This doesn't feel right. (Passage of time in my story)

lucidzfl · Aug 29, 2009

Ok, first things first. No "if it works, do it" comments. I obviously don't know if this works and I need help.

I am writing a story which takes place over the course of 2 years. I'm almost 2/3 of the way through it and and I look back, I realize that my "writing" only takes place over about ... 15 days?

Event 1 Occurs, I write about 1 week in my character's life.
Event 2 Occurs, I write about 4 days in my character's life.
(Fastforward 6 months)
Event 3 Occurs, I write about 3 days in my character's life.
(Fastforward another 4 months)
Event 4 Occurs, I write about 4 days in my character's life.
(This is where I am now)

I have realized that at the end I've only written about the events and how he reacted. I dont think anyone wants to read a hundred pages about how my character learned to hunt, or all the books he read on survival. I've sprinkled hints about this throughout. The problem is I don't know if this is acceptable. I worry that I'm so ingrained in telling the story I want I'm leaving the reader out in the cold with how I got there.

Essentially I need a montage sequence. Except instead of one montage, I'd need about 3 or 4! That made me worry. Do I need to slow down and explain some of this crap or is it ok to only tell the parts of the story I think are worth telling?? IE: Only describing the parts of his life that are meaningful to the story, in 3-7 day spurts??

I am already on track to have 100K words (up from 75K) and I don't want further bloat.

Help!

Red-Green · Aug 29, 2009

As long as those individual scenes are moving your plot and readers can glean needed information from them, I don't see why that's a problem. My WIP covers 12 years in a girl's life and I certainly don't cover everything that happens in those 12 years. I pick a day here, a day there, scenes that move the plot and are representative/illustrative of what those years are like. I've got one place where I cover two years in two scenes. I do find that there's a more telling that I would have if I were writing a story like my last project, which took place over the course of 5 days. On the upside, I get do some pretty interesting things in my narrative to show how people's attitudes change over the course of several years.

So, as always, just finish it, then find some people to read it and tell you whether they thought it worked.

Libbie · Aug 29, 2009

If those scenes are where the important action happens, then that's what you should write about. It sounds like you've done well, summarizing the in-between stuff that wouldn't be exciting to read about, but helps with exposition.

You don't need to spread your scenes out evenly over the course of the story. Sometimes all the good stuff happens at the beginning and the end of a time period, and there's a long span of peaceful blahs in between. The decisions we make two years in the past can come back to rile us up at the end of our story. It's perfectly legit.

lucidzfl · Aug 29, 2009

Libbie said:
If those scenes are where the important action happens, then that's what you should write about. It sounds like you've done well, summarizing the in-between stuff that wouldn't be exciting to read about, but helps with exposition.

You don't need to spread your scenes out evenly over the course of the story. Sometimes all the good stuff happens at the beginning and the end of a time period, and there's a long span of peaceful blahs in between. The decisions we make two years in the past can come back to rile us up at the end of our story. It's perfectly legit.

Thanks. That helps.

I discussed it with my wife last night (who by the way is probably more brilliant than myself) and brought up the shining and 1408. (We're both big king fans)

She said that time was integral to the plot of both of those stories and pointed out that the entirety of 1408 took place over one night whilest the shining's terrible journey was all about the madness that occurred over the passing of time. My story is less about the passing of time, and more of what happens.

My problem is that the world changes SO MUCH in the time that passes. I'm writing a post apocalyptic world and I've sat down and written out full stories about how things are the day after, the week after, the month after, 3 months later, etc etc.

I worry that its jarring to the reader that whereas there used to be large fairs, there are now secured consignment shops. Maybe i need to ensure that I've sprinkled the knowledge in there.

I have spent SO MUCH time thinking about how NOT to betray the reader I want to make sure that comes across in my book.

