What's Your Opening Line?

[fedorable1]

I'm just curious. I've read a lot about opening lines and various types of beginnings. If you are all comfortable, please feel free to post what your novels opening line is - or are, if you have more than one written.

For me:

Rise of an Exile"It's wierd."

[gp101]

After many false starts, and dozens of different lines, I went with this:

"Would they be kind enough to kill him before chucking him to the alligators?"

[azbikergirl]

From my WIP:
They came for Tanea in the early afternoon, unexpectedly, while she was hanging freshly washed linens on a line.

[AdamH]

This may change because I'm still rewriting but right now it's "Ally missed the past."

[icerose]

"She’s hiding in here."

Is one of my opening lines.

[Thekherham]

We've been through this before, haven't we? All this fuss and bother jsut because it's my birthday.

[maestrowork]

"Betrayal makes us do strange things."

Here's a potential opening line for my WIP (haven't finished with the draft yet):

"The civet cat was going to die."

[sassandgroove]

I cannot tell you my life story completely without first telling the stories of the strong women who came before me.

(But it is a rough draft and I don't like the opening now that I've written the ending. Thus starts the great revision...)

[Kasey Mackenzie]

Opening line from my current WIP, Where Angels Fear to Tread:

"He called himself an angel, but looking at him I had my doubts."

[NeuroFizz]

"Agnes Hahn is a donut. In a scone world."
Sorry about two sentences, but they have to go together.

Cheers, NF

[DivaWriter]

My opening line is...

"I was never one of those women."

[scribbler1382]

Ray committed his first murder when he was nine years old.

[kristie911]

He grabbed her by the hair, pulling her through the living room and down the hall to the bedroom they shared.

[mistri]

I have two, kind of.

The first line of my mini-prologue is: The City of Seasons lay like a splendid blot upon the landscape of Thacar.

The first line of the book proper is: They were calling me a fraud?

[Mike Martyn]

"The Potato King? He calls himself the Potato King? Really Frank, these people!" she said as she dried the last the dishes from their late lunch.

[BlueTexas]

Uncle John rowed across the lake, and Celia already knew what he was coming to say.

[maestrowork]

Ray committed his first murder when he was nine years old.

How did you know?! *gasp*

(I think we did this a while ago... it tickled me to see how these opening lines would string together and form some weird story that remotely made sense...)

[sassandgroove]

(I think we did this a while ago... it tickled me to see how these opening lines would string together and form some weird story that remotely made sense...)

Wasn't that the last line written that day?

[zarch]

"Hot damn!"

[rowriter]

this isn't from my current WIP, but something I was working on earlier:

"When Adrienne was nine, her mother walked into her room one Saturday afternoon and found her daughter the audience and choreographer of an eerily educated production of sexual activity between two stuffed animals."

[underthecity]

Clang clang! Fifth and Vine, Fountain Square, use the center door, please.

This opening line took me a week to come up with, it introduces my latest regional history book, coming out this December.

And you know what, I'm going to sign these from now on as

allen

[scarletpeaches]

"She awoke with a start, and an unidentified man lying beside her."

[ricaykw]

With the best of intentions and sparing no expense, oil tycoon and celebrity-status billionaire Wayne Harper had spent his last years balding from chemo treatments and founding the Wayne Institute of Technology.

[Bufty]

The advancing storm stealthily encircled its prey.

[Saanen]

My current WIP first line:

Dexter said I should write this story down so humans can read it.

The original first line (or rather, two lines) was:

I didn't know I was starting my first season. I thought I had worms.

I had to add a short new chapter one (really a prologue) before the original chapter one, though, to explain a lot of things about the culture. I still love the original beginning, though.

[scribbler1382]

Uncle John rowed across the lake, and Celia already knew what he was coming to say.

Nice, Kira. This is my favorite so far.

[Bartel]

I suspect I don't agonize over opening lines as much as a lot of people so there's always that chance that they're not quite as good, but here's one of them.

Torches blazed merrily along the walls of Abelard's Tavern, their flickering light dimmed by the thick smoke hanging in the air like a stale cloud.

[alaskamatt17]

Overhead, a bird's wing beats broke the night's silence.

[alaskamatt17]

From my second novel (sequel to the previous one):

One week has passed since the fall of Wurrabond; I still feel the blood, thick and red on my palms.

[cwfgal]

I really like these....there are some great openers here. I'll offer this one, because it's my favorite of all of mine (and the opening line was the genesis for the whole book):

I’m surprised to discover how much the inside of a dead body smells like the inside of a live one.

Beth

[Vomaxx]

"Her feet pounded on the cracked stone slabs."

[Datoen]

My WIP, None But the Bravest, is posted in "other" under Share Your Work.
Here is my opening line of chapter 1

Laurent stepped into the dimly lit cabin and instantly noticed something different about the look on Captain Rowe’s face.

