A critical look at novel openings

blacbird · Mar 5, 2010

We get a lot of discussion here about openings of novels, the infamous "hook" word often being applied. It occurred to me to take a hard look at some openings of books that are famous and successful, although the openings are not so much well-known. I came out of that more convinced than ever of the single principle that makes an opening work for a reader, but I'd be interested in seeing what other people think of these.

Now, all these books were published a while ago, the most recent one in 1988. So, yes, perhaps agents/editors tastes and standards have evolved some since then. All these openings are relatively quiet and descriptive, nary an explosion or gunshot or car chase to be found. But I'd like to think if a partial of any one of these books were submitted to an agent today, the agent would at the very least request a full. Two of the four, by the way, were debut novels. You may recognize some of them, but I'd prefer for the moment not to identify the authors; I'll do that later.

See whatcha think. Why do these work, or not work, in your estimation?

In the town there were two mutes, and they were always together. Early every morning they would come out from the house where they lived and walk arm in arm down the street to work. The two friends were very different. The one who always steered the way was an obese and dreamy Greek. In the summer he would come out wearing a yellow or green polo shirt stuffed sloppily into his trousers in front and hanging loose behind. When it was colder he wore over this a shapeless gray sweater. His face was round and oily, with half-closed eyelids and lips that curved in a gentle, stupid smile. The other mute was tall. His eyes had a quick, intelligent expression. He was always immaculate and very soberly dressed.

Gil and I crossed the eastern divide about two by the sun. We pulled up for a look at the little town in the big valley and the mountains on the other side, with the crest of the Sierra showing faintly beyond like the rim of a day moon. We didn’t look as long as we do sometimes; after winter range we were excited about getting back to town. When the horses had stopped trembling from the last climb, Gil took off his sombrero, pushed his sweaty hair back with the same hand, and returned the sombrero, the way he did when something was going to happen. We reined to the right and went slowly down the steep stage road. It was a switch-back road, gutted by the run-off of the winter storms, and with brush beginning to grow up in it again since the stage had stopped running.

In the spring of 1931, on a lawn in Glendale, California, a man was bracing trees. It was a tedious job, for he had first to prime dead twigs, then wrap canvas buffers around weak branches, then wind rope slings over the buffers and tie them to the trunks, to hold the weight of the avocados that would ripen in the fall. Yet, although it was a hot afternoon, he took his time about it, and was conscientiously thorough, and whistled. He was a smallish man, in his middle thirties, but in spite of the stains on his trousers, he wore them with an air. His name was Herbert Pierce. When he had finished with the trees, he raked the twigs and dead branches into a pile, carried them back to the garage, and dropped them in a kindling box. Then he got out a mower and mowed the lawn.

In the spring of that year an epidemic of rabies broke out in Ether County, Georgia. The disease was carried principally by foxes and was reported first by farmers, who, in the months of April and May, shot more than seventy of the animals and turned them in to the county health officer in Cotton Point.

The heads were removed, wrapped in plastic, and sent to the state health department in Atlanta, where eleven were found to be rabid.

There is no record of human beings’ contracting the disease—the victims for the most part were cattle—although two residents of an outlying area of Cotton Point called Damp Bottoms were reportedly bitten.

defcon6000 · Mar 5, 2010

I like the second one the best, it sounds more personal and gets you acquainted with the characters quickly.

3 and 4 sound like something out of a history book or a documentary, on the dry side mostly. And 1 is too simplistic for my tastes, also too much telling, like something out of a child's book.

GJB · Mar 5, 2010

blacbird said:
We get a lot of discussion here about openings of novels, the infamous "hook" word often being applied. It occurred to me to take a hard look at some openings of books that are famous and successful, although the openings are not so much well-known. I came out of that more convinced than ever of the single principle that makes an opening work for a reader, but I'd be interested in seeing what other people think of these.

