Long Sentences vs. Short and Medium Sentence length

[John61480]

Hi, can someone tell me if they notice long sentences when they read and does it make it unenjoyable or grammatically wrong? What about long sentences with lots of commas and other punctuations?

I've done some recent research and the vast majority or published books seem to go along with short and medium sentences with an occasional long sentence for rhythm. Either that or they cheat with commas and punctuation for the long stuff.

But what about a novel written with long sentences throughout, with an occasional short or medium sentence for rhythm. An exact opposite is what I'm talking about.

I'll give two examples of long sentence writing featured in published novels. In the summer of '09, two novels were released: Rain Gods by James Lee Burke (A Mystery/Thriller) and Return to Sullivans Island by Dorothea Benton Frank (A Mainstream/Contemporary?). The novel by James Lee Burke apparently had some pretty good reviews. You can find both excerpts to these novels on Amazon.com. Although, I found Sullivans Island through another website quite by accident.

Now I've only read excerpts from both novels, not the actual books. But from what I can gather, Rain Gods featured the longest string of sentences even in the later chapters. Sullivans Island started off okay and then got a little long winded. In other words, trying to read it slowly, my inner mind would begin choking for breath.

The reason why I ask is because I was driving myself mad over trying to have short sentences (in my 3rd version) in my recent fantasy story I'm writing. But my intuition says to stick to the second version (out of 3 versions) that I wrote that continues to feature long sentences. I've always followed my intuition often when it comes to writing. Now I'm curious.

As a reader, I've never noticed this about the way novels are written. When I first read Rain Gods online, I thought I was being beaten over the head by a wizard of writing, the imagery was so powerful and I felt like I could never do anything as good. But after I took the excerpt and printed it out in Time New Roman single spaced 13 pt font, I saw its true colors. I was already kinda doing similar things with my writing, by accident relation of course. I was on a different track for something else. I've been printing out excerpts for a long time by the way, so nothing new there.

The point is, I originally read the long excerpt for Rain Gods without a problem. Since I began noticing the long sentences, I began to lose breath and panic.

But I've gotten over that now. My dilemma at the moment is to decide whether to stick to my guns and keep writing long sentences or to conform like the vast majority and to write short sentences.

Will an agent care? I've come to the conclusion that an agent knows as much about writing as a writer. Maybe or maybe not as much as an author, but didn't they go to school for this kind of stuff anyway? So I'm guessing an agent will notice this as well.

What is your take on this, AW?

[lucidzfl]

I think its a matter of pacing.

Longer, more flowery sentences slow down the pacing and make the reader take note of every detail, every word.

Shorter, staccato sentences speed up the process, force the reader to hurry up, and quicken their injest of whats happening.

Neither are right or wrong.

Not to derail in the second post, but Cormac Macarthy's book, The Road, uses TONS of sentence fragments, I mean like 50% of the story is fragments. And I'm finding it very distracting.

[folkchick]

I tend to shy away from short sentences, aiming instead to work things into a flow. I have a relative that writes in a very matter of fact manner, such as:

She went to the cabinet. There was no bread inside. She realized she'd have to go to the store.

How I would write it:

She walked over and opened the cabinet door, and seeing there was no bread inside, realized she'd have to go to the store sometime that day.

I think most people would write it the way I just did. I don't know. I feel like such an idiot, having just stated the obvious in my post.

[Aggy B.]

I don't think it really matters which you use as long as there is some variety.

The problem with long sentences is that a lot of times they wind up being because they're overloaded with adverbs and other unnecessary descriptors. This gets confusing and sometimes results in the subject/object of the sentence getting buried or lost.

Short sentences on the other hand can feel choppy if not done right. I use fragments a lot when I write, but I try to break them up with non-fragments to get a better rhythm.

The big question is what works for your characters/story? You want a rhythm that fits how they think and react and speak. If that means lots of short sentences with only the occasional long one, then that's what you write. If they require long sentences with only a few shorter ones in the mix, then that's what you write.

And knowing which is which only comes with practice.

[lucidzfl]

I tend to shy away from short sentences, aiming instead to work things into a flow. I have a relative that writes in a very matter of fact manner, such as:

She went to the cabinet. There was no bread inside. She realized she'd have to go to the store.

How I would write it:

She walked over and opened the cabinet door, and seeing there was no bread inside, realized she'd have to go to the store sometime that day.

I think most people would write it the way I just did. I don't know. I feel like such an idiot, having just stated the obvious in my post.

Well, as I said. Its a matter of pacing. What you wrote was a pretty benign sentence.

What about in a scene of tenseness and action?

What would you rather read?

---

Being pinned down, gunfire rained down upon Mitch's position and realizing it was now or never, he fired back, not knowing if his bullets found their mark, but he had to try.

---

or

---

Mitch was pinned down. Gunfire rained down on his position, pockmarking the area around him. He realized it was now or never. He reached over his head and fired blindly. He didn't know if his bullets had found their mark, but he had to try.

---

They're virtually identical, yet one is glacial in the way it lays out the events, while the other forces you to almost read faster and get drawn into the rush of the action.

[Shadow_Ferret]

For reading... long sentences tire me.

