The Sickness

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Ade Hill

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Hello all,


I'm a virgin here, so be gentle.


I was ten when the sickness sequestered my soul. After returning home from a fruitless fishing trip at one of Bakersfield, California's scenic aqueducts, the six Dr. Pepper's and five Slim Jim's I'd ate earlier that day, had turned my gut into a three-legged dryer. I grabbed the newspaper on the way to the pot, expecting an extended stay there. While reading the sports page, I stumbled upon the address to the editor. Once my stomach settled, I ran to my room and grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. I wrote that I'd caught a thirty-pound pound striper that day and had given it to a needy Mexican family of eight. Then I put it in an envelope and sent it off.


At school, three days later, the principle called me to his office. He sat me down and smiled. Then he unfolded the day's paper on his desk and said, "Mr. Hill, I'm proud of you, son. That was a damn fine thing you did for that family."


Twenty-two years later, I still search for the rapture I felt when I was ten. I write. I read. I doubt. I believe. I doubt again. I expose my soul. When I have nothing left, I query. Then my work lands on some assistant's desk, who between texts, gives it a fugitive look and decides my work sucks.


So, why do I do it?


I do it because Golding, Faulkner, and Joyce did it for me. The potential to bring one person joy through the written word, for me, is worthy of a fight.
 

shaldna

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I do it for money
 

Bufty

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I don't think it's intended for critting although it's a neat trick to stuff it (it referring to the thirty pound striper - or the family?) in an envelope after having already sent it out to a needy family!

Don't get the relevance of the story - the last three or four lines are the point of the post, I guess.
 
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Ade Hill

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Now I will leave

Stuffing it--referred to the story I wrote into an envelope...hence the paper and pen and the whole writing thing--the story about a striped bass I gave to a family, not sent out to them.

Look, I just remember a time when writing felt amazing. But people like Bufty, who don't even read, just critique with spite--and there's no need to critique this it was just a rant--make me wish I worked retail or something. That being said, I do not have the stomach for this. Good luck all. Enjoyed the site.

Ade
 

lucidzfl

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Don't think anyone's trying to run you off.
 

Bufty

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Private Message from Ade.

Your reply to my post was not only uncalled for, but so utterly discouraging I am leaving this forum after ten hours or so of membership.

In the future, read before you type. Try to remember a time in your life when you weren't spiteful, you know, before you started critiquing someone's posts like they sent you a manuscript. Seriously, I really, really think you suck.

Had you read my post, you wouldn't have felt the need to make me look like a tard.

Good day. Ass

:Shrug: I hope you felt better after that.

My post was made following my reading of your first post which lacked clarity as to what you were trying to say. There was a glitch in the system that meant I didn't see your second post till later.

I suggest you re-read before you post next time.

Anyway - you need a thicker skin, friend. :Hug2:
 

Lydia Sharp

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But people like Bufty, who don't even read, just critique with spite--and there's no need to critique this it was just a rant--make me wish I worked retail or something.
Ade

I've worked retail for over 8 years, and have done everything from cashiering to management, so trust me, YOU DON'T WANT TO WORK RETAIL.

For what it's worth, I thought your post was encouraging, in an odd sort of way.
 

Matera the Mad

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Writing is much less frustrating when what is posted for feedback communicates clearly. An ambiguous post that seems to be in the wrong forum (and is in the wrong forum) is not clear communication. Unexpected reactions occur very easily when assumptions are not understood. There were far too many assumptions.

Um...and apostrophes.

All of which requires me to say that the OP should at least stick around and lurk.
 

Ade Hill

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Do you always tell on people, Bufty? I mean, posting my private message? Seriously? "Mom, Aiden did it."


Yes, I feel better.


Thick skin, to me, is another way of saying I fail often and can take it. You know, like the kid in grammar school who, after a refreshing dip in the toilet, gives up his lunch money every day. He's accepts it and maybe refers to himself as thick skinned at some point. Me, I swing at the guy pushing my head in the toilet. The day I stop swinging, I'll end up critiquing spam emails and using the quote tool on forums to further my point.