[ANNIE]

Derry Brandon ran.

[Mistook]

Adrianne Benton trudged through slush in her combat boots, lugging an old army backpack down Farwell Street, another ghostly figure in
the fog.


If anybody'd like to crit the current version of chapter 1, it's in SYW under "Mystery". I'd be ever so thankful. :)

[La Reine]

From my WIP:
They came for Tanea in the early afternoon, unexpectedly, while she was hanging freshly washed linens on a line.

I want to read more! :)

[aadams73]

From my current WIP: I have a bone to pick with Death.

(This, of course, is subject to change.)

[azbikergirl]

I want to read more! :)
COOL!!! :banana:

They say that the job of the first sentence is to get the reader to read the second sentence, and the job of the second sentence is to get the reader to read the third, etc.

[Jewel101]

of the prologue:

Bright oblivion surrounded a small wooden table, as far as the mortal eye could see.

of the first chapter:

Tanya Adara Morris sat on an old, moth-eaten sofa, reading a book

[David McAfee]

I remember the night of July 12th, 1985 quite well. Too well for my liking, I think sometimes.

[Syrra]

With a final scream and a gush of blood, she lost her love.

[loquax]

From my current WIP about a psycho girl who talks to her toys;

"We need help," said Stuffed Rabbit.

[Mike Martyn]

From my WIP:
They came for Tanea in the early afternoon, unexpectedly, while she was hanging freshly washed linens on a line.

No matter what happened to her, at least she didn't have to finish hanging the damn laundry!

[PattiTheWicked]

It was just another shitty day in Crucifixion.

[thewritemuse]

Thanks for sharing, y'all -- so many excellent openings!

My first lines that I don't hate (LOL):

I feel suspiciously like a beefsteak tomato. -- Cycles

Bloody book! -- Rock Paper Scissors

There's perks living downwind of industry in Hershey, Pennsylvania, where a rarified sweetness sometimes wings through the valley to puddle at the foot of the mountains. -- Still Life In Chocolate

Pressed against the sycamore like moss, nothing more than a night mirage, Mason Adams stood in a pall of brittle humidity that promised snow, and watched. -- Rainbow's End

[kristie911]

Derry Brandon ran.

I just wanted to say that I love this one! Three simple words that make me want to read the next sentence...exactly what they are supposed to do! No adjectives, adverbs or anything else to screw it up, yet I already have a picture in my head! LOVE IT!

[KTC]

I have 3 WIP at the moment. (I know...I'm scatterbrained. I write in each of them whenever that particular story is in my veins...) And I also have a completed MS.


WIP #1 The pizza was merely a rouse.
WIP #2 Martin was dying.
WIP #3 Sadness is a dream from which you never awaken.

Completed MS Nicky Kostopolos was crazy in a good way.

[scribbler1382]

WIP #2 Martin was dying.


Why didn't anyone tell me! :)

[KTC]

lol. We'll just say it's another Martin. (-;

[ChunkyC]

Previous novel (first in trilogy - trying to sell):
Jase flipped through the air and tumbled deep into a thicket amid cracking branches and sharp-edged foliage that lashed his cheeks and forearms ... but there was no sudden agony.


Current WIP (sequel):
Praefect Ghant'Neth was agitated.


Next book (final book of trilogy):
Surf boomed against the side of the boat and Eldon tightened his grip on the tiller as spray washed over him for what seemed like the hundredth time.


Short story:
The last free thought Jeremiah Throckmorton would have, occurred to him as the creature sank its already bloodied fangs deep into his right shoulder ... The missus sure ain't gonna believe why I'm late this time.

[circusrunaway]

I'm actually quite fond of my opening line, which is...

English is a foolish language; it’s no wonder that it never caught on.

[dreamfroggy]

I'm just curious. I've read a lot about opening lines and various types of beginnings. If you are all comfortable, please feel free to post what your novels opening line is - or are, if you have more than one written.

For me:



Rise of an Exile"It's wierd."i have a few myself.

The eye in the knot hole moved.
is one.

another is
She sat atop the mound of dirt waiting for the violet light that would signal the being beneath her was waking.

[Doyle]

And here is mine, the begining of a a true story.


"I was lying peacefully awake in my bed in Eureka, California listening to the dueling of the early morning birds on a Sunday in late October through the half open window when the phone rang. "

[Sharon Mock]

Still in need of clean-up, but what the heck:

The traveler came to Syler's Bay on the cusp of midsummer, though he did not know the day.

[hpoppink]

Someone was knocking.

[Euan H.]

As soon as Stefan Von Stawy dismounted, all the dogs in the castle began to howl at the same time.

[Four_Elements]

I have very strange opening lines. For example, one of them was, "All I ever wanted to be in life was a Dark Lord."

