When people find out I wrote a romance they smirk, then they pitch their book to me

samitestar · Sep 29, 2009

I'm feeling a bit down about it. I know I shouldn't.

I worked so hard to get my book ready for publishing. It wasn't even the first book I wrote, I have a drawer full of manuscripts that wont ever hit a publisher's desk, but you'd think I crapped out a novel in between episodes of Oprah and The View the way people act.

Worst of all, after they get done with their smirky knowing smiles, they tell me all about their fabulous idea for a memoir about their oh-so-thrilling-life. Usually, if I'm not feeling too barfalicious, I ask them what memoirs they have read recently that have inspired them to write their own, their answer, none.

So, anyways, does anyone else have a similar crappy experience to share?

panda · Sep 29, 2009

Romance gets a bad rap, and as much as I love it- my favorite genre, it's also hard to write, harder than people think. I am on the same page as you, though on my first manuscript. I think I will die like Emily Dickinson and the only way I will get published will be posthumously.

As for memoirs, I have three words. Million Little Pieces. We see where that got him, lol. On Oprah and then back on Oprah for lying. I think fiction is safer to write. I mean we infuse ourselves in fiction just as much as memoirs only it's not so straightforward.

D.Avet · Sep 29, 2009

Exactly. I've heard a lot of people say 'Oh I want to write a children's book' and all I can think is...I don't think it's that easy. I know writing romance isn't that easy. It's taken me years to finish my first manuscript.

Of course, there are the other people who get a blank, slightly uncomfortable look on their faces when I tell them I write paranormal romance. I can only imagine it's because of the 'desperate, lonely housewives/spinsters/little old lady' belief people have about romance readers. Didn't any of those people ever watch Romancing the Stone?? Sheesh. Okay that might not be the best example.

Mr Flibble · Sep 29, 2009

I've only ever had that once. Some pillock in an Arsenal shirt said 'Oh, well, romance, that's not really writing is it? It just a load of soppy stuff'

He wasn't too happy when I said 'It out sells every other genre. And Arsenal, aren't they just a load of diving fairies? That's not really football is it?'

He had a right turn, bless him.

D.Avet · Sep 29, 2009

Lol! My cousin asked me 'Why romance?' with this really disgusted look on her face and instead of pointing out how wonderful the genre is, I told her 'well, it is a billion dollar industry' to which she replied with the 'there are a lot of sad, lonely women in this country'. I almost blew my top, but really you can't convert the stubborn. If I ever get published though, I'll have to wave myself with the check I've earned from writing for those 'sad, lonely women'. Hmph

Fallon Blake · Sep 29, 2009

I'm feeling you. Add to that Erotic Romance and the lip-curling sneers of the Oh really? variety really get under my skin. It's a smile and reply - Let me know when you finish your book.

Kitty Pryde · Sep 29, 2009

I don't write romance but I believe that people who crap on genre fiction can suck it. (Are we allowed to say 'suck it' in the romance/womens fic forum?) Yeah, it's super easy to write books that sell heaps of copies. Ya dummy.

samitestar · Sep 29, 2009

Thanks guys, I was letting all the eye rollers ruin my celebration, my book came out (last week) and instead of jumping for joy, I was like a geisha without shoes.

scarletpeaches · Sep 29, 2009

Fallon Blake said:
I'm feeling you. Add to that Erotic Romance and the lip-curling sneers of the Oh really? variety really get under my skin. It's a smile and reply - Let me know when you finish your book.

Oh yeah, hear that. Most of the time you get "Can I help you with the research?" and other nonsense.

One guy surprised me though. For years we've had a flirtatious kinda...thing going. Borderline non-platonic. And I expected him to take the piss when I told him the genre I've settled in; usual double entendres, ramping up the flirting and so on. But no. He said "More power to you, whatever genre you write in. Good for you."

Which was a pleasant surprise.

Course, he was probably just trying to get into my knickers, but...heh.

Anyway, yeah. On topic. There will always be people who look down on certain genres and yes, it's true, there's a lot of crap out there in romance and erotic romance. So...it's up to us to change that. Up its reputation and the sneering will turn to admiring glances.

