Repeatedly calling someone by name or using "he/she"

ChainsawLicker · Jan 2, 2010

I remember from my writing classes that you should try to mix up what you call your characters. It becomes repetitive if you constantly say "Sherman held the door," "he closed the window," "Sherman tasted his food."
So, someone read my rough 1st chapter and basically said it was a faux pas to call someone "the girl" after using their proper name. I was just trying to add some variety. Is it actually a big deal, or were they just being nit picky?

Maxinquaye · Jan 2, 2010

As I recall it from theory, he/she are nearly invisible words. So, what I do is that I establish who I'm talking about, and then use he/she. Variations, for me, come in not starting every sentence with those words.

ChainsawLicker · Jan 2, 2010

My MC is pretty much the only female in the book so far, and it seems like I would just constantly be using "she", paragraph after paragraph.

Drice · Jan 2, 2010

I think that "the girl" is OK to use before the name is revealed but a little strange afterwards. On the other hand, as Maxinquaye said, "she" is almost invisible but when it gets to tired I would think that the use of her name works well, after which the workhorse "she" can be used again. But I would not go for impersonal tags like "the girl" "the young lady" unless you want to really emphasize something.

IMHO anyways.

Maxinquaye · Jan 2, 2010

Yeah, what Drice said. If I wrote only about one character, I would vary with the name, OR intersperce with sentences where the subject the MC wouldn't be used. I would use feelings, gestures, movement as subjects. It would still reference the 'she', but not directly.

sheadakota · Jan 2, 2010

Does she have a nick-name you could use along with 'she' and her proper name?- I think using She is fine by the way-

kaitie · Jan 2, 2010

I tend to avoid using names unless I absolutely have to for clarity sake. Otherwise I just use "he" and "she" 90% of the time.

dawinsor · Jan 2, 2010

I listen to audio books a lot in the car, and one thing that surprised me was how invisible "she" is compared even to the name. Using the name felt more distant to me because the POV character doesn't think of herself by name probably.

ChainsawLicker · Jan 2, 2010

Good deal. I think I only did it once; I'll just fix it.

Kweei · Jan 2, 2010

I think she (or he) is perfectly fine. It gets confusing if you have more than one character in the scene of the same gender, but as long as someone knows who the character is, personal pronouns work just fine.

Personally, when I write, I switch it up between he/she and the character's name. Whatever flows best.

MumblingSage · Jan 2, 2010

My rule of thumb is to use "he/she" most of the time, the character's name every once in a while (or when I need to distinguish he-Bob and he-Richard), and to very, very rarely use titles like "the girl" or "the investigative reporter". I use the latter technique occasionally, when, for example, I'm from Bob's POV, I can't use 'he' because then the reader might confuse him with Richard, and I've used their names too often already. Then Richard becomes "the investigative reporter" on occasion. This still might be a faux pas, it's just less of one in my mind that being confusing or redundant.

Albannach · Jan 2, 2010

This made me think of something from the Turkey City Lexicon.

* “Burly Detective” Syndrome

This useful term is taken from SF’s cousin-genre, the detective-pulp. The hack writers of the Mike Shayne series showed an odd reluctance to use Shayne’s proper name, preferring such euphemisms as “the burly detective” or “the red-headed sleuth.” This syndrome arises from a wrong-headed conviction that the same word should not be used twice in close succession. This is only true of particularly strong and visible words, such as “vertiginous.” Better to re-use a simple tag or phrase than to contrive cumbersome methods of avoiding it.

Perhaps not exactly the same, but I'm not sure the OP was given good advice in those writing classes.

Exir · Jan 2, 2010

I hate it when journalists do that. How am I supposed to know that "the Stocky Blond" and "the Affectionate Family Man" and "Gordon" are the same person? Just use the name!

Bookewyrme · Jan 2, 2010

For the most part I agree with what everyone's saying about just sticking to he/she. But every once in a while, I like to throw the "the girl" in. Usually because I wanna describe something about her, without slowing it down. So I always attach an adjective, such as "The tiny girl" or something.

I certainly think that can be overused, and that should be avoided. But I don't think the convention should be avoided like the plague. Just my opinion, I suppose.

