Inability to sleep with someone else in the bed

Stunted · Nov 9, 2009

I keep hearing about people who aren't used to sharing a bed being unable to sleep their first time. Has this happened to any of you? What causes the phenomena?

Rarri · Nov 9, 2009

For us, it wasn't a case of being unable to sleep at all, but sleeping fitfully. It was a one-off occasion that we were sleeping in the same bed, but we kicked each other (in our sleep) a lot too.

waylander · Nov 9, 2009

Yep. Took me ages to get used to having some else in my sleeping space.

RobinGBrown · Nov 9, 2009

It only ever takes me one night of fitful sleep to adjust to a change in sleeping circumstances - different bed, different room, another person, another person and a little baby, etc.

Ellefire · Nov 9, 2009

I've been with dh ten years and still sometimes I cannot sleep with him there. It's too hot, he's in the middle of the bed, he moves and the bed moves, he moves the duvet, I can hear him breathing argh!

I tend to sleep on the sofa. It's comfy.

Pepper · Nov 9, 2009

Nope, I slept like a baby when I first shared my bed with my man.

Now, however, is a different story. I don't think it's just the fact that there is someone else there- it's the effect they have. If one of you have a bad night sleep, the other does too. Tossing, turning, kicking, stealing the blanket, elbow in the face, two heads on one pillow, pushed to the last 3 inches of the bed, heavy breathing, snoring, talking in one's sleep etc, etc, etc all have that effect. Sometimes there are good nights. Other times, not so good. It depends on whether you both crash and sleep soundly the whole night without doing anything that might wake the other from their slumber.

But that's a given, I guess.

/end sleep deprived prattling. Yes, he was talking in his sleep last night.

Rhys Cordelle · Nov 9, 2009

I've often wondered why people put up with it. Couples would probably fight a lot less if they had their own bedrooms to go to.

I loves me a big bed all to myself, and if I'm sharing I tend not to sleep.

RobinGBrown · Nov 9, 2009

There's a simple solution to most of these problems:

Get a bigger bed

My wife and I are much happier on a kingsize, a double just isn't big enough to let our one year old have some room to herself when all three of us are trying to share.

When we get a place of our own i'm going to invest in an even bigger bed - maybe queensize or emperor.

On our honeymoon in Paris we had a bed that was the about eight or nine foot square - that was sheer bliss, although it did take a while to crawl across it to find each other.

Ellefire · Nov 9, 2009

I'm not sure my bedroom would take a bigger bed. I quite like the idea of separate beds, rooms even. It would be so nice to have some space to call my own. Maybe a study with a bed in it. Bliss

Paul · Nov 9, 2009

RobinGBrown said:
There's a simple solution to most of these problems:

Get a bigger bed

On our honeymoon in Paris we had a bed that was the about eight or nine foot square - that was sheer bliss, although it did take a while to crawl across it to find each other.

My current girlfriend is French. Apparently the huge beds over there is to accomodate a 'lover' or 'mistress', as well as one's partner.
God, I love the French.

dpaterso · Nov 9, 2009

Recent newspaper and magazine articles I've read suggest there's a growing percentage of couples who sleep in single beds (not necessarily different rooms) and achieve a much better night's sleep. No personal space invasion, no duvet/quilt stealing, less bed shaking as the partner rolls over... If you want the company but want less disturbance, this is possibly the way to go. (It's something I'm seriously considering, as a long-suffering victim of sleep deprivation.)

-Derek

Pepper · Nov 9, 2009

An old friend of mine once told me that the way to solve disputes in a marriage was to get a smaller bed. Something about closeness. Well mister, my bed is a double, and there ain't no way I'm going smaller than that if we have disputes! :tongue

I always felt that separate rooms made the relationship feel more like a roommate situation. Egh! But there are some people who like it, because otherwise they just never get any sleep.

Me, I'm partial to getting a king size as soon as our budget can afford it.

Thump · Nov 9, 2009

I like sharing my double bed but it's true I don't sleep as well when I do. For me it's more a question of being aware, even as I sleep, that there is someone there. I think it inhibits me.

Not that it's a problem now post-dumpage

I've been sleeping like a baby.

scarletpeaches · Nov 9, 2009

No wonder so many couples have sleep problems. Half of a double bed gives you less space than a single would.

Me, I cannot sleep with someone else in the bed. Ever. Every time they move, breathe, turn over, steal covers, I'm wide awake. So God knows what'll happen if I ever get serious with someone. I can honestly see us having separate rooms.

There was one guy I managed to sleep with (yes I do mean sleep

) but that was only for a few hours at a time, and only when exhausted (heh).

I've had deep-seated sleep problems all my life and the presence of another person just makes them worse.

RJK · Nov 9, 2009

I consume way to much caffeine, making me a light sleeper. My DW likes to sleep with the TV on and the volume low, but not off. I'm used to the flickering blue lights and the murmuring of the TV, but when a loud commercial comes on, it wakes me. If it's not that her snoring wakes me. I usually end up on the couch, which is more comfortable than the bed anyway.

mscelina · Nov 9, 2009

My husband and I cohabit our California king-sized bed quite happily unless one of two things happen: (a) he's in one of his burrito phases and wraps the blankets around him leaving me in the cold or (b) my back is really acting up--I can't tolerate the slightest movement of the mattress when that happens. Our compromise? We have a daybed in the room, which is where I work on bad back days and sleep on bad back nights.

