Writing characters reactions without navel gazing

Diana W. · Dec 22, 2009

Does anyone else have trouble showing how your MC reacts without having to constantly dip inside his / her head and giving every thought? I wrote the first draft pretty lean. Now I'm on the re-write side of things I'm trying to show how my character reacts and thinks during each scene. But I don't want to slow the action down too much by constantly giving his thoughts. Anyone else care to share on how they deal with that fine balancing act?

scarletpeaches · Dec 22, 2009

MrWrite said:
Does anyone else have trouble showing how your MC reacts without having to constantly dip inside his / her head and giving every thought? I wrote the first draft pretty lean. Now I'm on the re-write side of things I'm trying to show how my character reacts and thinks during each scene. But I don't want to slow the action down too much by constantly giving his thoughts. Anyone else care to share on how they deal with that fine balancing act?

So show us how he reacts.

If you write that part well enough we don't need to know how he thinks.

How do we gauge reactions of real people? All we have to go on are their deeds after all.

Lady Ice · Dec 22, 2009

MrWrite said:
Does anyone else have trouble showing how your MC reacts without having to constantly dip inside his / her head and giving every thought? I wrote the first draft pretty lean. Now I'm on the re-write side of things I'm trying to show how my character reacts and thinks during each scene. But I don't want to slow the action down too much by constantly giving his thoughts. Anyone else care to share on how they deal with that fine balancing act?

A lot of it can be shown- such as a character rolling their eyes suggests that they are unimpressed by something, a character looking someone straight in the eye suggests that they want answers.

Pathetic fallacy is useful, as is changing your metaphors to depressing ones.

raburrell · Dec 22, 2009

Lady Ice said:
A lot of it can be shown- such as a character rolling their eyes suggests that they are unimpressed by something, a character looking someone straight in the eye suggests that they want answers.

Pathetic fallacy is useful, as is changing your metaphors to depressing ones.

Please, please no on the eye rolling - for one, there's far too much of it in modern fiction (I'm guilty as well), for another, it's a disturbing visual.

Otherwise, yes - bring the setting into the narrative, use character's response to his surroundings to show what's going through his head rather than directly describing his thoughts. (eg - if the character is bored listening to another speaker, perhaps he'll be distracted noisy flock of ravens outside, or a group of schoolchildren on the playground.)

cwfgal · Dec 22, 2009

Characters react with facial expressions, body language, comments and actions. Show these and vary things. And if you want to play with it a little, show how his thoughts conflict with what he actually says or does.

Beth

ccarver30 · Dec 22, 2009

I big one, I think, is something like- A muscle bunched in his cheek.
That way you can tell he is pissed but is a little subtle.

Albannach · Dec 22, 2009

As has been mentioned a character might sigh, bite his lip, tap his fingers, pick a piece off lint of his shirt, frown, smile, etc as well as more internal reactions such as tensing muscles, gritting teeth, straightening the spine.

You wouldn't want to over-use any of these (and I agree with avoiding eye rolling) mixed in with a sprinkling internal thoughts you can pretty easily show your character's reactions.

katiemac · Dec 22, 2009

Instead of relying on small actions, take the character's feelings and project them outward into the whole narrative.

If your character is sad, his normally sunny apartment might suddenly feel dark and dreary.

If your character is happy, he might think fondly of the kids playing ball in the park.

It's not just about action, but all the word choices you bring into the narrative to create a certain mood.

Diana W. · Dec 22, 2009

Thanks for all your help guys. you've given me plenty to work with here

Chasing the Horizon · Dec 22, 2009

A line here and there of your POV character's thoughts and reactions goes a long ways, and it should enhance the scene, not slow it down. I put a lot more thoughts and reactions in slower-paced scenes than in fast-paced action scenes.

I don't do a lot of showing the external reactions of my POV characters; I use that more for showing the reactions of other characters, since in 3rd limited I can't show their thoughts.

I also disagree that characters should never roll their eyes. In real life people roll their eyes (according my my mom I do it a lot, lol). The problem is that some writers seem to feel the need to have their characters roll their eyes at least once a page.

