DarkDesireX
10-29-2009, 05:38 AM
This is my first synopsis and as I did with my first query letter I wanted to post it here and see what you guys thought. You were all so very helpful the first time around and I'm hoping I'm a little better now so here goes:
Ash and Diamonds opens in an unknown past. The reader is privy to the thoughts of an Erinyes in pain. She struggles violently against a misdeed that has cost an unknown innocent her life. The goddess of justice is joined by Hades, God of War. After a brief shouting match the Erinyes takes off, telling herself that the pain of her actions is too much to take and she wishes to be reborn. She prepares herself for reincarnation.
Charis Godwin races down the busy Las Vegas highway, late for a dinner date with her sister Eumelia. She finds herself harassed via cell phone by her ex-fiancé Daniel and reiterates her disinterest in the male sex. She meets with her best friend and boss, Camille.
Meanwhile, in the Underworld an angry Arsenios begs permission from Hades to leave for the Overworld in order to hunt an escaped Anathema (one who is banished to Tartarus for acts of evil). Hades relents though he does not wish for one of his Archaeos, or personal warriors he hand picks from dying mortals, gone. Arsenios leaves for Vegas after saying goodbye to his pet polecat. He notes that he hasn’t been up top since his death
Charis spends the day with a new friend, Samantha who has a passion for Greek Mythology. Samantha provides her with information that will later help her understand Hades (it also gives the reader background information on stories important to the novel itself).
Arsenios finds himself surrounded by a group of thugs. Unwilling to use his powers against them he is quickly felled. As he is passing out her has a vision of someone from his past, not knowing that he is foreshadowing his previous relationship with Charis as she is, in fact, the person he sees and not a hallucination.
An alarmed Charis feels compelled to take Arsenios to her condo. Javier, her landlord helps her get him onto her couch where she falls asleep watching him. After a dream vision she wakes in her bed to find Arsenios out and about. They both feel a deep attraction and nearly act on that before Charis’ phone rings. She answers it and finds it is Daniel who seems to have the uncanny ability to get her phone number no matter how many times she changes it. He continues to lie about the affair he had and seeing Charis distressed Arsenios takes action and hangs up on him for her. Against his better judgment he acknowledges to himself that he wants to spend time with Charis and after lightly skimming her mind for proper protocol asks her out on a date.
Arsenios returns to Hades, berating himself for the time he wasted with Charis. He tells himself to focus but cannot. Hades catches him mooning and instructs him to stay with Charis. The Anathema, which is revealed to be named Sethos and has some connection with Arsenios, is seeking reincarnated heroes and Hades suspects Charis may be powerful.
Charis spends time with her sister and at work. Has a feeling that she’s being stalked and watched. Camille gives her a taser for protection out of concern. Later that night Charis attends one of her sisters’ concerts. Arsenios is there and the two of them make a telepathic connection. Charis freaks and Arsenios backs off, more convinced than ever that she is his.
Time comes for the date and Charis has convinced herself that the telepathetic incident never happened. They have a literally magical date.
Arsenios is hunting after the date. He captures one of Sethos’s minions and forces the man to give him information. They fight and before he dies the man admits that Sethos has his heart set on Charis. Arsenios rushes back to her side.
After the date Charis moons over the connection. She is attacked by a crazed Scott. Arsenios bursts in and saves her. She sees him transform into an archaios. Arsenios fights the urge to kill Scott and wipes both of their memories.
With her newly tampered memories Charis finally ends up at work after a trip to the emergency room. Sethos comes into the store where she works and she is immediately turned off by him. A hint of her Erinyes powers warns her that he is not safe. She leaves the store but is attacked by Sethos before she can escape.
Arsenios continues to hunt but his trail runs cold. He decides to return to Charis and rescues her again, giving up the element of surprise in order to get her to safety. At the end of his magical limit he takes her back to the Underworld with him. While she sleeps he bares the brunt of Hades’ wrath. He swears his soul to hers in order to calm the god. If she fails he will take her punishment.
