Which Is Better, You Think? (Warning: *Really* Long))

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BlackMagic528

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So, if you didn't read the warning in the title, this will be a very long post. If you're cool with that, then skip to the next paragraph.
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If that's going to be an issue, then please accept my apologies, and I hope you're able to find a topic more suited to your needs.
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Okay, so here's the situation:

A couple of you are familiar with my novel Knowledge Can Be A Dangerous Thing. I'm currently on the first rewrite, which has come to a complete halt, because . . . well, it just doesn't seem right. In fact, I think the revision is coming out worse than the original.
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For those that aren't familiar with it, here's the penny overview: The novel, set in modern day Chicago, Illinois, follows two CPD Homicide detectives - Detective Michael Parker and Detective Tracy Fox - as they investigate the very odd murder of a college student. Tracy is fully aware of the existance of the underworld (my collective term for non-human beings and the society in which they live), but Michael finds out the hard way just before the first chapter ends. It becomes clear that the case they are working is connected to the underworld, and the two of them end up working hand-in-hand with the underworld law enforcement authorities, who of course act in near total secrecy, to solve the case. Specifically, they're working under the guidance of the city's oracle (the one in charge and the only direct link to the underworld government), Raven, a very old vampire with some rather serious skeletons in her closet. The majority of the novel concerns the investigations, but of course there are other things happening.

It's one of those other things that I'm currently thinking about.

See, Tracy is ostensibly the main character of this novel. She's the one that the main subplot - and the ongoing undercurrent of the entire series - is about. But, while I do employ multiple POVs to tell the tale (there's no other way), the majority of the first half of Knowledge is NOT in Tracy's POV. This is because her head is a rather unpleasant place to be during this time.

Here's why:

Tracy is in a very deep - and, frankly, dangerous - state of denial. There's a scene very late in the first chapter when she declares quite convincingly "I'm not a vamp[ire]." The truth is: She is a vampire and has been for nearly three years, but she's never come to terms with it, and she's managed to convince herself that she's still human. (So, she thinks she's being truthful when she makes that statement.)

Here's the story of what happened to Tracy:

Almost three years ago, Tracy and her then partner (not Michael) responded to a call. Now, this exact scenario is something I've decided to change a bit since I first came up with it, so pardon the lack of details as it undergoes renovation, but the bottom line is that Tracy ended up getting shot multiple times and was most certainly going to die where she lay. By coincidence, Raven was also looking into this matter - keeping out of sight, of course - and saw the whole thing play out. Despite the fact that the "rules" say that she's not supposed to intervene, she did. It was too late to do anything for Tracy's partner, but Raven felt there was still a chance to save Tracy - and so she did in the only way she could: She sired her. Upon Tracy's awakening, Raven, of course, explained what happened. Tracy absolutely refused to accept it - and still hasn't. She managed to come to terms with the existance of the underworld, but does not believe herself to be anything but human.

The biggest problem: She refuses to feed. Now, the way I write them, a vampire will live indefinitely whether they feed or not, but a prolonged and sustained period of not feeding will slowly drive that vampire insane. How slowly it happens depends primarily on the will power of the vamp in question, as well as other more abstract factors. Tracy is a pretty strong-willed person, so she's managed to hang on longer than any vampire Raven's ever seen - in well over 2,500 years of life. Now, obviously, after three years of not feeding - never once, ever - Tracy's beginning to show the classic symptoms: hallucinations, mild delusions, memory problems, confusion, seemingly unprovoked aggression, blackouts (during which she may appear to be alert, but she actually has no conscious idea of what she's doing), restlessness, and mild paranoia.

If you're wondering why Raven doesn't do something about this problem, here's why: She knows Tracy already resents her, and she doesn't want to make Tracy hate her. There's kind of a twisted mother-daughter relationship between those two. To give a bit more detail: Raven did sort of trick Tracy into allowing herself to be sired, in a way. See, the way I write vamps, one of the mystical loopholes in siring a new vamp is that the human must agree to it ahead of time or else the mystical processes simply won't happen. However, the human doesn't necessarily need to know what they're agreeing to, so long as they agree to it. That means that the vampre can be quite vague in the suggestion - but not directly lie, as then the human would be agreeing to something else - and the mystical processes will still occur. In this particular instance, Raven's exact words to Tracy were: "I can help you. Will you let me?" Now, keep in mind that Tracy was very near death and every second was important; there was no time for detailed explaination on Raven's part. But, still, Raven knows that there was some deception, even if unintentional, in her siring Tracy. She feels if she forced Tracy to feed - and she could certainly do it easily - that would cement a deep hatred within Tracy toward her, and she doesn't want that. Raven's dealing with Tracy's feeding issue much like a stuck parent: Let the situation play itself out and when it ultimately causes Tracy's entire world to come crashing down around her, just be there to try and pick up the pieces.