Now, all these books were published a while ago, the most recent one in 1988. So, yes, perhaps agents/editors tastes and standards have evolved some since then. All these openings are relatively quiet and descriptive, nary an explosion or gunshot or car chase to be found. But I'd like to think if a partial of any one of these books were submitted to an agent today, the agent would at the very least request a full. Two of the four, by the way, were debut novels. You may recognize some of them, but I'd prefer for the moment not to identify the authors; I'll do that later.

See whatcha think. Why do these work, or not work, in your estimation?

Each, in its own way, works for me. Each has a smooth rhythm that encourages my reader eye to keep reading. There's nothing in them I had to read more than once, that made me stop. None of the four tries to show off--look, how well I write--with metaphors or clever phrases or hipness. Each begins to tell a story without the writing of it getting in the way. I now trust the writer to tell me that story in plain language, in a sequence that flows without gimmicks, time warps, writerly devices.

Sadly, I'm not sure any of them would draw a full request from a partial in today's market. g.

Ciera_ · Mar 5, 2010

The first and third I liked the best. I think the key with these good, steady, not-too-exciting opening paragraphs is that they're usually followed very quickly by some action. Great writers know how to balance the 'start when the action starts!' and 'don't be confusing or pretentious.' rules. I seem to be able to follow one or the other in my openings. It seems to be one of the most difficult parts of learning to tell stories well.

kuwisdelu · Mar 5, 2010

The first was the only one that interested me.

Chris P · Mar 5, 2010

Knowing that each of these was published, I'm going to be too tempted to sing their praises. I'd be happy to supply my opening, which was recently dubbed "the worst [he'd] ever seen" in SYW (I've taken it in good humor, if you're reading, Mr. Critiquer

).

There is no action in the first one, it is all backstory, but we know who the characters are.

The second one is all action, and the scene is set by subtle hints: eastern divide = mountains; Sierra and sombrero = southwest or Mexico; stage road = pre-1900. I think this one is the most creative and most likely to keep me reading.

The third: action and setting. Details more specific (1931, Glendale, smallish, Herbert Pierce).

Fourth: more background than #3, but not as much as #1. No action by the MCs, nor do we know who they are.

Interesting point, blacbird: who says the opening actions has to be gunshots and explosions? I think this is something introduced by Hollywood, exemplified in the 10 minute pre-opening action of every James Bond movie. We've come to expect that now in books.

backslashbaby · Mar 5, 2010

Interesting

I love that we don't know who they are.

I don't know that I like #1 very much, but it reminds me of my style, which I'm trying to change in my WIP. So that's too personal.

I like all of the rest, but #3 sounds most like what I read and enjoy. Next is #4.

It wouldn't hurt them to be more exciting, imho. But I like these starts much better than something too gimmicky.

The funny thing is that I would have to read more to know if I'll buy the book; whereas with some beginnings I buy it from that much text.

Ken · Mar 5, 2010

... as much as I hate to admit it ;-)
I feel the same as poster #5. I believe I know which short novel the particular opening is from, and if so it's among my fav's. The prose ain't relying on any fancy rhetoric or pomp. It's just describing how things are in plain simple talk. Not all authors can get away with that. Just a select few capable of nailing details perfectly and conjuring up just the right words. Thanks for the refreshing snippet. As to the other examples I'll abide by that maxim about refraining from saying something about a thing if you don't got anything nice to say, which I don't.

blacbird · Mar 5, 2010

For clarification, none of these is from a "short novel". All are full-length standard novels.

Additionally, every one has been made into a good movie. Two of them, at least, are regarded as Hollywood "classics".

It would be interesting to see some agent responses.

caw

Satori1977 · Mar 5, 2010

Without reading any of the posts besides the OP, let me say this:

The first excerpt did not grap me at all. I probably would not keep reading unless I knew the author or it was highly recommended.

Second was nice, I liked it, though nothing really happened. I would keep reading.

Third, nope. No interest unless, like above, I knew the author or it was recommended.