[aruna]

It was Molly who found the baby.

Paul was four when the sahib took him from the place with all the children.

Jyothi's slight form wavered a little as Ma placed the smaller bundle on her head, but she gripped it with both hands and soon found the point of perfect balance.

Dear Diary,
Hello. Now I am six. (OK, two sentences)

[stace001]

"Thirteen months ago, the gray walls of the underground parking garage weren't frightening to Olivia."

[Princesstilly]

From WIP called Cage of Bone:

Mom’s screaming woke me up.

Leanne

[MystiAnne]

I really like these....there are some great openers here. I'll offer this one, because it's my favorite of all of mine (and the opening line was the genesis for the whole book):

I’m surprised to discover how much the inside of a dead body smells like the inside of a live one.

Beth
I love this one! So many questions and it's disgusting and funny, I'd HAVE to read the next line!!!!

[MystiAnne]

This one is softer than all you all's, dunno if that makes it bad or not...

Peony reached for her back and tried to find a comfortable way to stay in bed.


:Shrug:

[fedorable1]

The original first sentance of my WIP, now replaced with "It's wierd," stated:

"Despite all the prophecies and the predictions, the warnings and the propaganda, the world didn't end--it just got old."

[cwfgal]

I love this one! So many questions and it's disgusting and funny, I'd HAVE to read the next line!!!!

Thanks! (And you can read the next line on my website if you want--disgusting and funny is right on mark.)

The opening line was a thought that passed through my own mind once upon a time while watching an autopsy. As soon as it did, I realized there was a book in there somewhere. I carried that line around in my head and it took me several years and the crumping of my suspense novel career to finally get around to finding the book behind it. It's the only book I wrote where I didn't agonize over, and change, my first line a gazillion times. All of my other books began with an idea and a basic plot. This book began with that line and the character who would think it.

A question for others: when did you come up with your first line? Was it early in the writing process or later? With the exception of the book mentioned above, for me it's always later. Usually much later.

Beth

[underthecity]

A question for others: when did you come up with your first line? Was it early in the writing process or later? With the exception of the book mentioned above, for me it's always later. Usually much later.

The book I just completed, and whose opening line I posted on page 1, is a regional history book. I researched and wrote all the chapters first, and wrote the 1,500 word Introduction last. While I wrote the Introduction, I tried to figure out exactly how I wanted to open the book. It took me a week to come up with the line. So actually, the opening line was the last thing I wrote.

The line quoted is what a streetcar conductor would have said when arriving at Fifth and Vine Streets downtown, an area where several big movie houses were located. The line also refers to the cover image, which shows Fifth and Vine in 1929. Click on the link below and you can see it.

allen

[katee]

Great timing - I just rewrote my first paragraph. I'm still going on my WIP, so it may change, but currently it's:

I blamed tofu.

[Irysangel]

Great thread. Here's mine from my current WIP:

I decided it had been one hell of a night if I couldn't remember why I was waking up in a dumpster.

[moblues]

Well, there are three different ways to start this one. I'll proffer this:

A naval mission involving over four thousand troops from the United States, Britain, and Australia allied themselves in what could only be described as an invasion of Antarctica. This invasion commenced from Norfolk, Virginia in December of 1946.

(True story –– "Operation Highjump").


I added the second short setence to add a sense of time and place.

By the way, this NOT a military story. This is shown simply so that the readers know where the weeds grow.



Mike

[Akuma]

Mine.

Some folks say the great fighter Nera did it, spitting a fiery hole into the moon.

[maestrowork]

A question for others: when did you come up with your first line? Was it early in the writing process or later? With the exception of the book mentioned above, for me it's always later. Usually much later.


It was a last-minute thing, right before I sent off the ms. to publishers and agents.

[Danger Jane]

"The girl was terribly bored."



It kind of sounds lame, but actually I did a good job making the beginning make people want to know more.


Wrote a short story on a whim a couple days ago:


"My mistress has never spoken a word."

For the first line...it took me about seven months to come up with the line, and all the sudden I came up with a new angle to tell the story in, and the prologue just flowed right out. But sometimes the beginning is much easier than the end, like in aforememntioned short story.

[TheIT]

From the short story I'm working on:


Springtime at MapleSea Hall made the trees frisky.

[Danger Jane]

These are all such good openers!

[ChunkyC]

...when did you come up with your first line?

I always start with a first line I hope will stay put. It usually works out that way, even though I may tweak it incessantly.

[Cheryll]

... Strange, how when you hear some things repeatedly for so long that you start to turn a deaf ear to them, like an old piece of furniture collecting dust in your attic. But Jack listened today.

From The Carousel

... "My husband done got himself dead."

From Incident in Cole County

Cheryll

[azbikergirl]

A question for others: when did you come up with your first line? Was it early in the writing process or later? With the exception of the book mentioned above, for me it's always later. Usually much later.

