What's Your Reason?

Maryn · Dec 11, 2009

(Carrying discussions I've dabbled in via PM and passworded board to the public one so all can chime in.)

A great many people who write erotica and another genre have no trouble posting work in their other genre for feedback, or sharing it with betas, yet really struggle to post their erotica here.

We all know the board is password-protected, so the non-member who's heard there's hot sex here won't see it.

In all likelihood, only like-minded AWers who write erotica themselves are likely to see it. Yet many of us are afraid to show our steamy stuff to the very writers who can help us improve it.

Let's explore the many reasons we are reluctant or unable to share our work for critique. There have to be bunches. I'll share some of mine:

It's not good enough.
It's too different from the work of others, less romance-y.
It's too kinky, sometimes far outside mainstream interests.
It's the same story told over and over.
The characters are the same few people, thinly disguised.

What are your reasons for not posting, or posting only with difficulty? (If you don't hesitate, try not to rub it in, okay? Thanks.)

Maryn, shy and retiring

Aggy B. · Dec 11, 2009

I'm always afraid mine's not long enough.

...

...

Done snickering? Okay.

It always seems hot when I write it but when I read back through it seems way too short. That doesn't really stop me from posting though. It just makes me doubtful about whether anyone else will like it.

Lauretta · Dec 11, 2009

Grammar.

My main reason is that my first language is Italian and I'm not very good with the English grammar.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2009

My first thought was people would read it and say, "I can't believe she thinks this shit would turn people on."

Then after sending it to tt42 who is a bona fide pervert and getting the okay, I posted and now it doesn't hurt a bit 'cause I know I'm good. The full request helped validate me.

It honestly gets easier the more you do it. The law of diminishing returns and all that.

Celia Cyanide · Dec 11, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
My first thought was people would read it and say, "I can't believe she thinks this shit would turn people on."

I think it's very interesting that you say that, Scarlet. As a fetish model, I've seen and heard some pretty unusual stuff, and I am no longer surprised by what turns people on. Seriously, people are turned on by things you would not believe. Not because they're disgusting, but because they seem so commonplace you never would think of them as being a sexual fetish for anyone.

I've had men pay me for containers full of my spit. Some even paid to have it shipped overseas. I've done fetish videos in which I was fully clothed and just had my hair and nails done.

As for myself, and why I'm so timid...I can't quite explain, but I will try. As I mentioned in my other thread, I get worried about how people might view me because I do this kind of work. I sometimes get...comments from people that I know they mean as compliments, but that I don't really understand. Sometimes I feel like I don't really get it at all, so I just hang back and feel like I have nothing to say.

firedrake · Dec 11, 2009

I was very nearly terrified the first time I posted in SYW. I had no idea how to go about writing an erotic scene. However, the people on this board are so encouraging and great with critiques. It's also great to read other people's work. I have learned loads on here and I don't have a qualm about posting a piece now.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2009

Fair point, Celia; and you'd think I'd have realised that by now as I know there's some 'weird shit' out there for want of a better phrase.

I suppose I was scared of looking like a try-hard. In some strange way it comes from lack of confidence in my physical appearance. If I write something explicit or deeply sensual, even after all the compliments I've received for my writing, I'm nervous of looking like a try-hard.

You know, the plain girl next door trying to be a sexual animal.

Wayne K · Dec 11, 2009

I believe mine is long enough

That said, I'm trying hard as I can, but I can't post to SYW till I've spit shined it

I'm very sensitive about my writing, and I encourage honesty from people, so I want it to be real good.

Its getting there.

Darklite · Dec 11, 2009

My reasons are as follows, 1. People may think I'm a pervert, 2.Like Aggy, my sex scenes are never long enough, and 3. Getting the details wrong because all I write is man on man love, and I don't have a willy.

Misa Buckley · Dec 11, 2009

There was one piece I posted and then pulled about an hour later.

I'm not sure why I had a moment of wangst; I think it was a combination of embarrassment at the rudeness and insecurity of the quality of the writing.

quickWit · Dec 11, 2009

I'm afraid people won't like what my characters are wearing.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2009

Fur and a cottontail?

quickWit · Dec 11, 2009

*shivers*

I'm getting hawt just thinking about it.

thethinker42 · Dec 11, 2009

Darklite said:
3. Getting the details wrong because all I write is man on man love, and I don't have a willy.

I was concerned about this when I started writing M/M. I'm female, but I can write manlove just fine. Best way to check for accuracy is a) ask a lot of questions before (and do a lot of reading), and b) have a male beta read it over.

I didn't post in SYW for a long time because I was just afraid to. Not really sure why...theft? Negative feedback? Who knows? I still get queasy when I go to post now. Must just be performance anxiety.

thethinker42 · Dec 11, 2009

quickWit said:
*shivers*

I'm getting hawt just thinking about it.

