Things that make you go cringe

aadams73 · Sep 8, 2009

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Earlier, I was happily tapping away at my keyboard, getting my first draft nailed down, when the perfect line popped into my head. When my fingers went to record the line, I froze.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]"I can't write that," I told my dog. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Sure you can, she told me with her canine radio waves. Just get me a bone before you do. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I got the dog a bone, and when I came back that line was still backing up traffic in my fingers. I couldn't move forward. I couldn't back up and go in another direction. [/FONT] I needed to write that line.

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]But the line--that oh-so-perfect line--made me cringe. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]What would my crit partner think? What would the unwashed masses think? Would the creepy goosebumps ever go away?[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]So I did what many of us do when the story won't move forward: I stared at the wall, checked my e-mail, made a shopping list, brushed my hair twenty times, braided it, settled on a ponytail, then decided to wash it because it was a big old mess by that time.
[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Then I experienced a second cringe-worthy moment when it came to me in a blinding flash: Oh my god! That's why my antagonist does what he does! It's perfect! All the foreshadowing is in place already.

I knew before I knew. Writers live for these moments.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]And again, I said, "Oh my god, no way. That hits me in all my squicky places. I can't write that."[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]This time it was my cat who glared at me. I don't give a rat's ass what you write, she told me with her contemptuous expression, as long as you let me have the next snake that comes in the house.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I did some baking. Then laundry. I honed my procrastination skills.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I turned on some music and consulted the gods of rock 'n' roll, AC/DC. But they were too busy singing Badlands to help me. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]So I wrote the cringe-inducing line with my eyes closed. Then I rewrote it with one eye closed because it was undecipherable the first time. And once it was on the page I kept on going without looking back. Because you shouldn't hold back. You can't be half-hearted about writing. Risk doing what's exactly right for the story you're telling, or just don't bother. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]My experience makes me curious: have you experienced a cringe-worthy line or moment when writing? What was it, and how did you deal with it and move forward?
[/FONT]

DeleyanLee · Sep 8, 2009

Oh, see we're different that way. I live for the moments when the perfect line comes to mind. I can't wait to get it out of the brain and through the fingers. Shock the snot out of my betas, my friends, my grandmother, myself? It's what I write for. Seriously.

Me, the cringe comes in when the perfect line in my head is gooseshite when translated to the page. That's good for at least three games of Mahjong before I figure out I get the mental filters cleaned off and go for another round to get the words right. I hate it when I get in my own way like that.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

I don't think I've ever written anything that made me cringe. I've written stuff that I've realized was crap the next day. I've written stuff that I knew my wife would insist that I remove. I've had characters say or do things that were so far out of character for them that no amount of in-story logic could justify it. I've written actions for my villains that I've later removed because they were so far over the top that they reduced the villain to a cartoon character. I've written lines that made me fear the onset of diabetes.

But I've never written anything that made me cringe.

What was the line that made you cringe, anyway?

katiemac · Sep 8, 2009

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I knew before I knew. Writers live for these moments.

This is the single best thing I love about writing. The story is already there and you just have to figure out it.
[/FONT]

aadams73 · Sep 8, 2009

DeleyanLee said:
Oh, see we're different that way. I live for the moments when the perfect line comes to mind. I can't wait to get it out of the brain and through the fingers. Shock the snot out of my betas, my friends, my grandmother, myself? It's what I write for. Seriously.

I love it, too, usually. But this was seriously crude--and I'm no delicate flower at the best of times. When it's raw enough to make me balk, you know it's got to be bad.

aadams73 · Sep 8, 2009

MGraybosch said:
What was the line that made you cringe, anyway?

Oh no, I'm not telling. Someone else might just help themselves to it.

And then I'll have to kill them and bury the body.

DeleyanLee · Sep 8, 2009

aadams73 said:
Oh no, I'm not telling. Someone else might just help themselves to it.

And then I'll have to kill them and bury the body.

Would it be a gross, gory, hideous death?

Would it appear in someone's story?

Count me in! I'm always up for dying hideously and gruesomely in a story. Always. It's great fun to see my demise in friends' novels.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

aadams73 said:
I love it, too, usually. But this was seriously crude--and I'm no delicate flower at the best of times. When it's raw enough to make me balk, you know it's got to be bad.

