Quivered like a....?

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nancy sv

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I'm totally stuck and can't find a good simile for this. I'm writing about when we were cycling through Wyoming and a massive winter storm moved in. We shivered and quivered like a ?????? (bowlful of Jello is too trite!)

Thanks for your help!
Nancy
 

MGraybosch

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I'm totally stuck and can't find a good simile for this. I'm writing about when we were cycling through Wyoming and a massive winter storm moved in. We shivered and quivered like a ?????? (bowlful of Jello is too trite!)

How about this instead? "The storm made tuning forks of us, and left us thrumming from the cold?"
 

The Grump

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Why use the word "like" at all. I think "quivered" creates a great image all by itself ... like an arrow that's hit the target.
 
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CACTUSWENDY

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No suggestions...just a HELLO to you and yours.
 

Libbie

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Yeah, just say shivered. Or quivered. I wouldn't personally say "shivered and quivered" unless I were writing a story for very young children.
 

benbradley

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I get a connotation of fear from the word quiver, and from that "shaking like a leaf on a tree" comes to mind, though that's a bit too cliche or whatever.

But for cold, a simple "The cold winter storm made us shiver" gets the message across. Maybe you can do this without using a simile or metaphor or whatever...
 

NeuroFizz

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Similes and metaphors (and other types of description) are best when they come to us spontaneously. If we have to mull them over to find one that works, there is a real possibility that it will ultimately come off as forced to a reader. Sometimes it's best to just skip the fancy description and move on.

However, if you are hell-bent on using a simile, think of an emotion (or emotions) that is/was triggered by the approaching storm or whatever event is dominating the situation. Fear? Anxiety? In your searching, find a simile that also plays to that background emotion. If you are going to insist on a simile, why not make it do double duty? It certainly will help set the tone of the scene, and it might make for some very fluid writing in a situation where a forced simile may stick out like a pube on a bar of soap.
 
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blacbird

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Why use the word "like" at all. I think "quivered" creates a great image all by itself ... like an arrow that's hit the target.

Echo this. My rule of thumb is: If I have to strain to find a good simile, I don't need a simile.

Someone should have informed mystery writer Ross MacDonald of this principle.

caw
 

analias

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The cold left us shaking like a pair of high-strung chihuahuas.
 

Wayne K

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I don't know if you can quiver and shiver at the same time. Aren't they the same thing?
 

analias

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I don't know if you can quiver and shiver at the same time. Aren't they the same thing?

Depends on how much flesh you have available? My shivering may, indeed, cause some quivering.
 

Ehab.Ahmed

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"Quivered like a prey desperate to escape."

"desperate to escape", is meant to also convey your characters' desire to escape the cold, lol.

Or did I get the meaning of "quiver" wrong?
 

kaitie

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I agree with Silver King. I personally think similes are way too overused and tend to detract from the writing. If you really wanted to emphasize how cold it was, I'd say something like what he said and then go into a bit more detail. "After the first five minutes we couldn't feel our fingers. The icy rain soaked through our gloves..." And so on. Unless you're going for making it really light-hearted, I actually think a simile might make it sound trite.
 

Bufty

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You have to have a clear picture of what the simile is intended to convey. So far, by the word 'quivered', I don't know why you are looking for a simile. :Hug2:
 
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