Fourth intrigued me. Might just be because I work in veterinary hospitals and have dealt with rabies before. Medical/morbid stuff interests me anyway. So yea, would keep reading that too to see where it goes.

On a side note, none of these openings seem familiar, so I don't think I have read any of them.

Satori1977 · Mar 5, 2010

Chris P said:
Interesting point, blacbird: who says the opening actions has to be gunshots and explosions? I think this is something introduced by Hollywood, exemplified in the 10 minute pre-opening action of every James Bond movie. We've come to expect that now in books.

I quite agree with those. Especially common in movies lately. People have no attention spans and want to be shocked....but unfortunately, they aren't shocked as easily. The hard part is how to be exciting without being gimmicky. It is not as common in books, but heading that way.

cameron_chapman · Mar 5, 2010

Well, I feel like the odd one out, as the only one that appealed to me was #4. Any of the others I would have put down before I even got through the amount posted here.

Shinto · Mar 5, 2010

Has anyone mentioned that in example four, a name of a town is "Damp Bottoms?"

I admit, I laughed.

Matera the Mad · Mar 5, 2010

I loathe the bangbang school of beginnings.

triceretops · Mar 5, 2010

cameron_chapman said:
Well, I feel like the odd one out, as the only one that appealed to me was #4. Any of the others I would have put down before I even got through the amount posted here.

I'm right with you on that. Number four had some intrigue going on.

Number one is so full of passive I crimped my eyes shut. It was also written very badly, in my opinion. In fact, there's so much wrong with it, coming from a writer's perspective, that I've love to tear into this with a full rewrite. I cannot fathom how any editor picked this up.

The others, still no voice coming through. I'm a stylist, and I do love beautiful words, with some simili and metaphore. With the past 17 novels I've written over 22 years, mediocrity and "simple" writing got me absolutely nothing. However, my clinical writing produced some good non-fiction. My last book was snappy, witty, and had some metaphore used sparingly. I tried it as an experiment, maybe overdoing it a little It did get me five agent offers just recently, and it was not an action opener. I now believe I know how an opening paragraph should suck the reader in. And I don't think I'll ever change my prose.

Robert, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you did not think these were great openings. Maybe even sub-standard. Nothing really pushed my buttons on these either, and we might be in total agreement here. And that's just my odd man out opinion.

Tri

triceretops · Mar 5, 2010

In the town there were two mutes, and they were always together. Early every morning they would come out from the house where they lived and walk arm in arm down the street to work. The two friends were very different. The one who always steered the way was an obese and dreamy Greek. In the summer he would come out wearing a yellow or green polo shirt stuffed sloppily into his trousers in front and hanging loose behind. When it was colder he wore over this a shapeless gray sweater. His face was round and oily, with half-closed eyelids and lips that curved in a gentle, stupid smile. The other mute was tall. His eyes had a quick, intelligent expression. He was always immaculate and very soberly dressed.

In a town called Slipskiddy lived two mutes, and they were inseperable friends. They would leave the house early every morning and walk arm and arm down the street to work. These two friends were very different. The one who always liked to lead was very fat--he was the dreamer, and he was Greek. In the summers he wore a yellow or green plo shirt stuffed in his trousers, the tail always hanging loose. When it was colder he wore a muslin gray sweater. He had a round, oily face, with drooping eyelids and a curving, idiotic smile. The other mute was tall, almost gangly. He had darting, intelligent eyes like that of a hawk. He dressed clean and orderly, with knife edged creases and lots of starch

That took two minutes. To get it really correct, we have to stop telling completely and show us what they wore, name the town so we can be placed, stop using words like tall, obese, immaculate, and of course, try and get those pesky "ly" words out of there. Trust me, if a good editor got a hold of this he/she would cut down on the words and at the same time really give these character descriptions some color. This writing almost reminds me of that Eragon kid, but I'm certain it's not.

