passive voice

What is good to remember about passive voice is that it does have its place in writing, otherwise it wouldn't exist. If you use it every now and again, it's okay. It's when writers use it over and over again your writing can become confusing, since a lot of the subjects become lost in passive voice.

I caught a glimps of her face, which seemed pulled in at the center like a gunnysack, the skin drawn tight, in the middle of her face, around her nose.

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"Which seemed pulled in" works for me just fine, not necessarily because you've eliminated the passive voice in the first version but because it uses fewer words. "Which seemed pulled" works much better than "which seemed to have been pulled." Either version of this sentence you posted can work.

Suspended momentarily, the glass gleamed in the air.

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Again, this version would work just fine. Fewer words. "Had been" is a bit clunky, so anything that eliminates that particular construction is great IMO.

It was cooler than the summer heat anyway, but Tina was not happy about being locked in the basement, and one time she devised an escape plan.

"being locked" uugh, struggling with this one.

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And as far as this sentence is concerned ... I wouldn't blink an eye if I read this in a novel. Doesn't bother me one bit, even if it is passive voice.



Question: Are you writing in MS Office? Is the little green line underlining all of your passive voice sentences? If you are, and it is, turn the function off. It'll drive you mad. Half the time that little green line doesn't know what it's doing.

For me, it's far too wordy.

Question: what is a gunnysack?

I know what a gunnysack is. It's like a burlap bag. A potato sack. Kinda. With a drawstring on the top. You stuff big things inside it and cinch it up to make them easier to carry.

Maybe you had to grow up all rural-like to know what a gunnysack is.

Had to look it up.

A gunny sack is a bag made of burlap.

Gunny sacks are traditionally used for transporting grains, potatoes, and other agricultural products. Today they are also sometimes used as sandbags for erosion control. They are usually made from jute or other natural fibers, although modern sacks are often made from polypropylene. Gunny sacks are also popular in the traditional children's game of sack races.

Ow Libbie clunked me heads.

Is it 'coz I'm British?

gothicangel said:

Is it 'coz I'm British?

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I am also British and was wondering what a gunny sack is. Next question: what is burlap?

Red Bird said:

I guess I need to remember that not everyone grew up in Ohio, which smells like produce, and has gunnysacks galore.

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I grew up in non-rural Southern California and I know what a gunnysack is. In fact, I did a double-take when people* started saying they had to look it up. Don't ditch "gunnysack" -- it's deliciously descriptive.


ETA: *American people, that is.

Shakesbear said:

Next question: what is burlap?

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It's a coarse material woven from jute or hemp.

I caught a glimpse of her face, which seemed have been pulled in at the center like a gunnysack, the skin drawn tight in the center around her nose.

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I would cut words and tighten it. The "passive voice" isn't really a problem and you can "fix" that by using participial clause instead, which you did in the other example ("Suspended..."):

I caught a glimpse of Her face which seemed to have been pulled in at the center like a gunnysack, the skin drawn tight in the center around the nose.

There's no need for the second "center" and the first half of the sentence is wordy (plus it's filtering).

As for this one... nothing is wrong with "being locked" but you can probably, again, tighten it:

It was cooler than the summer heat anyway, but Tina was not happy about being locked in the basement, and one time she devised an escape plan.

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Though it was cooler than the summer heat, Tina was not happy about her confinement in the basement and she devised an escape plan.

Shakesbear said:

I am also British and was wondering what a gunny sack is. Next question: what is burlap?

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I think you'd know it as hessian, as we do here in Oz.

Red Bird said:

...every time I do a grammar check the passive voice thing pops up.

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Turn. That. Off.

Or continue to ignore it.

The grammar check feature is fine for writing formal business correspondence. It is not a good feature for creative writing. It will flag fragments, argue what it considers "questionable" punctuation and complain about passive sentence construction.

Only the writer should decide what is preferred for his writing voice, not a piece of software. Sometimes passive voice is necessary but if you want a more active voice kill off -as-is-was-will be- structuring: change them to verbs of action and motion. Use dense words. Use specific nouns. Make every word count, especially when passive voice is necessary.

Rolling Thunder said:

Turn. That. Off.

Or continue to ignore it.

The grammar check feature is fine for writing formal business correspondence. It is not a good feature for creative writing. It will flag fragments, argue what it considers "questionable" punctuation and complain about passive sentence construction.

Only the writer should decide what is preferred for his writing voice, not a piece of software. Sometimes passive voice is necessary but if you want a more active voice kill off -as-is-was-will be- structuring: change them to verbs of action and motion. Use dense words. Use specific nouns. Make every word count, especially when passive voice is necessary.

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totally agreed, especially as, if this thread is anything to go by, it's flagging things up that aren't really passive voice anyway.

Doctor Shifty said:

I think you'd know it as hessian, as we do here in Oz.

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I think we'd probably call it sacking.