So, like I said, most of the first half of the novel is outside her POV, though there are some scenes where I give her the camera for a bit. And in those scenes, I have to be incredibly vague because, as yet in the current version, the reader doesn't know that Tracy's a vampire. They may suspect that something's a miss, but they're supposed to believe Tracy's stern announcement of not being a vampire. At the time, the reader has no reason not to believe her. Raven makes some cryptic statements to Michael that suggest to the reader that something is very wrong with Tracy. As well, Tracy does a few things that should make the reader question her. But, as things are now, the reader finds out definitively about Tracy at the same time as Michael - again, the hard way. It's actually a pretty dramatic reveal (if I say so myself), as Tracy descends into near total madness and finally surrenders to her cravings.

The question I'm asking you good people today (You just went: "Finally!
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"), is this: Do you like the idea of hiding that Tracy's a vamp until halfway through the book? Or, do you think it would be better to reveal it to the reader right away and just have Michael (and Tracy, to some degree) in the dark while the reader knows?

This is a general breakdown of my thought process:

Reveal in the middle:

Positives:
1. Creates suspense for the reader
2. A few somewhat comic moments (ie: "You're not going to let one little psychotic breakdown come between us, are you?")
3. The dramatic reveal

Negatives:
1. Requires some acrobatics with the POV, which make it a bit difficult to figure out Tracy's the main character. Also, it requires scenes that are in her POV to have a flat, undetailed, and distinctly different narration in order to keep the secret. Note: I have gotten some complaints about the number of different POV shifts in the first few chapters. A lot of it is dodging Tracy's head.
2. Has some potential to alienate Tracy from the reader, since she's kept so vague.
3. Requires a lot of vague double-talk from a lot of characters, primarily Raven, which could get annoying to the reader.

Reveal at the beginning

Positives:
1. Creates suspense for the reader as well, but a different kind.
2. More camera time for Tracy. Specifically, there can be some interplay between she and other characters concerning the dangerous path she's on and how it's becoming clear that she's a time bomb ready to explode. Also, there can be some scenes dealing specifically with Tracy fighting against her own urges.
3. Less POV movement (the novel necessitates at least some POV movement).

Negatives:
1. No dramatic reveal scene. Well, the scene could still be there, but it wouldn't be as dramatic.
2. Tracy may come across as a "woe-is-me" vampire.
3. It has the potential to make Michael look like an idiot.

So, what do you think? Do you like the idea of keeping the reader in the dark until halfway? Or should we have the reader ride the rollercoaster with Tracy?

Thanks in advance.
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Kyle
 

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You're probably going to hate me for this...but it may jog something, so here goes. This is just me working it out as I type BTW. Because if she's the MC I think she should have the majority of the camera time, but you can really use that. It doesn't mean the reader need know she's a vampire.

It is entirely possible to write her POV so the reader knows something is wrong, but Tracey doesn't. Or Tracey does, but her denial means the reader doesn't. Or to hint at it through Tracey trying to keep her head together, all the while denying reality. So the reader knows it's reality, but Tracey can continue to deny it

Yes it's harder, but it's also more subtle. If Tracey is slightly paranoid, you can use that. Completely unsubtle example incoming. 'I'm not a vamp!' she says to herself. 'That man is following me, look, look, he's been doing it the last half an hour. Oh, wait, that's not the same guy. I've really gotta get this paranoia under control'

Show her paranoia, show that she has mild delusions through her POV. Then you can make the reader wonder whether the vamp part is part of her paranoia or a delusion. Or you can subtly give clues to the vampirism, all the while showing Tracey say 'Nope, nu-uh, no way. I am not a vamp!'

There's so many ways to do this, it all depends on whether you want to a) make the reader wonder whether she is or isn't b) outright tell the reader, and then show Tracey struggling with it or c) not let the reader know at all so it's a surprise.

Now, personally I'd usually go for (a) - give the reader something to wonder at. 'Is she or isn't she?' or even, mislead the reader by making them think that she isn't, it's just that Tracey is looney and thinks she is, then POW - OMG she wasn't dellusional, she really is! It's a kinda more satisfying ( to me) way to do it

If she's screwed in the head, you can use her POV to imply anything. Show her head - and then show reality and make the reader either go WTF? I R Intrigued. Or have the reader be smug cos they've worked out something the POV character doesn't know / won't admit:D

/end ramble

I hope that made sense. It did in my head. Then again, I'm mildly delusional myself lol
 
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MAP

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I agree with idiotsRUS. If Tracy is your main character, you shouldn't avoid her POV or be vague. You should tell things the way she sees them and not try to fool the reader by withholding information. If Tracy doesn't know that she is a vampire, then the audience won't know for sure although they might guess.

