Significant Others (and their undying support)

Know what you're going through, mate.

My wife flatly refuses to read anything I write. Even though I've had three shorts published and two agents requesting fulls of the novel, she says she'll never read anything I write so long as it continues to be a constant stream of foul language.

Still, come the revolution, eh, when that cheque comes through the post for the film rights . . .

Keep on keeping on, oswann, and best of luck with the old girl.

Ian

I don't understand this. My ex-husband refused to read my work, which is in part why he's not my husband anymore. If he was so disinterested in what I care about so passionately, he just wasn't that into me.

When I wrote my first Flash Fiction for the Sunday Night Flash Fiction Challenge, I handed him the story and he set it down and didn't bother to read it. That was when I first noticed how little he actually paid attention to what interested me and our life was all about him and his interests. That was the beginning of the end for me. I invest a lot into the men I fall for. I require that's reciprocated. I'm not trying to stir trouble but I don't understand the failing support of your wives.

My boyfriend reads stuff I leave lying around without even asking me. Refuses to give me any decent feedback though. God forbid I don't let him read something, he assumes I'm doing something I shouldn't be. He lets me read his stuff though.

Well, I can't precisely relate, seeing as I don't have a significant other just right now, but I've noticed something which is a little worrying.

As soon as I was finished with my first MS I had my family read it. My entire family. So basically now I have 10 people wondering when I'm going to be published, instead of just me worrying about it, and it reminds me of something I read the other day.

This guy had been writing for 20 years and never made it. He didn't show his work to his family, right up until his first accepted book was in stores. He said he "Didn't want to seem like a failed writer to my son."

So great, now I get to be a failed author to my family, unless I luck out and get published (yes, I know luck has very little to do with it, it's all about the quality of the work and persistence...) Even if I step away from writing and have a normal career, they'll still be wondering, "Why hasn't he been published?"

Woe is me.

As for being supportive, oh they're supportive alright, but only one of them told it like she saw it (my sister) so they're not exactly big with the constructive criticism, which at this point I could probably use in a month or two when I finish rewriting the MS (my sister was right, the style didn't fit the story).

Cliff

"Go to Kenya. Take the course. We can celebrate Christmas any time."

My wife, who will be staying home this Christmas while I go on safari in Maasai Mara and attend a two week writing course in Nairobi and Lamu.

My wife has ALWAYS supported every single aspect of my writing.

She's never read a single word.

But I wouldn't swap her for the world.

Well OK, maybe the world.

Or some money. Or a new laptop.

We each have our own interests and hobbies. Works fairly well.

-Derek

oswann said:

"You're never going to be a great writer so why don't you write stuff which sells. Like porn."

-My wife (last night)

*Sigh*.

Os.

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Try extortion. Tell her that unless she gives you the encouragement and emotional support you need for writing you will tell her that what she dreams about are all useless and a waste of time to pursue. Be childish! I'm sure it'll work.

Or you could try telling her that it's not primarily about money. It's a passion for you. And if you don't nourish your passions, you will die inside, with or without success.

I don't let my family anywhere near my work. If anyone gets to slag it off, it's friends, agents, editors, readers, passing strangers and people in the critique section of AbsoluteWrite. That's quite enough feedback outlets.

I think I might be in a minority here for a good reason.

I have a really supportive partner who takes an interest in what I do. She thinks it's great that I write. She reads all of my pieces (including all of my blog post - which is a lot) and is slowly becoming really good at critiquing my work and giving valuable feedback.

I should've seen it coming when I found it she'd read all of the stuff on my website before we even started dating.

@bsolah: wish this forum had a 'like' feature, facebook style.

My husband has never read any of my stuff, he's just not that much a reader. But on the other hand, he keeps me supplied with coffee and food, will take the kids out when I'm up against a deadline, never belittles the fact that I'm writing - or whinges that I'm writing and not earning money - and understands that I have to write. To me, that's support.

My partner is also a writer, in my genre, and is one of my two primary beta readers. I return the favor. The other huge perk: we can bitch and whine endlessly about writing, and neither of us gets bored.

I'm very lucky.

Lots of people get along fine with partners who aren't interested in their interests. The critical point is whether each partner can accept the other's passions and not denigrate or undermine them.

With couples who share passions, the critical point is whether each partner can put aside competitiveness and envy and truly enjoy the other's successes.

Ah, coupling. Good thing it's so complex, or there'd be a lot less to write about.

Phaeal said:

My partner is also a writer, in my genre, and is one of my two primary beta readers. I return the favor. The other huge perk: we can bitch and whine endlessly about writing, and neither of us gets bored.

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Me too. My partner is also a writer in my genre. (She's a member here, actually. And we met here.) In fact, she just read my just-finished WIP and gave me lots of valuable feedback. And I do the same for her. We decided early on that anything we crit, we'll be completely honest on--like it or not. And we've succeeded thus far in giving each other merciless crits. Works out well. Plus we can whine and bitch about writing and how non-writers "Just don't get us tortured writers! " and we get it. And we don't bore each other to tears while doing it. I'm very lucky. She takes very good care of me.