For my WIP, it's the first line I wrote. Haven't gone back yet. For my completed novel being shopped around, I wrote the opening a few dozen times.

[hpoppink]

I wrote my opening line not knowing it was the first line of the book.

I did an "opening line" for every chapter, using the same principles as the first chapter's opening. Capture interest; make readers want to read more. Whether I succeeded is another issue; but this was the goal.

When I realized I'd started the book too soon, I just jumped forward enough chapters to start it at the right point. Chapter 10 became Chapter 1.

[Titus Raylake]

From my sci-fi novel:

"It's better to give than to receive... especially when the gift is a grenade at your feet."

My second line is:

"Aliens, come and get some!"

[brinkett]

My second line is:

"Aliens, come and get some!"
Are you writing about Duke Nukem?

[William Haskins]

By the time we took to the streets, it was too late.

[David McAfee]

I remember the night of July 12th, 1985 quite well. Too well for my liking, I think sometimes.

The most wonderful thing to me about a Work In Progress is the "In Progress" part. Manuscripts evolve via revision, and after revision, the opening line to this work has changed. It is now as follows:

My death was never reported to the police.

[Mistook]

Dave,

I like the new line!

[David McAfee]

Dave,

I like the new line!

Thanks, Mistook. :)

[jackie106]

We met in the back room of a restaurant that was too expensive for a man who just got out of jail.

[veinglory]

I am working on two books.

One starts: Luke felt cold at night.

and the other: The children were screaming.

[scfirenice]

one: The alarm went off at 5:06...a.m.

two: His body lay cold and nearly lifeless beneath my hands. (should I lose the adverb?)

[daphne]

The opening line of my current WIP is:

If, after that first summer and before your birth, your father had died of typhus or at sea, our affair might have been truly epic.

[fedorable1]

two: His body lay cold and nearly lifeless beneath my hands. (should I lose the adverb?)

Personally, I'd just change "beneath" to "in." "Beneath my hands" just seems a bit odd, you know? Maybe it's just me. But the sentence itself is intriguing.

[marcusgee]

Current WIP "Prodigal" to be published next year:

"The ship’s computer core was not functionally intelligent—though after spending enough time there, Nathan Straka had come to believe that Almacantar was whispering to him in between the thrust tremors that penetrated her decks."

Is it that obvious this is a science-fiction novel? :)

[alaskamatt17]

I like that opening line, Marcus.

I've got a new one, from a short story I'm working on:

He came from the far, far north when the cold descended, and he brought with him the strength of the distant mountains, the sky, and the river of light that flows above the arctic earth.

[scribbler1382]

His body lay cold and nearly lifeless beneath my hands. (should I lose the adverb?)

If you lose the adverb it will drastically change the meaning of your sentence. There's a huge difference between a body that's "nearly lifeless" and one that's just "lifeless".

Same goes for the other suggestion of changing "beneath my hands" to "in". Different meanings.

[KimJo]

There are a lot of attention-grabbing openings on this thread!

Mine, from my current YA WIP:
There was another one.

[cattywampus]

These are pretty good examples, but in writing first lines, we need to keep in mind the purpose of the line, and the reasons readers read.

The purpose of the first line is to "hook" the reader. What does that mean? With the first sentence the writer needs to set up a compelling question in the reader's mind. Humans can't tolerate unanswered questions; we are wired to seek answers. An unanswered question creates tension in the reader and most of them will keep reading until the question is answered, in order to relieve that tension.

The opening question may be answered right away, or not until the end. If the answer is delayed, another question is quickly presented, and then another, to keep the reader's tension going. Enough tension will keep them reading right through to the end. Mysteries depend heavily on this technique; that's one reason they're so popular. Everybody loves a puzzle.

Many first lines fail in their purpose, and the reader ends up thinking, "Who cares?" You have not chosen the words that will make the reader care about your character: the first line needs to force the reader to care, whether they want to, whether they have time to pursue this or not. The way to do it is to make it clear that the character is in trouble (of some kind) right off the launch pad. The interest of nearly all humans will be caught by someone else in trouble.

Examine your first lines to see if they fulfill their purpose. If they don't, change them.

Forgive me for lecturing, but I'm giving you the benefit of a costly college education for free!

Thanks for reading.

Catty :Lecture:

[pconsidine]

Y'know, since I've been desperately trying NOT to write the novel that this line opens, it might be somewhat false to say it's from a work in progress, but here it is all the same:

"Never one for a hanging, Willie was surprised to find himself staring up at the Gallows Tree that morning."

[three seven]

I've learned a few things about Sarah today.

Which, quite obviously, is a contender for the title of most uninspiring first line ever dribbled out of a keyboard.