If you didn't like it, you could've just moved on.
 

Ade Hill

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Matera

Matera,

Your post, akin to Bufty(apostrophe)s, is snide, self-serving, and unproductive. Yes, the apostrophes were misused. Thank you for pointing that out, Strunk and White. If you need a hug, just ask. Don't attempt to boost your ego, though, by showing your grammatical prowess. It(apostrophe)s--to be completely honest with you--tacky. Be nice and encouraging. You know, how you would like people to treat you. This site is a psychologists Disney Land, yeah?
 

CaroGirl

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Easy, Dude. To be frank, I also imagined a fish in an envelope, but I thought that was kind of cool. Until I re-read it and realized my mistake.
Best to be clear and not to rag too hard on respected members of a community you might decide to join.
 

Cranky

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Hiya, Ade, and :welcome:

Bufty's a good sort, and his "crit" did not seem spiteful to me. Certainly not enough to induce a flouncing exit so early in your membership. Try stepping back for a bit, taking a deep breath, and then trying again. As you pointed out in your OP, you're new here. Takes a while to figure out where posts go and what the culture is like. If you're willing to take that time (and yes, develop a thick skin, which is sorta necessary if you're hoping to be published -- I don't know that you are, however), I think you'll like it here. I encourage you to give it a try. :)

ETA: A good way to start might be by lowering the snark levels. Even if you're upset about the response you've received, it's not a terribly helpful way of going on, IMO.
 

colealpaugh

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Matera,

Your post, akin to Bufty(apostrophe)s, is snide, self-serving, and unproductive. Yes, the apostrophes were misused. Thank you for pointing that out, Strunk and White. If you need a hug, just ask. Don't attempt to boost your ego, though, by showing your grammatical prowess. It(apostrophe)s--to be completely honest with you--tacky. Be nice and encouraging. You know, how you would like people to treat you. This site is a psychologists Disney Land, yeah?

Stop being grouchy. We're mostly all friends here.
 

Libbie

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Stuffing it--referred to the story I wrote into an envelope...hence the paper and pen and the whole writing thing--the story about a striped bass I gave to a family, not sent out to them.

Look, I just remember a time when writing felt amazing. But people like Bufty, who don't even read, just critique with spite--and there's no need to critique this it was just a rant--make me wish I worked retail or something. That being said, I do not have the stomach for this. Good luck all. Enjoyed the site.

Ade

Ade, honey. Whatever Bufty's post said, there were structural issues with your, uh, introduction. We're a forum of serious -- and in some cases professional -- writers. We expect folks who come here to be equally serious about their craft. Critiques will happen. People will comment. If you just want a hug and some sympathy over how those bastard assistant editors rejected you without recognizing your genius, this is not the place for you. If you want help with improving your writing to the point that you can sell it, and if you're willing to expose your fragile self to some rigorous and useful criticism, then you're definitely in the right place.

Based on the sample you provided here, my guess is that you're not getting rejections because the assistant editors have their thumbs up their iPhones and aren't paying attention. You could use some serious polish before you're ready to submit. Can't we all, though? You've already got a passion for writing, and that's a big chunk of the fight right there. Next, you need to cultivate a serious desire to improve -- not just until you've published, but all the time. Once you realize you always have more to learn, that's another big chunk of the fight KO'ed.

Your next step will be to seek and apply critiques from knowledgeable folks who can help you improve. It is wise to say "thanks" to critiques, rather than call the critiquer a rube who clearly doesn't read. Gratitude goes a very long way on this forum.

Good luck to you! :)
 

lucidzfl

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Did you realize you're typing in bold?

Just sayin'.
 

Ade Hill

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CaroGirl

I understand the confusion.

What I don't understand, though, is how you respect someone who remarks on an error to, not only get a cheap laugh from his or her flock, but to inch themselves up their own pedestal.

I think, and I may be wrong, that type of behavior is what we referred to in high school as bullying. But I need thicker skin and more respect.

I guess I should just accept it, you know, give the stiff arm salute, heil your leader, and go kill some freakin' Jews.
 
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