Overthinking gender issues

If you know the character well, then you know whether or not he would say it and that will be reflected in the story - what the "normal" male might say is irrelevant.

I confess I had the same qualms, but about writing female characters - and I'm female! But I grew up around mainly boys, have always worked mainly with men - the women in my life have always seemed to be "atypical" - my mother was a mechanic, friends were "tomboys", women bosses were on the manufacturing floor - so "normal women" were strange creatures to me.

But then I realized that these female characters are my female characters. They will act and speak the way I think they should. If that's not "typical", well, they aren't.

This is what beta readers are for, you should just write it until you have a complete draft you are ready to show to beta readers.

Your people are individuals, not generics. And your MMC is perhaps a little idealised? (Okay, I like 'em a little idealised.)

The one thing I've noticed is men almost never use the word merely.

I'm a man. My opinion is that if you're writing romance, then you're over thinking it. I have read over 200 romance novels and not one of them has a male lead that acts like a real guy. Hehehe. There are alot of authors who are very good writers, but lets face it, the romance genre wouldn't be so successful if the guys were like real life pricks you know already. *lol* I'm serious though. The male heroes are impossible men... real men have not a chance to compare and its one of several reasons why most men dont read romance. They can't relate to the hero and feel ashamed for not living up to the impossible standards set by them.

In short, the men aren't like real men in romance, so don't stress over it all that much. Rough estimates show that romance readers are less than 5% male. Of us men who do read it, we already know your hero won't be like a real man. If men acted like that, women wouldn't be reading, and instead would be living romance. Hehehe

IMHO

Completely disagree with the above post.

But then I would; I'm a woman. I know plenty of men who act like men in books. Then again, I'm not one for the weeping pussies that pass for alphas in most romance novels. I like to read about men with flaws. Women, too.

Hell, just write a character - don't write a gender.

I usually run my male characters past my uber-Alpha-male husband. If he doesn't have issues with them, I know they're okay.

But then again, I've always had a lot of guy friends - so for me, thinking like a guy is almost 2nd nature. Which kind of scares me, now that I think about it...

I prefer to write about what goes on between a character's ears, not their legs.

(Whoa, deep).

Which is unusual for an erotica writer, but you know what I mean. It doesn't matter what plumbing they have, just as long as they act human.

Well, except for the undead ones. And the demon...

Well, yeah... the demon... there's a whole 'nother story right there...

Jersey Chick said:

for me, thinking like a guy is almost 2nd nature.

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Me too. We're like twins, and stuff.

scarletpeaches said:

Completely disagree with the above post.

But then I would; I'm a woman. I know plenty of men who act like men in books. Then again, I'm not one for the weeping pussies that pass for alphas in most romance novels. I like to read about men with flaws. Women, too.

Hell, just write a character - don't write a gender.

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I was speaking specifically about the Romance genre and based on your comment about weeping pussies, I think we agree more than you're willing to admit. Hehehe... I didn't say anywhere that men in BOOKS weren't realistic. Basically, I meant the male leads in Tom Clancy books (and like books of said genre) are much more realistic men, IMHO, then the male leads in books by Danielle Steel (and like books of said genre).

The point being, if you're writing romance, its not as important to the editors and publishers of this genre, that your leading male, be authentically male. Hehehe. They want weeping pussy alphas. =oP

... yes... clearly.

Brindle Chase said:

I'm a man. My opinion is that if you're writing romance, then you're over thinking it. I have read over 200 romance novels and not one of them has a male lead that acts like a real guy. Hehehe. There are alot of authors who are very good writers, but lets face it, the romance genre wouldn't be so successful if the guys were like real life pricks you know already. *lol* I'm serious though. The male heroes are impossible men... real men have not a chance to compare and its one of several reasons why most men dont read romance. They can't relate to the hero and feel ashamed for not living up to the impossible standards set by them.

In short, the men aren't like real men in romance, so don't stress over it all that much. Rough estimates show that romance readers are less than 5% male. Of us men who do read it, we already know your hero won't be like a real man. If men acted like that, women wouldn't be reading, and instead would be living romance. Hehehe

IMHO

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I agree with this (mostly). Not all men are pricks, but the majority do not act the way a romance hero does either. And I can say that having married one of the good guys. The way these guys think and act sometimes....well, not like any guy I have ever met. And between my hubby, guys I have dated, and the fact that most of my friends have been male, I think I know men ok. I have even read some stuff from my books to my hubby and he mostly laughs. But that is why women read romance, to escape the boredom of their lives. Even the sweetest, most adventurous, most romantic of real men can't compare to men in romances. And their is nothing wrong with that.

I think you should know your character, whether male or female, and be able to write them well. Don't think too hard about "Would a guy say this?" or "Would a woman really do that?" You don't have to write (stereo)typical men and women. Just write. If you are still unsure, I would try to get some male beta readers to give you some finer points about the male psyche. But you will have to remember that most men do not read romance, and probably won't like it anyway. You have to appeal to your reader, which in this genre, will be mostly women. What do you, as a woman, want from a man? How do you want him to act and think? But most importantly, men are human, just as much as woman. I think we mostly want the same things out of life.

Just my 2 cents

Jersey Chick said:

But then again, I've always had a lot of guy friends - so for me, thinking like a guy is almost 2nd nature. Which kind of scares me, now that I think about it...

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Sounds like a very useful talent to me, and not just in writing.

Brindle Chase makes a fairly good point: within the bounds of the genre, you don't need to sweat this sort of stuff. If you were aiming to be the next Clive Cussler, well...maybe (do macho thriller writers every worry about writing realistic women?).

Brindle's right. Men in romance are idealized and somewhat feminized (or vaginalized as one of my former coworkers used to say). But then, the women are idealized as well. It's kind of a genre requirement.

And you don't need a male to check and see if your character is behaving or speaking appropriately, you need someone familiar with the genre.

Rose English said:

I confess I'm very hesitant when it comes to writing from my MMC's pov. I know his personality well. Yet when I write a scene I'm always thinking "would a male say this/think this/do this?"

...Or am I just overthinking it?

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Over thinking.

You created the character. If you know him well and he grew from organic thoughts/beliefs/experiences and you depict him consistently, only you would know what that particular male would say/do/think. He doesn't have to act or sound like real time males. You just have to make him consistent enough to be real to a reader.

Hi Rose,

I was a little worried about that for my writing too. Just because the bulk of traditional romances have idealized/unrealistic heroes, doesn't mean that I want to write mine that way. I like guys who behave like guys.

Had my hubby read the thing and asked him if my character thought and acted like a *real* guy or if I'd somehow emasculated him. Really helped to get his perspective.

I enjoyed writing my male MC and made a point of trying to imagine how a guy would refer to things. At one point in particular in my ms, my male MC once observes that the heroine, who is slackjawed in surprise, reminds him of a trout. Several female beta readers *hated* that image, but I stuck with it, because that's precisely how my guy thought.

Feedback can be very helpful if you're uncertain, but consider the individual's frame of reference and what you're trying to accomplish.

Best wishes!

I like to read Paranormal Romance.

I have to say I like my characters built. like they totally couldn't be real people. I don't know why but i like the mold.

I like my romance characters to be unrealistically Masculine and if he's snarky, he's always snarky until he come to the realization that he loves what's her face.

Though I also prefer dimension in the females so...

Kresley Cole makes characters I really like. in her Immortals After Dark Series.