Danthia · Aug 30, 2009

I think the key thing is, do all those events build upon one another to tell a tale with escalating stakes and resolution to a common goal? If it's a lot of slice of life in the world bits with something exciting going on each time, it might not hold together. Does the protag have a problem and a goal at the start of the novel, and do those events over two years lead him toward the resolution of that goal? If yes, it's probably working. If no, then it probably isn't. (being general here since you said no "if it works" comments)

I think a big challenge in a story like that is going to be the narrative drive and keeping the tension high. There's no ticking clock with impending doom (or mystery) hanging over your head to keep things moving. You probably have that on an event by event basis, but what's the big thing driving the entire novel? What do readers want to see resolved?

If that big thing is enough to sustain the novel and keep readers wanting to know how it turns out, then you're probably fine. If not, you're probably not.

Woolly · Aug 30, 2009

Harry Potter series: every book spans ten or eleven months, but the last third of the book or so tends to take place on a single night, the first third in a week or so.

jannawrites · Aug 31, 2009

I agree with the general concensus here, which is that you're doing fine, as long as you're giving the reader reason not to miss those snatches of undiscussed time - or allowing them to understand it through your other work, with the hints like you've mentioned.

Have you had any betas look it over yet? You may get a much better idea when you've allowed others to read the whole thing and get the full effect.

Good luck!

lucidzfl · Aug 31, 2009

jannawrites said:
I agree with the general concensus here, which is that you're doing fine, as long as you're giving the reader reason not to miss those snatches of undiscussed time - or allowing them to understand it through your other work, with the hints like you've mentioned.

Have you had any betas look it over yet? You may get a much better idea when you've allowed others to read the whole thing and get the full effect.

Good luck!

Afraid not. I wasn't sure if anyone would want to beta it before its done. As you can see from my sig, I'm just over halfway through with it.

jannawrites · Aug 31, 2009

lucidzfl said:
Afraid not. I wasn't sure if anyone would want to beta it before its done. As you can see from my sig, I'm just over halfway through with it.

Gotcha. And that makes sense.

I know you didn't want any "if it works, it works" answers, but it seems like what you're doing is just fine for now. If you can keep your worries over it from stopping progress, then I think you should continue with it. Let someone with an objective view, later, tell you if it isn't working.

ishtar'sgate · Aug 31, 2009

jannawrites said:
I agree with the general concensus here, which is that you're doing fine, as long as you're giving the reader reason not to miss those snatches of undiscussed time

How you handle the transition from one period of time to another will determine whether or not it's working well. Why not try posting a bit of your story in Share Your Work, asking specifically for input on what concerns you.

CEtchison · Aug 31, 2009

Danthia said:
I think a big challenge in a story like that is going to be the narrative drive and keeping the tension high. There's no ticking clock with impending doom (or mystery) hanging over your head to keep things moving. You probably have that on an event by event basis, but what's the big thing driving the entire novel? What do readers want to see resolved?

Exactly. I had this problem with my current WIP and ended up deleting about 12K words from the beginning.

Make certain that the true beginning of your story isn't lost in the middle of your current WIP. If all the excitment is in your final event then you should start there. The earlier events, if necessary, could be referred to in a single paragraph or sentence or discussed between characters. Maybe you'll find they aren't needed to tell the story, but helped you to understand your protag's backstory better.

lucidzfl · Aug 31, 2009

SummerSpring said:
Exactly. I had this problem with my current WIP and ended up deleting about 12K words from the beginning.

Make certain that the true beginning of your story isn't lost in the middle of your current WIP. If all the excitment is in your final event then you should start there. The earlier events, if necessary, could be referred to in a single paragraph or sentence or discussed between characters. Maybe you'll find they aren't needed to tell the story, but helped you to understand your protag's backstory better.

The beginning of my story is definitely the beginning of my story. My novel is an apocalyptic thriller.

Opening event: Chapter one actually describes the apocalypse and how my MC's react to it as they are locked away in a vault beneath a theme park. I spend a week with them as they escape from the vault they've been placed in and head off for tennessee on a stolen bus.

Fast forward 6 months.

They've been living just fine all this time now and have established a base camp. One of the refugees, the one who has been doing the trade with other survivors, turns out to be lying. There really is some civilization still left, but he's been skimming off the top. When he's kicked out of the commune he finds some slavers and sells the camp out. My MC's wife is captured at this point.