Albannach · Dec 22, 2009

Chasing the Horizon said:
A line here and there of your POV character's thoughts and reactions goes a long ways, and it should enhance the scene, not slow it down. I put a lot more thoughts and reactions in slower-paced scenes than in fast-paced action scenes.

I don't do a lot of showing the external reactions of my POV characters; I use that more for showing the reactions of other characters, since in 3rd limited I can't show their thoughts.

I also disagree that characters should never roll their eyes. In real life people roll their eyes (according my my mom I do it a lot, lol). The problem is that some writers seem to feel the need to have their characters roll their eyes at least once a page.

I think using a physical reaction allows you to show your MC's feelings without slowing the scene down as much as internal monologue or other devices would, as well as simply adding another tool to add variety.

I can't say I have NEVER had a character roll their eyes, but I avoid it. For one thing there is the classic question: But where did they roll to? At the least, I would suggest using it sparingly and carefully.

The one I have to watch not overusing is shrugging. When I first started writing my characters shrugged so much one would have sworn they had some sort of muscular problem.

JoNightshade · Dec 22, 2009

A thought: I think you need to focus more heavily on this at the beginning and then taper off. By the time a reader gets to the middle of your book, for instance, he/she should have a very good idea of how your protagonist will react to most things with only the smallest of cues.

Woolly · Dec 22, 2009

Meh, pretty much all novels have periods of long introspection. It's only annoying when characters go in loops and refuse to do anything about it or when they cease to be grounded in the action.

quickWit · Dec 22, 2009

Chasing the Horizon said:
I also disagree that characters should never roll their eyes. In real life people roll their eyes...

*rolls eyes*

whatever, dude.

Chasing the Horizon · Dec 22, 2009

Albannach said:
I think using a physical reaction allows you to show your MC's feelings without slowing the scene down as much as internal monologue or other devices would, as well as simply adding another tool to add variety.

I can't say I have NEVER had a character roll their eyes, but I avoid it. For one thing there is the classic question: But where did they roll to? At the least, I would suggest using it sparingly and carefully.

The one I have to watch not overusing is shrugging. When I first started writing my characters shrugged so much one would have sworn they had some sort of muscular problem.

I didn't mean that you should never show physical reactions. But I think if you don't show the character's thoughts and feelings, then you're sacrificing the greatest advantage books have over movies, which is the ability to get inside the characters' heads.

I don't mean that you should add paragraphs of internal monologue in the middle of an action scene, but a single sentence here and there can be really helpful. Done properly, this should enhance your scene, not slow it down.

And lol at the shrugging. I used to have my characters nod so much it sounded like I was describing a bunch of bobble-heads.

That's another place where internal thoughts can help--they're usually a lot less repetitive than physical reactions.

A thought: I think you need to focus more heavily on this at the beginning and then taper off. By the time a reader gets to the middle of your book, for instance, he/she should have a very good idea of how your protagonist will react to most things with only the smallest of cues.

I don't know about that. My characters learn and change a lot throughout the book, so their reactions change.

backslashbaby · Dec 22, 2009

I think it depends on how introspective your novel is. I don't see how a quick thought could be any slower than a gesture, but I tend to have a wealth of thoughts in my work. Nobody is going to notice a quick line in mine. And full-on action folks won't like mine, prob'ly.

So, you might consider sprinkling in more thoughts throughout. Certainly, see if it fits. I've just noticed that sometimes writers almost avoid thoughts, as a mistake, imho. Don't do that

kuwisdelu · Dec 22, 2009

In addition to physical reactions, there are plenty of ways to describe a character's thoughts and internal reactions without navel gazing. Think about it. When you're angry or upset or sad . . . do you think about how angry or upset or sad you are? Or do you curl your fingers into a fist and want to punch the world in its smug face? When you're happy or elated, do you waste your time thinking about how happy and elated you are, or do you just feel so good you want to kiss the first person you see just to make their day better? When you're depressed or melancholy, do you think only about how bad you feel, or do you hate how painful it feels to move at all, like you're made of cement, and feel that the world is contracting and pressing in around you like a vice and everything is getting blacker?