Some people will never change their minds but we're not writing for them.

panda · Sep 29, 2009

Yeah, it doesn't matter what genre you write in. Writing is hard work. It is a full time job. Scratch that. A second job with no pay or benefits lol. As for ya, a lot of the ya novels read better than adult novels.

There's a lot of prejudice surrounding romance, as Miss Elizabeth Bennet would say lol. I just finished reading the Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly and it is such a well-put together novel and People magazine called it a "guilty pleasure." Like there's something inherently silly about the genre, even the more serious novels. Why can love not be literary?

Gillhoughly · Sep 29, 2009

Them: A romance? YOU write romance??

Me: You have a problem with that?

Them: Well, I just don't see you writing...uh...what are you doing?

Me: I'm taking notes. Say something else.

Them: W-what do you mean?

Me: For my new romantic suspense novel I need a complete wanking moron to drown in his own urine and you'd be perfect for that character. Then the hero and heroine solve the murder and fall in love. Here's a spoiler: the writer did it.

Straka · Sep 29, 2009

I would even know where to start on a romance piece.

I used to get embarrassed when I told people I wrote fantasy and they say, "Fantasy? You mean like dwarves and elves?"

Now I say yes, "Almost. I made the dwarf gay and an owner of a bordello and the elves are eco-terrorists. But there are swords and stuff in there too."

LorelieBrown · Sep 30, 2009

Kitty Pryde said:
Are we allowed to say 'suck it' in the romance/womens fic forum

I'll see your suck it and raise you a bite me.

I haven't had too much snark when I say I write romance. I think sometimes my mom would like to disparage it, but then *I'd* be forced to remind her of mystery she started and never finished. :evil

Most annoying incident was when I told a co-worker about my book and happened to mention there's mobsters in it. He's one of those thuggish types and told me I ought to interview him 'cause he used to "run" blather blather blather. I wanted to say: "Um, no, it's a historical. Don't really need to know about modern street gangs, thanks." But instead I opted for path of least resistance and said: "Well, it's already done, thanks."

Also had someone say that they'd like to write, but they're so busy they just never have the time, with this total air of how much more important they are than me for being so busy. Me: "Well, I've got the full time job, three kids, and I wrote most of this book while my husband was in Iraq.....But I'm sure you must be very busy." (Yes, I can be a bitch sometimes.)

Pterofan · Sep 30, 2009

You can always avoid the whole question by saying you have a home typing job. A woman sitting at a typewriter/keyboard is something people understand better than "writer."

scarletpeaches · Sep 30, 2009

Isn't that a form of lying, though? To me, that gives the impression of being ashamed of what we do (even though strictly speaking this isn't my genre; erotic romance is).

There's enough sniggering and tittering associated with the genre as it is without the actual writers adding to it by hiding what they are.

LorelieBrown · Sep 30, 2009

I second SP.

And really, the "you wrote a book? That's being PUBLISHED?" far outweigh the annoying comments.

Ardelie · Sep 30, 2009

I love telling people I write fantasy (heard that dwarves comment before, many many times) and romance (heaven forbid an educated and/or happy woman do such a thing!). It amuses me. Used to feel a bit sheepish but now I've grown into a certain confidence about it. Usually by the end of their questions, they confess to loving some book in either genre and their smugness becomes hypocrisy. And that only tickles me more.

Deb Kinnard · Sep 30, 2009

I won't attempt to do the "my snarky comments are worse than your snarky comments" thing. But once, at a wedding, the father of the bride sneered. "Christian romance books? No sex? There's no such thing as Christian romance."

The mother of the bride elbowed him rather painfully, pointed at their gorgeous daughter and said, "You moron. Of course there's such a thing as Christian romance--you're looking at one."

Needless to say, Bride Mom and Bride Dad have been divorced for a very long time.

And I didn't have to say a word.

DeleyanLee · Sep 30, 2009

Deb Kinnard said:
I won't attempt to do the "my snarky comments are worse than your snarky comments" thing. But once, at a wedding, the father of the bride sneered. "Christian romance books? No sex? There's no such thing as Christian romance."

