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Seeking beta for opening of a Sci Fi/Fantasy (2.4k+ words)

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Phlex

Phlex

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I'm looking for a beta for the opening of my sci fi/fantasy (2.4k+ words). Being that I am a novice writer, any and all criticisms are appreciated, even if they are brutally honest. I'm also interested in opinions concerning the content. Do you think this is an interesting story? Or is it flat out a bad read (hopefully that's not the case, but please be honest)

Please be advised there is a good amount of profanity.

I thank you in advanced for your time.
 

Parametric

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Phlex, if it's only 2400 words, you might be better off posting it in Science Fiction & Fantasy SYW. I think you're more likely to get a range of viewpoints that way.

That said, I'm happy to read it for you privately if you'd like. PM it to me and I'll send back my critique. :)
 
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