Hilarious Ebert review of New Moon
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All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't have daughters.
I heard some teen girls on the news saying how hot Edward Cullen was and all boys should be that hot. My wife started gagging. "He's creepy! And the actor is even creepier in real life!"
I heard some teen girls on the news saying how hot Edward Cullen was and all boys should be that hot. My wife started gagging. "He's creepy! And the actor is even creepier in real life!"
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All I can say is, I'm glad I didn't have daughters.
I heard some teen girls on the news saying how hot Edward Cullen was and all boys should be that hot. My wife started gagging. "He's creepy! And the actor is even creepier in real life!"
Nothing against anyone, and I wish them the best... but I was stuck at a Twilight panel at Comic Con... a) 5000 teenage girls screaming frantically -- it was really something to behold, and b) Pattinson and Stewart looked like they were high throughout the entire interview. A little too early (it was about 2 p.m.) for pot or ecstasy, if you ask me, especially since they were doing a public INTERVIEW!
The only people in the panel who did not look drugged were Stephanie Meyer and Taylor Whatshisname.
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It's not just teen girls. I know grown ass women who swoon over Edward. I like to think I'm not a hater, but the guy has a five-head. IMAX screens worship his forehead as "The First."
Edit: To Ray--it's never too early for pot, although ecstasy should not be popped until sundown. It's in the handbook...
Edit: To Ray--it's never too early for pot, although ecstasy should not be popped until sundown. It's in the handbook...
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This review is hilarious and now I'm spared the time and expense. Thanks, Ebert, for the laugh that was probably better than the film!
It was a very funny review.
And as someone who has a low tolerance for teen angst, I think a movie I'll avoid.
And as someone who has a low tolerance for teen angst, I think a movie I'll avoid.
No matter how much I look at him, Edward doesn't looks anything like what I've pictured of masculine beauty. He's too pale! He needs to get under the sun more...
...
...ooooh, right. =O
...
...ooooh, right. =O
Meh. It was a review. Does Ebert have a reputation for being funny? I didn't see it here.
The movie's crap, let's face it. Will I see it?
Um. Lautner takes his shirt off a lot. Duh.
The movie's crap, let's face it. Will I see it?
Um. Lautner takes his shirt off a lot. Duh.
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It's the same argument I gave for wanting to see 2012: Buildings and bridges and the world go kaboom? Yeah, I'll be there.
That's why these movies are fool-proof. Plot? What plot? Character development? What? Give them mass destruction (for the boys) and shirtless hunks (for the girls), and they'll sell millions of tickets.
That's why Ebert wrote that review -- he knew nothing he said would change the Twihard's minds. So he just went for the absurd.
But.. what if, metaphorically... The guy who plays that vampire guy says.. "Let's face it, Twilight sucks."?
How would the Twihards react to the terrible dilemma of picking between the guy or the book? =O
It's happened. Fucking hilarious. There was an angry backlash. Several teens exploded in a shower of righteous hormones.
Fucking hilarious. There was an angry backlash. Several teens exploded in a shower of righteous hormones.
Sarpedon
Banned
The thing about Ebert, is that he's such a forgiving critic. If there's anything good about a movie, he'll point it out. If a movie has as much good as it has bad, he'll give it a decent rating. He only does this to really awful movies.
So that's what broke my vase the other night! The sonic wave caused by the agonizing twihards screams! =O
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Don't worry. They now can only see Taylor Lautner's bulging muscles and nothing else. The screams will be contained within the walls of the theaters, which I will avoid this weekend completely (or at least past their bedtimes).
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