Oh, it was that sort of line? Luckily, I haven't had to worry about that since sex isn't integral to my plot. I could probably replace the few sexual scenes with Bond movie fades and not do any real harm -- but that wouldn't be any fun.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

DeleyanLee said:
Count me in! I'm always up for dying hideously and gruesomely in a story. Always. It's great fun to see my demise in friends' novels.

Want to be lowered into a supermarket meat grinder feet first, one centimeter at a time, and have the remains used as chum for shark fishing?

DeleyanLee · Sep 8, 2009

MGraybosch said:
Want to be lowered into a supermarket meat grinder feet first, one centimeter at a time, and have the remains used as chum for shark fishing?

Gee, I was kinda hoping for something more creative than standard chum.

The best "death" I ever had was being fed through a woodchipper, though. Because I was an evil baddie, all my bits transformed into blackbirds and flew off to reform me later, for the big climax. That was fun.

aadams73 · Sep 8, 2009

DeleyanLee said:
Would it be a gross, gory, hideous death?

Would it appear in someone's story?

Count me in! I'm always up for dying hideously and gruesomely in a story. Always. It's great fun to see my demise in friends' novels.

You say that now, but wait until I've had weird protohumans devour your body from the toes up. While you're still alive, natch.

MGraybosch said:
Oh, it was that sort of line? Luckily, I haven't had to worry about that since sex isn't integral to my plot. I could probably replace the few sexual scenes with Bond movie fades and not do any real harm -- but that wouldn't be any fun.

Well, what's funny is that it wasn't a sex scene at all. It's just one line spoken during an extremely brief flashback. Five lines worth of brief.

scarletpeaches · Sep 8, 2009

katiemac said:
This is the single best thing I love about writing. The story is already there and you just have to figure it out.

I call these Michelangelo moments.

He used to say the sculpture was already there in the block of marble - he was merely the one who uncovered it.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

DeleyanLee said:
Gee, I was kinda hoping for something more creative than standard chum.

The best "death" I ever had was being fed through a woodchipper, though. Because I was an evil baddie, all my bits transformed into blackbirds and flew off to reform me later, for the big climax. That was fun.

Well, I'm concentrating on other stuff as well. I'm rewriting an entire sequence in Starbreaker because it resembled a Metal Gear Solid fanfic in its original form. The expanded scene deals in greater detail with the motivations of the characters involved, and shows how the protagonist goes about investigating a case. It also shows him making efforts to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

On top of that, I'm thinking of rewriting the opening scene. Having the hero wake up at the beginning of the novel is somewhat of a cliche, but I had left it alone for want of something better. Having him come home in the morning after spending yet another night prowling the streets of Manhattan because he's having trouble deciding whether or not to give up on his relationship with his estranged girlfriend seems better, but I need to write it in a matter that lets me avoid having to rewrite everything afterward.

So, compared to that, coming up with a better death for you isn't that high a priority. Sorry.

scarletpeaches · Sep 8, 2009

aadams73 said:
I love it, too, usually. But this was seriously crude--and I'm no delicate flower at the best of times. When it's raw enough to make me balk, you know it's got to be bad.

I get like this when I haven't written a sex scene for a while. A while for me is a couple of days! It's amazing how quickly my sensitivity to writing about - you know - those bits - grows back.

Sometimes my characters make love, and that's all good. But sometimes they just wanna fuck and they have to wait for me to get over myself.

Wayne K · Sep 8, 2009

My head is a block of marble.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

scarletpeaches said:
Sometimes my characters make love, and that's all good. But sometimes they just wanna fuck and they have to wait for me to get over myself.

I think I know what you mean. It's not that I'm squeamish; I just don't want to sound like a guy who remained a virgin until he got married and has seen too much porn -- even if that's what I really am in real life.

Pat~ · Sep 8, 2009

• some choice journal entries from my junior high days

• reading a certain poem written during a clinical depression years ago

• reading a post by a newcomer here exulting over a publishing contract (and knowing by the end of the post it must be PA)

• reading something I might agree with philosophically and even passionately, but that is written in such an abrasive, inept manner as to make it curdle on the page

• reading some of the books that get published today simply because they are marketable for all the wrong reasons

scarletpeaches · Sep 8, 2009

Pat~ said:
...make it curdle on the page...