JrFFKacy · Nov 10, 2009

I've only had experience sharing a bed with girls my age. As a 6-7yr old, I used to share a twin bed with my friend. Tight squeeze, but on sleepover nights, we weren't exactly there to sleep anyway. And my friend was tiny.

I also shared a bed with a girl from my 4-H club. We were both staying in the spare bedroom at her Grandparents, the night before huge regional dairy show. I woke up when she turned over and accidently elbowed me in the face, but otherwise, I slept like a rock.

Though I usually sleep like a rock. As a kid, I'd be awake for hours on end at night, not anymore.

At my aunt's place, she didn't have a double bed for her spare bedroom, but she had a pair of matching twin beds. She put them side by side with no space in between, then puts the sheets over both beds. It's a double bed, but without the shaking. Though I stayed there with my Mom once, and she makes all sorts of random noises in her sleep. The train whistles that sounded like there was a track in the back yard didn't exactly help that night of sleep either...

I think it would be totally weird to not at least share a room with my husband (you know, that guy I don't know now, but might someday meet and marry...lol. My dating life sucks.). Though I can understand why couples would choose separate beds, especially if your partner kicks, tosses around, steals all the blankets, etc.

MAP · Nov 10, 2009

At first my husband and I had trouble sleeping together, but now we can't sleep when we are apart. It is all what you get used to.

jennontheisland · Nov 10, 2009

Only if the person tries to hold on to me while I sleep. I prefer to be the cuddle-er rather than the cuddle-ee.

Other than that, I have no problem sleeping with someone else in the bed.

Chumplet · Nov 10, 2009

After 25 years, I think it's time for DH and me to get Bob and Laura Petrie beds. We had a King but it was like a concrete slab. My back hurt like a sonofabitch. In an attempt to get a more comfortable bed, DH decided to buy one without my knowledge & came home with a queen size. Maybe a little softer but he was so much closer & the middle sagged and I got punched in the face a few times.

Plus, we both snore. It's like a jungle in there.

Plus, I am getting 'tropical moments'. Covers off, covers on, etc. Drives him crazy. He doesn't want a fan or air conditioning in the summer. He sleeps in fleece when it's 90 degrees. I end up on the back porch.

Now that the kids are in college, I sleep in my daughter's room as much as possible.

JoNightshade · Nov 10, 2009

My husband was the first person I was ever comfortable enough to really be able to sleep around. When we were dating we'd fold out his futon and take naps together. I think it was just the sense of security I felt with him.

After we got married, though, and slept together every single night, we had problems. We got a sleep number bed (horrible company to deal with, btw) with two chambers, and there's a natural "hump" in the middle because we both like our beds soft. That keeps him from rolling over on me most of the time. The other compromise we had to make was using different comforters. We each have our own twin-size blanket. That way there's no stealing!!!

I can totally understand couples getting two twin size beds, though. I know someone whose parents do this.

It's funny, though... now that we've been married a few years, I find it really hard to sleep without him in the same room. Sometimes if one of us can't sleep we'll go lie on the couch... when that happens I usually get up sometime in the night to check on him just because sleeping alone makes me feel insecure and I want to make sure he's still there.

WriteKnight · Nov 10, 2009

Tempurpedic - trust me people. Best money ever spent on a King Sized mattress. They. Simply. Do. Not. Transfer. Motion.

Takes a couple of nights to get used to. They come in different firmnesses - but truly, the support is amazing.

K. Taylor · Nov 11, 2009

I want a Tempurpedic like mad. I fell asleep on the sample bed in the store. Our chiropractor didn't advise it for the SO as he's a big guy that sleeps really hot (seriously, he's still sweating until it drops to 50), though.

We started on a narrow-for-a-twin twin. Not good. We both fell off at least once. We're also both movers and sprawlers. Now we have a full. Luckily, if we're fully asleep, we're both dead to the world, but it's getting there that's the problem. I like falling asleep cuddling, but not if he starts sweating on me before I fall asleep.

I can sleep in the daytime if he's not there, but I also have a problem falling asleep at night if he's not home. I don't think I'd mind 2 beds in the same room, except for times I'd be feeling snuggly.

Canotila · Nov 11, 2009

One thing my husband and I noticed while we were dating was how easy it was to fall asleep cuddling and stay asleep for quite a while without any disturbances. He tells me that I pretty much don't move once I am asleep. He will move, but it doesn't bother me. We can fall asleep spooning and still be spooning/tangled up when we wake up in the morning.

This last week he took our daughter out of state to visit inlaws. I decided to stay home, and nights were hard. The only way I got any sleep was on the couch with both dogs laying on my legs. They're not small either, a wolfhound and a pointer.

Possibly the worst thing ever was when we had to move into my parents' guest bedroom for a few months. We had to share a twin bed, and it killed our backs.

girlyswot · Nov 11, 2009

I shared a double bed on holiday with a friend as a teenager. I slept fine, but she got up the first morning with long scratches and bruises down her shins. I think that may have contributed to her not sleeping very much....

Inability to sleep with someone else in the bed

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