Tri

Cranky · Mar 5, 2010

Argh, tri, what have you done?!

The only one of the four openings that really spoke to me was the first, and I quite liked it the way it was, too. (Which is not to say I wouldn't alter a couple of things, but not to the extent you did above)Taste really does vary, for sure.

triceretops · Mar 5, 2010

Heh, I know, Cranky. I went against the grain. Don't get me wrong, I love the content, just not the execution. It seemed clumsy to me. I'd love to know more about these characters, from what I read, I just think it could have been handled better.

I almost had a flashback to the Hobbit, from the very first sentence. It had that same kind of endearing lead-in, only it was describing a little home rather than two loveable characters.

Tri

Nateskate · Mar 5, 2010

I wasn't excited by either of them. But then again, I don't know the title, or Genre. Perhaps if I knew it was drama, romance...etc, I might read on to see more.

blacbird · Mar 5, 2010

1. The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter, by Carson McCullers

2. The Ox-Bow Incident, by Walter Van Tilburg Clark

3. Mildred Pierce, by James M. Cain

4. Paris Trout, by Pete Dexter

All have achieved the status of perennially in-print backlist sellers, following immediate bestsellerdom. I'll give my assessments in a while.

caw

Cranky · Mar 5, 2010

triceretops said:
Heh, I know, Cranky. I went against the grain. Don't get me wrong, I love the content, just not the execution. It seemed clumsy to me. I'd love to know more about these characters, from what I read, I just think it could have been handled better.

I almost had a flashback to the Hobbit, from the very first sentence. It had that same kind of endearing lead-in, only it was describing a little home rather than two loveable characters.

Tri

Well, since I quite agree there were a couple of clunky sentences, I think I shall forgive you.

And now that you mention it, yes! I think it does have that similar charm you mention the Hobbit having.

Ciera_ · Mar 5, 2010

I have to say I preferred the first version of the first beginning. If it was clumsy, it was good-clumsy, somehow. (This from my untrained reader's eye).

Brenda Hill · Mar 5, 2010

Okay, I'll risk tar and feathers by saying that none of them grabbed me. Maybe I've contracted the horrible 'fast-paced' disease, and while I'm not fond of car crashes, I do like a grabber opening.

SPMiller · Mar 5, 2010

The second beginning establishes setting (time, place) without making it explicit, and it defines a goal (get to town), if not yet conflict. Removing/replacing the hat foreshadows that conflict, though saying "something was going to happen" is too explicit for my taste. The regrowth of the brush sets the mood. And so forth. Not just the best, but easily the best of the four.

The first one, however, is the worst. Whoever the writer is needs to take all that character-description-sans-names and stuff it. That book would go back on the shelf.

The third is not very good. At least it gives a name. I'd give it a paragraph or two.

The fourth is almost the worst, but not quite. If I wanted an infodump, I'd read a textbook. Character and situation, please. Also back on the shelf.

MAP · Mar 5, 2010

I liked the fourth one. It had my at the word rabies. How can rabies not be interesting?

A critical look at novel openings

blacbird

defcon6000

GJB

Oh, what a ride

Ciera_

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

Chris P

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

backslashbaby

*

Ken

blacbird

Satori1977

Listening to the Voices In My Head

Satori1977

Listening to the Voices In My Head

cameron_chapman

Makes Things Up

Shinto

Misanthrope

Matera the Mad

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

triceretops

triceretops

Cranky

triceretops

Nateskate

blacbird

Cranky

Ciera_

Brenda Hill

Diva in Training

SPMiller

Prodigiously Hanged

MAP

A critical look at novel openings

Oh, what a ride

Ciera_

Revolutionize the World

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

~~~~*~~~~

Listening to the Voices In My Head

Listening to the Voices In My Head

Makes Things Up

Misanthrope

Bartender, gimme a Linux Mint

Ciera_

Diva in Training

Prodigiously Hanged

*