Buying kidlit=Pedophile?

MJWare · Oct 24, 2009

Does anyone else get strange looks when they buy kid lit?
Ok, so I'm 35 and starting to loose some of my hair. Does that mean I can't enjoy Ronald Dahl or Meg Cabot?

No one's ever said anything, but I have had parents give me strange looks (even cold stares) when I browse the kids section by myself.

I take my daughter to Barns & Noble, but she's 2 and likes to take every book off the shelf. Which means she can't yet accompany me to used and independent book stores.

I can't really blame parents, what with everything that they show on the nightly news. It just always feel like I'm in the restricted section.

Maybe when I finally get a book published I'll get a t-shirt that says, 'Children's book Author, don't be frightened.'

Anyone else get this? Could it be my imagination?

Wayne K · Oct 24, 2009

I can blame the parents. Now you can't buy a book for your kid without accusatory stares? I'd spit in someone's eye if they did it to me. Sorry, but I would.

thethinker42 · Oct 24, 2009

Does it occur to no one that you could be buying them as gifts?

Wayne K · Oct 24, 2009

I could also make the argument that while stupid is staring at me their eyes are not on their child, during which time they can be abducted by an actual pedo, so it's bad parenting.

MJWare · Oct 24, 2009

Maybe I should explain a little better. I live in a very conservative upper-middle class area.
They actually arrested an old man a while back for watching kids play at a public park, charged him to loitering (said he was looking at the kids funny, no joke).

So the indent that got me thinking/upset happened a few weeks back. I was at this small book store where the kid section is in the back corner, surrounded by bookshelves on three sides.
This little boy, I don't know 5-7 comes running over. Sees me and just stares like I'm the Jolly Green Giant. NP, he's a kid and I'm blocking the picture books, so I smile and move over. But as he's getting down to find a book his mom comes over and grabs him by the arm. She pulls him away while giving me an icy stare.

Maybe she didn't want to leave her kid there with a stranger and was ticked she had to take him with her. But I don't think so because...

I immediately headed over to the science fiction section but they didn't return to the kidlit until I was checking out.

Most (but not all) of the other strange looks come from staff when I ask them to point me to the latest Meg Cabot (her teen or MG stuff--that lady has a gift).

I've pretty sure I don't look like a pervert. Adults and kids always come up and talk to me outside the book store. I always figured it would kind'a suck to be big and tall, as little kids would be frightened of you.

My guess is it is just that strange upper-middle class fear, that seems to exist (even though the FBI rated my city as one of the safest in the entire country).

chocowrites · Oct 24, 2009

Eh, don't worry about it too much. Actually, adults in the kids section don't seem strange to me at all--I assume that they're just buying gifts or that their kids are somewhere around the bookstore.

Actually, I get a lot of weird stares, since I'm a teen and I'm looking a books that usually are for ten-year-olds. What can I say? I like middle grade

thethinker42 · Oct 24, 2009

People are right to be wary, but this paranoia is getting out of hand.

I had a mother freak out at me because I a) grabbed her child and b) put my hand on the child's rear.

And she's right. I did.

Never mind the fact that her child was falling off a piece of playground equipment and I was trying to keep him from breaking his neck. Yes, in my efforts to break his fall, I ended up catching him with one hand on his rear and one on his arm. I didn't grab him. I caught him. Ungrateful bitch...

JoNightshade · Oct 24, 2009

Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. I get odd looks all the time. Honestly, you'd think an obviously pregnant woman would get a free pass from everyone, right? I mean, I'm mommy-to-be, all frail and delicate and all that. (Okay except when I'm using power tools or carrying a load of groceries, you get the idea.)

But nobody ever smiles back anymore. When I see a mom with a kid I will smile at the kid and then look at the mom and I always get a cold stare. What, like I'm going to do something? Or that it's weird that I might want to smile at a small child? I've been trying to get a smile out of the mom who shares my car park for several months now - no dice.

Seriously, people. Lighten up.

Wayne K · Oct 24, 2009

The people who prosecuted that man should be ashamed of themselves. 70% of murdered children are killed by parents, so should we prosecute parents who look at their children with anger in their eyes? How about the ones who raise their voices to the kid?

Nivarion · Oct 25, 2009

I normally get strange stares for walking up to the counter with a pile of thousand page books in one arm, and kids books in the other.

I like everything with a merit.

However, I think a lot of people are getting overly cautious of everything. As I understand it, things like paedophilia haven't really gone up since people started really paying attention to it. But its just so easy to hear about it now.