I have to note that 'porn' isn't necessarily an easy sale, either.

Maryn, whose novels languish unpublished

oswann said:

"You're never going to be a great writer so why don't you write stuff which sells. Like porn."

-My wife (last night)

*Sigh*.

Os.

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Now there's a way to get my husband to read my work.

melaniehoo said:

Now there's a way to get my husband to read my work.

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It's amazing how much quicker my Old Man reads the sexy stuff lol. His comment is more along the lines of 'Write more smut. I like the after effects'

But he puts up with a lot. Like not seeing much of me when I've got in the flow, me constantly taking notes even on holiday ( in fact he and the kids point stuff out for me to takes notes on lol), my mind wandering off to plot bunnies while he'd trying to talk to me...

He's Mr Support, my Old Man

Awww!!!! You poor dears!!!!

I already knew I was lucky before this post even started, to be truthful. Shoot, the reason I'm here on AW is because of my husband. I had just gotten another article published somewhere and the editor in chief told me I rocked and left me open to just submit directly instead of applying "anytime." so I was gushing and excited in general and confided in him that I'd always wanted to write a fiction novel, and learn the craft a bit more. Not only did he support me, he's the one that egged me on to do it. We brainstorm together (I think he's brilliant), and whenever I ask him to read something he does. If I need an ego boost and just hear that I'm on the right track, he gushes. If I want critical feedback, he picks it apart. He's said he wants me to do what makes me happy in life. I know I'm damn lucky to have him

What's most endearing about my wife's support is that she has put up with UMPTEEN million plot changes and always appears interested and supportive.

I could be like "Yeah, and then, he starts shitting rabbits at high velocity which explode on impact shattering the fortress walls!" and she'd be like, I can see that.

Wait, maybe she doesn't even listen to me at all!

Fuck!

My husband is an engineer. Need I say more?

Probably not, but I will. As someone upthread stated, he has his own interests and hobbies and I have mine. He supports my desire to write, encourages me to go to my crit groups, gives me time and space to write, makes sure I can get to conferences and so on. What I want, however, is financial support so I have REAL time to write, edit, research, print and compile query packages, and so on. He claims he'll let me stay home and write full time when I get something published, but I don't have time to get anything published. Catch-22, baby. He also hasn't read anything I've written for about 3 years.

I love him.

CaroGirl said:

My husband is an engineer. Need I say more?

Probably not, but I will. As someone upthread stated, he has his own interests and hobbies and I have mine. He supports my desire to write, encourages me to go to my crit groups, gives me time and space to write, makes sure I can get to conferences and so on. What I want, however, is financial support so I have REAL time to write, edit, research, print and compile query packages, and so on. He claims he'll let me stay home and write full time when I get something published, but I don't have time to get anything published. Catch-22, baby. He also hasn't read anything I've written for about 3 years.

I love him.

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Whats wrong with engineers? I work with them all the time, mfe's, ee's, swe's, all kinds.

All you "Oh, yes, my SO reads all my stuff" people, you can just shove off. I'm bringing this thread back on topic with some good old fashioned bitching.

My husband has read everything Ayn Rand ever wrote and he doesn't even agree with her politically. He asked to read the first real novel I wrote and a year later, I found it buried under a pile of newspapers. I removed and recycled it. He never asked about it.

After I finished my third novel, he said, "I'm sorry I never got around to reading your last novel, but can I read this one?"

I didn't bring up the intervening novel he never even asked about, but I said, "Why don't I print you out the first couple chapters and see if you really want to read it?"

A year later, we moved. While packing I found those forlorn chapters. I piled them on top of a massive recycling pile and he made this little chagrined face as he reached for them. I said, "Why bother? That's not even the current draft."

The book that got me an agent, hubby said, "I could read it, if you wanted a man's perspective." He said it like he was making a huge sacrifice, so I just ignored him.

Here's the thing. Through all his years in journalism school I've read his clips, I read his thesis, I looked through his portfolio a gajillion times to help him get it ready. And he reads. He reads Ayn Rand.

From this I can draw one of two conclusions: my husband has classic Male Privilege. He thinks that as his wife, I'm obliged to support him without expecting anything in return. Or my husband is just never going to be interested in the most important thing in my life. Wow. I have just depressed myself.

lucidzfl said:

Whats wrong with engineers? I work with them all the time, mfe's, ee's, swe's, all kinds.

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Many engineers neither write nor read fiction (particularly my brand of literary fiction). Just a stereotype but it often holds true.

CaroGirl said:

Many engineers neither write nor read fiction (particularly my brand of literary fiction). Just a stereotype but it often holds true.

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This site loves its stereotypes..

ETA: Given, I do not know your "type" of fiction. If its romance/erotic, then thats probably true. I wouldn't touch the stuff personally. Though my wife loves it.