As a reader I prefer the short to medium sentences along with short paragraph blocks because short sentences are readily understood whereas a long sentence with a lot of commas and other conjunctions creates a lot of complexity for the reader and they have to try to remember all the elements that make up the sentence and then have to struggle with comprehending it all, sometimes even forcing them to read it several times to get the meaning.

[Vomaxx]

Here is an example of what Shadow Ferret so wisely says: H.W. Fowler (p. 505, 1st Edition) uses the following sentence (apparently from a letter to the editor, of, I suppose, The Times) as an example of perfect grammar and syntax but no rhythm:

"But some two or three months ago I asked the hospitality and assistance of your columns to draw public and civic attention to the above position of affairs, and to the fact that the use of the Embankment, as a thoroughfare, was limited, and, in fact, almost prohibited, by the very bad and deterrent condition of the roading at both ends of the portion from Chelsea to Westminster, the rest of the road being fairly good, of fine proportions, and easily capable of being made into a most splendid boulevard, for all ordinary traffic, as a motor road, in which respect it was dangerously impossible at parts, and as a typical drive or walk."

I think we will all agree the sentence is very tiring to read. Every time you think it has ended, it goes on.

[Tanydwr]

It really is a matter of opinion, pacing and the feelings you're trying to create. Longer sentences slow action down, but they are brilliant for providing internal thoughts for stream of consciousness writing, or descriptions. Shorter sentences are great for speeding up action and heightening tension. Medium-length sentences are your bread-and-butter of writing.

Ideally, never have one long sentence to make up a single paragraph, because that always feels extremely heavy to read. There's nothing wrong with splitting it into two medium-length sentences or several shorter ones, depending on its placement and purpose in the novel.

I have to confess to adoring one or two-word sentences, especially on their own in a paragraph.

For example:


Kelly breathed in, letting fresh air clear the stench of smoke, alcohol and unwashed bodies from her nostrils. Hands rubbed at bare arms as she stared up at the half-moon shining above her, peeping from clouds like a child behind his mother's skirts. All was still.

There was a thud behind her. A crash of steel, a yell of warning. She turned too late. Sharp pain blossomed between her ribs as her scream rent the air. Blood slipping between fingers as she stumbled, slipped to the ground. Night air turned frigid against her skin, within her lungs as she gasped for life. The knife was torn from her flesh.

"Please..." she begged her murderer. "Please..."

Silence.


I don't know if that helps - I've written it on the spur of the moment - but the longer setences, for me, provide description and in the first paragraph they give an air of stillness. The sharper sentences speed the action, while the single word 'silence' ends it abuptly, chillingly, I would hope, although obviously the above is not my best work.

Still, I hope it gives a visual description of my preference and is somehow useful.

[folkchick]

Well, as I said. Its a matter of pacing. What you wrote was a pretty benign sentence.

What about in a scene of tenseness and action?

What would you rather read?

---

Being pinned down, gunfire rained down upon Mitch's position and realizing it was now or never, he fired back, not knowing if his bullets found their mark, but he had to try.

---

or

---

Mitch was pinned down. Gunfire rained down on his position, pockmarking the area around him. He realized it was now or never. He reached over his head and fired blindly. He didn't know if his bullets had found their mark, but he had to try.

---

They're virtually identical, yet one is glacial in the way it lays out the events, while the other forces you to almost read faster and get drawn into the rush of the action.

You're right, and I love to see great examples like this because I do tend to write bland and need to see better choices in structure and word choice.

In general, the long, flowery sentences are a bit hard to take in. You risk losing the point of what is being said. But too many short sentences make you feel like you're reading a police report. I go by rhythm, and put together paragraphs by what sounds right in my own head.

[PeterL]

I agree that it a matter of pacing. It is possible to show a great deal about the situation with the choice of language. In firs person writing, the sentence structure reflects the thinking of the Point of view character.

[lucidzfl]

You're right, and I love to see great examples like this because I do tend to write bland and need to see better choices in structure and word choice.

In general, the long, flowery sentences are a bit hard to take in. You risk losing the point of what is being said. But too many short sentences make you feel like you're reading a police report. I go by rhythm, and put together paragraphs by what sounds right in my own head.

I appreciate you calling it great, though I did start three sentences in a row with "He" not the best work :)

But I'm glad you got my point.

[Phaeal]

If the sentences are good, I don't notice how long or short they are.

[Lady Ice]

I do like long sentences but if they turn out to be impenetrable, that's not good.

[Snowstorm]

I appreciate you calling it great, though I did start three sentences in a row with "He" not the best work :).

Your sentences were great. Frankly, reading your comment quoted here, I had to go back and reread the sentences. I was so caught up in the scene I hadn't even noticed the "He"s! Perhaps a lesson is if the scene is captivating, the "He" becomes like "said" and fades away.

(I would, of course, rewrite the sentences in a novel, but for a quick piece I just find it interesting that I didn't even notice.)

[Jamesaritchie]

Good sentences aren't about word count, they're about rhythm and flow. Too many short sentences in a row come across as choppy writing, and that's quick death. Too many long sentences in a row can come across as dense and/or boring, and that's death.

But counting words is just silly. If the writing reads well, it's good writing, no matter how many words are in the sentences.

[Use Her Name]

My sentances get shorter when I get closer to action. Fast, fast, fast. If my chareacter is dreaming of revenge in a swimming pool, the are long luxurious sentances.