[rhymegirl]

I've learned a few things about Sarah today.

Which, quite obviously, is a contender for the title of most uninspiring first line ever dribbled out of a keyboard.

I thought it was a good line. It made me want to read the rest of your wonderful novel.

[maestrowork]

I've learned a few things about Sarah today.

Which, quite obviously, is a contender for the title of most uninspiring first line ever dribbled out of a keyboard.

Actually I think it's a good line. It makes me want to know:

1. Who is Sarah?
2. Who is the 1st person narrator?
3. What did the narrator learn about Sarah?
4. What is the relationship between them?
5. What happens next?

It could be anything. It could be a love story. It could be mystery... Then your story takes a dark turn and that's really wonderful.

[rhymegirl]

Exactly my point.

[three seven]

The cheques are in the post. :)

[Bartel]

Here's a couple more of mine.

It was one o’clock in the morning and they were still driving.

On Lakeside Drive in bustling downtown Port Cogher the buildings crowded each other like hungry weeds, each vying for what tiny amount of space there was to be found.

[ottorino]

I had to pinch a sausage that first night, right after I’d pinned her, and she was so cool; I just walked into the can, flocked out a log, forgot to flush, and crawled back into the sack––she didn’t even seem to notice!

[Azraelsbane]

1: Lucifer was missing, and a missing rebel angel made for a very bad day.

2: Blood. So much blood. My father’s hand fisted in my hair, forcing me to watch as blood spilled from the gaping wound he’d sliced into the furry throat of my only friend.


Wait, I think that last one is more than one line. *shrug* It only has one complete sentence in it, maybe that counts. ;)

[wayndom]

My novel THOR (an adult novel told from the POV of a family's German shepherd) started with a long-ish first sentence along the lines of:

"Thor got a bad feeling about the stranger the moment he saw him, while the man was still a half block away..."

Later, my agent convinced me the story needed a prologue, so now the first line is,

"The smell of blood changed everything."

Which is a vastly superior first sentence.

My unpublished Vampire novel, NIGHTLIFE, begins:

"If the gun wasn't in the mailbox as Jimmie promised, Janet would simply go to the opera with Ethan as planned."

DEFAULT LINE, which is currently being shopped to agents, begins:

"Renee touched up her lipstick in the women's room of Blue's Cafe, and wondered how she would ever dig herself out of the hole she was in."

Not so happy with that last one, but haven't come up with anything better...

[enchantedfire5]

"Three warriors riding horses entered the city of Loreladia and the people gathered around them and eagerly awaited the news of the battle."

It's kind of long.

[Voyager]

Book 1 (the fantasy/thriller thingy): The black beast stirred, slithered on his belly and collapsed, panting like a rabid dog.

Book 2 (the historical novel): The blood stained knife slipped through Petronius' trembling fingers, the handle cracking as it hit the marble tile, spraying a lacy pattern of crimson across floor.

[Manat]

This is fun. Some great opening lines here. These are mine

Historical

Gabriel crouched on bended knee, hunched against cold stone above an ancient alley fetid with the smell of piss, vomit, and cooked sausage

Urban Fantasy

Samantha Edwards was about to feed an addiction.

Historical

Jamie Sinclair pushed back his visor and surveyed the field. The air was crisp, sharp with the acrid smell of smoke and the bitter taste of winter.

[VisionScript]

Embraces were a rare and necessary truth.

AND:

No one wanted to join a club in the attic of a boy’s home whose parents didn’t BELIEVE in video games.

[VisionScript]

Oh! AND:

Queen Raven sits atop a massive throne resplendent with impressively carved cartouches of ages gone by and ancestors long forgotten wearing a child’s diamond tiara, the glow of which does not surpass the glow of the natural halo she would have could she rid herself of the leeches which cling to her spirit.

[Shadow_Ferret]

The moon hung like a bleached skull in the predawn sky, its mouth open in a perpetual scream.

[Stew21]

Mediocre is a mantra when you live it long enough; it was mine because I had.

[EriRae]

"You and Marc should have kids," my sister Vivi said.

Dolf Price never thought, "I want to be a Nazi when I grow up."

If love makes the world go round, the world stopped on a dime the day I lost Brian.

[GeorgieB]

From my WIP:

Any morning that starts with a sheriff telling you to stand, turn around and put your hands behind your back so that he can snap a set of cuffs on you is bound to get worse.

[Raiyah]

From my WIP:

A friend of mine killed herself recently.

[Gigi Sahi]

From my WIP:

Ain't nothing wrong with my hearing.

[ChaosTitan]

From the WIP:

I don't remember the first time I died, but I do recall the second time I was born.


Another favorite from a trunked novel:

Folks who say it's easy to go home again never done it after spending nine years in jail for manslaughter.

[vfury]

Beatrice woke up on a day when she should have been dead.