The mother of the bride elbowed him rather painfully, pointed at their gorgeous daughter and said, "You moron. Of course there's such a thing as Christian romance--you're looking at one."

Needless to say, Bride Mom and Bride Dad have been divorced for a very long time.

And I didn't have to say a word.

Brilliant. Love it when that happens.

Gillhoughly · Sep 30, 2009

I don't hide what I am, I'm just tired of dealing with the moronic questions and comments.

It was bad before I sold anything and got worse after I was published. Most people have never heard of me, though I do okay as a mid-lister.

It's not just the romance genre that gets hit. It's ALL books and writers.

A lot of people don't read, don't know how much work is involved with writing, or think I'm a lazy git because I sit home all day staring at a keyboard until my eyes bleed.

They also think I get paid as much as Stephen King.

"Oh, you must be RICH!"

I point at what I'm driving.

They shut up a minute, then say, "You must not be very good at it then."

Believe me, telling them I'm "self-employed with an e-business" has saved me from ending up in court with multiple-manslaughter and/or assault and battery charges next to my name!

From InkyGirl:
(Which is an awesome blog every writer should read.)

Robin Bayne · Oct 2, 2009

Deb Kinnard said:
I won't attempt to do the "my snarky comments are worse than your snarky comments" thing. But once, at a wedding, the father of the bride sneered. "Christian romance books? No sex? There's no such thing as Christian romance."

The mother of the bride elbowed him rather painfully, pointed at their gorgeous daughter and said, "You moron. Of course there's such a thing as Christian romance--you're looking at one."

Needless to say, Bride Mom and Bride Dad have been divorced for a very long time.

And I didn't have to say a word.

Wow. Just wow.

bylinebree · Oct 3, 2009

When I first realized that, yeah, I'm writing either romance or fiction-with-strong-romantic-elements, there were some awkward moments.

Like crickets chirping, before the other writer (or whoever) skimmed on to another topic.

I felt embarrassed, until I sat at a dinner table with a very successful romance writer -- right next to her. I mentioned the "attitude" and she said:

"Honey, I make ten times more than ____ (we were comparing us to the crime genre at the time). I just laugh aaaallll the way to the bank!"

Now that is classic.

CONGRATS on having your book published!! Rock on!!

bylinebree · Oct 3, 2009

Straka said:
I would [n't] even know where to start on a romance piece. I used to get embarrassed when I told people I wrote fantasy and they say, "Fantasy? You mean like dwarves and elves?"

Now I say yes, "Almost. I made the dwarf gay and an owner of a bordello and the elves are eco-terrorists. But there are swords and stuff in there too."

I like your thinking, heh. But can't you put a LITTLE romance in your fantasy? Come on! You'll grab more readers, like ME.

Even Aragorn had his Arwen, Faramir his Eowyn. That elven-twin in Dragonlance had his mortal lady. Seyonne had his Ysanne, and there was love zipping around in Fionovar, too. And countless others.

Surely der be a lil' love in dat heart?

Laela · Oct 7, 2009

One of my pet peeves in life is people who claim to also be 'writers' once I mention my writing/one of my novels. I usually ask them how often they write. It's always, "Oh yeah, I wrote this one story once about me and my friend back in high school..." Yeah, no.

I get the double smirk-whammy too, because the two genres I write are romance and fantasy, the two which really seem to be the most looked down on. Both are very hard to write, I think. Heck, I've gotten smirked at for saying I -read- fantasy! I'm sure people who read romance get the same thing.

However, I don't get that anymore. I just tell people what I write straight up, now. It really throws them a loop when I say 'gay romance'. With the way I dress I'm used to the funny looks, anyways!

Curlew · Oct 7, 2009

My peeve but not my pet is when people say "Oh I have this great idea for a [fill in genre] book, we should write it together." I wish I could think of a reply that wouldn't have made my Mom give me That Look.

When people find out I wrote a romance they smirk, then they pitch their book to me

its harders sto type withh paaws

Tripping the light Romantastically

They've been very bad, Mr Flibble

Tripping the light Romantastically

i luv you giant bear statue

its harders sto type withh paaws

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