Query Suggestions/Is this typical

Your numbers are pretty typical, but obviously you're not happy with the results. Post this in Share Your Work in the query letter section and we'll help. There are also tons of stickies and 'how to write query letter' threads in the forum so check those out. Also read a lot of queries currently up for critique.

From looking at your query now, I'm guessing the agent who requested the full is overlooking some problems because she likes the premise (I love Tudor history myself), but you're not presenting this is the best way you definitely could be.

Also check out queryshark.blogspot.com to get an agent's opinion (Janet Reid) on query letter submissions. Check out the archives on misssnark.blogspot.com, as well.

History_gal said:

um it says that the share your work requires a password?? I dont know what I am supposed to do as I do not have the password. Sorry but I am very new to the writer water cooler.

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The password is "vista." And I would strongly suggest reading all of the sticky threads in Query Letter Hell forum before posting your query.

good luck.

~suki

Historygal,

Your premise sounds very intriguing to me. It's exactly the type of book I love to read (so if you ever need a beta reader...) I'm curious why you've chosen to target YA audiences instead of adult, as this story line sounds similar to those in Victoria Holt novels. How old is the MC? Even in the VH novels, the MC starts out young then grows older over the span of the book.

Just curious

I think the problem with the query letter is that your novel doesn't sound like a YA novel; it sounds like an adult novel.

Girls reading historical books are either: about 8-10 and reading comic historical books; 10-13 and reading books about historical teenagers; or older, and reading adult novels.
From about the age of 14, teens will start reading adult books as well as YA books.

My '98,800 word Young Adult Historical Fiction novel' reads like a bit of an info dump. Sure, they need the facts but put them in a separate paragraph after you've gone through what's inside the novel.

And the words "fiction" and "novel" should never appear together because that's redundant phrasing. All novels are, by definition, fiction. I actually moaned audibly when I saw your claim to have written a fiction novel.

History_gal said:

I've sent this query letter to around 34 agencies and of those 34, 14 have said that they would not be interested and I have only gotten one response to see a full which turned out to be a bust anyways. Is this typical?

Anyways this is the query for my YA Historical Fiction story:

There seems to be more emphasis on Tudor England now more than ever in the world of historical fiction. There also seems to be an uprising in the teen market. My manuscript, Secrets of a Lady in Waiting, encompasses both of these elements in a new exciting way. My 98,800 word Young Adult Historical Fiction novel will shed a different light on the Tudor court and the infamous King Henry VIII. My story tells of Lady Mary Summers who is summoned to spy on King Henry’s latest wife, Anne Boleyn. Mary is thrilled to go to court and dreams of a life of luxury. She hardly even seems to care that her father has promised her to a horrible knight, and instead falls head over heels for the handsome Sir William Montgomery. Soon, however, Mary realizes just how dangerous court life can be. As Anne Boleyn’s popularity with her husband and the English people begin to waver, Mary finds that her own life is in danger. Charged with treason, she finds herself in the Tower of London fighting for her own life. Now Mary has to choose between her faith and her heart, her mistress and her country.
Fans of The Other Boleyn Girl and Carolyn Meyer’s The Young Royals Series will love this story of passion, romance, intrigue, and drama as the court of King Henry VIII comes to life once more.
I have always been a lover of history, especially about the reigns of the infamous Tudors in England. I have studied the subject matter and feel that I am ready to produce a historical fiction novel that follows the thousand-day reign of Anne Boleyn. I feel like my story will appeal to both young adult readers and history lovers alike. Thank you for taking the time to read my query.

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I don't know if that's typical but I think your query could be improved. For one thing, it starts off very passively "there seems to be" "there also seems to be". It sounds like you don't really understand your market and are operating on a hunch. There are some other issues as well. I would definitely post in SYW.

So everyone knows, this query has been posted in SYW. If you'd like to do a critique, please do it there.

And as we were discussing in the thread in SYW, 'fiction novel' in this case is not a problem since 'historical fiction' is arguably the name of the genre. But 'historical novel' would work just as well, if not better.