Chasing the Horizon said:
I also disagree that characters should never roll their eyes. In real life people roll their eyes (according my my mom I do it a lot, lol). The problem is that some writers seem to feel the need to have their characters roll their eyes at least once a page.

Albannach said:
I can't say I have NEVER had a character roll their eyes, but I avoid it. For one thing there is the classic question: But where did they roll to? At the least, I would suggest using it sparingly and carefully.

I wrote a character rolling their eyes for the first time yesterday. I normally wouldn't, but it felt like the exact and only thing she'd do.

And I even answered where they rolled.

scarletpeaches · Dec 22, 2009

Chasing the Horizon said:
I also disagree that characters should never roll their eyes. In real life people roll their eyes (according my my mom I do it a lot, lol). The problem is that some writers seem to feel the need to have their characters roll their eyes at least once a page.

People roll their eyes, yes, but never at someone.

Unless they have detachable eyeballs.

kuwisdelu · Dec 22, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
People roll their eyes, yes, but never at someone.

Unless they have detachable eyeballs.

You can never be sure.

...actually there's a Zuni folk tale that involves exactly that.

scarletpeaches · Dec 22, 2009

Oh shut up, you.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 22, 2009

My MC has a penchant for chewing the inside of her cheek when on edge. The hero has a thing about his hair falling into his face when he's trying to a situation due to shyness. I read a story once where a guy has a tooth abscess and would suck the pus out of it when he was anxious and pondering.
Physical movement, as other have said.

backslashbaby · Dec 22, 2009

ChainsawLicker said:
My MC has a penchant for chewing the inside of her cheek when on edge. The hero has a thing about his hair falling into his face when he's trying to a situation due to shyness. I read a story once where a guy has a tooth abscess and would suck the pus out of it when he was anxious and pondering.
Physical movement, as other have said.

And if they are all three in a conversation, you have a regular physical comedy going, I'd think

I admit, I tend to be against pus in most things, though

Chasing the Horizon · Dec 22, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
People roll their eyes, yes, but never at someone.

Unless they have detachable eyeballs.

I write fantasy, so you never know

But yeah, under normal circumstances I agree. It should be clear from the narrative who is inspiring the character to roll their eyes (or shrug, or grimace, or suck the pus out of their infected tooth) anyway.

JoNightshade · Dec 22, 2009

Chasing the Horizon said:
A thought: I think you need to focus more heavily on this at the beginning and then taper off. By the time a reader gets to the middle of your book, for instance, he/she should have a very good idea of how your protagonist will react to most things with only the smallest of cues.

Click to expand...

I don't know about that. My characters learn and change a lot throughout the book, so their reactions change.

Sorry, I guess I meant more in terms of physical reactions. Your characters may grow and change inwardly, but odds are that someone who has a habit of scratching his eyebrow when he's puzzled is going to do that no matter what he learns. So, to elaborate, if you have a character waving a hand in dismissal on page one and then page 20, I probably do not need to see that same character waving his hand on page 100. I should have a concrete idea of his mannerisms at that point.

Also, if your character IS changing, then what you're going to focus on is those changes. To do that, you do need to give the reader a sense of what is normal for a character to begin with - how does protag at point A usually behave? - so that the reader will understand and notice when something changes.

Samantha's_Song · Dec 22, 2009

I like navel-gazing, I like to know how the main characters think, it makes me know what makes them tick.

Writing characters reactions without navel gazing

I'm evolving

Makes useful distinctions

Treguna Makoidees Trecorum SadisDee

On the rocks

Nicole Castro

AW Addict

Five by Five

I'm evolving

Blowing in the Wind

AW Addict

has finally arrived

Rambler

Totally Ninja!

Blowing in the Wind

~~~~*~~~~

Revolutionize the World

Revolutionize the World

Oh snap, it's onomatopoeia!

~~~~*~~~~

Blowing in the Wind

has finally arrived

At least I don't need backing-up

*

*