As opening lines go, it's one of my better ones. :)

[clockwatcher]

From the two I am currently writing:

"Hahaha! Go to jail!" my so-called friend, Na Young, ordered with far too much glee.

"Okay, I'm ready," Ji Won said, taking off her robe.


I always start with dialogue. I need to work on that.

[musicalzoo]

the first line in my WIP is:

She could feel every grain of the hot concrete on her feet as she crept up between the two cars.

The first scene is a dream, but of course the reader doesn't know that when they first start reading...

[imagoodgurl4]

1. Skyler Moore knew God created men with both a brain and a penis. (It's a WIP).

2. "I don't care if you have to smother her in gravy. I want her dead." (Also a WIP).

[scarletpeaches]

From my WIP, currently a ball-hair's-breadth away from being submission-ready.

"I don't know why you bother hanging round places like this." Gideon Locke wrinkled his nose, managing to look immaculate in his revulsion.

[Vandal]

Kimberly Castner Butterworth heard someone speak her name.

[PastMidnight]

My opening line is in constant flux, but here is the current version:

Silk was a wartime luxury, yet Mairead always wore her silk brassiere on the nights she went dancing.

[Danger Jane]

Green sea winks at me through the dying yellow sunlight.


And



I land just as the man hits the ground.

[Varthikes]

Forging Trust:

Varthikes' great, tan wings arched forward and propelled his golden-scaled body effortlessly toward the herd of humpcoes.


Shattered Trust:

Captain Rick Brendan stepped off the elevator onto the bridge of the United Earth Ship Saratoga and made his way around to the science station.

[julief]

I'm always playing with it. Currently for G&A (more than one unimpressive sentence):

I let the smoke out of my mouth in bursts, so it looked like clouds as it diffused into the space in front of me. I ignored the dirty looks of a few pedestrians, who were offended by my public smoking, and remained tucked into my own thoughts.

[efreysson]

It was not that the nearby cries of the survivors, and their steady decrease in numbers, didn't bother him.

[Kryianna]

From my WIP:
The last thing I expected to see on my morning run was a priest slaying a dragon.

[swvaughn]

It's all this thread's fault! I was innocently lurking, because it's Sunday and even the Big Guy rested on Sunday, and I got sucked in to all these lovely, wonderful opening lines. Curses! :D Man, now I gotta add to my TBR pile...

I'll throw mine up too. Why not? My current WIP:

Just once, I would have liked to accidentally get my shit together.

[Bruce Baker]

Watched from afar, the boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed as they walked beside the tiny stream, just north of Edinburgh, Scotland.

I imagine you Water Cooler folks looking over my shoulder while I write and it makes me write more lucidly! lol

[Azraelsbane]

It's all this thread's fault! I was innocently lurking, because it's Sunday and even the Big Guy rested on Sunday, and I got sucked in to all these lovely, wonderful opening lines. Curses! :D Man, now I gotta add to my TBR pile...

I'll throw mine up too. Why not? My current WIP:

Just once, I would have liked to accidentally get my shit together.

sw, you are so sneaky!

[scarletpeaches]

Watched from afar, the boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed as they walked beside the tiny stream, just north of Edinburgh, Scotland.

I imagine you Water Cooler folks looking over my shoulder while I write and it makes me write more lucidly! lol

If I might make a teeny-weeny suggestion? The "Scotland" part really isn't necessary. In fact I know it gets on Scots' nerves to have our capital exactly placed this way. I mean, where else would Edinburgh be?

If there are others around the world, I don't know about them but surely the body of the story would make it clear we're in Scotland?

[Bruce Baker]

Thank you Scarlet! That is JUST the kind of thing I joined this site for! My roommate and I loved Scotland so much we are still talking about it 7 years after our vacation there. He's gonna LOVE it when I tell Him what you said. (Insight into Scottish mindset about their own country...lol) That's TWO good 'writing repairs' I've gotten on different threads here since I joined yesterday.

[scarletpeaches]

Glad to help, and especially glad I didn't cause offence. ;)

[Bruce Baker]

I am so offended! You insulted my deathless (depthless?) prose! You told me I have an ugly baby! I hate you I hate you I hate you (joking)...hehehe

[Devil Ledbetter]

Watched from afar, the boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed as they walked beside the tiny stream, just north of Edinburgh, Scotland.

I imagine you Water Cooler folks looking over my shoulder while I write and it makes me write more lucidly! lolYour opening line is a bit repetitive. You have the boy and his dog both passively "watched from afar" and "being observed." You also have them on a "stroll" and "walking."

Welcome to AW. :D

[Esopha]

Right now, it's:

Rosemary paused in the milking just in time to hear a whisper.

But I'm probably going to change it to this:

Oh no, it's some kind of infestation.