Charis wakes and can’t remember the rescue. She panics, trying to get out of the door less room she’s in. When Arsenios comes back she doesn’t believe him as he tells her where she is and who Sethos is. He taunts her into a fight and when he transforms into his true self she does as well, taking on the claws and strength of the Erinyes. Stunned she allows him to show her some of the Underworld. Drawn to one another they kiss.
Arsenios has to fight the urge to tie their silver threads together, effectively mating them for life (and afterlife). He falls asleep beside her and when she awakes she flees the Underworld.
In an attempt to act as if nothing has happened Charis fends off her fretful friends. Unfortunately she is hit with a vision of the past and when she returns to work her Erinyes powers seem to have a life of their own. Desperate for control she meets up with Samantha and learns about her past life as Tisiphone. Believing that ignoring it will do nothing to calls out to Arsenios. He comes to her and they explore their mission. They discover that they were partners in the past and that they hunted Sethos. Arsenios admits to himself that he loves Charis, loved her then and loves her now. He explains to Charis that this mission is personal as Sethos was his older brother. He killed their parents and is responsible for the death of their sister. He does not tell Charis that it was by her hand that his sister died.
Still reeling with information Charis goes showing with Camille, getting ready for a costume ball. She abuses her powers and looking into Camille, seeing a hint of something she doesn’t want to know. At the ball she loses control while in contact with a sinner. When Camille tries to stop her Charis reveals that she knows that Camille was the one sleeping with Scott, effectively cutting her ties to her best friend.
Arsenios prevents her from killing the sinner she is chasing and forces her out of her rage-induced Erinyes state. He tells her that rage isn’t the key to her power, though Charis doesn’t believe him. They kiss again.
Charis has another vision. She considers the fact that she may be in love with Arsenios and confesses as much to her sister when she calls. They plan to meet up that night.
Charis is late for the meeting and when she finally gets to her condo she finds her sisters body. Sethos appears and mocks her, confessing to the deed and Charis calls on Tisiphone, using the power to take Sethos by surprise. She attacks him and beats him. When he is gone she cannot pull out of the battle rage and stays with her sisters corpse.
Arsenios has been hunting all night. When he decides to go back to Charis he finds her buried deep inside Tisiphone. He bests her in fight in order to take her back to Hades and says a prayer for Eumelia.
Back in Hades Charis continues to hide within Tisiphone. She makes a deal with Hades: He will allow her to visit Eumelia if she captures Sethos. Arsenios explains how he became an archaios and tells her what would happen to his soul if he should “die” in the Overworld.
They spend time training Charis’s abilities. While they are doing so Charis has a flashback of her previous life within the Underworld. She accepts her past as part of her and she regains control. Arsenios reveals that the polecat is his sister, trapped in the animal body. Newly reemerged Charis is forced to face her grief. She turns to Arsenios and they make love. Shortly after she manages to best him in battle and he reluctantly agrees to take her back to the Overworld.
The pair hunts and ends up in a restaurant where Samantha is working. She recognizes Arsenios from the ball and asks him if he’s seen Charis (who she does not recognize), as the police are looking for her as a suspect in Eumelia’s murder. Angered Charis escapes Arsenios and filled with grief she again sinks into Tisiphone. Tisiphone begins to “judge” wildly, attacking individuals all through Vegas until Arsenios catches her moments before she kills a boy. He fights her no-holds-barred and she sees how outmatched she is. Tisiphone begs him to leave Charis alone, that she is not ready, but Arsenios loves her too much to let her hide. He clears her anger, again telling her that it is not the source of her power.
Back at their apartment Arsenios tries to explain that love is the heart of Charis’ power. He ties their souls together, offering her all he is. Sethos interrupts the moment before she can give him an answer. He tries to recruit her and reveals that she was the one who killed Adelpha. Stunned she cannot fight. When it looks like Sethos will kill her Sin takes the blow and it hurt fatally. Sethos tries to bait the devastated Charis into anger but she remembers what Arsenios said. Focusing on her love she turns into an Eumenides. She frees her sisters soul and says goodbye.
Back in Hades the dark god asks her to stay. She goes to leave, torn between trusting him and hating him. She agrees to remain and Hades reveals that Sethos couldn’t claim Arsenios’ soul because he had already given it to her. They are reunited.
