Writing what can't be portrayed on screen

Don't.

Exir said:

I've heard that sometimes we have to include information in the screenplay that won't show up on screen for the purpose of keeping the momentum of the story.

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I don't know where you heard that, because the rule of thumb is that if the viewer can't see it or hear it - it does not belong on the page. Story momentum in a script is all about what happens on the screen.

In my opinion the one exception to that rule (and there are those who don't share my opinion) is when it comes to character descriptions. So I would have no problem with "clever and shrewd" or "the type of guy who would get straight As and brag about how they never studied before the test" although I would choose one or the other rather than both.

I like to do it with character descriptions because it gives the reader, in particular the actor, a sense of where the character is coming from, from the first moment they appear on screen. The one time I wouldn't do it is if the character is not what they first appear to be.

Exir said:

I've heard that sometimes we have to include information in the screenplay that won't show up on screen for the purpose of keeping the momentum of the story.

How far can we take that? For example, if we describe a character as "clever and shrewd -- the type of guy who would get straight As and brag about how they never studied before the test", even though we never see him doing that -- would that be an acceptable character description, or would we be overstepping the bounds?

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The point is this -- when a character appears on screen, he appears in a certain way, presents a certain attitude, deals with situations in certain ways as a matter of form.

Now, you can always simply grab from a list of adjectives, but sometimes adjectives don't quite give the sense of someone's personality -- and by that, I don't mean the sense of someone's personality after you've gotten to know them for a long time -- I mean the sense of someone's personality as an audience would experience it when they are first introduced to that character.

So in that situation, I don't think that there's any problem with using the tools that prose gives us to convey what an audience watching the movie experiences simply by seeing a character, which is something that naked description alone is going to have a difficult time mastering.

I don't think there's anything wrong with describing a character as, "slick as an eel" -- because in a very few words it gives a clear sense not of something that we *can't* see but rather of something that the audience is clearly expected to see as soon as they set eyes on the character, only that particular quality may be distributed in countless different ways, through dress, through performance, through the way in which he delivers his lines -- but you don't want the reader to have to wait for that accumulation of details (many of which may be more information that you'd want to put into a screenplay) to convey what an audience understands immediately when a character appears on screen and starts talking.

For instance, in a screenplay of mine I described a character as "A man in his forties, sporting a pony tail, which, like a mustache on a 16-year old, only serves to accentuate his true age."

I could simply say that he's a man in his forties with a pony tail, but the additional detail gives the reader a much clearer sense of what his character is -- a man getting older and struggling to stay young by holding onto an inappropriate look.

And in those limited circumstances, I think that it can work for you.

That is, you should always be aiming to tell us what we're seeing on screen, but you need not always be conveying that information in a literally descriptive way.

NMS

Nice post. Even I feel like banging my head sometimes . Some situations are very difficult to explain . Nowadays I dramatise myself and write or ask some how to visualise .
padma

Exir said:

Thanks NMS. Insightful posts as always.

Can I apply your advice to describing a general atmosphere? For example, when our character first enters a classroom could I write something like: "The CLASSROOM is filled with no-good delinquents who only bother to show up once in a while to check out the babes." ?

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I think the general idea has been made. So I don't feel like I could add anything to it but I would suspect that the same idea carries over for locations as well. I do this type of thing with my locations if it's a very specific location or if there is something in the room the character has to interact with.

The best example I can think of is a script I just recently finished writing that involved a run down two-story school building. One of the particular rooms a character ran into to hide from an advancing force had a blown out ceiling. This was needed cause the opposing force was to come down through the ceiling to attack her.

I simply kept with the stream of conscience and only mentioned that it had a blown out ceiling when it came time for it. I still did it in the same way as introducing a new character but just keep it brief.

Exir said:

Thanks NMS. Insightful posts as always.

Can I apply your advice to describing a general atmosphere? For example, when our character first enters a classroom could I write something like: "The CLASSROOM is filled with no-good delinquents who only bother to show up once in a while to check out the babes." ?