It seems to me that you want a big shocking reveal that Tracy is a vampire, so you are trying to hide it from the readers. I don't think you should do that. Write the story naturally without worrying whether the readers will guess it or not. Some readers will, but the reveal will still be dramatic because the reader will be curious about how Micheal and Tracy will react to the knowledge.

Good luck with this.
 

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Reveal in the middle:

Positives:
1. Creates suspense for the reader (Suspense is when the character wants something, almost gets it, but the resolution is left hanging. I don't see that. Suspense for the author maybe, in not being able to reveal plot, but not for the reader)
2. A few somewhat comic moments (ie: "You're not going to let one little psychotic breakdown come between us, are you?") (Nothing in holding back this informaiton makes it comical for me -- unless the author is laughing at the reader)
3. The dramatic reveal (Drama requires conflict to escalate toward disaster. The conflict arises because the character's unacknowledged vampire status is causing problems. It has nothing to do with hiding info from the reader.)

Negatives:
1. Requires some acrobatics with the POV, (which screws reader sympathy and risks confusion -- so, it's a no-no)
2. Has some potential to alienate Tracy from the reader, since she's kept so vague. (More than that, it has potential to alienate reader from author/narrator for trying to be clever at the reader's expense.)
3. Requires a lot of vague double-talk from a lot of characters, primarily Raven, which could get annoying to the reader. (And break character and wreck dialogue since the main object of dialogue is to strip masks from characters)

Reveal at the beginning

Positives:
1. Creates suspense for the reader as well, but a different kind. (Yes)
2. More camera time for Tracy. (Yes)
3. Less POV movement (the novel necessitates at least some POV movement). (Yes)
4. More opportunities for complications that the reader will appreciate
5. More opportunity for humour that the reader will understand
6. More crises, since the sooner you reveal the info, the more space you'll have to write them
7. It's a main selling point of your character, so it's wasted if you don't hook on it early
8. More opportunity to explore why she's in denial and what it would take to get her out of it.
9. More chance for her and other characters to suffer sympathetically
10. More credibility if you introduce it sooner.

Negatives:
1. No dramatic reveal scene. Well, the scene could still be there, but it wouldn't be as dramatic. (It's just as dramatic wherever it occurs -- since the drama is about conflicting emotions, not location in the manuscript)
2. Tracy may come across as a "woe-is-me" vampire. (That has nothing to do with her suffering; it has to do with you not writing her pathetically)
3. It has the potential to make Michael look like an idiot. (So give him a good reason not to know, or make him feel angry/bad about looking like an idiot - which would make it a plus)

So, what do you think? Do you like the idea of keeping the reader in the dark until halfway? NO! Or should we have the reader ride the rollercoaster with Tracy? YES! It doesn't need to be on p1, but unless there's a conspiracy to hide the info from her, it should be clear by end Act I what's going on.

Thanks in advance.
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Kyle
You're welcome in arrears. :)
 
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BlackMagic528

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If she doesn't believe she's a vampire, how does she explain the whole bursting into flames during daylight thing?

In my writing, it's a natural instinct, much like breathing, for vamps to stay indoors - or at least in a shaded area - during the daytime. It's not really a conscious thing, unless there's an issue. Much like we don't think about breathing until there's an issue. Am I making sense?
 

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In my writing, it's a natural instinct, much like breathing, for vamps to stay indoors - or at least in a shaded area - during the daytime. It's not really a conscious thing, unless there's an issue. Much like we don't think about breathing until there's an issue. Am I making sense?
Okay. Could be another thing to play with to introduce conflict.
Friend: "Look, it's a beautiful day, you're obviously stressed about something; why don't we all go have a nice picnic in the park?"
MC: "Snarl."
 

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Your post was not long enough to warrant the warning.
 

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On the main issue:
What IdiotsRUs said.

If I may add some comments that were not asked for:

I really like the fact that the protagonist is sired by a woman and that their relationships is modelled after a mother-daughter relationship. Breath of fresh air.

But Raven might not be such a good name for a vampire. Very emo. (Do kids still use that word?) Or is this done on purpose?
 

BlackMagic528

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I really like the fact that the protagonist is sired by a woman and that their relationships is modelled after a mother-daughter relationship. Breath of fresh air.

Thanks. :) Honestly, the parent-child sire-vmpire relationship is the only way it makes sense to me. I know others do it differently, but I never really cared for the other ideas.

But Raven might not be such a good name for a vampire. Very emo. (Do kids still use that word?) Or is this done on purpose?

Don't know what "emo" means. :Shrug: Um, if you're talking about that Raven is apparently a pretty common name in fantasy writing, that has been brought to my attention, but she's been Raven to me for so long, I just can't see myself changing her name now. I'll take whatever consequences come from it. :)
 
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