Fast forward 3 months. My MC has been tracking my wife this whole time and has learned to hunt/kill people. These few days show how far he's come and start unravelling the conspiracy at the core of the story, and deal with his search for her. At the end of this section he finds out his wife was already dead.

Fast forward another 6 months. My mc has made his life all about killing the people responsible. As he works his way up the food chain, he finds his wife, alive and well, having faked her own death in an attempt to save his life. Her plan backfired. She tells him he's the only one who can stop these people since he's become famous and terrifying.

Fast forward again several months to the part where he has hatched a plan to take down the group of people responsible for the apocalypse.

So, I mean, every thing I've written is of paramount importance. I just worry that I'm skipping TOO much... Does that make sense?

wide-mouthed frog · Aug 31, 2009

My favorite novelists are the ones who don't waste my time. 'Lightning' by Koontz is a few hundred pages and covers twenty years. We see only the parts of the protag's life that are essential to understanding the story told.
I think of it this way: When I call a friend and say, "What did you do this week?"... I don't expect a laundry list that includes what she ate for breakfast every day or how many times she ran to the grocery store. I don't want to hear that her dog ran away for the umpteenth time... though if it's the first time it's happened and the situation ended very well or very poorly, I do! Some info is mundane and the telling of it is not worth her time or mine. If she aced an exam or got engaged, *that's* news, and I want to hear it. If her boss is driving her crazy or her mom's in the hospital again, it may not be new info, but increases my concern for her welfare.
The only tidbits to share that aren't critical to events down the line are the ones that make me care about the character. In other words: give me the highlights, because the rest is just fluff.

CEtchison · Aug 31, 2009

lucidzfl said:
So, I mean, every thing I've written is of paramount importance. I just worry that I'm skipping TOO much... Does that make sense?

From your outline, I would suggest dividing your story into three parts and tightening down the timelines in the second and third parts.....

Part one is the apocalyptic event, their imprisonment and escape.

Part two includes the development of the base camp, the kidnapping of his wife, and learning that she is dead.

Part three is finding his wife and retaliation against those who caused the devastation in the first place.

Of course, this works best if the people who kidnap his wife and attempt to kill her are the same people who caused the apocalypse. But I don't believe that's what you've written.

To me you have two stories in here... the search for his wife and revenge on the people who kidnapped her... and then the apocalyptic event and retaliation against those who caused it.

My apologies if my suggestions didn't help you at all. Admittedly, I'm know as a slasher in my crit group. lol I'm all about cutting stuff out and tightening it down. Best of luck with your story.

lucidzfl · Aug 31, 2009

SummerSpring said:
From your outline, I would suggest dividing your story into three parts and tightening down the timelines in the second and third parts.....

Part one is the apocalyptic event, their imprisonment and escape.

Part two includes the development of the base camp, the kidnapping of his wife, and learning that she is dead.

Part three is finding his wife and retaliation against those who caused the devastation in the first place.

Of course, this works best if the people who kidnap his wife and attempt to kill her are the same people who caused the apocalypse. But I don't believe that's what you've written.

To me you have two stories in here... the search for his wife and revenge on the people who kidnapped her... and then the apocalyptic event and retaliation against those who caused it.

My apologies if my suggestions didn't help you at all. Admittedly, I'm know as a slasher in my crit group. lol I'm all about cutting stuff out and tightening it down. Best of luck with your story.

Actually thats exactly it. The people who caused the apocalypse ARE the same ones who capture his wife. They are a massive religion cult. When the rapture doesn't happen, they decide to cleanse any non believers left. His wife is captured and forced to kill people to prove her faith.

I've got the story written in 6 segments. Each of which is around 13-15K words.

I could easily make it into three segments. The escape happens immediately after the apocalypse so its been structured this way already.

cscarlet · Aug 31, 2009

We're having the exact opposite problem (though if I had to err, I would much rather it be on your side).

I do not thing your gaps are unreasonable. I keep having to remind myself that readers do not need a play-by-play on every little nitty detail, which is probably why your brief outline sounds so much more exciting than mine.