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Sure. The same principle applies. You're using prose not in a literal way, but to give to a "sense" of a place.

There's no reason we shouldn't do that -- *provided* that we are doing it in order to approximate a visual equivalent in the finished film, as opposed to simply writing florid prose for its own sake.

I think I once wrote a scene where a character is entering an apartment where she's smelled the odor of death and she hears the buzzing of flies -- so she knows it's bad news, but the apartment seems otherwise normal and I think I described it something along the lines of, "She advanced into the dimly lit prosaic place of death."

So you want to be active in your use of language in conveying character and place and situation. You want it to be a "good read." And if the descriptions are dull, and bare-bones and lifeless, especially if it's a movie where a lot of the story is contained in the action, it's virtually a recipe for a boring read.

NMS

This is like that other thread where everyone warns about NOT using song titles in your screenplay. Give me a break.

Reading a script and watching a movie are two different experiences. No matter how much we hear that a screenplay must replicate the movie-going experience, we still read a screenplay and watch a movie.

So while it makes sense to include only things that can be filmed, it isn't always to your benefit. I've read about 30,000 scripts in my career and I can tell you that all sorts of tricks are employed by all sorts of writers.

My rule of thumb remains that a writer must do whatever he can to convey the story and emotion in his screenplay - within moderation.

For instance, Shane Black is famous for "talking" to his readers, breaking the fourth wall by commenting on the proceedings or telling us things a moviegoer would never know. It didn't hurt his career.

Thompson and Camp, who will collect the single biggest payday on a screenplay (if it's produced) will often share characters' thoughts - as if it's a novel. (A big film school "no-no"). The technique cleverly does for the reader what an actor would do for the moviegoer. They use the technique sparringly but effectively.

The people who buy and sell screenplays simply don't care about this stuff. No one has ever passed on a screenplay because the writer includes a few of the things the OP talks about here.

The people who buy and sell screenplays are not college professors. Many have never studied film or read screenwriting books. They work on extinct and gut feelings. They don't care about the rules of writing. They only care about what moves them. And they only care about what they can sell.

In my travels, NO ONE has ever passed on a script because a few rules have been broken - especially when those broken rules help to strengthen the reading experience.

Character descriptions:

Alice is twenty-five but she's been around
some, whored some tough cow-towns, and she has too much bone
and character in her face to be outright pretty but she
attracts men like flies.

Little Bill is huge and ominous. Some say he acquired the
bearskin by staring the bear to death and others say he
drowned the animal in spit. Anyhow, he's big with a
drooping moustache and he is sucking on his church warden's
clay pipe and you know he isn't scared of anything.



My rule of thumb: If it was done in an acadamy-award-nominated screenplay like Unforgiven, it can be done in the B-movie schlock I'm writing.

creativexec said:

In my travels, NO ONE has ever passed on a script because a few rules have been broken - especially when those broken rules help to strengthen the reading experience.

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I think that's the crux of it right there. In skilled hands any of the rules can be broken in order to enhance the reading experience.

In the hands of the unskilled they're just one more thing that helps bury it.

I think it goes back to the "First you have to know the rules to break them." I think that's true for any writing rules.

When introducing a major character for the first time, a very brief description is acceptable. Especially if the character's personality type really needs to be shown.

Well said, all. Here's a good example of what we're talking about. It's from the brilliant Thank You For Smoking - and it's narration which I don't endorse as a rule, but it seems to be de rigeur for movies adapted from novels. Anyway, the lead hasn't spoken to another character yet, but here's how he describes himself while facing a booing crowd (the opening and closing riffs from a longer monologue):

"Few people know what it's like to be truly hated. Can you blame them?....I don't have a PhD or MBA. I have an advanced degree in kicking ass and naming names. You know that guy who can pick up any girl in a bar? I'm him...on crack."

So in a couple lines you feel you know so much about this intriguing person, and you want to see him take on this angry crowd and what he's all about. Through action, though.