Okay, what do you guys think? It's three pages, single spaced without the breaks between paragraphs. Did I put too much? Too little?
Ash and Diamonds opens in an unknown past. The reader is privy to the thoughts of an Erinyes in pain. She struggles violently against a misdeed that has cost an unknown innocent her life. The goddess of justice is joined by Hades, God of War. After a brief shouting match the Erinyes takes off, telling herself that the pain of her actions is too much to take and she wishes to be reborn. She prepares herself for reincarnation.
Charis Godwin races down the busy Las Vegas highway, late for a dinner date with her sister Eumelia. She finds herself harassed via cell phone by her ex-fiancé Daniel and reiterates her disinterest in the male sex. She meets with her best friend and boss, Camille.
Meanwhile, in the Underworld an angry Arsenios begs permission from Hades to leave for the Overworld in order to hunt an escaped Anathema (one who is banished to Tartarus for acts of evil). Hades relents though he does not wish for one of his Archaeos, or personal warriors he hand picks from dying mortals, gone. Arsenios leaves for Vegas after saying goodbye to his pet polecat. He notes that he hasn’t been up top since his death
Charis spends the day with a new friend, Samantha who has a passion for Greek Mythology. Samantha provides her with information that will later help her understand Hades (it also gives the reader background information on stories important to the novel itself).
Arsenios finds himself surrounded by a group of thugs. Unwilling to use his powers against them he is quickly felled. As he is passing out her has a vision of someone from his past, not knowing that he is foreshadowing his previous relationship with Charis as she is, in fact, the person he sees and not a hallucination.
An alarmed Charis feels compelled to take Arsenios to her condo. Javier, her landlord helps her get him onto her couch where she falls asleep watching him. After a dream vision she wakes in her bed to find Arsenios out and about. They both feel a deep attraction and nearly act on that before Charis’ phone rings. She answers it and finds it is Daniel who seems to have the uncanny ability to get her phone number no matter how many times she changes it. He continues to lie about the affair he had and seeing Charis distressed Arsenios takes action and hangs up on him for her. Against his better judgment he acknowledges to himself that he wants to spend time with Charis and after lightly skimming her mind for proper protocol asks her out on a date.
Arsenios returns to Hades, berating himself for the time he wasted with Charis. He tells himself to focus but cannot. Hades catches him mooning and instructs him to stay with Charis. The Anathema, which is revealed to be named Sethos and has some connection with Arsenios, is seeking reincarnated heroes and Hades suspects Charis may be powerful.
Charis spends time with her sister and at work. Has a feeling that she’s being stalked and watched. Camille gives her a taser for protection out of concern. Later that night Charis attends one of her sisters’ concerts. Arsenios is there and the two of them make a telepathic connection. Charis freaks and Arsenios backs off, more convinced than ever that she is his.
Time comes for the date and Charis has convinced herself that the telepathetic incident never happened. They have a literally magical date.
Arsenios is hunting after the date. He captures one of Sethos’s minions and forces the man to give him information. They fight and before he dies the man admits that Sethos has his heart set on Charis. Arsenios rushes back to her side.
After the date Charis moons over the connection. She is attacked by a crazed Scott. Arsenios bursts in and saves her. She sees him transform into an archaios. Arsenios fights the urge to kill Scott and wipes both of their memories.
With her newly tampered memories Charis finally ends up at work after a trip to the emergency room. Sethos comes into the store where she works and she is immediately turned off by him. A hint of her Erinyes powers warns her that he is not safe. She leaves the store but is attacked by Sethos before she can escape.
Arsenios continues to hunt but his trail runs cold. He decides to return to Charis and rescues her again, giving up the element of surprise in order to get her to safety. At the end of his magical limit he takes her back to the Underworld with him. While she sleeps he bares the brunt of Hades’ wrath. He swears his soul to hers in order to calm the god. If she fails he will take her punishment.
Charis wakes and can’t remember the rescue. She panics, trying to get out of the door less room she’s in. When Arsenios comes back she doesn’t believe him as he tells her where she is and who Sethos is. He taunts her into a fight and when he transforms into his true self she does as well, taking on the claws and strength of the Erinyes. Stunned she allows him to show her some of the Underworld. Drawn to one another they kiss.
