Here's to You, Mrs. Robinson - Questions about Cougars

Great subject line!

Good:

• Ooh, he's so young.
• Those abs, that ass--it's as if he hadn't yet discovered beer and carbs!
• He's never done a whole lot of things before
• He's never even thought of a fair number of things which are old hat to me
• Trainable
• Will impress a certain kind of other woman, that I can still get someone hot

Bad:

• He's going to find younger women more attractive, even if I look fantastic
• We won't share cultural touchstones. When I say, "Fess Parker died," he'll say, "Who?" instead of singing "Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee/Greenest state in the land of the free..." like my husband did
• His sex drive will exceed mine, probably
• My adult kids will find him contemptible
• He may want to hide our relationship rather than brag about me.

I'm sure there are many more, but I'm draggin' and the brain is at maybe 60%.

Maryn, in the same boat as Syn, and mostly happy there

I'm 35. He's 27.

He's more attractive than men my age. Thinner, more hair on his head and less on his back.

He doesn't want kids, and I'm done having mine, don't have custody because parenting isn't a goal for me. Guys my age either have kids or are getting to the point that they're desperate for them. No thanks.

Sex more than once a day. More than twice a day. Pretty much whenever I look at him sideways. Or straight on. Or over my shoulder. I think you see my meaning.

He's not all caught up in the "gotta make money, get a big house, have a bigger tv than the neighbour" bullshit like some guys who are making their way up the corporate ladder.

(Really a lot of this is kinda specific to him, not necessarily all younger men).

In age different relationships, there's usually the concern about different life stages, but since I'm starting over and in university again, and he graduated only a few years ago, we don't really deal with that issue.

At first I was really self conscious about the age thing. There are a lot of younger prettier girls out there. But girls his age... want a guy who wants a big house, a bigger tv, and kids.

It helps that I'm in school, I think. Surrounded by people even younger than him. The omg glaring differences between my classmates and I make the differences between him and I seem quite minimal.

I've met his family. No sense of weird about it at all. But then, neither of us have told them exactly how much older I am, and they're too polite to ask. (Kids at school are stunned when they find out I'm in my 30s though, so it may not be obvious to them)

The only real drawback is that at the moment, we live in different cities. I'm racking up the aeroplan miles though.

The good

arms, abs,

The bad

not enough life experience to keep me interested

The ugly

Someday soon, I will look my age...

Hettie said:

Someday soon, I will look my age...

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Blasphemy!

You will never look your age.

(and neither will I )

Good: he's just into messing around and has no interest in a real relationship.
Bad: he's just into messing around and has no interest in a real relationship.

I get huge crushes on my young male friends. I think I'd freeze solid if any of them ever showed any interest. Not to mention the husband. But that's another thing entirely.

Okay, keeping in mind that I am well past the age where I am in danger of becoming cougar bait...

Younger women are still hung up on how they think they're supposed to behave... on being the 'good girl'...

Older women are past that. They are more willing to try new things because they sound like they might be fun. Older women also have a better understanding that sexiness is something that comes from within, and has very little to do with breasts, thighs, or pouty lips. She wants her mind seduced first, as a necessary precursor to seducing her body.

hmmm.... the bad: knowing it won't last. Waiting to catch him looking at someone else. Waiting to catch myself looking in the mirror and finding more wrong than before Mr. Hotstuff came along.

The Good: Young lads always sound so sincere. And the hotness. The hotness is always good....

Mmmm...

Good: He lasts longer than batteries.
Bad: He lasts 'way longer than batteries.

Good: He's got the energy to try the things I want to try.
Bad: He's got the inclination to try the things I want to try on someone else after I've taught him.

The cougar thing is a big difference in age, so the problem is aging. It quickly gets lopsided.

Boston Steve said:

Okay, keeping in mind that I am well past the age where I am in danger of becoming cougar bait...

Younger women are still hung up on how they think they're supposed to behave... on being the 'good girl'...

Older women are past that. They are more willing to try new things because they sound like they might be fun. Older women also have a better understanding that sexiness is something that comes from within, and has very little to do with breasts, thighs, or pouty lips. She wants her mind seduced first, as a necessary precursor to seducing her body.

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I love you.

I don't know that I could add to what's already been said here.

I wish there wasn't such a *tsk tsk* about older women and younger men. It takes a lot of fun out of getting older (as a woman)

Bad: The age thing. Young man's hormones = living with the nagging worry he'll opt for a younger model

Good: knowing that, perhaps, the reason he's with you is because he's into more than just looks,

Good: my avatar...oh, if only... *sighs*

Interesting that you should bring this up. Quite coincidentally, I am the editor of AMP's Cougar Club line--a collection of cougar/cub stories.

Also to the point--I'm a cougar and a damn good one. Catch 'em young; train 'em up right. My husband loves being a cub. He's not as fond of bring a grandfather at 35--no more so than I am at being a grandmother at 42--but the relationship's worked well for us for a decade now. The reason it works has nothing to do with aging or not looking my age and has everything to do with what we have in common--intelligence, senses of humor, interests, hobbies. We share those interests and our relationship evolved along with us.

In literature, what really makes a cougar/cub story work is that evolution--the one that takes the cougar past the age hump (the "ohmigosh when I'm 45 he'll still be in his 30s! ack!) and the cub past the insecurity hump (the "ohmigosh she knows more about everything than I do!) and moves them toward a situation that helps them to realize what they DO have in common. Once they find that common accord, the rest of the obstacles confronting a May-December relationship recede.

Now I have a question. Anytime I see a cougar relationship portrayed, the age difference is huge, I don't consider 5-10 years a huge difference in age. Is any relationship where the woman is older cougar-cub?

No. Usually the cut off is 8 years--like between my husband and I. Anything less than that is just a cougarette.

I'm just going on the guidelines for the series I'm editing. In the Cougar Club line, eight years is the minimum age difference.

If that's the case then I'm a cub, as my wife is 2-1/2 years older than me, but I've never considered that a significant gap, and neither has she.

Eight years isn't a significant gap for some couples. Trust me.

I've (maybe mistakenly) thought a cougar was a 40 to 50ish woman who shoots for college guys--Like a 20 or 30 years difference

mscelina said:

Eight years isn't a significant gap for some couples. Trust me.

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No, it's really not.

I mean, we laugh about the differences between music we listened to in highschool and whatnot, but interests, sense of humour, and ideals are ageless.

That's given me a question:

At what stage would the age gap be considered beyond cougar and into squicky? 20/25 years?

firedrake said:

That's given me a question:

At what stage would the age gap be considered beyond cougar and into squicky? 20/25 years?

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I'm around freshmen aged kids every day. And that's what they seem like to me. Kids. They're babyfaced, they still have zits! That's squicky to me, and I'm only 15 years older than some of them.