The Horse Says Change My Course

L. E. Nelson Jr. · Feb 9, 2010

by Wig Nelson. Penned today. Enjoy, but then again, if you can read this, it's not meant for you. LOL

[FONT=&quot]The Horse Says Change My Course[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the duck says I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the chick says I’m too thick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the cow says I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m as thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the pig says I’m too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m as thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the pup says just give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the crow says it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the sheep says I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the cat says that I’m too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be big no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the bird says it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the man says I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the man I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the snake says it’s a mistake.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the man I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the snake it’s a big mistake.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the fish make a wish. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it, but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the man I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the snake it’s a big mistake.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the fish I should make a wish.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I want to sing a melody, but the lion says give up tryin’.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He thinks I’ll never do it but I think there’s nothing to it.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the man I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the snake it’s a big mistake.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the fish I should make a wish.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the lion I give up tryin’[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says to change my course.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]When the music started I broke in to a song.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]All the other animals just had to sing along.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]But . . .[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the duck I’ll have no luck.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the chick I’m thick as a brick.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cow I don’t know how.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pig I’m just too big.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the pup I should give up.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the crow it’ll be no go.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the sheep I’m in too deep.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the cat I’m just too fat.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the bird it won’t be heard.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the man I need a plan.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the snake it’s a big mistake.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the fish make a wish.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]According to the lion I should give up tryin’[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]And the horse says yes, of course![/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] Wig Nelson c. 2010[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

PVish · Feb 10, 2010

Some questions:
What is your target age group?
Is this for a picture book? (If so, it's a bit wordy for the 32-page picture book format.
What is the setting? I thought it might be a farm, but the lion doesn't fit.
Who is the singer?

Some observations:
"The horse says change my course" is confusing. Small children wouldn't know what "change my course" means. When I read it, I first thought it referred to a race course or a show-jumping course. I had to read the next line to realize I was mistaken.

"According to the cat I’m just too fat" and "according to the chick I’m thick as a brick" might be politically incorrect these days.

Punctuation stuff:
Put a comma after each introductory participial phrase.

sissybaby · Feb 10, 2010

I enjoyed reading this, but I'm wondering if it's meant as a song. I think you could get by with more if that's the intention.

I like how you incorporate so many of the animals into it, and I'm wondering what kind of illustrations you see in your head as you go along. It would make sense to have something that fits each animal's comment with that animal. Otherwise, I don't quite have a connection between each animal and it's comment. Such as, why would the fish use make a wish, except that it rhymes. Follow me? It could be very cute if there was something to identify each comment with the speaker.

Aside from that, you need a little bit of work on the beats, they need to be consistent so that it flows off the tongue in a smooth roll with no hesitations. One example, the snake - there is an extra beat - as well as just a couple of other places. Otherwise, it runs very smoothly.

This is very nice for a first draft - a little tweaking should make it work, but you still need to make a connection between the animals and their comments, IMO.

Best of luck.

Sissy

abctriplets · Feb 10, 2010

I tried reading this to my kids and eventually just skipped the phrase "according to"

L. E. Nelson Jr. · Feb 13, 2010

sissybaby said:
I enjoyed reading this, but I'm wondering if it's meant as a song. I think you could get by with more if that's the intention.

I like how you incorporate so many of the animals into it, and I'm wondering what kind of illustrations you see in your head as you go along. It would make sense to have something that fits each animal's comment with that animal. Otherwise, I don't quite have a connection between each animal and it's comment. Such as, why would the fish use make a wish, except that it rhymes. Follow me? It could be very cute if there was something to identify each comment with the speaker.

Aside from that, you need a little bit of work on the beats, they need to be consistent so that it flows off the tongue in a smooth roll with no hesitations. One example, the snake - there is an extra beat - as well as just a couple of other places. Otherwise, it runs very smoothly.

This is very nice for a first draft - a little tweaking should make it work, but you still need to make a connection between the animals and their comments, IMO.

Best of luck.

Sissy

Thanks for the support, Sissy. This is just a first draft, as I wrote it a day or so ago. I was putting silly rhymes to music for Susan Wigden, a children's picture book author. This is, indeed a song. I am a musical composer of 30 years and perhaps I should have mentioned that from the get go. I will post the song when I get around to recording it. It's done BTW. Took about five minutes. I'll probably leave out the cumbersome phrases like the snake says it's a mistake, and perhaps I should leave out that the fish says make a wish. I was hoping that kids would react to the rhyme and not scrutinize the logistics.

Wig

The Horse Says Change My Course

L. E. Nelson Jr.

PVish

Cat hair collector

sissybaby

abctriplets

L. E. Nelson Jr.