Is the comma needed here? What do you think. I can't decide.
thanks
Lisa picked up the phone and called Joe to see if he would watch her for a few hours, but when he asked "why" all she would say was. "I have to check something out. I’ll talk to you about it when I get back."
Red comma: yes, you need it. Period after "all she would say was": that needs to be a comma. Also, you start out the sentence describing a specific phone call, but in the middle you switch to a general situation or habit. In other words, you start out saying "she did X," but then you switch to "she would do Y." Stay consistent--if you're describing a specific incident (which you almost always are if there's dialogue), then make sure your characters "do" and "say" things, instead of "would do/would say."
And here's a quick comment:
Do I, the reader, care that Lisa picked up the phone? No, I couldn't care less. What I care about is that she called Joe. You don't need to inform me that, immediately prior to calling Joe, she physically grasped the receiver and picked it up.
In short, you shouldn't narrate every single action. If Lisa leaves the room, I don't need to hear that she "rose from her chair, walked to the door, turned the knob, opened the door, left the room and closed the door behind her." I'm exaggerating, but do you see the point? I would care that Lisa "rose from her chair" and "walked" if Lisa were in a wheelchair, because it would mean something--like, that she just got miraculously healed. But unless the action MATTERS, or to a lesser extent unless you need to slow the pace down in order to set the mood or stretch out a moment of suspense, you shouldn't include every little detail. Just tell me she left the room.