I know many people who start spontaneously second guessing themselves half way through a novel (myself included, I'm there now). I'm not sure what your normal tendencies are, and I'm not in any way trying to brush off your concerns, but I think you should be conscious not to let this hang you up too much. I think it sounds fabulous, and intriguing - so finish your book, self-edit a bit, throw it to a few betas, and I'm sure you'll find out VERY quickly if you need any "filler" (though my gut says it will work well "as-is")

Good luck!

CEtchison · Aug 31, 2009

lucidzfl said:
Actually thats exactly it. The people who caused the apocalypse ARE the same ones who capture his wife. They are a massive religion cult. When the rapture doesn't happen, they decide to cleanse any non believers left. His wife is captured and forced to kill people to prove her faith.

Excellent. Sorry for my misunderstanding earlier. I have to say that I really, really like the sound of this story.

Ardent Kat · Sep 1, 2009

I dunno. If I were you, I'd ask "Where does the story really start?" It seems like the story really takes off at the wife's kidnapping, not the apocalyptic event itself. Could be my personal taste, but I'd rather see the book start where the story really takes off. The apocalypse itself is backstory, really, and there are lots of interesting ways you can weave that information into the "present." Pick one point and move forward, I say. If you start way back just to get info across, it could be a little bit like info dump, or make the reader restless that this clearly isn't the "main story" yet, and "When's he going to get to the point?"

lucidzfl · Sep 1, 2009

Ardent Kat said:
I dunno. If I were you, I'd ask "Where does the story really start?" It seems like the story really takes off at the wife's kidnapping, not the apocalyptic event itself. Could be my personal taste, but I'd rather see the book start where the story really takes off. The apocalypse itself is backstory, really, and there are lots of interesting ways you can weave that information into the "present." Pick one point and move forward, I say. If you start way back just to get info across, it could be a little bit like info dump, or make the reader restless that this clearly isn't the "main story" yet, and "When's he going to get to the point?"

The problem with that is that you could then make the comment that the story really begins when he gets his wife back and starts waging the war against the cult. Or hell, the end of the book leaves him in charge of an army. Thats where the next book starts, why not could start there!

But thats not where I want to start the story. The STORY is about my MC slowly having his humanity stripped away from him before he transforms into a post apocalyptic boogie man. Think mad max.

And besides, the opening chapter of my book has explosions, slaughter, and my MC's being locked in a vault. If it were any more action packed I'd be able to reach through the pages and chop the reader in the jugular.

Ardent Kat · Sep 1, 2009

That's just my opinion; no need to defend yourself or critique my critique.

The opening chapter of my first book (a steampunk western) started with a gunfight in the middle of a train heist, which introduced the two main characters. After short travel and more conflict, later that same day the characters were sold to sand pirates. Despite the action opener and the fact that all these events happened on the same day, at a writer's conference, the panelists still suggested I start with the pirates and cut the earlier scenes. An action-packed opening chapter still may not lend immediate relevance to your story.

The STORY is about my MC slowly having his humanity stripped away from him

I understand, but you wouldn't go so far back as his childhood years just to show his moral deterioration. You can show a lot about a character's past while staying in the present.

"Man rescues his kidnapped wife and wreaks revenge on his enemies" sounds like a fluid story. "Man endures the apocalypse. Six months later his wife is kidnapped, he rescues her, and wreaks revenge" sounds a little more disjointed to me.

This doesn't feel right. (Passage of time in my story)

lucidzfl

Back from the dead

Red-Green

KoalaKoalaKoala!

Libbie

Worst song played on ugliest guitar

lucidzfl

Back from the dead

Danthia

Woolly

Rambler

jannawrites

no, really

lucidzfl

Back from the dead

jannawrites

no, really

ishtar'sgate

living in the past

CEtchison

lucidzfl

Back from the dead

wide-mouthed frog

CEtchison

lucidzfl

Back from the dead

cscarlet

AW = Procrastination.

CEtchison

Ardent Kat

Kill your television

lucidzfl

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Ardent Kat

Kill your television