[DamaNegra]

"For the first time in his life, he walked out of the hospital."

[kevacho]

The novel I'm querying now opens like this: Cindy Capshaw had always done as she was told.

And then there is of course the greatest opening line of all time, in my humble opinion, by, arguably, one of the greatest authors of the twentieth century.

It was a pleasure to burn.

Regards,

Kevin
www.kevacho.com

[Bruce Baker]

Am I really doing this to myself? You people are like the voices of self-doubt in my own head and I can't stop listening to your criticism and reworking my writing accordingly. This is like writing by committee. But, please tell me if this sounds better..."Watched from afar, the boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed. A tiny stream ran beside them along their path, far out in the countryside, several miles to the north of Edinburgh."
GAAAA!

[Esopha]

"Watched from afar, the boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they being were observed. A tiny stream ran beside them along their path, far out in the countryside, several miles to the north of Edinburgh."
GAAAA!

Pick one. :D

Get used to the feeling. I look at all my writing and say, What would those folks at AW think of this? Would they whap me over the head repeatedly and take away my keyboard?

But make sure you know how to edit yourself.

[Devil Ledbetter]

Here's how I'd tighten that sucker:

Watched from afar, tThe boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll,. They were unaware that they were being observed. A tiny stream ran beside them along their path, far out in the countryside, several miles to the north of Edinburgh."

It says the same thing with less verbiage, doesn't it?

I agree with your concern about writing by committee though. It's the worst thing that can happen to writing. I have no attachment to whether you employ my suggested edits, or ignore them.

[Bruce Baker]

:flag:It took me several readings to come around to your point of view, but I surrender. You are correct. "The boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed. A tiny stream ran beside them along their path, far out in the countryside, several miles to the north of Edinburgh."

That IS cleaner, darn you...lol

[Bruce Baker]

:Hug2:I wanted to play "Lord of the Flies" with someone else's opening lines as well. Turnabout is fair play. But they're actually ALL quite good! My needed help, but I have to say that many of the others were gripping.

[Esopha]

:flag:It took me several readings to come around to your point of view, but I surrender. You are correct. "The boy and his dog enjoyed a late-morning stroll. They were unaware that they were being observed. A tiny stream ran beside them along their path, far out in the countryside, several miles to the north of Edinburgh."

That IS cleaner, darn you...lol

They all do, eventually. ;)

Devil Ledbetter gave you some great advice, as well. Everybody here gives good advice. We're all great.

Group hug!

[c.e.lawson]

Ooh - what a fun thread! We've had some recent discussion about openers in the Historical SYW thread.

From my WIP:

Where could she hide this time?

[Shady Lane]

Sublime:

Sunrise is nighttime's crack baby.

Christmastime:

"It's raining."

Singleton:

"Sash did not care that his leg hurt."

Nimble (so far):

"I remember when Griffin first showed me the Lump, because it was the same day I inadvertantly turned in my sister's green underwear with my English assignment."

King of Infinite Space will be, of course:

"Who's there?"

[David I]

Are you familiar with the idea of "sign and line"? It's a new thing where authors are asked to inscribe their books with not only their signature and the date, but also with a line--usually the first line--of the book.

I've signed about 120 books so far, but haven't been asked to "sign and line." And I'm grateful, because the first line of my novel is:


Phil ran a classy place—the cleanest, most spacious porn shop in downtown Portland, Oregon—but you didn’t see many unaccompanied ladies there, so when the woman pushed through the frosted-glass door, jangling the overhead bell, he stood up behind the register and put on what he hoped was an open, nonjudgmental expression, the face you’d want your doctor to wear.

[MelodyO]

Agent Doyle’s right foot went through Portal Home and into 1963, but the rest of him froze, trembling, in the present.

(From my poor time travel novel that is languishing on my hard drive while I try to decide what to do with it.)

[Cassidy]

First line of the YA short story I'm revising now:

"I'm pretty sure that no one else at my school has a picture of their naked mother hanging over their living room couch."

[seun]

I wrote a strange short story yesterday. Opening line:

'It's coming after me'.

[Bruce Baker]

Maybe if my mother was Sarah Bernhart I could stand having such a picture over my sofa. Otherwise I would have to burn down the house and move. SEUN! Great opener. I want to read that story. When is it coming out, dude?:D I keep getting first lines that make me wish the whole book was out NOW, whereas my own opener was meat-grinded (and rightfully so) on my first day of posting. Plus some of the stuff I'm reading now is bottom of the library barrel doo-doo...hehehe...Write MORE for me...FEED me! Feed the monster in me that is insatiably devouring everything as soon as it comes out on the market!

