04/05/the-real-parent-problem-in-young-adult-lit/

I don't see parents as a hinder to a good story, whatever suits the particular story best goes in, parents included.

I got halfway through the article and couldn't be bothered reading the rest. Shady Lane's link was a more pleasant read, and summarized the article up anyway. I love how the article-writer mentioned Bella's mother in "Twilight" but glossed over her father's presence.

I agree with "The REAL Parent Problem" is the adults' continued underestimation of YA. To be honest, the few adult books I've read haven't been that crash-hot, either. I love finger-pointing. It makes for interesting entertainment.

IF I STAY would be an example of a book where the parents aren't dopey or inept. Of course, they get wiped out early on... so I guess that doesn't help to disprove her theory...

It's just really hard for me to imagine a book for teens that devotes much time to the relationship with Mom and Dad. They're teens, for heaven's sake! I know my 15-year-old and I are close--when he had to be hospitalized suddenly, he wanted me to stay with him--but if it's not a life-threatening emergency, then... He'd really rather I'd just leave him alone. That's what he's supposed to do.

This topic comes up often. In cycles. And everyone who writes about it seems to think they discovered the issue. It comes up so often I find it hard to believe it's even newsworthy anymore. But...

First, there *are* books with positive, complex parents. And many others with well-meaning but less than effective parents. But, as others have said, more often than not we are writing about kids in crisis - and more often than not, whether we like to admit it or not, even in real life, kids in crisis do not have the most attentive or effective parents.

Second, many YA books are written from the close POV of the teen protagonist, and I think we can agree that their POV is going to tend toward seeing their parents as ineffective, unfeeling, inattentive, etc. We are seeing the world through the teen's eyes. And that view is skewed.

So, as long as, for the most part, we are writing about kids in conflict and in crisis, and writing from their POVs, it's going to skew the stats to ineffective and even awful parents.

Now, if we started writing lots of boring books about perfectly happy and well-adjusted kids, we might see more outstanding parents. But as long as we lean toward chaos and crisis and conflict, we are going to lean to ineffective, inattentive and even craptastic parents.

ETA: For a complex and interesting view of parents through realistic teen POVs, check out Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan. They manage to craft organic teen POVs of their parents, while having the parents be realistic and complex people - even occasionally surprising their teen MCs, which is just so organic to teens views of their parents.

~suki