Ugh. Amateur.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

So, I'm 24 (next week anyway) and I'm writing my first novel. I've always been proud of my grammar, spelling and punctuation, but I am having an issue right now, lol.

When writing dialogue, how do you punctuate a question that is followed by narrative?
ie:
[FONT=&quot]"Did you use the last of it?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.[/FONT]

Or would it be:
"Did you use the last of it," she asked......

scarletpeaches · Dec 12, 2009

Neither.

"Did you use the last of it?" she asked...

Or preferably (as the ? makes it clear it's a question anyway):

"Did you use the last of it?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

Great, thank you. I like the second option, ha.

Aschenbach · Dec 12, 2009

"Did you use the last of it?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Versus;

"Did you use the last of it?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

I don't think there is a clear winner here. Both versions are gramatically correct and transparently clear, but for me the first one has better rhythm. The speech and description have a continous flow. The second version puts an abrupt full stop between the two elements. It feels a bit jarring.

scarletpeaches · Dec 12, 2009

The first is incorrect because 'she' continues the sentence and shouldn't be capitalised. 'Asked' is tautological because we already know it's a question but strictly speaking a matter of style I suppose.

You could get away with the first version as long as 'she' was lower case. I'm a Nazi about telling the reader that a question was asked though.

James D. Macdonald · Dec 12, 2009

Aschenbach said:
"Did you use the last of it?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

The "She" (in "She asked") should not be capitalized.

BTW, "amateur" means "lover of." There's nothing wrong with loving writing.

MAP · Dec 12, 2009

How about a third oppinion. I agree with Scarlet Peaches and James. The she in "she asked" should not be capitalized.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
The first is incorrect because 'she' continues the sentence and shouldn't be capitalised. 'Asked' is tautological because we already know it's a question but strictly speaking a matter of style I suppose.

You could get away with the first version as long as 'she' was lower case. I'm a Nazi about telling the reader that a question was asked though.

That was my problem, it doesn't look correct to me because it's capitalized, but by continuing a sentence, there shouldn't be ending punctuation followed by a capital. It also looks incorrect to have the question mark followed by a lower case letter, so I've been going back and forth, playing with it and looking at it different ways for the past four days lol

Jersey Chick · Dec 12, 2009

Also agree with SP.

The ? makes the word asked redundant.

DWSTXS · Dec 12, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
The first is incorrect because 'she' continues the sentence and shouldn't be capitalised. 'Asked' is tautological because we already know it's a question but strictly speaking a matter of style I suppose.

You could get away with the first version as long as 'she' was lower case. I'm a Nazi about telling the reader that a question was asked though.

I agree with this. To me, it just flows better with the asked in there.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

I agree that it flows better, so I guess the issue I'm now faced with is, is the redundancy noticeable enough that the average reader would find it distracting them from said flow?

DWSTXS · Dec 12, 2009

the average 'idiot' reader?

or the average 'reader' reader?

Or the average 'writer' reader?

Albannach · Dec 12, 2009

The average reader almost certainly wouldn't but an editor or agent might well and guess who you have to sell it to first. Just something to consider.

Edit: I try to use an action tag rather than a dialogue tag after question because this makes me flinch: "Where are you?" she said.

I don't know why. It just looks wrong even though technically it's correct.

NicoleMD · Dec 12, 2009

It's not redundant any more than "said" is. Use it if you need it.

Nicole

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

I guess I'm thinking about the average 'reader' reader, because if someone fancies themselves a writer, they've probably been warned about this. I'm not sure an 'idiot' reader would get much out of my book other than going "oo, an Irish guy with a mohawk!" so I'm not particularly worried there lol.

Me&BacchusGoIntoABar · Dec 12, 2009

The following two passages give a slightly different image:

"Did you use the last of it?” she asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

The above suggests she tucks a strand of hair while asking the question.

"Did you use the last of it?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

That more likely suggests that she tucks the strand of hair after asking the question, but it's more ambiguous imo.

This is only personal preference, but I like the flow and sound of the first example better, but that's just a matter of style. The first example is more elegant and pretty sounding. The second example is more direct and no-nonsense. To thine own style be true.

Rushie · Dec 12, 2009

I think it depends on the context and what's around it, but I tend to prefer the second.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

ITA, Solo. I think I'm going to use the first. People seem to agree with the flow, and though it may be redundant, I do want the action to take place during the dialogue.

Me&BacchusGoIntoABar · Dec 12, 2009

Btw, the "she asked" isn't truly redundant if it helps the reader better understand who asked the question. If there's potential confusion about who is speaking (which you can consider in the full context of the scene), then that's a perfectly good reason to say it. The following is useful if the reader might be confused about who is asking the question and there's only one female character there:

"What is it?" she asked.

Kalyke · Dec 12, 2009

Beats are full sentances. Tags (he said, she laughed) are lower case. You can punctuate before a tag. I didn't make up the rule. Don't look suprised. Yes. You.

trocadero · Dec 12, 2009

SP is technically correct. Do not capitalize 'said' after direct speech. I also agree with dropping the 'she said' altogether.

Albannach · Dec 12, 2009

Btw, the "she asked" isn't truly redundant if it helps the reader better understand who asked the question.

There isn't any question about who asked the question if it is in the same paragraph with a description of that character's actions. The action serves as a tag. However, the point was that using asked following a question mark is always redundant. I'm not sure I agree with that but many people would say so.

Edit: Which is more attractive is a matter of opinion.

ChainsawLicker · Dec 12, 2009

Well, at least I don't feel lame for asking! You guys rock. I'm going to stick around.

Aschenbach · Dec 12, 2009

I think this is a great example of how applying rules, that are normally perfectly sound, can make a sentence "correct" and at the same time strip it of all its nuance. I love robust grammar as much as the next man but sometimes you need a non-standard formulation to really get the meaning across.

Caitlin Black · Dec 13, 2009

After a question mark, yes you should not capitalise if it's still the same sentence, which "she asked" and "she said" would be.

In this case, you can use either. I tend to favour "she said" because, if I do need to mention who is speaking, "said" is more of a silent word than "asked" and really the whole point of having it there is to make it sound good while clearing up potential confusion.

But still, "asked" is relatively a silent word, in the same vein as "said" but a bit more noticeable. Using said and asked when they aren't specifically necessary isn't always a bad thing, IMO. Sometimes it makes the reading easier, which can be good if you're not trying to be too intellectual with your work.

Ugh. Amateur.

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