Dialogue format

The only reason to start a new line/have a carriage return is to start a new paragraph. New lines should never begin after a comma, so the first example is very incorrect.

Remember that the purpose of a dialog tag is to indicate who's speaking. An action dialog tag does that by showing an action on the part of the speaker instead of using "said" or an equivalent. The tag and the dialog are part of the same paragraph. If someone else does something, start a new paragraph.

In the two examples, I can't figure out at all who's speaking, so something needs to be done. I was going to try to parse it out, but there isn't enough information. Could you try giving another example?

This is how to make it correct:

entrancia said:

"Mizz Sarah?"
The sound of the footsteps stopped, and after a moment he heard a timid "Who’s that?"
"It’s me. Bo. Do you remember me?"
Another pause, and then a bewildered "Yes...where are you?"
"Right in front of you. Keep on walking."
The footsteps began again and continued until Sarah and Ackaryu were facing each other, illuminated by the torch light.

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The reason: Separate paragraph for each character's dialogue and action. Together, not separately (that is, you wouldn't use a separate paragraph for Mizz Sarah's spoken words and then another separate paragraph for any action she takes that is immediately following or preceding those words.)

I put a new paragraph in at "the sound of the footsteps stopped..." because Sarah is obviously the one making the sound of the footsteps. The walking being shown is her action. The "Who's that?" is her dialogue. Her action and dialogue are not separated by another character's own action or dialogue, so therefore they belong in the same paragraph.

I hope that made sense.

OK, on second read, let me give this a try. I'm seeing a couple of issues here. For clarity's sake, I'm putting an extra line between each paragraph. In a manuscript, there shouldn't be an extra line, there should just be a tab to indicate the new paragraph.

First assumption: Bo and Ackaryu are the same person.

Second assumption: you're attempting to write 3rd person limited from Bo's point of view.

Third assumption: Bo is calling to Mizz Sarah in the first line.

So:

"Mizz Sarah?" called Bo. The sound of the footsteps stopped. After a moment he heard a timid, "Who’s that?"

"It’s me, Bo. Do you remember me?"

Another pause, and then a bewildered, "Yes...where are you?"

"Right in front of you. Keep on walking."

The footsteps began again and continued until Sarah and Ackaryu were facing each other, illuminated by the torch light.

Taking it paragraph by paragraph:

"Mizz Sarah?" called Bo. The sound of the footsteps stopped. After a moment he heard a timid, "Who’s that?"

If it's been established previously that Bo is POV character, this might not need "called Bo", but if not, this makes it clear who's POV we the readers are in. The second sentence could be in its own paragraph. I broke it up to emphasize pause between the footsteps stopping and the reply. In the last sentence, he hears a bit of dialog and what he hears becomes part of the same sentence even though it's spoken by someone else.

"It’s me, Bo. Do you remember me?"

New paragraph here. It's a response to what he heard.

Another pause, and then a bewildered, "Yes...where are you?"

New paragraph here because the pause and reply are Sarah's.

"Right in front of you. Keep on walking."

Again, new reply, new paragraph.

The footsteps began again and continued until Sarah and Ackaryu were facing each other, illuminated by the torch light.

Bo is POV, therefore Bo is hearing the footsteps.

Hope this helps!

The 'rule' we were taught in school to 'start dialogue in a new paragraph' is ONLY in the context of not combining different characters' dialogue in the same paragraph. It's not about separating a character's dialogue from their own actions.

This is the sort of thing NOT to do:

'Who's there?' Mary asked. Joe said, 'It's me, Joe.' Mary opened the door a crack. 'Why have you come back?' she snapped. 'I told you Bill is going to be here any minute.' 'Yeah, I know,' Joe said a little sheepishly, 'but I left my car keys on your coffee table.'

And, yes, I've seen that sort of thing in manuscripts.

Obviously, the fix for this is:

'Who's there?' Mary asked.

'It's me, Joe.'

Mary opened the door a crack. 'Why have you come back?' she snapped. 'I told you Bill is going to be here any minute.'

'Yeah, I know,' Joe said a little sheepishly, 'but I left my car keys on your coffee table.'

It's a mix of rules and style.

New speaker gets a new paragraph, obviously.

When same sentence continues, dialogue generally stays in the same paragraph, e.g.

Another pause, and then a bewildered, "Yes... where are you?"

I'd write the opening exchange like this:

"Mizz Sarah?"

The sound of the footsteps stopped, and, after a moment he heard a timid, "Who’s that?"

...because Ackaryu the POV character says "Mizz Sarah?" but the footsteps plus "Who's that?" come from Sarah.

PS - controversy not contraversy (just saying, 'cause we're on a writing board )

-Derek

I'm with Libbie on this one

Libbie said:

This is how to make it correct:



The reason: Separate paragraph for each character's dialogue and action. Together, not separately (that is, you wouldn't use a separate paragraph for Mizz Sarah's spoken words and then another separate paragraph for any action she takes that is immediately following or preceding those words.)

I put a new paragraph in at "the sound of the footsteps stopped..." because Sarah is obviously the one making the sound of the footsteps. The walking being shown is her action. The "Who's that?" is her dialogue. Her action and dialogue are not separated by another character's own action or dialogue, so therefore they belong in the same paragraph.

I hope that made sense.

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Yes, Libbie, that is exactly how I do it!! I used to do it the other way, (first example) and then I learned to do it the right way while reading Dan Brown's books, 'Deception Point' and 'Angels and Demons' 5 years ago. I've been doing it (second example) ever since.

Libbie said:

This is how to make it correct:



The reason: Separate paragraph for each character's dialogue and action. Together, not separately (that is, you wouldn't use a separate paragraph for Mizz Sarah's spoken words and then another separate paragraph for any action she takes that is immediately following or preceding those words.)

Click to expand...

This is correct.

It boils down to the basic rules of what constitutes a paragraph. Dialogue format follows those rules. However, since there are many instances in which the "paragraph" consists of only a single line, or even a single word, sometimes dialogue can be construed as having its own unique rules.

Here is an example of an exchange from one of my stories, which shows a few of the different ways dialogue can be formatted within a paragraph.

She pulled a cell phone from her pocket, leaned her round ass on the porch rail, and started texting. "Good morning," she said without looking up.

Was she talking to him? Stupid cell phones. They hadn't improved communication; they'd ruined it. Jackson walked to the other end of his porch, toward her house, and reached for his front door. He offered a casual, "Good morning," and hoped it had come across like he'd just noticed her standing there, not like a response to her greeting that may or may not have been directed at him.

She slid the phone in her back pocket, then walked up to the rail closest to him. "How much for the coffee?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'll die if I don't get some caffeine in me soon, and I can't stand the over-processed stuff they serve at chain stores." She half-pointed at the moving van. "My coffeemaker's in a box somewhere, so I'll pay you for a cup of yours. Unless you just drank the last of it."

"Um . . ." Jackson really wasn't in the mood for coffee chat. Not dressed for it either. But he was also never one to be rude or stingy. "Yeah, hold on. No charge."

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I hope that aids in clarifying that it's not just about the fact that someone is speaking, but about what fits in the context of the paragraph.