[seun]

[quote=Bruce Baker;1684420]SEUN! Great opener. I want to read that story. When is it coming out, dude?[quote]

Thanks. The story needs a bit of work, but once it's rewritten, edited and I find an agent and they find a publisher, it'll be out. ;)

[Merry]

Tamsyn landed on the hard deck, jarred from sleep by the strident 'incoming missiles' klaxon.

[Carrie R.]

"My mother used to tell me about the ocean."

That's from the WIP we're about to start subbing to publishers (eep!).

[sassandgroove]

I cannot tell you my life story completely without first telling the stories of the strong women who came before me.

(But it is a rough draft and I don't like the opening now that I've written the ending. Thus starts the great revision...)
I have no memory of this post. Weird.

[raydad]

The lonesome wail of the shrill steam whistle stifled the woman’s cries.

[maestrowork]

Tentative opening like for WIP:

The impending death excited Kai.

[raydad]

Burdett took one last, long, ultimate drag from her unfiltered Camel, flicked the butt out the back door of the all-night-all-you-can-eat catfish café and, perfectly pealing off the wrapper, opened a fresh stick of spearmint gum, unfoiled it with her front teeth, smacked it twice and let the screen door slam shut just as two cats squealed like Michael Jackson and leaped out of the trash can just as it tipped over and rolled down the alley, stopping at the back door of the half-price tattoo parlor next door.

(I'm so very sorry--very, very sorry)

[JohnDavidPaxton]

She shifted beneath the sands of the city, hungry.

[RJThorne]

What in the blue-flamed abyss hit me?

[valen_sinclair]

Well I have a few kicking around, so choose your favourites from the following:

I write these words, not for future history, not so that future generations can judge my actions, but for myself


He had never looked at the law as a set of rules to be obeyed without question. But more a set of dots, like in a child’s dot to dot book, but with the numbers placed not to look like a Rabbit when joined, but something that would only make sense to him. His way. His rules.


It was a fine mid-summers morning when the plane fell out of the sky.

“Tell me about your family?”
“What is there to say, small dysfunctional all the sort of things that make a man go insane. Tell me about yours.”

[Feathers]

A line popped into my head, and I had to write a story to accompany it. From my WIP Search for Somethingness, as seen in sig:

It lived in a glass box.


-Feathers

[Lady Esther]

These first lines are likely to change

Fantasy WIP:

One of the greatest wars in the Middle East was the Jenilean war.

Contemporary WIP 1:

I hated high school.

Contemporary WIP 2:

Fathers lie.

[Jack Nog]

Death on the gym floor. Not the bathroom at the far end of the school. Not the shop room buried in a forgotten wing. Nope, the gym floor...in the middle of Phys. Ed. Life, and apparently death, never went as it should.

Toyed with this one. Since this is a rather more serious novel than this phrase, it will change...But I liked the dryness of it. I dunno.

[LilliCray]

I have no memory of this post. Weird.

I have the opposite problem. I could have sworn I posted on this thread a few days ago. Weird. :D

Anywaaay....

One that I liked but had to recycle was:

"The last thing one would expect to see at North High was an undead cat."

Some others:

"He realized they were going to crash moments after the three-tailed cat streaked across the street ahead of him."

"She was running. As fast as she could, she was running."

"Life is hard."

I'd better stop typing before I switch to gibberishj...

[ACEnders]

Subject to change:

Even on an ordinary day, one’s heart and soul are in constant danger.

[dancingwuli]

All the women of my family had gone to war.

[scarletpeaches]

...'It's coming after me'.

Typical man.

[Richard White]

What's my opening line? Well it usually depends on how drunk I am and how cute she is . . . OH, sorry, I thought this was a different subject.



Added later: Hmm, looks like I killed this thread.
(Chalks another mark on the wall.)

[seun]

From my WIP short story:

What can I tell you about these two boys?

[willietheshakes]

"Hey beautiful - I'm a writer. Do you wanna be in my memoirs?"

That almost never works, though.

Almost never.

[Varthikes]

From a few of my short stories:

"Wall Between Worlds":

I recall upon a time.


"Path of the Fool":

Draconia was a beautiful world.


"Misplaced Dragon":

Consciousness gradually returned to Varthikes.


"Precious Life":

Alarms and indicators blared and flashed, shout danger at the pilot of the one-person craft.

[spacejock2]

It had been an unusually long flight from the Oxed system, and Hal Spacejock was sprawled in his bunk aboard the Volante, staring at the ceiling with glassy, unfocussed eyes.

[sandyn]

“She’s a changeling. That hospital gave us the wrong baby to take home.”

[ColoradoGuy]

Vargas sliced open the man's belly.

[Joycecwilliams]

James Brown’s death revived dead memories in my soul.

[leenakincaid]

[in my first novel] And they all died in the end.
[second, I can't recall]
[third] My name is Conall.
[one I am working on now, opening lines posted for pride]
Dear Dea,
I know you remember me. You always have, and you always will.