I. Love. This.

Mr Flibble · Sep 8, 2009

have you experienced a cringe-worthy line or moment when writing? What was it, and how did you deal with it and move forward?

Lol all the time. I do this 'type stoopid line' then type XXXX FFS WOMAN THIS IS SO PURPLE YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE. FIX ON NEXT DRAFTXXXX

Then I carry on where I left off.

Turn off that internal editor. Get it written, then get it right.

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I knew before I knew. Writers live for these moments.[/FONT]

I'd die for moments like that, I love them so.

Angelique · Sep 8, 2009

aadams73 said:
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Earlier, I was happily tapping away at my keyboard, getting my first draft nailed down, when the perfect line popped into my head. When my fingers went to record the line, I froze.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]"I can't write that," I told my dog. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Sure you can, she told me with her canine radio waves. Just get me a bone before you do. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I got the dog a bone, and when I came back that line was still backing up traffic in my fingers. I couldn't move forward. I couldn't back up and go in another direction. [/FONT]I needed to write that line.

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]But the line--that oh-so-perfect line--made me cringe. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]What would my crit partner think? What would the unwashed masses think? Would the creepy goosebumps ever go away?[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]So I did what many of us do when the story won't move forward: I stared at the wall, checked my e-mail, made a shopping list, brushed my hair twenty times, braided it, settled on a ponytail, then decided to wash it because it was a big old mess by that time. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Then I experienced a second cringe-worthy moment when it came to me in a blinding flash: Oh my god! That's why my antagonist does what he does! It's perfect! All the foreshadowing is in place already. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I knew before I knew. Writers live for these moments.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]And again, I said, "Oh my god, no way. That hits me in all my squicky places. I can't write that."[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]This time it was my cat who glared at me. I don't give a rat's ass what you write, she told me with her contemptuous expression, as long as you let me have the next snake that comes in the house.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I did some baking. Then laundry. I honed my procrastination skills.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I turned on some music and consulted the gods of rock 'n' roll, AC/DC. But they were too busy singing Badlands to help me. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]So I wrote the cringe-inducing line with my eyes closed. Then I rewrote it with one eye closed because it was undecipherable the first time. And once it was on the page I kept on going without looking back. Because you shouldn't hold back. You can't be half-hearted about writing. Risk doing what's exactly right for the story you're telling, or just don't bother. [/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]My experience makes me curious: have you experienced a cringe-worthy line or moment when writing? What was it, and how did you deal with it and move forward?[/FONT]

I have actually. I write YA and I came to a point when one of my characters gets fired up and begins cursing. This was my first YA ms and I just wasn't sure what to do, but then I decided, a character does what a character does. I can't ignore that no matter which genre.

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

IdiotsRUs said:
Turn off that internal editor. Get it written, then get it right.

Trust me, my life would be easier if the phantom programmer looking over my shoulder didn't insist on looking over my shoulder while I was writing as well. Unfortunately, he's one of those incorrigible nerds who hasn't got the faintest semblance of a life.

Mr Flibble · Sep 8, 2009

MGraybosch said:
Trust me, my life would be easier if the phantom programmer looking over my shoulder didn't insist on looking over my shoulder while I was writing as well. Unfortunately, he's one of those incorrigible nerds who hasn't got the faintest semblance of a life.

Shoot him. Or get him a girlfriend.

quickWit · Sep 8, 2009

IdiotsRUs said:
Shoot him. Or get him a girlfriend.

...I hear Scarletpeaches is available...

MGraybosch · Sep 8, 2009

IdiotsRUs said:
Shoot him. Or get him a girlfriend.

I've tried shooting him with revolvers, rifles, and a 30mm gatling gun loaded with armor-piercing high explosive incendiary rounds. I've had him impaled and guillotined. I've run him through a meat grinder and used as chum. I've had a dominatrix mold a pound of C4 into a butt plug and slip it into him.

The programmer looking over my shoulder makes Rasputin look like a chickenshit weakling.

scarletpeaches · Sep 8, 2009

quickWit said:
...I hear Scarletpeaches is available...

Is he Colin Farrell? No? Then shut it, bunneh, or I shall unleash the Seven Baboons of Hell on thee.

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