Ways to address an unknown characters entrance

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MattyB

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Afternoon :) I was hoping to get some advice on a problem I am having.

I have a character appearing in a scene by a convoluted means, kinda like a transporter from ye olde Star Trek. I am writing as a narrator another characters observations of this new entrants appearance.

However, I cant think of words for the character and keep using "figure".

The problem is that the "figure" gradually takes a humanoid form that the character for the most part can't tell its sex, or any details of its appearance. So I can't say "the woman..." or "the person..." or "she..." etc.

So a series of events transpire which conclude in this figure being revealed as a woman, for example:

"Suddenly a flash of light flooded the area and a glowing ethereal pillar appeared before her ... as the light dimmed, the pillar started to take on a humanoid shape and hundreds of pinpricks of light floated around it, slowly coalescing into the figure. As they did so, subtle details started to become apparent, the figure seemed to be dressed in a tutu... <reflect on other characters thoughts then return> as the last few floating points of light merged with the figure <name> noticed that long hair was flowing out around what was now undoubtedly a womans face, but she couldn't identify why the figure seemed familiar"

So this isn't directly from my text, but it pretty much sums up my problem...

Any suggestions? I've also used "this new visitor to the area" and "strange apprition" but need more :)

Thanks!
 

Wiskel

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Personally, whenever a word seems to be sticking out for me, I try to edit or make very simple substitutions. Unless i want a word to be noticed, I'm generally happy with invisible ones that just keep things flowing.

MattyB said:
"Suddenly a flash of light flooded the area and a glowing ethereal pillar appeared before her ... As the light dimmed, the pillar started to take on a humanoid shape and hundreds of pinpricks of light floated around it. slowly coalescing into the figure. As they coalesced did so, subtle details started to become apparent. The figure seemed to be dressed in a tutu... <reflect on other characters thoughts then return> As the last few floating points of light merged with the figure <name> noticed that long hair was flowing out around what was now undoubtedly a womans face, but she couldn't identify why the figure she seemed familiar"

I might even be tempted to leave the last substitution and keep "the figure" instead of "she".

Thanks!
Click to expand...


I'm a novice though with nothing completed yet, let alone published, so someone else may have better ideas.

Craig
 
DeleyanLee

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I don't know why "the person" doesn't work, since person is gender neutral and indicates that the "figure" is indeed human. Everything with mass has a "figure", after all.
 
Byakuya

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To get back on topic....

So far, it seems you've used the term "figure" as a way to define this woman.

I don't see any problems in using that, however, instead of trying to change the "figure" i think a good idea would be to change the text around it to make it a subtle way of naming her. I also think wiskel is on the right track using the last one to call her a she, it makes it more interesting.
Since the text describes womans clothing and slowly reveals it to be a she, the reader wouldn't be fooled for long anyway.
 
geardrops

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Unpublished, still a noob, but...

MattyB said:
Suddenly (don't tell us it's sudden, show us) a flash of light flooded the area and a glowing ethereal pillar appeared before her ... as the light dimmed, the pillar started to take took on a humanoid shape and hundreds of pinpricks of light floated around it, slowly coalescing into the figure shape of a woman. As they did so, subtle details started to become apparent, the figure she seemed to be was ("seemed" makes it weak -- write with confidence) dressed in a tutu... <reflect on other characters thoughts then return> as the last few floating points of light merged, with the figure <name> noticed that long hair was flowing out around what was now undoubtedly a womans face, but she <name> couldn't identify why the figure she seemed familiar. Why did she look so familiar? (attempt at deepening POV)
Click to expand...

Hope that helps :)
 
MattyB

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A thesaurus wouldn't be very helpful since they aren't subjective, they ignore the context of the word. If I look up figure, very few of the results would lead me anywhere useful.

Posting with context to a forum is like using a subjective thesaurus, not only do I get suggestions tailored to my particular usage, I get suggestions that have actually had some measure of consideration put into them to ensure they read well with the whole text.

But thanks anyway :)
 
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