I read what you said a few times last night after a long day, and it twisted my mind about, and have been sitting here this morning reading it again LOL
Are you saying show the causes and effects on the charachter? Or have I still missed the point?
A story will normally include a character's worst day ever. What makes a story unique is either that the character's worst day is not the one we'd expect it to have -- or the character who has that worst day isn't the character we'd expect it to be. Our expectations are set by what we're used to. Breaking them tells us that the story is unique in a way that matters.
I think it's all in the surprises and contradictions, Cooee... they need to be relevant to the drama. If you know what they are, you can catch then in a log-line of maybe three sentences.
One way of teasing them out is to keep asking 'so what' until you find a surprising contradiction.
Here's a thrown-together example, based on an idea for role (policeman), a setting (1950s Melbourne) and three quick googles for research.
John is a Melbourne policeman in the 1950s.
So what?
He's assigned to the 'Bodgie Squad' to police the emerging youth gangs around St. Kilda.
So what?
He's a 32 year-old WWII ex-serviceman suffering undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder. He insomniac, has an OCD and a fear of loud noises, and drinks frequently. In economic boom times, the Melbourne police are desperate to recruit, his war record stands him in good stead, and they're not picky about his volatility.
So what?
The youth gangs are into rock music, theft, extortion, drugs and vice.
So what?
The Melbourne police are overworked, corrupt, inefficient and the car boom has demanded that they spend most of their time policing traffic. The Bodgie squad is under-trained, under-resourced and tends to work through violence and intimidation. They stand over the gangs they're meant to be policing, and extort money from them.
So what?
John is looking for peace -- a chance to reintegrate with society. To make sense of his wartime experiences. Part of how he does that is in trying to connect with the Bodgie youth. He feels that his fellow police are setting a bad example -- that standing over kids, taking their money and intimidating them is actually provoking the violence they want to stop. But being a recruit, he has no say against the Old Boys.
So what?
It comes to a head when John sees his colleague beat a gang-member to death, then cover it up. The event reawakens his wartime traumas. He grows paranoid, volatile, hypervigilant. His OCD begins to take him over. He struggles to maintain the facade of a responsible adulthood as his psyche crumbles. Meanwhile, the Bodgie gangs rise up in anger and an undeclared war between the Bodgies and the police erupt on the streets. John sees in them his own inner, frightened self. If he can restore peace to them, perhaps there's hope for himself.
And here's a proposed logline:
Shell-shocked from WWII and unable to hold down a job for long, John finds meaning when he joins the Melbourne police, and is assigned to the 'Bodgie Squad' dealing with St. Kilda's fractious and troubled youth. But when a corrupt colleague beats a teenager to death and covers it up, John's wartime trauma returns even as the Bodgie gangs erupt in undeclared war on the police-force. Can the Bodgie Squad's newest recruit hope to gain justice for the kids while his own facade of sanity is crumbling away?
It's not the best expression, but hopefully there is contradiction there, and surprise. Hopefully there's something unique or at least unusual to say, and it's relevant to setting and character. Hopefully the logline captures that.
And.. hope that helps.