And then we have that joke of a sex offenders list, which is IMHO a load of libel, since it doesn't state the When/Where/Circumstances of the crime, or the circumstances of the perp, or even the crime commited. For all you know they were rude to an overly sensitive woman, or actually raped a child.

The list isn't that bad an idea, its just... half baked.

Also, I seriously dislike that they can arrest you for a look, or your location. Screams thought policing to me. He was arrested for what he might do, not anything he had done. For all they knew his doctor had told him to get more fresh air and sun.

Or grandson had a very long walk home.

Bluegate · Oct 25, 2009

I'm going to be the turd here. While I sympathize with you and I definitely understand your upset don't you think your anger ought to be directed at the sick twisted fucks who rape, torture and murder little children and not at the paranoid frightened parents who honestly can’t tell the difference anymore? I don’t disagree for a moment that people can be a serious pain in the behind with misplaced fear and judgment. It can and does ruin many people’s lives and that is a profound wrong of horrific proportions. Unfortunately parents see daily headlines of child after child gone missing and then found dead later at the hand of a monster no one ever suspected.
Maybe what we need is to start getting to know each other again. It seems that everyone is a stranger anymore. We talk to one another online all around the world but have no idea who the guy next door is. How the hell are people supposed to know who the bad guys are when they don’t even know who the locals are?
:Soapbox:

Ok, off the soap box. Thank you for coming. I’ll be here all week. Please tip your waitress

trocadero · Oct 25, 2009

I know this is a serious thread, but Wayne K's statement made me chuckle:

70% of children are killed by parents...

thethinker42 · Oct 25, 2009

trocadero said:
I know this is a serious thread, but Wayne K's statement made me chuckle:

70% of children are killed by parents...

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that...LOL...

Wayne K · Oct 25, 2009

70% of murdered children are killed by a parent.

Bluegate, I hear what you're saying, but lets apply that fear evenly. A large percentage of sexually abused children are sexually abused by parents. Do I get to speak up?
I'd really like to.
If they can give me accusatory stares, then I get to give them too. I get to call DCS if I see a parent look at their kid funny. It gets real bad from there. But hey, I'm playing the percentages. I'm being a stand up citizen.

kaitie · Oct 25, 2009

I thought it was more like 90% but you have a very valid point. The vast majority of kids are sexually abused by people close to them. Family, teachers, etc.

I worked in a preschool once, and I know that the male teachers always had a harder time than the women. There was the question of "why would you want to work there?" For a woman, no one would ever think twice, but if you were a man, you were held to different standards. And lately there has been a huge increase in the number of female teachers abusing their students.

It's important to watch your children and be careful. I've known people who were abused, and I can definitely understand the idea that we should be wary of strangers. I also think it's sad, however, when a person can't buy a book without getting funny looks. I hate that people assume the worst of everyone.

Yesterday, I was running around outside the station with my neighbor's two-year-old daughter. She's an adorable kid, and she was playing peekaboo with a towel. There was another foreign guy who came over on his way past and picked up the towel and did a peekaboo with her. It was really cute, and she had a blast and just giggled like crazy at it. I have a really hard time seeing anyone doing that in America.

thethinker42 · Oct 25, 2009

kaitie said:
I worked in a preschool once, and I know that the male teachers always had a harder time than the women. There was the question of "why would you want to work there?" For a woman, no one would ever think twice, but if you were a man, you were held to different standards. And lately there has been a huge increase in the number of female teachers abusing their students.

I've also read several articles that mentioned that men are backing away from teaching at all, at any grade level, because of this.

Wayne K · Oct 25, 2009

thethinker42 said:
I've also read several articles that mentioned that men are backing away from teaching at all, at any grade level, because of this.

A teacher in California was jailed because of false accusations. Even after the kids came forward years later he couldn't get work.

colealpaugh · Oct 25, 2009

mware01 said:
Maybe I should explain a little better.

Bah, you need to thicken your skin up a bit and just browse away for those books -- but with care. I'm a 40-something yr old guy in charge of 18 girls in a soccer club that runs from May until November. My girls are mostly 11 and 12, and the majority are showing signs (sadly) of not being little girls anymore. I don't slap them on the butt for scoring (like we do in our adult league), and we have a brief reminder about the evils of secrets. If I need to discipline a player, I have another coach standing with me. Yes, club coaches have background checks, but doesn't every sicko start somewhere?

