When to start addressing by the first name?

chagchag · Nov 4, 2009

Hi there,

I hope everyone is doing fabulously!

A question about formality. In my queries I always address the agent as "Dear Ms. [or Mr.] Lastname:" with the colon.

But if he or she writes back addressing me by my first name, (especially if it's asking for a partial or full), should I go with the flow and start with "Dear Firstname:" or should I continue with the Mr. and Ms. Lastname?

I know this isn't an exact parallel, but while working at magazines for years, I know I would be put off by a writer or publicist constantly addressing me as Ms. Lastname.

After all, they need to feel a personal connection, but on the other hand I don't wanna be all "Yo, Adrian..."

what do you think?

BrooklynLee · Nov 4, 2009

In my experience, the agents I have corresponded with have always switched to first name right away, just like you describe. And the etiquette rule is that if the other person switches, it's fine for you to switch too. I wouldn't get totally casual -- you can still be business-like and professional in an email and use a first name -- but I think it's fine, once an agent starts calling you by a first name and signing his or her first name, for you to do that as well.

KTC · Nov 4, 2009

When they reply using their first name...that's an invitation IMHO. Or, when they ask you to address them by their first name.

ORION · Nov 5, 2009

like he said...or U can call them dude and dudettes...

Brisea · Nov 5, 2009

I had this same concern when I was querying for agents! I didn't want to be too informal too fast -- but my agent signed her emails with her first name almost right away. I switched too, and it worked out just fine. ^^

OpheliaRevived · Nov 5, 2009

I agree with KTC, though I'll probably always go with Mr or Mrs/Ms until they outright say "Hey, call me Firstname". (Assuming I ever get this far with an agent.)

Kasey Mackenzie · Nov 5, 2009

Totally agree with everyone else. Once an agent addressed me by my first name, I always switched to theirs and things seemed fine. Alternatively, if they only sign by their first name without last name, I also interpreted that as an invitation to use their first name.

Red-Green · Nov 9, 2009

I honestly never used an agent's first name until I got mine. I figure, now that he reps me it's okay.

laharrison · Nov 11, 2009

In business, I mirror the behaviour of the person in question.

I don't have an agent, but when I'm corresponding with PRs and Editors, if they use first names, so do I. If they're very formal, that's how I treat them.

I deal with one lady who signs her emails in pink, with Luv, and XOXO. I address her with "Hi [Firstname]", and end with "Thanks", while I still use "Dear" and "Best Regards" for everyone else.

It's worked for me so far.

When to start addressing by the first name?

chagchag

BrooklynLee

Got the hang of it, here

KTC

Stand in the Place Where You Live

ORION

Sailed away years ago

Brisea

OpheliaRevived

Real Men Have Gills

Kasey Mackenzie

One Hit Wonder?

Red-Green

KoalaKoalaKoala!

laharrison