Arsenios has to fight the urge to tie their silver threads together, effectively mating them for life (and afterlife). He falls asleep beside her and when she awakes she flees the Underworld.
In an attempt to act as if nothing has happened Charis fends off her fretful friends. Unfortunately she is hit with a vision of the past and when she returns to work her Erinyes powers seem to have a life of their own. Desperate for control she meets up with Samantha and learns about her past life as Tisiphone. Believing that ignoring it will do nothing to calls out to Arsenios. He comes to her and they explore their mission. They discover that they were partners in the past and that they hunted Sethos. Arsenios admits to himself that he loves Charis, loved her then and loves her now. He explains to Charis that this mission is personal as Sethos was his older brother. He killed their parents and is responsible for the death of their sister. He does not tell Charis that it was by her hand that his sister died.
Still reeling with information Charis goes showing with Camille, getting ready for a costume ball. She abuses her powers and looking into Camille, seeing a hint of something she doesn’t want to know. At the ball she loses control while in contact with a sinner. When Camille tries to stop her Charis reveals that she knows that Camille was the one sleeping with Scott, effectively cutting her ties to her best friend.
Arsenios prevents her from killing the sinner she is chasing and forces her out of her rage-induced Erinyes state. He tells her that rage isn’t the key to her power, though Charis doesn’t believe him. They kiss again.
Charis has another vision. She considers the fact that she may be in love with Arsenios and confesses as much to her sister when she calls. They plan to meet up that night.
Charis is late for the meeting and when she finally gets to her condo she finds her sisters body. Sethos appears and mocks her, confessing to the deed and Charis calls on Tisiphone, using the power to take Sethos by surprise. She attacks him and beats him. When he is gone she cannot pull out of the battle rage and stays with her sisters corpse.
Arsenios has been hunting all night. When he decides to go back to Charis he finds her buried deep inside Tisiphone. He bests her in fight in order to take her back to Hades and says a prayer for Eumelia.
Back in Hades Charis continues to hide within Tisiphone. She makes a deal with Hades: He will allow her to visit Eumelia if she captures Sethos. Arsenios explains how he became an archaios and tells her what would happen to his soul if he should “die” in the Overworld.
They spend time training Charis’s abilities. While they are doing so Charis has a flashback of her previous life within the Underworld. She accepts her past as part of her and she regains control. Arsenios reveals that the polecat is his sister, trapped in the animal body. Newly reemerged Charis is forced to face her grief. She turns to Arsenios and they make love. Shortly after she manages to best him in battle and he reluctantly agrees to take her back to the Overworld.
The pair hunts and ends up in a restaurant where Samantha is working. She recognizes Arsenios from the ball and asks him if he’s seen Charis (who she does not recognize), as the police are looking for her as a suspect in Eumelia’s murder. Angered Charis escapes Arsenios and filled with grief she again sinks into Tisiphone. Tisiphone begins to “judge” wildly, attacking individuals all through Vegas until Arsenios catches her moments before she kills a boy. He fights her no-holds-barred and she sees how outmatched she is. Tisiphone begs him to leave Charis alone, that she is not ready, but Arsenios loves her too much to let her hide. He clears her anger, again telling her that it is not the source of her power.
Back at their apartment Arsenios tries to explain that love is the heart of Charis’ power. He ties their souls together, offering her all he is. Sethos interrupts the moment before she can give him an answer. He tries to recruit her and reveals that she was the one who killed Adelpha. Stunned she cannot fight. When it looks like Sethos will kill her Sin takes the blow and it hurt fatally. Sethos tries to bait the devastated Charis into anger but she remembers what Arsenios said. Focusing on her love she turns into an Eumenides. She frees her sisters soul and says goodbye.
Back in Hades the dark god asks her to stay. She goes to leave, torn between trusting him and hating him. She agrees to remain and Hades reveals that Sethos couldn’t claim Arsenios’ soul because he had already given it to her. They are reunited.
Okay, what do you guys think? It's three pages, single spaced without the breaks between paragraphs. Did I put too much? Too little?