Anyway, I guess I'm suggesting you do everything with the appearance of care. If a kid walks up to you in a bookstore, make way for them. Just take a step away, as if they have the flu. If they talk to you, talk back in a voice everyone can hear, or say "Sorry, I'm not sure". Really, you don't engage strange children in any way, or you're exposing yourself to defensive behavior from parents.

thethinker42 · Oct 25, 2009

Wayne K said:
A teacher in California was jailed because of false accusations. Even after the kids came forward years later he couldn't get work.

That's the other thing...all it takes is an accusation, and your credibility is toast.

Bluegate · Oct 25, 2009

Wayne K said:
70% of murdered children are killed by a parent.

Bluegate, I hear what you're saying, but lets apply that fear evenly. A large percentage of sexually abused children are sexually abused by parents. Do I get to speak up?
I'd really like to.
If they can give me accusatory stares, then I get to give them too. I get to call DCS if I see a parent look at their kid funny. It gets real bad from there. But hey, I'm playing the percentages. I'm being a stand up citizen.

Oh hell. Let's just all turn each other in and call it a day. LOL
I get it. I really do. It is deeply offensive and insulting when a total stranger looks at you like you’re some kind of perve for no good reason. It's completely messed up on both sides.

Seems like for a long time no one did anything at all and kids paid the price and now there's too much being done and usually in all the wrong places. Kids still pay the price. I've just seen too much of this evil and it gets my blood boiling. You should be able to play with little kids or buy children’s books if you want. And you should be able to tell the neighbor kid or parent to knock it the f**k off once in a while.
Unfortunately there just isn't a look or type that you can pin down so everybody gets ID'd. Maybe we should just get all Clint Eastwood squinty eyed and start shooting. {Hypothetically speaking of course}
You get enough lead flying through the air and you’re bound to hit a bad guy eventually. Seems like that's the action plan we’re working with these days.

I meant no offense to anyone here. I just wanted to say that there were two sides to the issue.

Wayne K · Oct 25, 2009

I didn't see anything offensive about your post. It does explain why parents like that act the way they do.

Hedgetrimmer · Oct 25, 2009

This thread conjures old memories, but I'll leave it alone.

Ellefire · Oct 25, 2009

I would assume the books were gifts and that you were a dad with some rare time away from the family. And even if I was wrong on that count, the likelihood of you trying to snatch my child in Waterstones would be pretty low. I would have probably talked to you instead of yanking my child away.

It's all very well teaching your kids all about stranger danger and innapropriate touching but you have to teach them the importance of communication too. The way things are going, you're going to need a police background check just to say hello to a child as you ring up the books they have bought at the check-out. It's wrong.

In my city a few years ago, there was a little boy of about 3 or 4 who wandered away from his mother, walked through the city centre to the train station and climbed onto the tracks. At that point someone finally thought to grab him. It made me wonder how many adults had seen the child on the the street and thought 'No way am I touching that child, I do not wish to spend the evening in a police interview room on suspicion of abduction'. The child was ok but so easily may not have been and who's fault (aside from the parent) would it have been?

I don't want my children growing up thinking that everyone is a peadophile. There's common sense and then there is paranoia.

Polenth · Oct 25, 2009

I don't get looks from shopping. I get looks when I exclaim "Ooo, look at this one! It has sparkles! I don't have this one" to whoever I'm with.

I don't interact with the children though. I keep some distance, avoid getting into conversation and don't smile at them. It's not worth the grief from parents.

Day O' · Oct 25, 2009

I would guess many people get weird looks when they're buying stuff from genres they're "not supposed" to read in. Imagine the looks a middle aged man gets when buying romance. Or the old lady buying erotica. So the clerk thing, unfortunately, is probably "normal".

Now, the parents are another matter. My son’s older now, but when he was ten and under I never let him out of my sight. If there was a man in the children’s section, so what? I was right there. I certainly wouldn’t be rude to him or waste my time imagining his reasons for being there. Spending time with your kids and being responsible is far better protection than giving people rude looks or trying to control who can go somewhere in a pubic place.

Buying kidlit=Pedophile?

Kidlit gang, Junior member.

Abnormal Romance Author

Kidlit gang, Junior member.

scaredy cat

Abnormal Romance Author

has finally arrived

Brony level >9000

Clearly has too much time on hand.

Abnormal Romance Author

With great power comes

Abnormal Romance Author

"Bear trumps Elephants!"

Abnormal Romance Author

Clearly has too much time on hand.

What happened, just there?

Citizen Of Planet Random

Mushroom

****************