No, that's the water boiling. *shoves bunneh into pot and puts the lid on*

StoryG27 · Dec 11, 2009

Maryn said:
Let's explore the many reasons we are reluctant or unable to share our work for critique. There have to be bunches. I'll share some of mine:

It's not good enough.

It's too different from the work of others, less romance-y.

It's too kinky, sometimes far outside mainstream interests.

It's the same story told over and over.

The characters are the same few people, thinly disguised.

What are your reasons for not posting, or posting only with difficulty? (If you don't hesitate, try not to rub it in, okay? Thanks.)

Maryn, shy and retiring

Can I just say ditto?

Mainly, my writing just isn't good enough. I'm not being angsty, it's really not. Also, when I get too many varied opinions on my writing, it confuses me, wondering who is right and who is wrong. I had that happen in a writing group, no one marked the same things. What one person thought was done well, another ripped apart, and so on and so forth. And one critter's remark saying don't do this, countered remarks from others and I became overwhelmed. Didn't know who to listen to. Looking into all the lessons of writing for myself only confused me more because I could see where each one of them got the advice they were giving me. There's so much grey area, so many pet peeves, I just became flabbergasted. It's taken me years to convince myself to put my writing out there again. Now I have my WIP with only two people, excellent writers themselves, and they are easing me back into sharing my work at all, helping me improve it with advice I actually understand and that makes sense to me. So sharing on the 'net will probably still be along time coming for me, not until I'm confident enough to know which suggestions and advice to take and which ones to leave.

Brindle Chase · Dec 11, 2009

I think the main reason for me is that I prefer the closer, personalized style of feedback I get from beta readers. its very hard to compare to that... maybe I'm just lucky and have outstanding beta readers... which I think is the truth... but that's my experience.

Public comments tend to be less brutal, less specific and rushed, compared to the feedback I get from beta readers.

So... I post a scene here and there in SYW... but when I'm working on the entire book... I strongly prefer beta readers. I dont mean that as a slight to those who lurk the SYW forum... that is valuable feedback too... but well, there I've said my preference.

quickWit · Dec 11, 2009

thethinker42 said:
No, that's the water boiling. *shoves bunneh into pot and puts the lid on*

Mmmmmm, delicious me...

I was nervous the first time I posted in SYW (not Erotica SYW), but I got over it after the first few crits. I didn't feel any additional anxiety putting one up *tee hee* in erotica, as I recall.

Of course, it helps that no one pointed at my winkie and laughed.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2009

We couldn't find it.

quickWit · Dec 11, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
We couldn't find it.

look behind you.

kuwisdelu · Dec 11, 2009

I fear nothing.

Everyone knows I'm depraved. I don't feel much different about posting to Erotica than any other SYW.

Brindle Chase · Dec 11, 2009

Doh! and meant to say, that beta reading feedback comes privately, which when writing sexy romance... is a blessing to me. I'm not easily embarrassed, but there is a bit of discomfort in posting sexual material out in the public arena.... particularly when you're needing commentary on the mechanics of writing, rather than how hot it is.

Brindle Chase said:
I think the main reason for me is that I prefer the closer, personalized style of feedback I get from beta readers. its very hard to compare to that... maybe I'm just lucky and have outstanding beta readers... which I think is the truth... but that's my experience.

Public comments tend to be less brutal, less specific and rushed, compared to the feedback I get from beta readers.

So... I post a scene here and there in SYW... but when I'm working on the entire book... I strongly prefer beta readers. I dont mean that as a slight to those who lurk the SYW forum... that is valuable feedback too... but well, there I've said my preference.

Celia Cyanide · Dec 11, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
You know, the plain girl next door trying to be a sexual animal.

I do know what you mean by this. I guess my fear comes from a similar place...some people don't realize that everyone can be, and probably are, both of those things at the same time. Sometimes I feel like, "I don't WANT to be a sexual animal, I just want to be a normal person!" But I am STILL a normal person. I'm not a freak.

scarletpeaches · Dec 11, 2009

Celia Cyanide said:
I do know what you mean by this. I guess my fear comes from a similar place...some people don't realize that everyone can be, and probably are, both of those things at the same time. Sometimes I feel like, "I don't WANT to be a sexual animal, I just want to be a normal person!" But I am STILL a normal person. I'm not a freak.

And in some small way, when I talk about my crusade to make sex less shameful, I'm intending on starting with myself.

thethinker42 · Dec 11, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
And in some small way, when I talk about my crusade to make sex less shameful, I'm intending on starting with myself.

Amen.

That's one of the reasons I use my real name on my work, and if I use a pseudonym (to differentiate between genres, not for anonymity), I'm very public about the fact that it's me.

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