LOG · Jan 2, 2010

Use other descriptors about her.
Titles, appearance, occupations, etc.

katiemac · Jan 2, 2010

ChainsawLicker said:
I remember from my writing classes that you should try to mix up what you call your characters. It becomes repetitive if you constantly say "Sherman held the door," "he closed the window," "Sherman tasted his food."
So, someone read my rough 1st chapter and basically said it was a faux pas to call someone "the girl" after using their proper name. I was just trying to add some variety. Is it actually a big deal, or were they just being nit picky?

You're better off trying to vary your sentence structures instead of forcing nicknames or other identifiers.

"Sherman tasted his food, Sherman held the door," feels more repetitive and boring because the sentence structure is the same -- not because you're using his name twice.

Bookewyrme · Jan 2, 2010

I do. That was just a generic example.

ETA: Erm, this was directed at LOG.

Lady Ice · Jan 2, 2010

I mainly use 'he/she' unless the character's name hasn't been introduced yet, in which case they are 'the man/woman' or 'the policeman', etc., or in a situation where it is unclear who's speaking, I use the name.

Chasing the Horizon · Jan 2, 2010

I use he/she whenever I can. In scenes with lots of characters or multiple characters of the same gender I use their names. I don't worry about becoming repetitive, because I think using descriptives like 'the dark-haired man' or whatever sounds really, really dumb (just my opinion, of course).

If the POV character doesn't know the character's name I will use a simple descriptive like 'the woman' or 'the guard' until they learn the name (or until the end of the scene if the character is so minor I never introduce a name). I usually choose a single description and use it for the entire scene, though.

I also keep the name used in the narrative consistent for each character (meaning I don't switch back and forth between first name/nickname/surname). This makes it easier for the reader to remember who is who in a story with a huge cast (and wouldn't matter if you had a small cast, but I write fantasy with tons of characters).

BethS · Jan 2, 2010

What most of the others said: use the name as little as possible, usually at the beginning of a scene, and he/she thereafter.

Of course, if your male character is conversing with another male character, then you will have to use names more often to avoid confusion.

One thing you don't want to do is start off a paragraph with using he or she, and then switch to the proper name in the middle somewhere. That's not only jarring, it makes it sound like you're referring to different character.

As to using the occasional "the girl" or "the old man," that's fine but only occasionally and only when referring to a non-POV character.

Those are my rules of thumb, at any rate.

kuwisdelu · Jan 2, 2010

Stick to the name and the third person pronoun.

Anything else will stick out in a bad way.

Usually.

Depending on the voice and tone, saying "the red-headed girl" to refer to your POV character might work. But not usually. Only do it when it works. If the reader thought it was weird, it probably didn't.

Jamesaritchie · Jan 2, 2010

ChainsawLicker said:
I remember from my writing classes that you should try to mix up what you call your characters. It becomes repetitive if you constantly say "Sherman held the door," "he closed the window," "Sherman tasted his food."
So, someone read my rough 1st chapter and basically said it was a faux pas to call someone "the girl" after using their proper name. I was just trying to add some variety. Is it actually a big deal, or were they just being nit picky?

Once you've established a POV character, you can at least let him off the hook part of the time. If the POV character is eating, for example, you can write something like, The steak was good, rather than Sherman tasted his food.

And much dialogue needs no attribution at all.

jasonleeward · Jan 2, 2010

Names for same Character

It's good to use different names for a character, if needed. For instance, if the scene is with the character's friends then that person will be called by their first name or a nickname. If that character is a professional, he/she would typically be address by Mr. or Mrs. Even in the same scenes the character can be called by two different names, depending on the speaker. And the he said/she said attributes are always the basic and common assignment to the one speaking, but just use in moderation.

Ken Schneider · Jan 2, 2010

He/She is common, and accepted.

I won't debate that the oft seen character could be called, "The girl behind the counter."

But it gets akward and corny.

Him went to the door and looked through the keyhole. It was she, or was it her that he was looking at through the keyhole. Maybe—it was him dressed as a she, and was really a he, or could've him been a her looking more like a he than a she.

Caitlin Black · Jan 2, 2010

The very first bit of criticism I received on my first book was from my sister. She had read through about the first quarter in one sitting, then reached a crucial scene. She asked me later, "You said something about 'the man' - was that still Brian, or was there some other guy there?" "No, that was still Brian." "Well, it was confusing."

So now the only times I refer to people as "the man" or "the girl behind the counter" is when the MC has no way of knowing their name. And I still use he/she said for those characters most of the time, once it's been established that it's "the girl behind the counter" who is speaking.

Repeatedly calling someone by name or using "he/she"

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